Kidnap Me? Have Fun With That!
by IceCrystal7
Summary: Like it wasn't bad enough I got sucked into my TV, but did I have to land up with Itachi and Kisame of all people? And then they kidnap me for information? Well I'm not going down without a fight! I hope they can handle it! ItachiXOC... Randomness!
1. Welcomes and Marshmallows

**Hey All! Now don't worry! To those of you who care about my Kakashi story, I am not abandoning it! I thought I might put this story up too. I found it on one of my old USB memory sticks in a drawyer somewhere, and it had quite a bit written. So I thought _'What the hey?' _and decided to put it up! **

**Hope you enjoy it as much as I did writing it at the time!**

* * *

Um hi.

Well I suppose the best way of introducing myself to you is by telling you my name. Then again that seems so...typical of girls in stories like me. Well I might as well get it over with.

My name is Khristina May. Yes I am aware that it is an unusual spelling of the name Christina... get over it will you? Bitch about it to my parents, they're the ones responsible you big lumicks! Actually I much prefer the name Krissy, which is what friends and family call me. Don't like it? Tough for you!

Really there's nothing much special about me. I'm not overly pretty or ugly, brown hair and green-blue eyes. It seems pointless to give you a description because frankly I could be almost any other person you pass on the street..... so theres no point trying to stalk me, it won't get you very far.

I suppose the biggest thing I should tell you about myself is I like the anime Naruto. Note this: not obsessed. I don't live and breath it with every fibre of my being. I just watch it occasionally when it comes on the television, and have a few of the soundtrack pieces on my MP3 player. That's honestly as far as I go. I don't have posters planted around on my walls, any plush dolls or other merchandise I swear!

Oh yes.... and I have never been in love with Itachi Uchiha. I must expressively voice this! I am NOT a fangirl of his! Actually I always thought he was a bit of an annoying character... I mean he killed his family, even though I realise he was ordered to... and he practically turns his younger brother into a little mini ball of hatred who seeks revenge. Plus that monotonous, uninterested voice of his..... snooze fest. Honestly he never much appealed to me.

It's funny how life works isin't it? When some great gaping portal suddenly opens up in front of me when I'm watching the anime innocently at home and sucks me into the Naruto world like you have seen in so many stories before, then it would have been nice to be thrown into the arms of someone like Naruto, or Sakura. Hell, I'd even settle for the peverted Kakashi and his 'adult' books. Of course though, life wouldn't do that to me... no it had to send me flying into the arms of a certain fish-man Kisame, and the weasel Itachi.

Yay life.... -_-

* * *

I first realised something was wrong when the television stopped working. I was in the middle of watching the latest episode of Naruto, which on a typical New Zealand television was well behind the usual episodes of America or Japan, when KAPUT! Flopped over the couch, a bag of marshmallows in hand, after an incredibly long day of both mental and physical laps at school meant I was not in the mood to get up and fix it. Especially since I was not dying of desperation to watch it, as I already had seen the episode once before. So instead I chucked the remote at the screen. Believe me when I say it has worked in the past.

So really it was no big deal when the screen crackled and light shimmered across it. Still, it glowed oddly blue and gave me enough suspicion to roll from my position off the couch in order to inspect it. The screen was glowing, as I had already established, but the closer I grew to it the more I felt a tight tug at my skin.

Something sharply pulled me forward, and I didn't even have enough time to scream before a gushing wind ripped my voice out of my throat. There was a tunnel of flashing light, which seemed oddly cliche really, before bright natural light filled my eyes. Then I faceplanted, hard, into good old solid earth.

"Ow," I groaned. Faceplanting was never fun in the best of circumstances, but when flung from an opening in the sky and falling for a relatively large distance to the ground, I can only call it rather painful. Sitting up slowly, I rubbed my face with my empty hand, the other still clutched to the bag of marshmallows. It was lighter than before, I must have lost some in my unceremonius transport from the safety of my living room to.... where was I? Gees if it wasn't cheesy enough getting sucked through the so overly used great open portal in the TV set... everything seemed rather oddly quiet. _Enter dramatic theme music here._

I was gradually going to open my eyes, cracking them open little by little in order to let the sunlight stream back inside. Unfortunately the sudden presence of sharp metal pressing against my windpipe and the feeling of someone directly behind me with an arm tightly gripped around my neck, caused me to snap the open faster than I would have intended to. "Ack!" I gasped at the burning of light on my retina's. As the burning stopped, I was able to see who had the knife to my throat. "Help!" I hate to say that I sound so much like one of those freaking annoying damsel in distress, but when you've got something crushed on your windpipe it's hard to yell more than one word. Cut me a freaking break!

"Stay perfectly still," said a cold voice. It contained almost no emotion, but at the same time I could very well hear the 'Make one false move and I rip your throat out' threat inside it. Cheery.

I tilted my head slightly, seeing part of the arm which was pinned about my neck with a tight grip. Lucky it wasn't strong enough to cut off air supply, but it did restrict the amount I could move. I felt the frustration build up in my mind when I saw the black sleeve patterned with red clouds that I recognised as the Akatsuki uniform. "Oh come on, your joking me. I'm not being kidnapped by someone in Akatsuki cosplay am I?"

The grip of the hand grew much firmer, and a hard shove suddenly had me thrown through the air for a second time in as many minutes. My back collided with the bark of a thick tree, which stubbornly had decided to meet with me with the same jolt of pain as the ground had greeted me with. Hey what do you know, again cliche, I must be in some sort of forest. This time at least the pain from colliding with a tree was balancing out the pain in my face.

There was the same hard feeling of sharp metal pressing into my windpipe, with much greater force than last time. The same cold voice met my ears, this time with an icier tone that could only speak 'Your walking on a thin line here' if I said something wrong, "Who are you? How do you know about the Akatsuki?"

I groaned, and the metal pushed further against my neck. I was about to remind the person that very well you can't answer questions well when you've jsut been thrown into a tree, or when you've got a knife practically slicing your throat open. My voice caught though, when my eyes opened to the face of someone I instantly recognised. I'd seen it in enough of the anime episodes, in enough pictures that popped up in Google, to know exactly who the two people who stood over the top of me were. Unless they were absolute costume geniuses too, then I doubted that they were cosplayers at all. My mind always jumps to these conclusions though, it very rarely looks for a logical explanation.

"Oh I'm in big trouble," I gasped. I'd meant for it to stay a thought, but I guess in my surprise that little thought decided to take a life of it's own. Actually my thoughts did go along the line of '_Aw fudgie pop_' in lighter terms of swearing, but thankfully I at least kept that submerged.

Itachi, the one and only Itachi Uchiha, mass murderer of his own clan and good old member of a nice evil little criminal orginisation, had a kunai at my throat. His dark eyes flashed a little, thankfully no sign of a red sharigan, and he growled in that low voice, "I asked you a question."

"Actually you asked me two. Which one would you rather me answer?" I replied.

The kunai pressed into my throat even harder, obviously a statement that being a smart arse wasn't going to help, and I choked when I felt the warm dribble of blood begin to trickle down my neck. "Okay! Gees, sadistic much you psycho?" The kunai relaxed a little enough just to let me talk, though the gaze in his eye darkened just a little.

"My name's Krissy. I know about the Akatsuki because... well," How do you put _'your a television _programme' in an understanding manner to a guy with the ability to kill you in the blink of an eye? "You guys honestly don't keep secrets all too well. It's rather common knowledge, so it's not hard to hear about you lot."

"You fell from the sky, and the chakra surrounding here is unusual," he commented, rather to his partner who was standing beside him than me. I gazed up, seeing the light blue hue of skin colour that could only belong to Kisame. Who else on Naruto resembled a fish so much? Kisame was gazing at me with mild interest. Itachi I couldn't tell whatsoever what he was thinking. "Where are you from?"

"Um, not here." Pathetic answer, but I couldn't just announce 'THE WORLD THAT CREATED YOU TWO!" That would lead to great awkwardness.

"How far?"

"Very far. Very very far indeed. You have to take the nearest road as far West as you can, until you've passed the big McDonalds, then a left, a right, a left again and continue a few thousand kilometres." Try a few million through a wierd rift in time and space. I wonder if I could call up the Doctor in _Doctor Who_ while I was having a flit around TV programmes? I always liked his wit and humour.

The kunai pressed further against my throat, right up against the cut it had already created. That was attention grabbing, more so that shoving eels down ones t-shirt like a darling (most severly punished) friend had done once to gain my attention. Kisame noted it and said to me, "I would think it best you do not push your luck."

Itachi turned his face up to Kisame, and announced in that monotonous voice of his, "Kisame, we're taking her back with us."

"What?! Hey why the hell-?!" I yelped, but he ignored me. Kisame didn't looked surprised at the announcement. What, was this a normality that you didn't see in the anime? Kidnapping innocent girls that fell out of the sky? What good was I?.... oh please don't tell me they're secret perverts. Could they not come up with something less predictable in a storyline than kidnapping me? What losers!

What with the pain in my nose from a faceplant, my back from collision with a tree, and the overwhelming feeling that I'd just somehow ended up at the mercy of an anime character, I was not in the mood to be bullied. I batted his hand with the kunai away from my throat with a smack from my hand, "Do you mind?! I do not appreciate having kunai shoved at my throat, and I do not appreciate the announcement of my kidnapping like I'm not there."

"I suggest you do not try that again," Itachi remarked coldly. "We could easily kill you."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure the great Uchiha and Kisame could. But still, this is my personal bubble here!!" I growled at him, lifting my foot to kick him back. Both of them had leapt back before my foot came anywhere close to contact. Curse my sluggish human movements. I got to my feet, brushing dirt off my trousers, and told the two firmly, "Look, sorry if I fell on you. But I have no idea how the hell I got here, and I don't appreciate the whole kidnapping idea. I'm not going with you for whatever reason. If you could just point me in the direction of the nearest town, I'll be on my way."

Kisame chuckled. "You think it's that simple? You announce what you know of the Akatsuki and then we let you walk?"

I frowned at him. "Well um... yeah I was hoping for that."

Kisame said, "Your coming with us, whether you care for it or not. We will not risk you leaking information to others."

"Hey I told you, you guys aren't exactly being secret about yourselves. What with parading into towns in that garb, I'm surprised you haven't set off some whacked out fashion craze."

"Your lying." That was Itachi.

"Why would you say that?"

"Your eyes."

Shoot. I'd been told before I blink too much and my eyes move around nervously when I lie. "Bugger!" I spat. "Foiled by the eyes! Next time I swear I'll wear sunglasses!"

"I suggest you do not try resist."

The two of them took a step towards me. I panicked. Gees, there was no way I was going to be able to fend off two ninja....unless this was somehow just a dream or hallucination, and in said hallucinaton I could control whatever chakra I wished. I focused a moment, willing the earth to crack open beneath them and suck them down into the deep dark opening in the ground. Nothing happened. Curses. Foiled again by physics in a world where physics didn't work normally. Just my luck.

All I had to fend them off was what was in my hands and pockets. Frankly I didn't think pocket lint, an old dinosaur cellphone (my parents are total t-rexes on cellphones) trapped in one of the pockets on my lower leg of my trousers, or marshmallows were going to do much....unless.... did they have marshmallows in the Naruto world? I don't think they did! Instantly I thrust my hand into the packet of marshmallows, pulling one out in my fingers and holding it before me. "Stop right there! Or you both die!"

The two Akatsuki stopped where they were, which was a few feet away from me. They stared with mild curiousity at the marshmallow, clearly unsure as to what it was. Thank goodness, because if they knew it was just a marshmallow then this wouldn't work. I held the marshmallow for them to see. "This here is an extremely deadly explosive device. It contains a vast amount of explosive power, capable of destroying everything within a two mile radius, excepting a protection around the one holding it. All I have to do is squeeze it, and all that will be left of the two of you is a few splatters."

They didn't move. Itachi had a blank face, though his eyes became sharper. Kisame had a much more wary face, and eyed the marshmallow with a heightened alert. They had both seen the bag I was holding in my other hand, clearly aware that I had more than the one.

"Good, I think you understand. So I'm going to start walking, and if either of you tries anything then I squeeze my fingers." Cautiously I began to take a few steps backwards, heading into a depth of woodlands where I might just be able to hide until they gave up looking for me once they realised I was bluffing.

Unfortunately I forgot ninja's are sneaky with things like clones. As soon as I was inside the trees a kunai whipped past my fingers and knocked the marshmallow from my hand. I guess I didn't help matters when in my surprise I stepped back and accidentally crushed it beneath my heel. Wow, what a waste of a good marshmallow.... "You killed it! You duncewads, you made me squish my marshmallow!"

"It's harmless," Itachi told Kisame.

"Well um, yeah..." I said, pulling out a handful of them, "But have too many and you end up with an incredibly heightened chance of a heart attack!" When they took another step towards me I threw the marshmallows at them, but they bounced off harmlessly. Realising just how much trouble I was in, I finally gave up on the marshmallows and turned heel, spriting as fast as I could through the trees.

"HELP! HELP! THERE'S TWO PEVERTED NINJA TRYING TO KIDNAP ME!!" Well it wasn't exactly the truth, but if it got me outta trouble, then be damned give me a megaphone to scream into!

Curse those ninja and their amazing fast legs. I felt an arm wrap around me, lifting me up into the air as easily as if I were a pillow or something. The cold blue skin told me it was Kisame. I was rather adverse to being held in the grip of a fish man, so I kicked and squirmed, amidst the screams of, "GET OUT OF MY PERSONAL BUBBLE BLUE BOY!! This is abuse! Let me go you oversized piece of sushi! I'm going to sue your blue butt for harassment like they do in America!!

Clearly he did not appreciate a squirming captive, because I felt rope tightly wind around one wrist, and then the other binding them tightly together in front of me. It was better than my hands being trapped behind me, but it much restricted movements. The packet of marshmallows was ripped out of my grip, thrown to the ground.

"That is called littering," I told him. "You could get fined. Plus you owe me more marshmallows, I wasted a lot of them throwing them at you."

"I suggest you quieten down," he told me.

"Not until I get my new packet of marshmallows!"

"I have something better for you," he said. Then there was a clunk beside my head, and then my vision went fuzzy black.

As my sight grew darker, I grumbled in a low moan, "See this is why I freaking hate sushi..." Then I blacked out.

______

Tadaa! Review please! It makes me feel all fuzzy and loved!


	2. Rice Balls and Sing Songs

**I'm being kind and putting two pieces out at once! Yay for me and you!**

**Enjoy! Review please! It gives me confidence to want to put up more, because I will know you guys are enjoying it!**

**P.S. I like Itachi really... he had nice hair LOL... in fact it seems all the Naruto guys I like have awesome hair!... I sense a trend....**

* * *

My head really hurt when I awoke. There was a painful throbbing, which felt like some tiny little people were playing bongo drums on the inside of my skull. Gees, if I got my hands on them then they were going to be nothing but little bongo splatters when I was finished with them.

Sitting up was difficult, because I found my hands were no longer bound in front of me. No, this time they were tied to a rope that pinned me against the thick trunk of a tree. The rope wasn't exactly tied loosely either, in fact I wondered whether or not they were trying to kill me by cutting off blood flow to every single part of my body. I grunted, trying to break loose of the binds, which was an absolutely pointless effort. Really it was, considering they would have been knots tied by expert ninja. I doubted someone who flunked knots in Girl Guides would be able to break free of them. "Dammit, dammit, dammit, dammit, DAMMIT! AHHH ROPES!"

"Your only wasting your own effort," Kisame told me. I hadn't even noticed him approach in my attempt to break free of the ropes. "There is chakra infused in that rope. It would stop a demon."

"Well move your big blue butt and help me undo them then fish face! They hurt!"

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Good."

I scowled. "Hate you.... walking piece of seafood."

Okay, I might have flunked knots in Girl Guides, but I passed all badges which involved endurace, persistance and downright stubborness with flying colours. So I gave Kisame was a filthy look, and continued on with trying to break free of the ropes. He shrugged, and sat back down beside the campfire.

Wait, campfire? I looked up above me into the sky. Sure enough, what greeted me was the eternal blackness of night, coupled with a thousand twinkling stars. It looked different. There was no lights from cars, or planes, or the city to pollute it. If I wasn't currently tied to a tree, I might actually lie back and enjoy the sight. Unfortunately I had ropes to tackle, which I immediatley homed back in on.

Itachi and Kisame were both seated around a small flickering campfire a few feet away from the base of the tree. It was obviously so they could keep a close eye on me. Really though, it wasn't like I was going anywhere in a big hurry, much to my annoyance. They both were holding what looked like small bags of food, and a water skin. For a moment I wondered where they came from, but when you though about it they really did have big cloaks. I eyed them. Well this was polite. Eat and drink your fill gentlemen, while leaving your poor innocent hostage tied to the tree!

I was now working on trying to chew my way through the ropes by the stage I noticed a shadow over the top of me. I looked upwards in surprise, my teeth still half sunk within the ropes. I looked to see Itachi, whose face if surprised at seeing I was so fixated on getting out the ropes that I woud chew through them, hid it well. He held his water skin in one hand, and a handful of food wrapped within a large leaf in the other. He placed both of them down before me, and with precise agile fingers he undid the ropes around one of my wrists. The relief was intense, and if my other hand had been free then I would have rubbed them together to rid the pinkish marks circling them. "Tar very much darls."

He raised an eyebrow. I sighed, and spoke very slowly as if he were mentally incapable of understanding, "It means thanks."

There was silence as a response. He stood, and I suddenly blurted, "Hang on, you guys never proparly introduced yourselves to me earlier!"

"It seems you already know of our names," was the reply I recieved from him.

"Well yeah, but it's called manners. Or are you embarassed, since your name means weasel, right?"

I recieved a very odd look, before Itachi turned to walk back the few steps to the campfire. Again he didn't answer my question. Though I had the weasel in the ammo department now. Looking down at the food, then my one hand, I wondered how I was going to do this. I wasn't exactly a co-ordinated person when it came to eating with _two _hands, let alone just one! "Am I supposed to eat one-handed?"

"It's one-handed, or Kisame and I feed you." That was the only reply I got, and he didn't even do me the honor of facing me when he spoke.

"You are a jerk," I muttered under my breath. I don't think he heard me. He didn't give any indication if he did, though I saw Kisame stiffle a snigger. Well at least the fish had a sense of humour.

Inside the leaf was two rice balls. Oh yeah, Naruto was a japanese anime. Whether or not they knew it, they mostly followed japanese customs, including food. Well I liked rice. Truthfully I liked most japanese foods when I had the chance to eat them... sushi with raw food in it was one of the few exceptions. Which made it perfect ammo against Mr Fish himself.

I took a very cautious swig of water, trying not to let my mind drift to the fact that at some point Itachi had taken a drink from this same water skin. At least I avoided the 'indirect kiss' that I've heard about when you share things like water bottles, because I let the water dribble out and down into my mouth. I only took a few sips. His water or not, it was now going to last us both until we managed to obtain more, and since I had no idea where the next refil would be I didn't want to push my luck with the half empty water skin. Note the pessimistic mood, half empty.

The rice balls were good, though I wondered for a very long time if they would do something like explode in my face. Honestly it wouldn't surprise me. Plus there was the fact that they coudl have poisioned it, though surely if they wished to kill me they would have already done so. Again, who could tell with these two?

I broke off a piece, popping it into my mouth and chewing slowly. The other two were ignoring me, though they weren't talking to each other either. More maintaining silence, where they both stared at the flames while they ate their own riceballs that was in front of them. An evil thought popped into my head, and casually I broke off another piece of sticky rice. Rearranging it in my grip, I aimed carefully and flicked it. I might be sluggish and slow with hand to hand combat, and have terrible co-ordination in most other circumstances, but I had deadly accuracy when it came to food fights.

The small piece of rice hit Kisame directly on the side of his cheek. He looked up in surprise, and his gaze instantly fell on me. By this stage I had gathered the rest of my rice ball in my only free hand, so it looked like I would have been unable to flick the rice at him. He looked at me with a queer expression, and I tilted my head to the side to give him a false look of confusion while I took a bite of my rice ball. He fell for it, hook line and sinker, excusing the pun. With a look towards Itachi, who seemed not to have noticed what had just happened, he went back to his food. I put my rice ball down, again taking another piece of rice in my fingers.

The rice struck Kisame again in the exact same place on his cheek. He instantly snapped his eyes to me, but I moved faster this time, and the riceball was in my hands. I put on the innocent look, and used my forefinger to point towards Itachi. It was hard to believe how oblivious Itachi was, as he raised his head to recieve a withering glare from Kisame. If Itachi had to use facial gestures to create expressions like a normal person, then he would have raised a questioning eyebrow as tall as Mount Everest. Kisame just continued to glare at him, before dropping his gaze and taking a bite into his rice ball again. Silently I snickered a small amount of victory to myself.

I decided to try my luck again after a moment. This time when I aimed, I aimed directly for the great Uchiha. It would cause me some great sense of victory if I knew I would be able to hit the weasel with at least one piece of food splatter.

The rice would have hit him square on the cheek if his hand didn't come up and catch the flying piece of food. He didn't even need to turn his head to look when he did so. Kisame raised his head in surprise, and at the same time both of them turned their heads to look at me. Crap, busted. Still, I couldn't help a grin creeping onto my face. I recieved that same withering glare from Kisame, but a blank look from Itachi. Well, if they insisted on kidnapping me for no reason and didn't kill me, which at this rate it seemed like they weren't going to, then they were just going to have to face what I was going to throw at them. Namely at this rate, marshmallows and rice.

I grinned goofily at Kisame, "Oh my gosh, I can't believe a ninja like you got splattered with food."

He glared.

"You should see me with jelly.... accompanied with a spoon I have the accuracy of a master! You guys wouldn't stand a chance!"

"Well I hope you enjoy the fact that after this, now you will be fed only by Kisame and me," Itachi remarked, cutting through the tense atmosphere around his associate.

"I'll bite your fingers off if you do," I coldly replied.

"Then you will starve." Oh yep, what a pleasant fellow.

"Gees, your charming. No wonder you can't get yourself a girlfriend," I grumbled under my breath. This time I really didn't intend for them to hear it, but I think I forgot how ninja ears seem to be so much more powerful than a normal human. He turned, and I responded by sticking my tongue out at him. Not the most honorable, lady-like thing to do, nor would it help me in any way to escape, but gosh darnnit actually being able to stick my tongue out at him was most refreshing and fufilling.

The two ninja cleared away what scraps there were of the meal, which was only really the leaves. I refused to eat any more of my rice ball, and it was removed from the dangerous area of aim by my hand. While they did that, I attempted to use my free hand to attack the knots around my other wrist. They didn't budge in the slightest, so tight that it would be a wonder if they came undone at all. "Gees, were you guys in a ninja Navy or something?"

The look I recieved clearly meant they had no idea what a Navy was. What a big surprise that was. Half the stuff I spouted they probarbly had no idea what I was on about. Maybe that was why they were kidnapping me. I remembered that Itachi said I had some funny chakra before, but I was certain that was just because I fell through a hole in the sky. Really the only other thing about me was the fact that I was announcing all these random things that they had no idea about. That should have been an indication that I should keep my mouth shut. Unfortunately it didn't work like that with me.

Itachi took up some sort of post towards the edge of the camp. Kisame in the meantime approached me and rebound my free wrist back against the tree. I scowled, "Oh yeah, thanks. I'm really going to be able to sleep trussed up like some turkey to a tree."

"Should we slip her some sleeping drugs Itachi?" Kisame asked his partner.

"She'll sleep soon enough," Itachi replied. "She will be walking tomorrow, and if she grows tired and falls behind you may drag her." Kisame grinned. I however was not so happy with that idea.

"Stuff you! It's not like I can't blimin' well hear you over here you know!"

"Then you should perfectly understand that if you are unrested in the morning and fall behind, you will be dragged."

"You jerk! You know I still don't remember me agreeing to coming along with you two! I have better things to do with my time than stick around in the deadzone of silence with two nutjobs like you lot!"

I recieved a cold glare. I wondered if they'd ever before had someone call them such names. Well that didn't stop me sticking my tongue out at Itachi _again_ when he looked at me. He didn't respond, nor reply in any way to what I'd said to him. In fact he seemed content to ignore me completley.

I saw Kisame still grinning with the idea of dragging me along. I wasn't so pleased by the threat, and became determined to do whatever I could in order to keep us all awake. "I bet I can't fall behind if your running on zero sleep though," I told them both.

Now usually my singing voice is relatively okay, if I do say so myself. It's not of the quality that will one day earn me lots of money like Beyonce or Pink, but it's not exactly like the warbling of some dying animal. However, after two hours non-stop of singing _'It's a Small World After All' _then it does tend to become strained. The tedious song kept Kisame wide awake, and I could tell after two hours it was beginning to get to Itachi too. The campfire had been put out so that it wouldn't alert enemies to our whereabouts during darker hours, but my loud voice was definately going to direct them here if there were any in the area. That was partially what I was hoping for.

"Enough!" Kisame finally yelled when I began to pick up the chorus of the song again. Underneath the moonlight I could see the frustration in his face, and smirked at him while I sang even louder. "IT'S A SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL!"

He turned to face Itachi, "Itachi, may I kill her?"

"No. She must stay alive."

"Well can you please do something about her?!"

Itachi stood up, and moved with an unnerving agility 'til he stood in front of me. I froze, not daring to open my mouth and start singing again with him so close.

"Your in my personal bubble," I told him, ready aiming my foot to kick him if needed. "My foot is ready to remove you from that bubble if you do not leave it in ten seconds."

"Stop singing then," he told me, as he held a kunai to one of my wrists, "Or I remain in your bubble _and_ you lose a hand."

"Okay okay, I promise to stop singing. Just leave my hand and the bubble alone."

He removed the kunai, straightening up. I let my foot down... Itachi wasn't going to lose his family jewels tonight! I heard the sigh of relief from Kisame as silence fell over the camp, and Itachi took up his post again while his friend relaxed ready for the comforts of sleep. I waited just until Itachi had sat down, before I lifted my legs and began to beat them loudly against the ground. Instantly Itachi's head snapped up to face me, and Kisame sat up. "**I'm going to kill her!!**"

"Bring it on Gills!"

"You stupid stubborn girl!"

"Ya big, blue, fish faced piece of walking seafood!"

"I'm a shark!"

"Sharks are fish! Fish!"

"Shark!"

"Fish!"

"Shark!"

"Fish!"

"SHARK!!"

"FIIIIIIIIISH!!"

"Enough!" Itachi growled. It was the loudest I had heard him speak so far, yet it was barely more than the normal level of a persons voice. He moved again, and he was back in front of me. "You didn't keep your promise."

"Ah, correction. I did keep my promise to stop singing. You told me nothing about keeping quiet." I smirked when he realised he had been outsmarted. There was a grudging amount of respect in his eyes for a moment. Him being outsmarted wasn't something that happened very often. I smugly grinned at him.

"You don't leave me a choice here."

I narrowed my eyes at him, just in time to see his dark eyes that the night sky almost obscured turn a bright red. Oh dammit, the sharigan! "Shoot!" I squeaked, trying to tear my gaze away from his. The drowsiness immediatley overtook my limbs, and I felt it very hard to keep my eyes open. "You are no fair at all, damn emo," I grumbled at him, before my head leaned back and induced sleep overtook my senses.

* * *

Kisame felt the relief flood his system when finally the girl, Krissy, slumped back. Her breath was quiet, indicating she was in some sort of induced sleep, likely from Itachi's sharigan. Good, he could finally get a few hours of sleep.

Itachi stood up, taking his post again, confirming it. "You can get some sleep now Kisame. She won't wake until at least dawn."

"Why are we taking her with us Itachi? She's obviously just a civilian, and a great nuisance at that. It would be easier if we kill her. In fact, PLEASE can we kill her?"

"No." The reply was firm. "You sensed it as well Kisame. When she fell through that portal in the sky, there was a great amount of chakra surrounding her. The other Akatsuki would be most interested in her."

"Do you think it's demon?" Kisame asked, sitting up a little and facing the sleeping girl. She looked rather sweet now, though that could just be because his eardrums were finally getting a break.

Itachi answered, "No. I'm doubtful she even has chakra of her own. But whatever it is, it's plain obvious that she comes from a strange land. Her speech, her clothing, the way she acts. This portal may lead back to where she comes from, and it's chakra indicates there may be far more powerful things to be collected. Leader may be able to extract any essence of this chakra from her, and use it to open the portal again."

As he settled, he told Kisame, "We shall wait for Leader to interrogate her proparly. Until she lets her guard down. Though with that attitude of hers, it seems like we may not get much out of her in the near future." He paused in silence for a moment. "I have a feeling she's lying about what she knows of the Akatsuki. She may have a dangerous amount of information on us.. though how and why I am unsure of. We have to keep her with us."

Kisame nodded with understanding. "Well whoever this girl is and whatever she knows, she certainly can cause trouble. You may have to keep me from killing her Itachi."

That was if Itachi didn't grow too irritated first. This Krissy knew far too much than he liked. She knew about the Akatsuki, and she knew both Kisame and his names. Sure enough if she knew about the Akatsuki then their names would of course turn up, but the fact was it unnerved him. Surely they hadn't been that slack that even civilians knew about their organisation? And she was a terrible liar, so immediatley he knew her story wasn't holding up.

Whatever she knew, for now at least it would stay locked inside her consciousness as she slept. Kisame was soon enough asleep after two nights travelling with no rest. Sleep was also tugging at Itachi's eyes, but he had to stay awake for even longer now to give Kisame a fair amount of rest, no thanks to their prisonner.

If she tried that again tomorrow night, then maybe Itachi would have to kill her, just to shut her up. He didn't like killing if he could avoid it, but if she ruined his sleep again.... the gloves were off.

________

**I wonder what sort of gloves Itachi would wear? I'm going to buy him neon pink ones for Christmas then!**


	3. Headache and Threats

**Hello!!!!!!! I love all those people that gave me reviews! Makes me happy! See, happy grin :D **

**I'm posting this because I am terribly bored with nothing else to do but write, and I'm waiting to post up my next Kakashi story chapter. Though this one is fun to write too.... the others more serious, and this one is basically humour.... *sigh* if only Itachi and Kisame were real.... they would be so fun to annoy! Aside from the fact they might kill me.... meh**

**Sad news though... Itachi found out about the pair of neon pink gloves I was going to buy him, and expressed a little concern about it... well actually he went and blew up any nearby glove stores.... damn weasel....**

**So new plan! I'm going to buy him batman underwear! MWAHAHAHAH**

* * *

"I blooming hate you Uchiha!" I yelled as soon as I was awake. The banging on the inside of my head was even worse when I woke up from the influence of the sharigan rather than the club of a fist, or whatever it had been that knocked me out before. In fact it felt like the little men weren't just playing bongo's. No, instead they were playing the bongos _while _running a marathon in thick, loud, heavy soled shoes inside my head.

"You wouldn't be the first," he replied calmly as he undid the knots around my wrists. I could see very faint smudges of tiredness underneath his eyes, which gave me some sense of victory in my mind. I gave myself a mental cheer, before realising it collided with the men playing bongos and running laps in my brain. At least him and Kisame didn't get very good sleep because of me. Though ninja were supposed to be very good with adapting to odd sleeping patterns and lasting with only an hour or two good sleep. They must have already been running on empty sleep tanks. Which did me one advantage since I seemed to have got a good deal of sleep myself. Tired people made mistakes.

"Seriously. I super duper uber hate you! Times the hate of everyone by a million, plus infinty, to the power of a gazillion and then you have a small fraction of my hate!" I groaned with a fresh spasm of drum beatings on the inside of my skull. "Darn you! I feel like I have a hangover from hell, and I ain't even been drunk before to compare!"

Itachi didn't care about my mathematical equation of hate, or the reference to alcohol. Instead he just undid the knots, and the rope fell to the ground. He turned his back for only a second and I wriggled free and began a sprint for freedom. If I was lucky and he was tired, he would accidentally trip over a tree root, faceplant, and then I could bolt home free.

Unfortunately I was about fifty feet away when he suddenly appeared in front of me. I shrieked, stopping in my tracks and trying to switch directions. I bolted right, but he moved fast enough so his arm swung about me and I ran directly into his grip. "Dammit! Let me go!" I screamed. I did exactly as I had with Kisame yesterday, and tried to wriggle my way out. His other arm wrapped around my waist, and he lifted me up over his shoulder. "Excuse me! You have no right to do this! You've severly entered my personal bubble, so get out before I go megaplex Bruce Lee on your behind!! PUT ME DOWN!"

I should have chosen my words a little more carefully, because he did put me down. Actually he just let me go, and I dropped to the ground like a bag of rocks. "Ow.... you weasel are a total JERK!"

Guess the weasel didn't take to insults very well either, because he gripped the front of my shirt and literally dragged me back to the camp. As soon as we were back in the camp he bound my hands in front of me again, tying another string of rope between them. Oh great, I was going to be led along like a dog on a leash. I could see what he meant by if I grew tired and stopped walking, I would just be dragged. Stuff this guy!

We didn't eat breakfast. Guess they were saving supplies. They did however take a drink of water. I scowled at Itachi when he offered me his water skin, turning my nose up at it. I suppose it was rather polite that he at least remembered I needed hydrating, but under the circumstances I wasn't in the mood to be polite myself. He didn't force it, and when i turned up my nose he hid it back within the abyss of the cloak he was wearing. Then they began to walk, both of them ahead of me, while I kept up a nice pace about six or seven feet behind them. That was the furthest that my little leash allowed me to keep away from them. I was grumpy and irritated. It was only just growing light, the sky a light pink and purple with the clear indication it was only just gone dawn. I grumbled and muttered profanity under my breath. I was not a normal early bird. Setting out at this time of the morning only begged for trouble eventually.

Really it was humiliating. I was almost partially glad that there was no-one around to see me in the state I was. My clothes were grubby from faceplants and spending time in close contact with trees. Plus being pulled along like some animal wasn't exactly confidence building. Well at least the walk gave me time to admire my surroundings, unlike yesterday. Actually I decided not to think about that, because I realised it with a rather nasty thought that to go from where I'd been knocked out to wherever the campsite had been, meant that at some stage one of the two would have carried me. I shuddered. I hoped it hadn't been **Mr Fish**, but then again **Mr Weasel/ Jerk/ Scary Eyes/ Threatens to Chop off Hands if you don't stop Singing**, didn't seem like a much better option.

Actually with the time to think, I began to notice how calm I had been about the whole ordeal to begin with. Yeah sure, I may have been terrified out of my mind when I came close to death a couple of times from two of the most dangerous characters in an anime series I'd been somehow sucked into, but really I'd just been a little terror of annoyance the entire time. Most people would have freaked out if they had been sucked inside a television programme, especially into the hands of two known killers. Though if I were a fangirl I would have probarbly mobbed and molested one of them by now. Overall it was amazing I was still alive. Yay for me!

The main thing was: how was I going to get home? Surely whatever brought me here would take me back, but how and when? Was I doomed to stay with these lunatics until then? What if they came to their senses that I was just an annoying and useless girl, and decided to kill me? Would I wake up alive back in front of the television set, or would I be a dead corpse? What if it didn't even take me back home, and I stayed here forever?!

I had slowed down a relatively large amount, and the jerk at my wrists told me to get moving quicker. I frowned at the back of the two cloaks patterned with the red clouds. Then I sighed. There had been nothing but forest, forest and more forest for the last couple of hours. Honestly after about one hour the endless number of trees and thick foilage that blocked out majority of the sunlight grew a little tedious. It couldn't help but cross my mind that they were only choosing the shaded route to stop themselves facing heatstroke in those ridiculous coats if they were in the sun. I was beginning to get tired from all this walking as well.

When we did finally step out into the sunlight in order to cross a clearing, I noticed that the sun was strating to shrink into the distance, indicating it was well into the afternoon now. There! Justice for my tiredness! Plus I was beginning to regret snobbing the water this morning, because I was starting to grow incredibly thirsty.

"Can we stop soon?" I called forward. There came no reply, and I yelled, "Hey, you two! Tweedle-dee fish and Tweedle-Dum weasel! Can we stop soon?!"

"We carry on," was the reply. Accompanied by a tug on the rope.

"Aw, come on! We've been walking for hours! Look, it's the middle of the afternoon, we've been going since dawn! I don't have your ninja stamina you know!"

They gave me no reply. Those utter pigs. I tried yanking back on the rope, but Itachi had a very strong grip on the other end of the rope, and eventually it chaffed my wrists enough to hurt quite badly. I didn't want to attempt to sit down, because no doubt he would do as he said he would, and drag me along. So instead I decided to try something different.

I picked up the pace 'til I was directly behind them, carefully avoiding the mother of all swords that was strapped to Kisame's back. The only sword that could be bigger would be one out of Final Fantasy. Then again, I remembered that this sword, Samehada wasn't it? had the ability to shred a person's skin and cut through or absorb their chakra. Well my non-existent chakra was safe, but I rather liked my skin being left on my body. With my eye steadily kept on the covered sword, I tilted my head forward between their shoulders. Damn why were they so much taller than me?! They eyed me, Kisame with relative amusement, and I said, "Come on, surely you guys need a break too? I'm tired, and if you don't stop I'll start singing again. And cutting off my hand won't stop me!"

The threat loomed over their heads, and I would like to think it played some part in the fact that ten minutes later we stopped for a rest. I collapsed to the ground, letting my legs rest. My feet were throbbing painfully. I wasn't used to this much walking without some sort of break. I glared at the other two when they appeared to be completly cool, like they already had a break. Meanwhile I probarbly looked like I'd been dragged backwards through about twenty hedges. Though without a mirror I couldn't be sure. All I could say for sure was sandels, denim knee length shorts and a printed shirt were probarbly not the ideal clothes to be wearing for travel.

This time when Itachi offered me the water skin I took it, rather awkwardly, between my still bound hands. I really didn't care that it completley ruined the atmosphere I created when I refused it this morning. I was thirsty! Sue me! Though again I avoided mouth contact with the water bottle. Like hell I was going to get some wierd disease from sharing spit with that jerk! I might get weaselitus!

I dropped the water skin at his feet. "Merci beaucoup belette." Basically 'thankyou very much weasel' in French, which I knew he wouldn't understand. So I had been polite, but still maintained a dignity. Noticing the flicker of his eyes upwards towards me, I decided maybe I'd use French a little more to annoy them in the future. Thankyou highschool French!

The two of them had pretty much let me wander around by myself, because it wasn't like I was going to get far with them around. We had established that in my two pathetic attempts at escape yesterday and this morning. Plus the fact that my hands were still bound, and all they had to do would be to stand on the loose couple of feet of rope and that would jerk me back right quick. I plonked myself right down between them, looking back and forth between them. "Where are we going then?"

They were silent, until I grumbled, "Come on, you kidnapped me. I at least have the right to know where I'm being taken to, right? We can't just stare at forests forever. Where are the towns, the life?!"

"We will not be going into any towns with you," Kisame answered me.

"Ah, it speaks!"

"I will shut that pretty little mouth of yours if you do not quieten down," Kisame growled.

"You think I'm pretty? Gees, pedophile! How old are you exactly? Oh my gosh, your turning into another Orochimaru. I suggest that you watch out! We don't want half a fish, half a snake."

He made an angry growl in his throat, pulling a kunai out of his cloak. "I said be quiet!"

"Touchy." But I saw sense enough to keep quiet.... for a while. Instead I occupied myself by wandering absently around in a circle, trying to weigh up escape options. I estimated I may get a total of ten feet if I tried really hard. Le mental sigh. Then I sat back down again, resting against the comforting slant of a mess of tree roots. I had a comforting moment, head stretched back into a small patch of sun, before feeling a hand close on my shoulder and pull me up without a single warning. "Hey, what the--?!"

It was Kisame, "Time to move on."

"Fish-man say what? We've only been here for five minutes!"

"Plenty of time," Itachi remarked, smoothly moving between me and a less-than-happy looking Kisame. I don't think blue boy appreciated my insults.

"Not for me it ain't!" I grumbled, and sat back down. Seeing the piece of rope snaking around the ground, I quickly yanked it back 'til I was seated upon all of it, and then took a firm grip on the tree roots. "There, now whatcha going ta do hmm? And if you dare try get the rope from under me then face the wrath of a thousand years of ringing eardrums when I scream."

Itachi stared down at me. In his monotonous and unenthused drawl he said, "I suggest you stand and start walking, or the consequences may not be to your liking."

"Bite me weasel."

He said nothing, but instead reached down and hooked his arms around me. I shrieked, trying to push him away, but it was unsuccessful altogether. He slung me over his shoulder much like Kisame's sword had been slung over his back, and began walking.

"Put me down! Put me down now! I mean it!" I screamed, wriggling as much as I could. It made no difference, but even if I could do the slightest thing to annoy him then I was going to give it my all. I screamed in his ear, "Let me go weasel! I swear I'll bite your ear if you don't! Don't think I won't!"

Kisame was chuckling, and I turned my eye on him, "Your next fishy, after I kick the snot out of weasel!" Then began my effort to either kick Itachi in his 'family jewels', which once he relised my intention he shifted me further across his shoulder. Darnnit, why did he have to be a strong ninja?! For goodness sake, he was like a manorexic rake! Rakes should have no strength! However he had allowed me more arm movement, and soon enough two hands linked together in a single fist came battering down on his back. "Put me down!"

He ignored me. And I continued beating him. I included death threats with each punch into his back.

"I'll slit your throat!"

"I'll tear your guts out with my bare hands!"

"I'll throw you off a cliff, and let the gulls get you!"

After an hour came the more elaborate, "I'll clone you, kill all the clones one by one and bury them in the desert, where I'll leave them to rot for ten thousand years before coming forward in the future to dig them up and clone them again so I can kill all _those _clones by zapping them with a freaking lightning rod! Then I'll get every spider and ant to come and chew out your insides slowly until there's nothing left but dust! Then come the buzzards, and once they're done then I'll gather the remains, burn them, freeze them and then lock them in a steel trunk to throw into the deepest darkest abyss in the ocean! You hear me Uchiha! I swear I will!"

He still ignored me, and I shouted, "Oh like hell I will let you ignore me!"

"We couldn't ignore you if we tried," Kisame said blandly, growing rather tired after an hours of screams.

"SHUT UP FISH!"

* * *

**I like reviews**

**So does Itachi and Kisame**

**Itachi: ... (couldn't care less)**

**Kisame: *narrows eyes* if you dare give a good review after what this author is putting me through, I swear I'll---!**

**Me: *cuts him off* excuse me! Fish-man is a little cranky today! **

**Kisame: I'M A FREAKING SHARK!!!!**

**P.S. I'm buying Kisame one of those CD's filled with annoying songs..... and I'm going to stick it in a CD player and glue the headphones into his ears while he sleeps.... MWAHAHHAHA**


	4. Entertainment and Fish Fingers

**Hey Hey! I feel nice today... I'm going to post chapters on both stories *chucks confetti in air for self* woooo! *chokes on confetti* *burns confetti* HA! you thought you were so smart, didn't you confetti!? Who's laughing now?! BWAHAHAHAH!**

**Kisame in background: O.O.... why are we working with her?**

**Itachi: She kidnapped us and forced us into the story....Do you not remember the elaborate traps she set up so that we had to walk into them.... yours was in the bathtub...**

**Kisame: That girl is messed up....**

**I is a happy camper! messed up grammar... HAHAHAHAH woooo! Sorry I'm having a moment here... I just had an entire packet of those instant juice mix sugar thingies... me+sugar = DANGER!!! .... so um.... RARRRRRRRRRRRRRR! on to annoy weasel and fish!!**

* * *

Eventually even I gave up. The Uchiha had the patience of a saint, I swear! Plus he was far more persistant than I was, in the fact that he bore every single punch I rammed into his back as if it was the soft pat of a raindrop. Grrr, I hated being normal. In the real world I could say I was of pretty good strength... I can certainly chuck a good punch at a guy who tries to pull anything funny. Unfortunately me VS ninja creates a relatively unfair advantage on his side.

So I relaxed in the end, leaning my elbows into some uncomfortable place in his back just to irritate him a little further. I knew it worked because every so often he would move his shoulder joint a little to try detach my elbow from it's uncomfortable spot, after which it would return to that same spot or find a new one. That irked him a good amount, and just for a little extra I kept singing, _'Pop Goes the Weasel', _specially for him. When Kisame expressed an annoyance, I smirked and instead started to sing "_Row Your Boat", "So long and thanks for all the fish", _and a few others that including fish in the song. Clearly by the time the sun was setting and Itachi dropped me from his shoulder Kisame was ready enough to murder me.... if Itachi hand't been there to throw him a cold side glance, I doubted I would still be alive. So while Itachi was there, I was practically safe. Theoretically. Though what would happen if I got on Itachi's nerves? Best case scenario: I'd get that sharigan knock-out again.

"Be quiet," Itachi ordered me once he'd dropped me onto the ground.

I glared, but said nothing. When I looked at Kisame, he just happened to look at me. At which I smirked and began to mouth the words, "_Row, row, row your boat! Gently down the stream!"_ Accompanied with lovely actions, which were pretty good considering my hands were tied up. Kisame's fists clenched, so I knew I'd won a small victory again. Chalk another point up on the mental blackboard!

My stomach was grumbling. Rather loudly. Much more louder than I wished for it to speak. I tucked my arms to my side, trying to silence it. Most pitifully. It didn't help the fact that (After a most embarassing time trying to explain to the males how females need privacy when it comes to things like going to the bathroom!) they trussed me up to a nearby tree again while setting up camp a couple of feet away. "Dammit, again?" I roared without much dignity. "Oh come on, it's not like I would get very far with you guys! And at least one of you is always up to stare out into dead space! How far would I get?"

Never the less, I remained tied to the tree. After a few attempts to make myself comfy, turning out to be an impossible feat, I turned my attentions again to the two seated around the campfire.

"Is this honestly all you guys ever do? Gawk at the fire? Wow.... that's pretty.... sad."

Kisame was, of course, the only one who raised his head to look at me. "You do not understand the concept of quiet, do you?"

I grinned and shook my head, "Nope! Now come on, one of you has to do something entertaining or you will never hear the end from me."

"Elaborate on how we could entertain you." There was sarcasm dripping thickly from his voice, I could practically see it oozing out of his mouth.

"Can you untie me so I can play with your hat?" I asked him. Their giant hats, which seemed to have hidden their faces for most of the day, were now sitting beside them. "They are like sunhats on steroids!"

Kisame instinctively clutched his hat tighter, as if afraid if it came anywhere near me then it wouldn't be seen again. "You can stay by the tree."

I pouted, "Fun killer. Alright, if I can't play with the hat-on-steroids, then dance!" The look on his face counted that out. "Well then...um.." I looked at the vastness of his cloak, "Surely somewhere in that cave of clothing you must have a tiny guitar or ukulele? Sing the campfire song song!" I knew he had no idea what the campfire song song was.... heathen... but my outburst had put him off slightly. So that only encouraged more singing, of course! "Let's gather round the campfire, and sing our campfire song! Our C-A-M-P-F-I-R-E-S-O-N-G song! Sing it with me!"

When he turned, I yelled, "Don't you dare ignore me! You engaged in this conversation, now see it through mister!" And then began the campfire song song again. Ahh I love Spongebob so much... and I even more so love the joyous outcomes he gives me... like say, pissing off a certain Akatsuki member. "Your turn fish-man!"

"Itachi..." Kisame droned to his associate, rather desperate for quiet and peace.

Itachi was already working on it. He pulled a bag from the inside of his cloak, drawing out a few more of those leaves wrapped around what had to be food. My stomach gurgled at the thought of food. I was hungry... I couldn't not go without eating for an extended period of time. One day was certainly a long time for me! He handed two to Kisame, one obviously for him and the other for me I guessed. "There. Entertain her."

Kisame devishlishly smiled, grasping one lot of the leaves in his hand while placing the other down. He stood, approaching me and sat down right in front of me about a foot away.

Suspicious, I narrowed my eyes at him. "What are you up to fish-man?"

Slowly he opened the small covered lot of riceballs, pinching a piece off in his fingers and holding it up. "Open wide."

"Your freaking kidding me! You were serious that one of you guys would hand feed me?!"

"We don't kid around," Kisame pitched in, grinning. "So open wide girlie." Bastard was enjoying this wasn't he? I had known him for what, a day? And already I had fried his patience and nerves, while he attempted to do the same to me. The piece of sticky rice ball hovered in front of my face, mere inches away.

"Shove it fish face. I ain't gonna be finger fed."

"Well it can't just sit here," Kisame noted. He shoved it forward. I turned my head so I dodged eating the rice, but horror upon horrors occured when it stuck to the skin just under my eye. I faced Kisame with a horrified expression, trying to shake the rice off my face. It didn't budge. And the only sort of sorry I recieved from him was a "Whoops," accompanied with a sly grin that told me just how accidental it had been.

"Darn you! Get it off!"

"I think it suits you."

I glared at him. "That is cold humour fish face and you know it."

Despite the fact I called him fish again, he seemed too amused by sticking random pieces of rice onto my face whenever I tried to turn it out of the way of the oncoming aerial rice assault from his fingertips. Eventually I gave up squirming and trying to move my head. I managed to shake the rice off from my face, giving a frustrated sigh. "Fine, you win! You can feed me dammit!"

"What a shame. Maybe I don't want to feed you now."

"Give her the food Kisame, or you carry her if she collapses." Itachi hadn't even bothered looking once in our direction, more entertained by the constant flicker of the fire. What a boring guy he was.

Kisame sighed, "Fine."

I opened my mouth like a good girl, waiting until his hand came closer with the rice.

Closer...

Closer....

Close enough!

As soon as they were in range I moved my head forward suddenly, rather akin to a predator suddenly lunging forward to snatch up prey in it's mouth. In the process though, quite meaningfully, my teeth sank around his fingers and bit down as hard as I could possibly go without drawing any blood. What made me spit them back out again wasn't the angry and surprised shriek from Kisame as he yanked them back. No, it was the foul taste that suddenly polluted my taste buds.

"Yuck! Don't you ever wash your hands?! Ewwww, rotten fish!" I tried to rid my mouth of the taste, but it wasn't getting very far. "Those are the worst fish fingers I have ever tasted in my life! BLEK!"

Kisame however, once recovered from the shock, was on his feet and in the time while I was trying to rid my mouth of the nasty taste, he had seized his sword Samehada. Shedding it of it's bandages, he held it high up in the air above me. **"You die now!"**

"Kisame!" Itachi was on his feet too. "Stop!"

"The little viper bit me!"

"As she well warned last night."

I grinned, "See, he has a memory!" I was rewarded by my response with a deadly glare that shot poisonous killer darts into me. I pretended to wince, "Gee, put that glare away, you may hurt someone!"

I could see the twitch in Kisames hand, wishing to raise the sword again, but Itachi approached and he was forced to lower it under his associates cold stare. Had to hand it to Itachi, he had great control over his partner despite the fact he probarbly took more breaths in a day than words he spoke out loud in a week. I smugly lifted my chin to waggle my head in a '_Shame on your head fishie, you just got busted by your friend!_' gesture to the steaming blue man. He actually turned a curious shade of purple... I suppose it was a mixture of red anger with the blue of his skin. I pointed it out to him, and he turned even darker purple.

About to let loose a giggle that had been forming in the back of my throat, it was suddenly cut off by the cold feeling of metal pressed against my mouth. It caught me by surprise, my non-ninja eyes didn't see the hand darting out to grab a kunai and ram it against my lips, the other hand gripped tightly around my jaw. I tried to turn my head to break free, but his hand increased it's strength and imbolized me.

"You should realise until now we have treated you well. Under any other circumstances we would easily have killed you when we first met you," Itachi spoke so low that it almost seemed a whisper. Could Itachi whisper? I wondered about it for a moment before the feeling of metal against my skin jolted me back into awareness that I was about to have my face sliced open by an anime character. How unfair.

Itachi continued to talk in his whisper, but not a whisper, voice, "But we know you know more about our orginisation than you have told us so far. Lying to us is useless you should be aware. So until you tell us how you know about the Akatsuki, or how and where you came from, then you will be travelling with us. If you continue to irritate us however, there is a likeliness we shall just kill you anyway."

"I would be most happy to oblige with that," Kisame added, a venomous glare at me showing exactly how he currently felt.

"I suggest if you wish to avoid any fatal harm then you will behave," Itachi finished. "Understand?"

"Mmmhmmmfpphmmm!" Talking through sharp metal smashed against your mouth is NOT an easy task.

Itachi released me, pulling the kunai a small distance away from me. Though not far enough to make me feel confident. I looked up at Itachi. "Yes... I understand." I glared at them both, "I not a freaking five year old. You guys are going to kill me in the end anyway." His eyes narrowed, and I continued, "That's what you lot do, right? You get information, kill, then move on with your lives. For goodness sake, you guys are the blooming Akatsuki! I'm smart enough to know your going to take me back to you hideout to get whatever information you think you'll get out of me, and then strangle me, gut me or kill me with whatever other means of torturous death you have up your sleeves."

The two of them stared at me with cold glances, and I wondered if maybe I'd said too much. Still, I managed to muster enough stubborn will to raise both my eyebrows in a challenging way and say, "Sorry weasel. As long as you insist on kidnapping me, you face what you get. That is anything _but _information...which frankly is of no importance."

They were both silent for a while. The only noise there came was the crackle of the campfire, and my heavy breathing. I couldn't hear the other two of them breathing. Did these guys even breathe at all? Freaks and their silent breathing!

Suddenly I jumped, screaming "AHHH!" as I felt a buzzing against my leg, accompanied with a loud beeping. The other two didn't jump, but they suddenly seemed more alert.

"Untie my hands!" I told them. "Hurry it tickles!! Ack tickle of doom!"

Itachi paused a second, and then undid one of the knots around my wrists. Instantly I reached down for my leg, pulling out a long forgotten cell phone that had suddenly started to vibrate. It was devilishly tickly, and I yanked it out as fast as I could. "This stupid thing, why does the alarm go off at every single moment I have it, _except_ for the time I want it to go off?!"

Suddenly I had an idea, "But now that I'm free to use it..." I held it out like a weapon, "Get back, both of you! This thing here is a weapon! It will explode the moment I press this button!" I held my thumb against the button for the ariel. That's right, it was so old it had a pop out ariel!

"It's probarbly something harmless again, isin't it?" Kisame asked.

"Ahh, you think that! So guess what!" I pressed the button and the ariel jumped out towards him, "Your first!"

I swear my phone was in my hand one moment and gone the next. It gave a squeaky Beethoven ringtone of protest before I found it inside Itachi's hand.

"Hey, gimme back T-Rex!" I reached for it, but he pulled it out the way. "Bugger you!"

"We know it's harmless or you would have already used it. So what is it?" he asked, using his thumbs to fiddle with the buttons on the screen.

"T-rex." Blank. "My cell phone." Blank. "You know, a talking device?" Again blank. I saw that it had no effect on him whatsoever. "You can talk through it to people."

He glanced down at the poor little thing in his hand, before it disappeared inside the vastness of his cloak. "We cannot allow you to do that."

"Oi! It will never come out of that cloak of yours again! That thing is like a cave!" I glared at him. "Give back T-Rex Weasel, or you get no sleep tonight."

Itachi was gazing at me with emotionless black eyes. They were like two little round coins of nothing, so black they put the night sky to shame in a depth of a never ending abyss. He wasn't blinking, so I stopped blinking too. Whether he realised it or not, he was now in a staring contest with me. There was no way I was going to lose it either! Not until he gave me back my phone!

Well I would have won if he didn't blooming well cheat! Gazing intently into his eyes, with a special sort of glare that usually made opponents of mine cringe (another reason why weasel was a freak.. because my super duper ninja glare had no effect on him), his eyes suddenly sparked into red. I barely managed to squeeze out an "eep" before the overwhelming tiredness began to soak into my limbs. "Again?" I grumbled, half out of it already, already feeling the curling arms of sleep wash over me. "When I wake up, you've got hell to pay weasel." Then there was sleep.

* * *

"We should kill her Itachi. She probarbly knows nothing of value, the chance of getting chakra out of her is slim, and she's driving me mad!" Kisame growled once Krissy had slumped into an induced sleep for the second time in two days. She had just accomplished a record.

Itachi stood, "No Kisame. The fact that she knows anything about our organisation means that she isin't the only one out there. We have no idea who these people are, but together Krissy and them may have dangerous amounts of information. Right now she is our only source of finding out where she learnt about the Akatsuki."

"I request though when we do kill her, please may I do it? This brat has gotten on my nerves, and no matter what you say I know she's gotten onto your nerves too!" Kisame clenched his free fist as he used the other one to swing Samehada down and started to bandage the sword up again.

It seemed almost humourous that someone only just around Itachi's own age could wind Kisame up so much and live, when she herself was so very vulnerable. He wondered if this was what people were like when they didn't lead a life he had chosen. With absolutely no ninja training or chakra, she was helpless in effect, and she well knew that because of it they could..._would_, kill her. Somehow she still maintained a calm, stubborn and aggressive attitude, and Itachi had to admit to himself that he felt a grudging respect for her.

But respect for those of lower ability was frail, because at any chance even by your own hand, that person could die. And she would, as soon as they got information out of her. This stubborn girl would die.

* * *

**Itachi sucks doesn't he? At least he has cool hair and eyes! That makes up for the whole "Going to kill you" thing! Though neither of them _really_ want to kill me! It's just the story right?**

**Itachi and Kisame: *hide kunai and bombs behind their back* of course!**

**REVIEW! OR I BURN SOMETHING..... THE HAT ON STEROIDS! MWAHAHAHAHA**


	5. Refreshing Dips and Hugs

**ACK! I am not the happiest camper in the world at the moment.... I am so grateful this story and a lot of my others were on my USB stick in my room... though my other story on fanfiction now must be totally retyped... AHHH! This is due to the fact that because my grandmother and little brother were home... and summer time in NZ (yes it is summer where I am) is so blinking hot and muggy... we left the windows open thinking "hey.. its daytime... who in their right mind will rob our house?"**

**Thankyou dear deaf grandmother who was ten feet away watching TV, with only a single closed door between her and the computer in the study, and two wonderfully awful guard dogs.... none of whom heard someone enter the house and run off with the computer... well laptop... so my other story had been wiped... robbed... is gone!!**

**grrrr... i have sensed a conspiracy of the weasel and fish kind to stop me writing and torturing them... *glares and Itachi and Kisame* was that you?**

**Kisame: I refuse to say... *hides plastic gloves used to hide fishy fingerprints***

**Itachi: ... If we wanted to stop you writing.. we would have just killed you...**

**Me: O.o that is an excellent point.. WEASEL!!! *pokes and runs***

**Itachi: *sigh***

* * *

I had woken earlier to yet another blinding headache, though after ten minutes I had enough strength to begin annoying the one currently up and watching over the camp. That just thankfully happened to be Itachi, because I had a feeling if I woke up to Kisame then quite possibly I wouldn't survive very long after that. Unfortunatley my taunts seemed to fly right over his head, and so I soon decided to annoy him once the camp began moving again. I wondered if I was sneaky enough that I could possibly trip him up?

The ropes were beginning to itch at my wrists. I started pulling at them yet again, with still no avail. Blowing a strand of loose hair out of my eyes, I yanked them until my wrists both itched and stung, then finally fell still again.

To pass the time I stared at Itachi. He wasn't facing me, instead staring out into the surrounding dense forest. I couldn't myself see very far, it was still too dark. Dawn wasn't yet here, though the light in the sky was growing with every passing minute. He seemed almost intently keen on staring at one single spot, though from here I couldn't see what was so interesting.

Kisame was fast asleep. Or at least as asleep as he could possibly get. Actually he was lightly snoring, a sort of odd whistle sound. I couldn't help but begin to giggle, "Gosh, does he always snore like that?"

I didn't recieve an answer, so I started talking again, "Well now I have something more to use against him. The whistling fish."

"It will become increasingly difficult to persuade him to allow you to live."

"Ah, at last! Conversation."

Itachi turned his head back, eyeing me out with one of those bland gazes that seemed to make me feel like I was so unimportant. Which really I was, wasn't I? I stared him out, determined if a staring competition began again that I would this time win. As long as he didn't cheat again. This time he didn't, and I felt a small amount of glee when he turned his head back first.

"What's so interesting about that tree? You've been staring at it for the last half an hour. Clue me in on the secret will you?"

"If I tell you, will you be silent?"

"Sure."

"I am thinking," he replied.

I tilted my head to the side, "About what?"

He didn't respond again, clearly wishing me to keep up with my side of the bargain that I should now be silent. Surely he knew me better than that by now though?

"What brand shampoo do you use?"

I saw his eyes move towards me again. So it prompted me to continue, "Honestly, considering how straight your hair always seems to stay, you must use some very very good shampoo and conditioning products." My eyes trailed to a sleeping Kisame, "You should give Whistler some, it may do him wonders."

As if already responding to yet another new name, Kisame began to stir. He sat up, which was a task in itself for him seeing how he was so massive, and cracked his neck.

"Good morning blue bottle sunshine!" I cried.

I could almost see his shoulders hunch over in a wince at the sound of my voice, before he began to eye me out. "So your already awake?"

I grinned and nodded. "Yep! You were too engrossed in whistling to wake up, so I've been keeping Itachi entertained!" Tilting my head to the side, I asked, "You wouldn't happen to know what brand shampoo he uses would you? He's being all secretive and won't tell me."

Kisame didn't answer me, but I grinned when I could see him look at Itachi and the mental cogs in his brain actually turn when he started to think about it. Hehe, he was going to be thinking about it all day. When he approached me to untie the knots pinning me against the tree, I whispered, "My money is on a herbal brand of shampoo. Or wild strawberries."

He wanted to respond, I could tell he just wanted to say something back. Add in a wild guess of his own, but he refrained.

"Weasel, am I allowed T-Rex back yet?" I missed my cellphone. I know it might not make a difference now, but I only had to hold onto T-Rex for one more month before my parents promised to upgrade me to something without an ariel.

His silence made an obvious answer of 'no'. "I will get T-Rex back, I swear it to you!" I promised him.

My intelligence was enough to make me take a drink of water this morning when offered. Flashing a smile at Itachi, I told him, "You know from this angle_, tu ressembles__ a __une jeune fille._" You look like a girl. "It suits you." Sometimes I just drew French together, whether it's correct or not it's always the thought behind it. Even if it wasn't up to the standards of my French teacher, at least Itachi didn't understand. This was fun and my smile grew, "I _love_ French!"

I got the blank stare again. What a surprise from the manorexic rake of a weasel....

We followed the same ritual as yesterday. Basically they tied me to a leash and we started walking. I remained a little more quiet today, rather not wanting to be tossed over someone's shoulder. It was uncomfortable and most humiliating, especially when they didn't react to my taunts and threats to put me back down again.

Eventually we suddenly walked out of the forest, trailing along between the trees and a winding river. I saw myself reflected in the clear crystalline surface, barely touched by any breath of wind. It horrified me to see that my usually nice wavy brown hair now looked like it had been used to make a nest, and streaks of dirt contrasted greatly with my green eyes in long smudges across the pale skin on my face. I decided to turn my focus to walking, so I wouldn't get depressed. It was tricky enough as it was for me to navigate a pathway alongside the rivers edge, seeing how there was no proper path, and the river bank was overgrown with twisting roots that seemed to think it hilarious to trip me over with every single step.

"Ack!" I'd tripped again. I stopped, "Stupid root!"

"Move!" Kisame growled, tugging the rope to try and get me to move faster.

I tugged it back, grumbling loudly "Not until I teach this root a lesson!" I kicked it, then raised my head, "Okay we can go."

Kisame raised what would have been a eyebrow, rolled his eyes and yanked at the ropes again. This time I tripped without thanks to my own two feet, crashing down only a foot away from the crystalline waters so that I only missed a soaking by a few mere inches. Kisame took a step and looked down over the top of me. "Are you going to hurry up?!" He sounded ticked off. Guess he drew the short stick for who got to look after me for the day.

"Nah. I'm fine here fishie. Thanks for asking though."

Kisame narrowed his eyes. "Get up and move, before you regret it." This threat was met by a harsh tug on the rope yet again.

I sat up with a groan, "Fine Whistler. I'm moving." Though for revenge, I had already formed another devilish idea. With a very innocent look on my face, I turned towards Itachi, who was patiently waiting for us to start moving again. "Hey Itachi!"

He barely even bothered to look at me, but the slight twitch of his eyes told me he was listening. "Guess what?" I said, "Kisame wears bright green underwear!"

Kisame froze.

Itachi was now fully paying attention.

I was still staring up at Kisame, batting my eyes innocently. "Don't worry," I told him. "It's better than if they were some shade of pink with sunflowers."

At this point in time he was going a rather curious shade of purple again, and I couldn't tell if he was more angry or plain embarassed because it might have been true. I giggled at the very thought of a big tough guy such as him wearing bright green undies. He grabbed me with one hand and yanked me up, though he lifted me right off my feet.

I flung my feet around, trying to get them back on the ground. "Put me down Whistler!"

He did so, and the moment I was on the ground again I took out part 2 of my devious plan. I let my foot 'accidentally' catch on one of the tree roots. "Gah!" Shouting out, I grabbed onto Kisame's arm and yanked him backwards off his feet. My weight pulling him backwards, accompanied by the surprise of it, sent him flying. I moved slightly, and before he had a chance to react and save himself from his tumble, I stuck out my foot and pushed him down over the top of it. He crashed into the water, disappearing for a second underneath the shallow three feet of rushing clear currents.

When his head broke the surface, I leant downwards over the top of the water, "Whoopsies. Sorry about that." I was sorely tempted to clap my hands as best I could and go, _"Here fishie, fishie, fishie,"_ but I decided it may be a wiser move to refrain.

Kisame gritted his teeth, tipping his hat-on-steroids over for a moment and letting the water stream out of it from where it had fallen into the current. As he placed it back on his head with one hand, I suddenly noticed in his other hand he was holding something that winked in the sunlight. That could only be the form of some very sharp metal. Yep, refraining ealier speech had been a wise idea, though it didn't mean I wasn't in a hell of a lot of trouble at this moment in time.

"Eeep!" I looked for ways out. There was only one that could possibly stop the wrath of Kisame. So I took it. "Save me Itachi!" I cried, racing across the tree roots and ducking down behind him, making sure to yank the end of the rope away from where Kisame could get a hold of it. Once safely behind Itachi, I tucked my head down beside his shoulder to eye out Kisame, who was pulling himself dripping wet from the water. "Thankies, much obliged." I grinned childishly up at weasel.

Kisame was now standing on the side of the water again, and holding two metal kunai in his hand. His eye was twitching. "Stand aside Itachi."

"I thought you liked the water!" I exclaimed, now peeking over the top of Itachi's shoulder. "Fish like water don't they? Especially whistling ones!"

Itachi moved before I had a chance to do anything, and if not for a sudden grip on the back of my shirt then I would have tumbled forward with the lack of a shoulder to lean on. "Hey! What are you doing?!" I cried at the dark haired weasel who was pulling me forward. "Don't kill her," was all he said, which was to Kisame instead of me, and then he shoved me into the waiting arms of Mr Fish. Said fish was soaked, dripping water, and looking ready for murder.

"Darn you weasel!" I yelled, before throwing a sheepish grin to meet Kisame's less than friendly looking one. "You have very pointy teeth you know," I remarked. "You might want to file them down, or else Twilight fangirls might accidentally mob you thinking your some new bizarre vampire."

My feet left the ground all of a sudden. Kisame had grabbed me by the shirt front and held me up in the air. I looked down, seeing the water rush beneath my feet. "Don't. You. Dare."

He flashed a nasty smile, and dropped me. I gave a very short scream and landed in the water, which was far colder than I had first anticipated. For a moment I remained under the water, blowing bubbles while I glared up a Kisame who was leaning down over the surface with a satisfied look of revenge on his face, before sitting back up again. Completley drenched, as he was, I tried to blow a wet brown piece of dripping hair from my face. It had little success, so in the end I had to push it back by hand. "Real mature. I'm not amused."

"Strangely I am though," he replied, and reached down into the water to pick up the dangling end of the rope still attached to my bound hands. "Now hurry up and get moving!"

"Wait!" I said, getting to my feet and stepping out of the water sopping wet. "Itachi hasn't taken a nice refreshing dip yet!"

Kisame shook his head, and the tip of Itachi's lip just about twitched with a hint of amusement. Bastard had enjoyed seeing Kisame drop me hadn't he? They both began walking, smartly heading away from the water. I tried to squeeze the water out of my clothes, but the jerk at my wrists didn't help me accomplish that. At least Fish man was also soaking wet, plus he didn't look happy about the fact that he was now walking in shoes that squelched with each step, and liked it even less when I began to giggle about it. Itachi was ignoring us both, the only one still dry.

Well that just didn't seem fair did it? The next crazy-and-likely-to-kill-me idea popped into my head.

Slowly I crept forward, until I was standing right behind them. Then with one giant jump I leapt up enough so that I could hook my bound wrists in a loop over the top of Itachi's head. As soon as they were over I hugged him, "Thought you could stay out of a soaking? Think again weasel! MWAHAHA!"

The next thing was me falling forward when Itachi suddenly disappeared in a poof of smoke. Darnit! The ground met my face with a hard hello, and I flopped out in a painful face down position. "OW!"

"She hugged you. This girl is stupider than I thought," Kisame sighed to Itachi. "What happened to that personal bubble thing she has?"

I lifted my face, shaking the dirt off my face, "The bubble only counts when I say. If I want to hug ya, then there is no bubble."

I rolled over onto my back to find both Itachi and Kisame looking down over the top of me. I pulled myself back up to my feet, rubbing my aching nose. Grinning at Itachi, seeing the slight damp outline of where I had latched onto him, I asked, "So then, you don't like hugs, hmm? Note to self: hug weasel more in the future, it annoys him." I switched to Kisame, "How bout you blue boy? Would you like a hug too? Hugs do make the world go around you know."

He took hold of the rope and started walking, both of them dead silent. I think I'd managed to severly tick them both off. Yay! Victory.

By nightfall my clothes had dried out thanks to our walk in the sun. I was most grateful to finally sit down. It had been a long day of walking, giving Whistling Fish a bath, and hugging one of the most messed up people I may have ever met... besides my Chemistry teacher at school, but I've never hugged him. He smells like feet. Actually I didn't know what Itachi smelled like, because I didn't really think about sniffing him at the time of the hug... but if I ever got the chance again, and he smelt like anything that resembled herbal formula or strawberries then he was busted for his shampoo brand.

Kisame was the one responsible for tying me to _yet another_ tree. I sighed, giving him the best evil's I could muster while he undid the knots around my bound wrists. "Hey Whistle Fish, guess what?"

"Hmm?" it was more a grunt than any sort of response. He undid the ropes around my hands and I suddenly had movement again.

Wasting no time, I lunged at him with open arms, "FLYING FISH HUG!" He didn't even have a chance before I latched onto him like a leech. This was a task in itself, because he was so flipping massive my arms didn't make it very far. He froze up, and the shock on his face was certainly enough for me to start giggling madly. He still hadn't made a move when I let go of him, "There, aren't hugs just the greatest?" and then I sat down cross legged in front of the tree.

Kisame didn't answer me. He just took the rope which was limp in his fingers, tied me to the tree and sat in front of the campfire that Itachi had started while I was hugging his associate. I pouted a little, seeing how Itachi didn't bother using his ultra cool jutsu to start the fire, instead only using some of those flint rocks. The thing that cheered me up after that disappointment was when Kisame sat down, he sat with his back to me so that he could ignore me completley. I could clearly see the twitch in his shoulders that he was on the very edge of grabbing the nearest sharp object and sticking it through my brain. Oddly, this only made me grin with victory more, because he was pissed, but I was alive still.

Chalk another point up on the blackboard for me. At this rate, I was going to run out of blackboard!

* * *

**I'll get around to writing more later... be grateful this was on a USB stick... so I could post YAY!!! ... have mercy on me for all my other stories.... people are going to kill me**

**Kisame: YES! *throws confetti***

**Me: stuff you.... green undies...**

**Kisame: DIE!!!!**

**Me: By the way... ITS HUG KISAME DAY!**

**Kisame: Oh dear gawd.... *is attacked by hugs* ITACHI HELP!**

**Itachi: ...**

**hehehehehe**

**Review! For the green underwear!!!!!!! WOOP!**


	6. WakeUp Calls and Irritating Ninja's

**Aha! I am happy! I shall be uploading a lot over the next few days because it's for New Years! Plus I owe everyone! Yay me! **

**Thanks to ALL who have reviewed, especially those who have messaged me! I shall have a whole chapter of thankies at the very end of this entire story especially for all of you, and for now you all recieve a million special internet virtual cookies!!! YUM! *chucks out cookies***

**Itahci have a cookie! *chucks cookie at Itachi***

**Itachi: *stares at cookie* ....**

**Me: Eat it! It's good for you!!!**

**Itachi: Pure sugar, fat and likely dipped in poison? No...**

**Me: *pouts* but Kisame ate his and liked it**

**Kisame: *bouncing off walls* SUGAR!!!!! SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR!!!!!**

**Itachi: O.O.... oh my gawd he's worse than Tobi!!!!!**

* * *

It was morning. Last night was the first night I had fallen asleep without thanks to weasel and his sharingan. I was grateful, because it was the first time I had also woken up in the morning _without_ the blinding headache since this entire thing began.

Though it wasn't a particuarly pleasant awakening either. It started with a, "Wake up, we're going."

"Meh, go away." Groggy and still tired from sleep, I wasn't ready yet to get up. I think some part may have thought that it was my annoying twerp of a little brother, or a parent trying to awaken me for school.

Then... "**WAKE UP!**"was roared in my ear.

**"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" **My eyes flew open and met the smug pointed toothy grin of a blue skinned fish man. "FISH!! **SOD OFF BLUE BOY!" **My foot came up, "**GET OUTTA MA BUBBLE!"**

My foot just missed him, but it got the message across. Screaming in my ear first thing in the morning: not a smart thing to do unless you were a ninja. The smirk on his face also told me that this awakening might just turn out to be a regular thing if I wasn't careful. Even ninja like him though shouldn't try it too often, lest they face deadly Early-Morning-Bitch-Smashes-Everything-In-Reach-Syndrome. I have a severe case of it when awoken before I'm ready to get up. It's a real killer. That's why I don't have an alarm clock. My parents stopped buying me them after the first one hundred met the dear trash can. Now they always wake me up for school with a seven foot pole, no joke.

I glared at him as he untied the ropes, "On the scale of one to ten, how much attachment do you feel to your family jewels sushi man? Because let me make this clear, do that to me again and your going to lose them."

He shrugged, and attached me to my rope leash same as the days before. I hated it when it almost felt like something normal to me.

When I took a sip of water I noticed how empty the waterskin had become. There hadn't been a great deal of water in it from the beginning, but even though I had rationed myself small sips from the beginning and I'm sure weasel did the same, we were still running empty. No doubt we were going to have to stop somewhere to get a refill. I was hoping it wasn't going to be that same river we were at yesterday. It might have been clear, but who knew what was in there? Plus, Kisame might try to throw me in again, and I knew neither of them would fall for my same accidental tripping like yesterday.

I was humming while we walked, the song _Fish Heads_. It only took half an hour of humming before out came the words, mostly for Kisame's sake. Actually it was specifically for him, since he hated it the most and well... he was a fish, so the words were bound to annoy the hell outta him. I was right, because as soon as the words came the jerk on the ropes kept coming much harder and more frequently to shut me up. It don't work like that with me though.

"Fish heads, fish heads, roly poly fish heads! Fish heads, fish heads, eat them up, YUM!" I yelled towards him. He cringed everytime he heard that chorus. "Consider this getting even for the awakening this morning fishie." Then I began a chorus again.

Both of them stopped suddenly. So suddenly that I actually walked into Itachi's back, cutting off all singing abruptly. "My gosh weasel!" I grumbled after the collision, "Your like some sort of freaky solid pole! Ow!" After that, "So why are we stopping so suddenly without any warning and causing body collisions?"

"There is a town a mile ahead of us."

_Town? Town!_ "Town?! Ahh, town! Life! Let's go!" I was already trying to barrel my way through them and head forward.

The rope soon put a stop to that. "You will not be going into the town," Itachi remarked. He then spoke to Kisame, "I'll send a clone with you to restock our supplies, and remain here with her." Oh I was only a 'her' now? Silently I fumed. Though I chuckled at the hidden message in his voice, which both me and Kisame picked up on, though he frowned at it while I giggled. The "_I'll have to use a clone because I can't trust you not to start a fight or kill Krissy if I let you go or stay on your own."_

Kisame nodded, still frowning, and Itachi performed a hand jutsu. In a poof there were now two Itachi's.

"AHHH!" I screamed. All three of them looked at me with curious faces. I pointed between the two Itachi's. "TWO WEASELS!"

I could see them both mentally shake their heads and roll their eyes. Kisame and one of the two Itachi's started to walk off into the trees, soon disappearing from view. I tugged at my ropes, moaning to the real Itachi, "Come on! Let me go into town! I'm dying here without social activity other than annoying you and fish face!"

"Sit down," he ordered. He was already seated cross legged on the ground, with the nerve to close his eyes! Was I really that much of a pathetic loser that he could close his eyes and still be confident I wouldn't get away? Damn him....

"Do you think you could be less enthusiatic all the time? Because your level of enthusiasm is killing me here!" I plonked down onto the ground, plucking bits of grass with my hands. Turns out it was rather difficult when they are bound together. "Well, until fish gets back, can I at least have my hands back?"

"No."

"Can I play with your hat-on-steroids?"

"No."

"Can I use your coat to build a tent?"

"No."

I thought about my next question for a good long time... at least two seconds of thought went into it!

"Can I _please_ braid your ponytail?"

His eyes momentarily opened to stare at me and my dead serious face, before closing his eyes again... "No."

"Ugh! Your a fun killer too. So mean, and boring!" I flopped backwards, looking face up into the canopy of trees above. A cool breeze ruffled the tops of the trees, leaves scattering down through the air until they gently came to rest around us. I shifted around a little until pulling myself back up to a seated position. The ground was littered with little stones that just seemed to always find the most uncomfortable places in my skin to dig into.

I sat cross legged like Itachi, quietly gathering stones up in my hands and piling them at my feet. Then repositioning my hands, I flicked one at him. It struck him in the shoulder dead on where I aimed. He didn't respond in any way. There was no need for him to respond, it was like he had just been tapped lightly on the arm. Darn that the stones were so small!

I took another, and fired it again. There was no response once more. I tried my luck, and kept flinging stones at him. Finally he reacted, his hand snapping up to catch it before the stone struck him in the forehead, a place that I was working my aim up to. His eyes flickered open.

"Why do you insist on acting like a child?" he asked me.

I tilted my head, "Meh, it passes the time. Plus it's fun." I flicked another stone at him, which he caught yet again.

"It amuses you to act like this all the time?"

I sighed. "As I said, it's fun." My head tilted to the side, "Plus it's about the only thing that I can really use against you guys."

"Kisame will kill you at this rate."

"Fish face?" I shrugged. "Yeah I know. But either way, I'm not exactly getting away from you guys in a hurry, and you've made it clear your going to kill me anyway. I might as well make time worth while until then." I glanced up piercingly at him with a deadly smile, "You won't be able to say I went down without a fight."

"Do you so eagerly accept death?" he asked me. It caught my attention, the almost change in his monotonous tone.

For once I was quiet, and I think that caught his attention. I hesistated for a while, before truthfully answering, "No. No I don't." I took a long breath before I continued to answer, "Considering the position I'm in now I hardly see any other options. I don't want to die though. I still have family and friends I love that I want to return to, but I don't know if I would even get a chance to even tell them goodbye."

My eyes flicked up to him, "Can't exactly see you lot letting me go in a hurry though. At least I'll die before turning my younger brother into some crazed maniac set on revenge." My tone was intentionally venomous, without even the slightest hint of humour for once.

Itachi narrowed his eyes at me, but then they snapped into a gap between the trees where the outline of his clone and Kisame made a reappearance. The clone disappeared in a poof of smoke.

"Whistle Fish!" I cried happily, getting to my feet. Kisame groaned, shooting a look at Itachi who had also risen to his feet.

Itachi only nodded, and they began walking again, which meant that I was forced to start walking again. I noticed we headed due East of the direction Kisame and the clone had headed to the town, obviously so we could go around the town. I sighed, and began walking so that Kisame wouldn't end up dragging me along.

"So," I skipped over to Kisame. He was on the right side of the two, so I skipped around onto his right so I could stand and look up at him with a cheesy grin. "Whatcha get for me?"

"Deadly poison."

"Gees, your in a touchy mood aren't ya? Need another hug?"

"Hug me and it's the last thing you ever do."

"Your lucky my hands are tied, or I _would_ hug you."

He sighed, "What will make you leave me alone?"

I paused a moment to think, then said happily, "Let me play with the hat-on-steroids! Itachi won't let me play with his."

He thought about it for a moment, debating between the life of his hat and the idea of me annoying him more, then reluctantly removed his oversized hat from his head and shoved it into my hands. I squealed in delight and put it on, "Wooo! I see why you guys wear these things! This is awesomness in a pickle jar going down a waterslide one thousand feet high!"

I trailed on ahead of them for a few steps, fiddling with the hat as I went, twirling around once and then twirling back again to unwind the rope when it tangled around me. "Are we going to be seeing anything but trees, trees and more trees soon?"

Kisame grinned, "Actually we're nearing the mountains soon."

Alarmed, I gasped from underneath the hat, "Mountains? Nuh-uh! Not in these ruddy sandels!" I gestured by pointing down at my slip on sandels, which had amazed me how long they seemed to be lasting considering they were only one of those show off shopping pairs of shoes, not walking shoes. Actually it was lucky I was even wearing them when I got sucked into the TV. I'd been too lazy to take them off when I got home. Thank goodness, imagine trying to walk this barefoot!

The grin grew. "Oh yes. Mountains!"

"You sadistic fish! Hmph! Think again if your going to get me to hike up a mountain!"

I took the hat off so I could stick my nose in the air and wandered towards Itachi, peering up at him from his left shoulder, "Tell him I ain't hiking up any mountains! Because if we go up a mountain, then it seems to be _you_ that has to carry me, and it will be _your_ trip I'm going to make miserable."

"It is of no significance to me whether you walk, we carry you or we drag you up a mountain. You may choose."

My face fell, and I frowned, "I'll work on finding the fourth option then."

I skipped back around behind Itachi, until I was standing beside Kisame's shoulder again. Placing his hat-on-steroids on again, I peered up at him, "Hello again."

I didn't expect him to talk to me again, so it was of no bother when he didn't. However I wondered if he had noticed the fact that I had just looped the rope around him and Itachi. Quickly I yanked it, and it tightened around them. Itachi was gone in a poof, reappearing a few feet away. Kisame didn't get the 'poof' memo, and the rope tightened around him. I ran around him again, until the rope had totally reached it's maximum and trapped him, me hanging off the end of it.

"You know, for a ninja your not very good at forseeing traps," I commented to him.

He frowned, and then poofed away like Itachi had. The end of the rope slipped from his hand, but was caught again before it even hit the ground by him again, this time outside the circle of rope. I grinned at him, "Ahh, I see you escaped."

His top lip twitched in annoyance, "You--!"

"Kisame!" Itachi announced suddenly. It could have been to silence Kisame, but when we looked at him we saw Itachi was looking somewhere entirely different. It was an alert. In his one tone voice he said, "There's an ambush set up. The ninja are less than ten seconds away."

Kisame grit his teeth and grunted in frustration, hands disappearing inside his vast cloak and reappearing with kunai. "Who's foolish enough to attack us?"

Itachi stated, "There are a lot more of them than there usually would be. At least sixty."

I gulped. Sixty ninja were coming our way for a fight? That couldn't end well. Then I mentally slapped myself! Wait, the people they were attacking were Akatsuki! Surely then the guys attacking would be good guys who could get me out of here and to safety?

I guess that question was answered when a hand grabbed my shoulder and yanked me sideways. I tripped flat over onto my side thanks to Itachi, the poor hat-on-steroids went flying, but at the same time I only just missed getting struck by a whole large amount of kunai, which dug down deeply into the ground where I had stood a moment ago.

"Why'd you guys go for _me_?! What did _I_ do?!" I roared indignantly into the trees, sure that whoever it was could hear me.

Someone appeared from the trees, hopping down to the ground so he could stand and see us. It was a middle aged ninja, dressed fully in a mixture of metal armour and cloth tunics. He had a set of daggers tied at his hip, and one of those ninja weapon bags that seem to be so popular with the ninjas on Naruto. "Well, well. We've been looking for you two Akatsuki scum for the last few weeks now, since you lot double crossed us. A foolish move. It was nice of you to just wander into our town like that, announcing your location."

"Kyriski. Dirt like you had no buisness coming to the Akatsuki. Your lucky we didn't slaughter you then. I suggest you and your friends you have hiding in the trees leave now though before we kill you all," Kisame growled.

The man, Kyriski, laughed loudly. "I have sixty good men with me, all Jounin. You really think you're going to come out of this alive?"

"He's a bit of a cheater ain't he?" I said, then clamped my hand to my mouth as all eyes fell on me. "Whoops, pretend you heard nothing okay?"

"Who might that be? The Akatsuki starting to kidnap little whores now?" Kyriski laughed again.

"Hey!" I yelled at him, "Call me that again and I'll knock your block off, big nose!"

He stopped laughing, and his big nose twitched along with his eye. "It happens to be a deformity!" he yelled towards me.

"Pretty big deformity," I mumbled. "Looks like an elephant trunk."

Both his eyes were twitching now, as well as his giant nose. He raised his hand and clicked his fingers. More ninja, each dressed the same as him, appeared from out of the trees and surrounded the three of us. "Kill the two scumbag Akatsuki. As for the girl, she's their captive, so take her!"

With a single nod from all of them, I had no more time than to gasp out, "Oh bugger," before the ninja leapt to attack.

* * *

**Mwahaha you know the drill! Review.... or Kisame gets fed another cookie.... which will more affect Itachi's sanity than Kisame's....**

**Itachi: *in corner after dealing with Kisame running around screaming "SUGAR!!!"* find a happy place.... that's right, a happy place....**

**Me: muahahha..... torturing Itachi is fun...**

**Thankies to those who have given me ideas! *chucks extra cookies out* here! go nuts!!!**

**and thanks to those who hugged Kisame! He was most displeased... so job well done! **

**xoxoxox**


	7. Another Kidnapping and Annoying BNN's

**Hello my yellow rubber ducks!!! Thanks for the messages and reviews!! I giggle in happiness every time I read them. I have a few answers for a few people.**

**YES! You may still hug Kisame... in fact i command it... everyone hug Kisame!!! And YES!!! Do give both Kisame and Itachi more cookies with extra sugar... focus on Kisame though, because then he goes hyper and then he bugs the hell outta Itachi... it is most amusing to see!**

**Itachi: *is wearing giant fluffy earmuffs.... as evil author stole his normal black ones* *glares* I hate you....**

**Kisame: *eating cookie* ITACHI!!! MY BEST MATE!!!! *jumps and hugs***

**Itachi: NOOOOOOOOO!!! NOT AGAIN!!! *uses genjutsu to poof away and glares at readers* I have had no sleep in the past few days ever since you guys let this horrid IceCrystal7 give Kisame cookies! Have a heart! Or i kill you all!**

**Me: Oi! no scaring off the readers!**

**Itachi: i'll do what I like!! I'm all powerful!**

**Me: Kisame!! *grabs a giant can of V drink* here *helps Kisame glug it down* now attack Itachi!**

**Kisame: ..... *shudder* *shake* *eyes widen with goofy grin* CAFFFFFFEEEEEEIIIINNNNEEEEEE!!!!! *looks at Itachi* FRRRRIIIIEEEENNNNDDDDDD!!! *lunges***

**Itachi: AHHHHHHH!!!!**

* * *

It is a safe assumption to think at this point in time, what with sixty highly trained ninja leaping towards the three of us (one of whom was tied up and had absolutely no ninja qualifications apart from terror by annoyance), that I was freaking out. A hand shoved me down onto the ground, and I looked upwards to see Kisame throw a few kunai to strike against the opposing enemy. At this point I couldn't tell if they were _my_ enemy also, or just fish and weasels.

The kunai struck the men, but they disappered with a poof, and more appeared out of almost nowhere. Kisame turned, chucking a few more, meeting the same effect. Somewhere within the growing cloud of smoke from the clones that he kept destroying was Itachi, who was probarbly doing the same as his associate.

There seemed to be no end to the ninja, and they came from every angle. A flurry of kunai and ninja stars pierced through the smoke from destroyed clones, but Kisame fought them all off. I couldn't see Itachi, but I was in no doubt he was easily doing the same.

The ground suddenly shook beneath us, and I rolled right as spikes shot up from beneath the surface of the dirt. They curved upwards and shot back down, winding around my legs. "Eeep! Moving dirt! Stay on the ground where you belong!" I shrieked, trying to pull it off. "I'm covered in enough dirt as it is thankyou very much!" I screamed somewhere into the chaos.

I felt a tug on the ropes at my wrists, dragging my hands down until they were also trapped in the snaking dirt and unable to try prise my legs free. "Dammit this is worse than ropes!" I grumbled angrily to myself.

A shadow fell over the top of me, and I looked up to see one of the ninja grinning smugly down at me. "Well, I wonder why the Akatsuki would find someone as pathetic as you worthwhile of their time?" His tone wasn't kind, it was mocking.

I put a pleasant note into my voice, cheerfully telling him, "You know, I told your leader he had a big nose. But boy...." I gave a low whistle, "You _definately_ win the golden trophey! That nose alone could shield you from anything! Sun, wind, rain!"

He snarled, top lip curling in anger, and he raised a hand that was about to come down and strike me. One moment he was standing there and the next he was suddenly gone, knocked away and replaced by a still calm and composed looking Itachi.

"You have excellent timing," I announced with a grin to him as he knelt down beside me, a clone of his taking over attacking the ninja who came towards us. With swift sharp blows to the dirt trapping my hands and legs, the earth broke away until I had movement enough to yank them out.

"HEY! BUBBLE!" I yelled at him when he flung up over his shoulder awkwardly.

He suddenly turned to swipe out at a sudden approaching figure. I shrieked, nearly falling right off his back. The clone disappeared in a poof of smoke again. "Give me warning next time damn you!"

Then I looked up and saw another figure coming towards the two of us. "Weasel! Ninja at your 5 o'clock!"

Itachi spun rapidly, nearly throwing me from his shoulder again and swiped out at the oncoming ninja, before leaping back out of the smoke. I shrieked when we reached the level of the tree canopy. It _was_ a long way to fall if Itachi lost his grip on me! It didn't help matters when at least a dozen of those ninja followed directly after us.

Itachi released his grip on me to perform a hand sign, pressing his fingers together close to his mouth so he could blow out his fireball jutsu. The flames licked their way around the ninja, but this time there was no poof of smoke. I couldn't help but draw in a sharp breath when I saw the ninja clutch at themselves, trying to bat out the flames that were already starting to char their skin. They screamed in agony, a sickening series of screams that turned my stomach over.

More ninja were coming towards us as gravity took it's toll and dragged us back towards the ground. Itachi performed more hand signs, letting loose more fireballs.

The rope at my wrists suddenly jerked sharply, and as Itachi veered right to dodge a series of kunai, the rope yanked me left and tore me off his shoulder. I gave a sharp yelp as I hit the ground, but soon enough another arm curled around me and hauled me up over their shoulder. The uncomfortable feeling of metal pressing into my stomach, pinching and scraping against my skin, meant that it wasn't Itachi or Kisame who had a hold of me now.

"YOUR IN MY PERSONAL BUBBLE!" I screamed, chucking my elbows back to collide with the side of the man's head. He grunted in pain, staggering slightly before both of us fell. I felt his heavy figure land on top of me as we both rolled along the ground, knocking breath from my lungs. Mustering up whatever strength I had, I kicked him off me, "Get off!!!"

As he was getting to his feet slowly, another person had a hold of me. The same nasty feeling of metal armour wrapped around my waist and hauled me up to my feet. The other ninja got to his feet, glaring at me for a second before performing a hand sign. In a puff of smoke, I gasped, seeing how he suddenly took on a new shape. A much more feminine shape. He was me!

"Oh my gosh, do I really look like that right now?!" I cried, seeing a girl filthy from days of travel and only a dip in a river as means of a bath. Brown hair stuck out at all sorts of angles, while dirt smeared almost any visible skin and clothes. If that was what I looked like right now, I had the appearance of being dragged backwards through ten thousand hedges, chucked in dirt and then sat in front of a giant fan.

The two ninja, one of them looking like my whacked out twin, both nodded to each other. The one nearest me untied the ropes around my wrists, throwing them to the other ninja resembling me. He bunched them in his hands so it looked like they were tied tightly around his wrists, giving the appearance that it really was me, before turning heel and running back into the mess of smoke and fighting. The other ninja tightened his grip on me, and I turned back to see a nasty snarl on his face. "Don't know why we're wasting time with you. Guess Kyriski will just order us to kill you once we kill these Akatsuki and return to camp."

"Sod off big nose." Yep that's right, he had a big nose as well. They must all be related. I noticed Kisame only a small distance away, "Fish man!" Yes I realised it was stupid to be calling out for help from someone who wanted to kill me from the moment he met me, but strangely I would rather have a chance to annoy him a little longer than go with these guys, who looked less fun to annoy. Aside from teasing them about their big noses.

His face turned and he spotted me. A cloud of smoke from a ninja clone he just destroyed wafted past suddenly, and the next moment I saw him, he was now focused on something else. He was still focused on me, but it was the wrong me. The other ninja posed as me was being 'attacked', heading off in the completley opposite direction. I tried to scream at him again, but a grip forced it's way around my throat.

"Don't think so princess. Say goodbye to your friends," the ninja hissed at me, "It's the last time you'll see them."

"Poor Whistler. He won't get to kill me after all," I sighed dramatically. Really I had no worry for either Itachi or Kisame.... it was the others who should have been worried for themselves... though I wasn't exactly in a very good position myself. The next thing was a clunk against the back of my neck, and an all too familiar dizziness as my eyesight began to blacken. "I hate ninja..."

* * *

"Owwwwwwwwwwww!" I moaned when I woke up to fuzzy blackness and yet another pounding headache. "WHY?! My head hurts enough! You guys can freaking stop knocking me out!!"

The men with their bongo drums were back again. This time they weren't just running a marathon. No, this time they were tap dancing in giant clunky shoes, bouncing up and down, beating their bloody bongo drums and one of them had the nerve to even bring out the GONG! Just wait until I got my hands on them....

"She's awake," came a harsh voice from my left, and I cracked open my eyes a little more to dull lighting. Plus my hands had been rebound, this time behind my back and to what appeared to be a pole. Meh, it was a change from a tree for once.

The voice belonged to one of those ninja dressed in that whacked out armour, and with a giant corker of a nose. Either they were all related, or to be part of this metal-squad you needed to have a supersized nose. Well, to enter some gangs the people had to be tattooed. In this case, likely they had to inject growth hormones into their nose. The world is strange is it not?

"Darn right I'm awake! Now do me a favour, and let me go! Or at the very least, bring me some stupid painkillers for my headache!"

The ninja near me untied the ropes, hauling me up to my feet, "Come with me."

"Is that an option? Or is it a 'come with me or I drag you', because I've been getting that a lot over the past few days and it's really starting to bug me."

The glare told me to stay quiet and just follow. So I rolled my eyes and held out my arm, "Lead the way then, _grand nez_." Big nose. He stared for a moment, curious and suspicious by the giant grin on my face, but ultimately he could do nothing about it. So he just pushed me out the door.

"By the way, how did weasel and fish hold up against you guys?" After I moment, I had to rephrase with "Itachi" and "Kisame" instead so he could understand.

He didn't respond to that either. So I grinned, "Ah, they kicked your butts. Fair enough, I can see why you wouldn't want to talk about it."

I was really liking my hand movement again, without them being bound together. After rubbing them to rid the sore redness that ran around my wrists, I started to stare about me. It took me a while to notice as we navigated a few corridors that I had to be somewhere within an old home. So old that it was actually made out of stone. The crumbled parts that occasionally appeared, accompanied by the dreary drone of the wind that whistled past my ears and overall rugged appearance did tell me that these were likely ruins somewhere, and a temporary set up. Which was neither helpful nor unhelpful. It just sort of settled something in my mind, though what I had no idea. Actually it made me feel like a kidnapped princess who had terrible hygeine.

What really showed me how old the place was that there were vines growing along the walls, edging their way along like creeping insects. The dark green leaves clustered around thick bunches of bright red berries, all contrasting against the dark stone walls.

"Ah! Cool!" I yelled, picking a couple of berries.

"Don't," the ninja told me before I could scoff any. "The juice contains a drug that will knock you out for hours. It would be terribly inconvinient for us."

I frowned, "Darn," and was forced to drop the berries. I didn't exactly want to drop down asleep again. I hated how often I seemed to be unconscious lately. So instead I continued to stare with fascination at the walls around me. Light streaming in from the outside windows told me it was near late evening.

I was busy staring up at the stone walls enclosing me in, turning my head down to look forward at the exact second the ninja stopped walking. I collided into him, and it was way worse than colliding with the manorexic pole of a weasel, because this guy was wearing armour! "Blooming heck!" I cried, rubbing my forehead where it met with the metal surface.

He showed no signs of caring, instead just shoving me through the doorway he had stopped in front of. Waiting inside the room was a whole bunch of others, each dressed the same and...you guessed it, all of hem had giant noses. There was a wierd symbol marked on some sort of flag that had been temporarily pinned up on the wall behind them; a sort of spiralling squiggle. Honestly they should have a giant nose as their symbol.

They all stared at me through narrowed eyes. "Gee," I muttered, as I was shoved in front of them all, "Well ain't this just the cheeriest welcome to the S.O.G.N.N!"

"S.O.G.N.N?" one of them asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Society of _Grand Nez_ Ninjas," I replied promptly, appearing innocently professional.

They looked at each other, not bothering to try decipher my french. The leader, Kyriski, was the one heading them all. He leant in towards me, "What is your name, girl?"

"Krissy."

"Well, Krissy. Unless you wish to die a most painful death, I suggest you co-operate with us."

"Define co-operate," I said.

He leant forward and rested his chin on his clasped hands, "The two Akatsuki members you were with kidnapped you."

"Yes, and they wiped the floor with you didn't they?"

He scowled, "Understand your position here and keep that mouth shut." I clamped my mouth closed, galring at him when he started to talk again. "They were victorious this time around, yes. But the only reason they would partake in something such as kidnapping a mere citizen like you would mean you hold information that they desire. We want that information, and we will kill you if you do not tell us."

"Gees, again with the whole kidnap-then-kill-for-information! I don't know anything okay?!" I yelled at him.

"I suggest you think of something useful to tell us," Kyriski said, clicking his fingers. About a dozen kunai were suddenly aiming at where I stood, while he continued in a completley uninterested voice, "Or we shall just kill you here."

"That will make a mess," I muttered. "Fine, okay! I'll tell you what I know!"

He looked pleased. "Go ahead."

"Okay." I held out my hands and began to count things off on my fingers as I went. "Well, Kisame hates being called names. Sushi-man, Whistler, blue-boy, anything with fish in general, he doesn't like. He also hates being pushed in the water, and singing songs around him are a big no-no. Or keeping him awake at night for long periods of time. He snores too....well whistles as he snores." I paused, "Oh! Biting his fingers when he feeds you is also not a way to keep him happy. Or splattering him with food." I tilted my head, "Plus he seems really attached to his sunhat-on-steroids."

I had run out of fingers by that time, and moved onto my next victim. "Itachi is a lot harder to annoy. If you flick rocks at him for an extended period of time it gets his attention though. Plus calling him weasel and keeping him awake at night irks him. Guess even big bad ninja's like their beauty sleep don't they? He also doesn't like it when you try knee him in the crotch, or stick your elbows into a sore place in his back."

I grinned, "Also, Itachi is very secretive about his shampoo brand, and Kisame wears bright green underwear"

There was a long moment of pause, before Kyriski held out his hand and motioned, "Anything you might have forgotten to tell us?"

I could tell he was being sarcastic, but that didn't stop me. "Yes. Both of them hate hugs! So if you want to take them down in the future, run and hug them first! It will throw them off."

They all appeared to be speechless. Maybe it was part respect because of the fact that I had managed to discover all this information by myself and live through my own stupid actions to lead to these discoveries. The other part was annoyance that it really was absolutely nothing of any use that they were expecting to get out of me.

"As amusing as that was," Kyriski raised his hand and clicked his fingers again. A second later there was a sharp bite of metal into my left shoulder, and I gave a pained gasp. I felt the warm dribble of blood already begin to soak down into my practically ruined shirt. "You freaking psycho! Why the hell did you freaking throw a kunai at me?!" I screamed at him, clutching to the throbbing wound on my shoulder.

Kyriski spoke, "Take her back to the cells. Lock her in, with no food and no water. We'll see if she talks by morning," his sadistic grin grew, "And if she doesn't, then she will severley regret that decision."

"For the love of hats-on-steroids! How many times do I have to tell you that I don't know anything?! Can't you BNN's, weasel or fish-man get that through your thick skulls?!"

"BNN's?" They looked confused, and peered at me for the answer. I replied with an overly sweet tone in my voice, "Ah, that's a piece of information that is of no use to you, so I shall not tell you."

Kyriski's eyes narrowed, and he spat, "I suggest for your own good, Krissy, then you find something useful to tell us by morning. Or that injury will feel like a gentle pinprick compared to the pain I will have inflicted upon you."

"Sadistic BNN," I muttered, feeling someone clasp a hand around my shoulder. The same shoulder that still had a kunai sticking out of it, though the movement jerked it loose. It clattered to the floor, and they began to haul me away again before I had a chance to grab it and turn it on them. Like that was going to happen. Chances were if I got my hand on a weapon then I would injure myself more than the enemy.

They shoved me back in a different room to the one I was in before. This one was darker, with one window providing all the light in the entire room. I heard the clack of something bolt outside, though I didn't remember seeing any bolts on the door. Chakra most likely, so I wouldn't be breaking down the door in a hurry. The walls were solid stone as well, so I couldn't kick them down or break through either. There was a tiny little window about fifteen feet above the floor, out of jumping reach for someone like me. Darn, there goes Plan A of escape. Plan B was sit here and ride out my time with the BNN's as I had with weasel and fish-man/sushi-man/whistler/blue-boy; basically annoy the crap outta them until something happened.

Another one of those winding vines with the red berries clung to the walls, and my stomach began to grumble. If I ate the berries though then I would likely be knocked out for the next few hours, and that really didn't appeal to me as much as a slight pang of hunger. I plucked myself a good handful anyway, storing them in the pocket on the leg of my trousers. If I really needed to eat, at least I'd have these.

Massaging the wound the kunai had given me, I sort of began to miss said weasel and fish-man. At the very least when I annoyed them they hadn't actually inflicted any sort of harm onto me. Well truthfully Kisame would have ripped out my innards for the buzzards long ago if he had the chance, so technically I had to thank Itachi for the fact no matter how much I annoyed them I was uninjured by their hands. Wow.... if I ever saw him again, I must give him a hug for it. I wondered where they were at this very moment in time.

Musing to myself, I stared up at the window far above my head where I sat. Slowly the light from a dying evening sun faded into the pale blue of a moon, the light trickling in and dappling across the stone floor in a sliver resembling a wriggling worm on the ground. I stretched my neck back, noticing the crumbled pieces of the wall. Could they be used as foot and hand holds I wondered?

Bing bing! LIGHTBULB! Idea!

I stood, attempting to try and grip within the broken bits of rock. Then cautiously I took a step upwards, trying to cling to the wall. I slipped the first couple of times. Landing on my butt for the tenth time, I flopped backwards and screamed, "Duncewad of a wall!" Then I kicked it. The pain that instantly shot through my foot told me that it wasn't the brightest thing I could of done.

"Alright wall. We've established you don't like me, and I don't like you. The sooner we can co-operate and get this over with though, the sooner we no longer have to put up with each other. So..." I held my hand out to the wall, "Do we have a deal to co-operate for the short time until I escape?" It didn't reply, but I pressed my palm flat against the cold stone, "Right, it's sealed, so don't you dare cross me wall!" Wow... I really _was_ losing it!

I clutched into the handholds and footholds, slowly yanking my body weight upwards. I almost slipped a few times, but like a snail I made my way upwards, reaching ever so much closer to the little window above. If I could just reach that ledge, then I could wriggle through, climb down and then begin a mad dash to freedom.

Clamping my hand down on the ledge by the window was one of the most relieving achievements of my life! I hauled myself up, congratulating myself on scaling a practically flat stone wall.

Then I saw what was outside the window.

There was empty ground below the window, no guards in sight which was definately a good thing. Surrounding that was about two hundred metres of thick trees and shrubbery, no problem whatsoever. But beyond that was going to a nightmare, because there was at least eight hundred metres of an open lake, leading to what looked like to me a distant shore filled with yet more trees. The whole area was pretty rugged and wild, suggesting that we were in practically the middle of nowhere. Those BNN's liked to make things difficult for their kidnapees didn't they?

That wasn't even the worst problem. Swimming at my pace in open water in likely plain view to anyone who looked down wasn't the main concern at this point. No... the main concern was the fact the ground was at least a five storey drop to the ground below. I gulped. This wasn't going to end well, was it?

I patted the wall, "Okay wall, remember we have an agreement. Let me reach the ground safely, and you shall never have to hear from me again, okay?"

There was no response as I slid myself over the edge, feeling gravity take it's toll on my legs as I lowered them trying to find some suitable foot holds. Once my feet were secured, I lowered my hands until they were clutching tightly onto the ledge of the window. I scuttled down a few feet, taking it nice and slow in case my foot slipped. It really was a long way to fall without ninja legs.

I wasn't doing too badly actually. Inwardly I grinned to myself. This wasn't so bad!

Stupid jinxes. Stupid Murphey and his bloody laws! As soon as I had begun to think that, I heard someone shout, "Look, up there!"

Less that a few moments later, kunai crashed into the stone around me. Two hit me, one in the back of the my left arm only a few inches from the last wound, and the other grazed by the bottom of my ribs, sharp enough to still cause a deep enough cut but barely missing skewering me. I shrieked as another few nearly took my fingers off, withdrawing my hand very quickly to avoid severe fingers loss. Unfortunately that was also the moment I realised I had just let go of the wall. "Le shitake," I spat before my footing slipped and I began a rapid descent five stories to the ground below with a single shriek.

* * *

**Now I know you guys are probarbly wondering where Itachi and Kisame are right now after giving Kisame the lovely V drink..... well uh....**

**Kisame: CAFFFEEEINNNNEEE!!!! SUUUUGGGAAARRRR!!!!! MORE MORE MORE MORE MORE!!! I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts!! de de de de ! here they are standing in a row! big ones, small ones, some as big as your HEADD!!!!! *jumps off the walls***

**Itachi: *eye twitches repeatedly* *picks up cellphone and dials number* is this Sasuke? good.... COME AND KILL ME NOWWWWW!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!**

**Me: Itachi *taps him on shoulder* you look a little tired *avoids his evil glare* *hands him plastic bottle of drink* here.... it's soothing herbal water, good for stress....**

**Itachi: *gulps entire bottle down* *freezes*..... this isin't herbal water is it?**

**Me: Nope... hehe, it's 37% vodka I filled into a plastic bottle.... I've always wanted to see a drunk Uchiha prodigy....**

**Itachi: I hate you....**

**Me: Tell me something new...**

**So you guys know I like reviews.... reviews earn you another chapter.... where you get to see what happens to a drunk Uchiha when he's not working in the story.... LOL..... the curse of alcohol!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA**


	8. FishyBacks and Fights

**Yo ho! Hows everyone doing?! I am so bored, theres like barely anything for me to do but write.. and write... and write! Which is a good thing too isin't it? Currently I'm working one three stories... two fanfics and an original! Yay!! ^-^**

**So uh.... I didn't feel like this was the funniest chapter in the world.... and I like giving people humour... so I'm going to post two chapters at once! Also, think of it as an extra because I'm going to be jetting off on a Leadership course for a week.... I'm so going to be a hyperactive terror! So ugh! Enjoy two posts!**

**And yes... I am aware that all of you have probarbly been hanging out waiting to see a drunk Uchiha prodigy.... I was looking forward to seeing that too! But uh.... well I um... I don't think it was the wisest thing to have done... Remember how bad Kisame was on sugar..... Yeah times that by and you have a drunk Itachi Uchiha! He's um.... he's like a second much MUCH more hyper Tobi.... *twitches***

**Itachi: *giant goofy grin* OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!! ITS A THING!! *hops around* QUE SERA SERA!! WHATEVER WILL BE WILL BE!!! THE FUTURES NOT OURS TO SEE!! UNLESS YOR A THREE HEADED MAMMOTH COME FROM THE PAST TO BE CLONED AND EATEN BY ALIENS!!!! O.O ALIENS!!! MWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH**

***skipping around***

**Me: *eye twitch* he's been like that for the last few days, hasn't slept once, only bounced off the walls and sang songs and gone mental.... dear goodness I made a terrible mistake!!!!!.... or did I? *evil grin* Itachi... *hands him another plastic bottle filled with drink***

**Itachi: I is a happy happy happy free flying bluebird with a pitchfork!!!**

**Me: Yes you are... now drink little drunk Uchiha... *to dear readers* he's going to love it when he finally wakes up with the hangover of the decade!  
**

* * *

It's amazing you know. When your falling a distance that will bring you to certain death, time seems to slow down a little. As if to laugh at you, and make fun of the incredibly short time you have left by slowing it down so you can freak out just that little bit more. You know, get the time to go through that whole 'life flash before your eyes' thing. Well my life hadn't been all that long, and these last few days were probarbly the exciting highlight of them all.... in a whacked out sense.

I was falling one second, and the next I struck something hard. It didn't feel like the ground though, and I was most definately still alive. No, I had just fallen in a pair of outstretched arms.

Snapping my eyes onto the person, I half expected to be clobbered by some giant nose dangling down in front of my face. However instead I found a pair of onyx eyes, and a most familiar blank expression. "Weasel!" I cried happily, chucking my arms out widely in a welcoming movement, which made it very difficult for him not to drop me as he landed softly on the ground again. A sharp pain ripped up my side from the wound across my ribs and I switched to shouting, "OWIES!"

Placing me on my feet on the ground, I did exactly what I had told myself I would do if I ever got to see him again. "Hello again!" I said in a shrill, high voice, and wrapped my arms about him in a hug, before groaning, "Owies again." Releasing him a second later, I grinned widely, giving him a little military salute, "You really do have the most excellent timing you know."

I then peeked over his shoulder, seeing half a dozen BNN's were heading for us. "AH! Look out! BNN's coming up behind you!"

He turned, raising a leg and kicking out against the oncoming enemies. I watched in an open mouthed amazment as he took down every single one of them using only reflexes, clever dodges and very very strong kicks. He kicked like a mule!

"Good job," I told him when he stood still again, surveying the unconscious ninja at his feet. "Those BNN's didn't stand a chance did they?"

"BNN's?" His monotonous voice sounded both a little curious and interested in finding out what nickname I had given these guys, for once.

"Big Nosed Ninja's, of course. Between you and me, I think they are either related or they inject something to make their noses grow when they enter into the gang."

I could barely believe it when the corners of his lips actually pulled upwards into something that sort of resembled a smile! "Oh my gawd! Itachi Uchiha, are you smiling?!"

A form suddenly landed directly behind me. I couldn't help but shriek when I spun around to see who it was. A cold hand was clamped down on my mouth. "Shut it."

I yanked Kisame's hand away from my mouth and launched a hug at him too. "Fish-man! Your here too!"

"Unfortunately," was his reply, to which I pouted.

"You missed me really." Accompanied with a stick out of the tongue. He rolled his eyes at that.

The grand reunion was cut short by a loud blast that began to rock the ground. I had to jump when it split out underneath me, forming a huge crack up along the side of the castle. Rocks tumbled from above, not enough to send the castle toppling but enough that it majorly unnerved me to be standing in the same place I was in for very long. Even with non-ninja eyes, I could also see a swarm of the armoured BNN's making their way towards us, some of them armed with what looked like very nasty swords to cross blades with.

"Kisame, you take Krissy," Itachi ordered as he performed a hand sign. Pressing his fingers together, he blew out a perfect fireball towards the oncoming BNN's. They ducked out the way of it, but it slowed them down enough for Kisame to remove Samehada from his back, stripping it of the bandages as he stared down at me with a very mixed expression. There was reluctance mostly, but he sighed with a _'if I must, I must' _sort of look on his face.

"Get on my back."

"What?" I asked him.

"Get. On. My. Back." He repeated through gritted teeth, as if the first time was humiliating enough. He turned, bending down a little so I would be able to climb up onto his giant billboard of a back. This guy would be great as advertising space, really he would. You could fit hundreds on his back!

I really didn't want to be piggy backed out of this, but there was a grip on the back of my shirt and Itachi had lifted me up so I had no choice but to grab onto the billboard fish back. As soon as he was sure I was on, Kisame took off at top speed. I was forced to cling tightly to his coat to stop the wind sweeping me off. Kisame raised Samehada, holding it out the way with one hand and fending off ninja with the other. Itachi took care of majority who came towards us, but the few that slipped through Kisame easily took care of by chucking a few kunai with his spare hand to put them off. Majority disappeared in a poof of smoke, but Kisame was moving around too much for me to see everything that was happening. Every so often though i would see a flash of blood and an agonized cry would turn my stomach over.

The smoke cleared suddenly for a moment as the wind picked up and tossed it away, and I peered over the giant shoulders of Kisame in order to see what was happening. More ninja had arrived to join those who were still standing after their fight with the two Akatsuki so far. These were different though. They didn't wear armour like the others, though they were donned in uniforms and headbands with the same squiggly pattern that I had named as the emblem of the S.O.G.N.N. and trademarks of BNN's. They were also a lot scrawnier than the others.

Kisame's shoulders shook, though it took me a few seconds to realise he was laughing. "What's so funny fish? I seem to think they have us most well outnumbered..." I told him.

Kisame didn't reply though, having no time as the ninja suddenly leapt for them. His feet left the land all of a sudden, jumping high up into the air into order to escape the attack from another ninja. When a kunai struck that ninja, he disappeared in a poof of smoke like all the others, right beside us where I got a good lungful of it. "Gee, these guys are going to give themselves second hand smoke with all those clones..." I choked, coughing and hacking on the smoke I inhaled.

He came back down with a light step and began running. I did happen to notice the fact that it was atop the surface of the shimmering lake, which made me of course cling even tighter to his shoulders, because if I fell off then I would sink unlike him.

The others followed close behind us, and Kisame stopped to press his palm to the surface of the water. Fountains spurted up from the clear surface of the water, spiralling into the air before wrapping around the enemy ninja and dragging them below the surface. The spiralling column of water swept out across the surface, forcing back anyone trying to follow behind us.

Something suddenly hooked around my neck; the scratching feel of rope that yanked against my windpipe and choked me before dragging me backwards off Kisame's back. Hitting the water was like a thousand needles jamming into my skin at once. The cold was terrible, biting at me with icy force that numbed any exposed skin almost instantly. Usually I would have just been able to swim back up, even with a body numb and shivering in icy water, but the rope that was hooked around my neck kept dragging me down away from the surface.

The air in my lungs was almost gone, and I started to panic. Truthfully I probarbly should have been dead days ago, but I still didn't want to die! Especially not freezing cold with water flooding into my lungs.

The tension on the rope suddenly jerked before it slacked as something cut the line. The water around me shifted, something brushing by my leg making me squeal, which wasn't exactly the best of things considering as soon as I opened my mouth water began to flood inside. I felt what seemed to be an arm close around me and haul me up, although in the darkness of the water I couldn't be all too certain. I actually didn't know if I was being dragged to the surface or further down, but the growing light told me it had to be towards the surface.

As soon as my head broke free of the water I must have hacked up about two litres worth of the stuff from my lungs, hardly able to even keep myself bobbing on the surface. Turning, I saw the bright white fangs of what didn't look like something friendly from this angle. "AHHH FUDGLES!" was the first thing that came to mind, and I had no ability to stop myself screaming. "IT'S A THING!!"

A roll of eyes told me exactly who it was, though overall I still didn't have faith that since this was Kisame and he had come to rescue me, in this form he really did look like he would chomp down on me. "You eat me fish-man and I'm going to beat your insides to Timbuck-too."

Another arm closed about me, hauling me right out of the water and scooping me up like I was some sort of drowning kitten. I can't say I was particuarly happy to be held bridal style by Itachi of all people, but currently his arms were the only thing stopping me from falling right back into the freezing cold, ice box water, so I didn't dare complain.

"Should I just eliminate them all?" Kisame growled in a half gurgled voice from the water.

"No. Only those who cross your path."

Something shot past us, and Itachi spun while raising a leg to kick out at the oncoming man, which happened to be one of the armoured ones. His foot connected directly in his chest with a loud clunk of metal. I winced at the sound of a crack, and I was pretty sure it wasn't just the joints of the armour the ninja was wearing.

More appeared, this time the ones that were not wearing the armour. The strangest thing was that whenever one leapt at us with a weapon held high and a pathetic little battle cry, I could see utter terror in their faces as they did so. Itachi kicked every single one of them away, and they landed in the water only to pull themselves back out of it injured and then stubbornly launch another useless attack. I couldn't understand it!

Kisame growled in his half gurgled voice, "You would think they would be smarter than to send the new recruits after the Akatsuki. Fools." I froze at that. No wonder Kisame had laughed. Why would the S.O.G.N.N. send _newbies_ to fight the Akatsuki when they had legions of stronger ninja in the castle somewhere? No wonder these guys looked scared out their wits coming in to attack! It was like sending a baby up against freaking Godzilla in a wrestling match!

Itachi's eyes trailed towards the bank of the water nearest to the castle, where dark shapes were beginning to come into view as more ninja slowly began to appear. These ones were all armoured too, I could tell by the wink of light against the metal protection. Itachi then turned his head towards the dark trees on the others side of the stretch of water, where the new recruits were gathering in a line ready to attack.

"They are a diversion, meant to slow us down until their real fighters reach us." Itachi looked down at Kisame. "We do not want an unnecessary fight. Retreat. Kill all those who are in the way and make sure none follow us."

It clicked in my head exactly what he was saying. At that point then I didn't give a stuff if I would get dropped in the water again for doing this. He was ordering Kisame to kill off newbie recruits, when he knew damn well they wouldn't be able to hold up against him for a second. I raised my hand and beat it down onto his chest as hard as I could muster, "**Don't you freaking dare kill them Weasel!" **

He turned his head and his coal black eyes glared down at me. I felt myself shrink back a little. He was angry... more than that. He looked absolutely more furious than I had ever thought I would see him, almost enough to probarbly change his mind and order Kisame to eat me now. But though I might have become a little more wary of him, I kept my face firm and folded my arms, meeting his glare with my own.

The water Itachi stood on was starting to shake around, creating a surface likewise to trying to stand on jelly. He whipped his head around, "Kisame, go."

Kisame shrank underneath the water, slipping away in a blur beneath the surface like a bullet towards a bunch of ninja who were beginning to race across the surface of the water towards us. In a burst of waves and spray he appeared below them, and columns of water raised up to crush themselves around the men. Itachi started to run, eyes checking from side to side to see more ninja coming up around the edges. He shifted me further up his arms so he could perform a hand jutsu, and soon enough there were a few Itachi's. The real one with me in his arms, and clones that were instead pulling kunai and ninja stars from the inside of their cloak.

The clone Itachi's chucked a couple of the kunai, each of them striking directly into the new ninja's who were coming towards them. I was hoping they would disappear in a poof of smoke, but instead all that happened was the metal biting down into their skin at the well placed positions on their bodies, and the sudden flow of blood accompanied by painful screams. Each of them that was hit dropped, sinking below the water.

Watching on in horror, I beat my hands on Itachi's chest again, "Stop it! You don't need to kill them! Just sharingan them or something!" I looked back to see his clones throw a few more kunai and ninja stars, while the real one appeared intent on ignoring me. "Damn you weasel, stop it!! They can't match against you and you know it!" I started to whack him on the chest again.

"They would die anyway if they do not follow orders to attempt to take us down. They would also be happy to kill you," he growled in his monotonous voice, which didn't seem to be possible but it was. His eyes flickered down to me again, "Strike me again and I would be content to let them."

"Jerk." Though my voice may have been pretty strong and full of venom at that point, the rest of me didn't feel as brave when seeing more and more of the ninja fall into the water, the clear blue crystalline surface staining with red. My stomach flipped over, and I was so glad I hadn't eaten anything for a long while. Hearing their screams would have only made me heave anything back up, though at least it could have been over Itachi.

The Itachi clone performed a hand justu, pressing his fingers together close to his lips and blew out a long fireball jutsu. The flames caught around the men, and despite the fact they were all running on water, none of them were able to escape the burning as the flames wrapped their way around them. There came a rancid smell of charred meat, and more screams that combined to make me dizzy with disgust. I could catch the glimpses of horror, pain and utter terror in their eyes as Itachi kept attacking them, who was still racing forward through them like they were mere ants to crush beneath his heel.

Foolishly more ran towards us though, and Itachi's clones performed the fire hand sign again. I raised a fist again, beating it down once more against Itachi's chest, "Stop it! You don't have to kill them, just knock them out!!" It was no good though as the area lit up in the red-orange shades of fire, and my hand fell limp on his chest. "Please stop it Itachi," I said, grabbing a bunch of his black and red cloud patterned cloak, pressing my face into his chest. It wasn't something I really wanted to do, but I just couldn't stand to watch him kill any more people, even if those people would be plenty happy to kill _me_. They were just recruits for goodness sake though! They couldn't hold up against him!

I didn't know what Itachi was thinking at that point, but he said nothing. He was still running, and though I couldn't see anything I felt him leap into the air and land a moment later on what was definately more solid ground. The screams shrank into an echo in the distance, but I still didn't remove my face from his thick cloak. There came a crash and shudder of the earth, something I could only assume was Kisame trying to hold off the more experienced ninja that tried to follow us. In my mind i could still see the fire catching it's way around the ninja, and my stomach heaved over yet again. Oddly enough it was comforting with my face pressed against Itachi's cloak, and I could feel his heart beat, which was incredibly surprising because part of me had thought that both the fact he was an anime character and also his whole 'against the world' vibe would mean he wouldn't have a heart.

I had been oddly happy when the two Akatsuki members had first appeared to take me away from the psycho BNN's. Now I had been hit smack in the face with reality of just who it was I was a prisonner of once again. Both of them had just killed a bunch of basically helpless young men, who would have been killed if they didn't at least try to take them down. They had no choice but to throw their lives into the fight, and both Kisame and Itachi had been quite calm about sparing them no mercy. I couldn't help but feel that even though they would have killed me if they could... it was just so wrong! Cold hearted slaughter. And I had never felt more furious and angry in all my life.

I heard another set of footsteps join us, and Itachi asked, "Any problems?"

Kisame's voice chuckled, "None." A pause, before, "What's with her?"

"I get freaking motion sick you murdering sons of britches!" I screamed into Itachi's chest. It was a lie, but it was much better than admitting I was actually feeling slightly comfortable where I was. That only made me feel even worse though, and I mentally slapped myself.

He grunted something I didn't hear, but neither of them slowed down. The wind continued to whip past me as they ran at their unnatural speed, which didn't help the fact that I was soaking wet and freezing my touche off. Soon enough I was shivering like there was no tomorrow. Time passed, at least an hour, before Itachi finally slowed down to a stop. As soon as he had stopped I yanked my head up to view the surroundings. "Forest again, oh j-j-joy," I muttered sarcastically through chattering teeth, glad at least that my attitude had returned. I kicked and flailed around, yelling at Itachi, "N-n-now p-put me down y-you murdering r-r-runt of a weasel!"

He obliged, moving one arm to lower me to my feet. In doing so, and seeing how he wasn't expecting it, he couldn't stop my hand that came around and cracked across his cheek, snapping his head sideways. "That's f-for not listening and mu-murdering those people! They never s-stood a chance, and y-you kn-knew it!! Y-you slaughtered them!!"

The movement jarred my ribs, which were aching badly and set off a pulse of agony. "F-fudge! OW!" I took a few steps back from Itachi, pressing my hand against my ribs and feeling more warm liquid seep out. I was still bleeding? Not good. "Dammit! Can t-t-tonight get any w-worse?!" I sat on the ground, hunched over with my arm wrapped around my ribs to try stop the bleeding. At the same time my teeth were chattering wildly, not helping me avoid jarring the injury. I was completley trying to ignore the fact that both Itachi and Kisame were standing less than a few feet away from me.

Itachi calmly stated as knelt down next to me, "If they had not fought us then Kyriski would have executed them."

Kisame grinned, "Yeah, you could say we did them a favour! Die quickly by our hand, or face torture and punishment for failing as new recruits once we escaped anyway."

I glared at him, "Your a s-s-sick twisted fish..." Then my eyes fell back on Itachi who was kneeling beside me as he pulled something out from within his cloak. It looked like bandages. He then shrugged off his cloak and held them both out to me. I stared at him with wide eyes. "I slap y-you and y-you g-g-give me bandages and y-your cloak? Gees, y-y-you really _are_ s-s-screwed up!" I raised my leg and tried to kick it out towards him, "Go away!" When my kick didn't reach him I held my leg in the air, flailing it around as if willing him to walk into it before dropping it. "Just bog off!"

"Oh dear, what's happened to the tiny ball of annoying joy?" Kisame asked mockingly, kneeling down beside me.

Despite the fact he had just seen the same thing happen to an unprepared Itachi, and likely should have seen it coming, Kisame still didn't manage to avoid my hand sharply whacking him across his cheek. I gave a rather surprised and mocking, "Heh." Unlike Itachi though, Kisame gave me a real response. His hand grabbed the front of my shirt and slammed me into a nearby tree so hard that I felt the base of the trunk snap. If he slammed me into that tree again then I had no doubt it would break in half, his face close to mine and growling from his throat through clenched teeth.

"Phew, f-fish breath.... stinks...."

"Do you want me to kill you?!"

"Sure... add m-me t-t-o y-your slaughter list f-for the night.... stinky breath..." I glared.

"Would you really like me to rip that lovely little voice box from your throat?!" He said through clenched teeth.

What's wrong f-f-fishie?" I smirked at him, even though I was shaking. "Weren't you th-the ones who c-came to get m-me?"

His eye twitched, and he released my shirt. "Why the hell did we ever do something so stupid? You aren't even grateful to the fact we came to rescue you." I coughed *_re-kidnap_* which made him scowl. "The information you have is probarbly not worth this headache!"

_Yay me, I've just been re-kidnapped for the information again!_ I was so pissed it just wasn't funny anymore. I hated it when people died, especially seeing carnage almost every day on the news all over the world. Tonight had just been another load of carnage. "Gees, s-seriously you gu-guys need a h-hobby other th-th-than killing. Like knitting! K-knit yourself a n-nice woolly hat! But s-seeing how k-killing seems to be all y-your good at, do m-me a f-f-favour and t-t-take your bandages a-and cloak," I chucked them back at Itachi, "Now shove 'em up wh-where the s-sun don't s-s-shine, and let me b-bleed to d-d-death in a corner, or d-die of hypothermia if y-you please. Whichever comes f-f-first."

"We cannot oblige with that."

"Why the hell n-not?!" I growled at Itachi, throwing my arms up before grunting in pain. "Why would y-you care if I'm b-bleeding or f-f-freezing?"

"Because the only way I see us obtaining any information from you is through a Mind Transfer Jutsu. The only one who can perform this though is back at Headquarters, and I am certain would prefer it if the body they are invading is not near the point of death." Itachi said it so clamly that it shut me up for a minute, staring at him with disbelieving eyes.

This was wonderful. So I had only been kept in good health so far because it would be easier on _them _if I was uninjured. They didn't care a squat about how I felt about it, thought that really didn't surprise me.

"S-should have f-f-figured s-s-omething of the sort." Scowling, I then said, "Well w-whatever y-y-you do, I d-d-don't care." I pointed at Kisame, "G-go choke on s-some air f-f-fishstick, and y-you," I glared at Itachi, "If y-your so intent on b-being so g-g-good willed then g-go back to Konoha and t-tell your b-brother the t-truth b-b-before he turns into a revenge cr-crazed loony!"

His eyes widened for a second in surprise, before darkening and narrowing. Our eyes shot daggers at each other for a moment. Kisame just looked at Itachi from the corner of his eye, "Itachi, what does she--?"

Itachi didn't respond to the question, replying only with one of his own while cutting his associate off, "Kisame do we have any rope left?"

"No."

"Haha, guess y-you can't t-t-tie me up t-tonight!" _BLAST THIS INFURIATING TEETH CHATTER!_ Curling up into a little ball, knees tucked against my chin, I announced, "If I'm, t-to remain b-being kidnapped b-b-y y-you then I refuse to s-sleep tied up anymore! I'm cold, I'm t-tired, s-s-so if you t-two have n-no objections I'm going to s-sleep. G-good night!"

It appeared neither of them had any objections to me being silent for once. I was now feeling utterly drained of any energy after tonight. I kept replaying those horrid scenes over and over in my head, unable to make them stop. I could understand it had been necessary in order to escape that we got rid of the barrier of the newbie ninjas, and killing them had been the obvious and easiest way... but still... I had a sense of justice, and tonight was just carnage.

By tomorrow I was sure I would be mostly back to my old annoying self, because it would be the only thing that would make me feel better rather than as depressed as I was now. Until then, I tried to fight off the cold and horrid images, and fall asleep.

I must have been at about the point of almost being unconscious when I felt a sharp sting from my ribs. Sitting bolt upright, I remembered seeing a hazy red and then everything turning to a fuzzy colour, then getting the sort of feeling you get when the doctor gives you that gas that sends your brain screwy while he cuts you open or jabs needles into you. There were a few sharp pains from my ribs and the wounds on my left arm, before I was moving again. Something warm draped over the top of me.

It smelled nice. I couldn't place it, but it just did. It was also comfortably warm, and considering I was still shivering this was most definately welcome. I didn't know what it was. Part of me thought it was my mother who had come into my room and found I'd kicked the blankets off me yet again, and simply draped them back over me. I hugged the blankets tightly, snuggling down into them and letting myself slide back to sleep.

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**As I said at the beginning, it wasn't the funniest chapter in the world! I wonder how many of you figured BNN's? I had at least one smart cookie figure it!!! HAHAHA**

**REVIEW!!! *_* I command by the powers of a drunk Uchiha!**

**Though there is another chapter coming.... you can wait.... maybe.... *brain meltdown* *plays elevator music* **

**sigh**


	9. Weasel Interrogation and Wrinkles

**Itachi: HAHAHA! Evil author has been silenced this time around!!! I... the GREAT KING ITACHI.... LORD OF THE MARSHMALLOWS!!! have banished her away from my sight and the computer! She shall never return!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH**

**Me: *walks in* ITACHI! get off the computer!!! **

**Itachi: *points finger* YOU!!! I banished you!**

**Me: No... I went to go get a nice drink of water..... by the way, what are you wearing on your head?**

**Itachi: It's my crown of ultimate kingliness!**

**Me: It's a toilet seat.... -_-.....**

**Kisame: FRIEEEEEENNNNNDDD!!!! (me:oh sh*t) *runs at Itachi and lunges***

**Itachi: FLYING SEAFOOD!!!! *lunges* !!!!**

***CRASH***

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Waking up wasn't as cosy as going to sleep. Something poked me in the arm. Hard. As soon as that happened it drew me out of slumber and into awareness, like I was aware to the fact even in early morning drowsiness that if I didn't wake up instantly, I was going to get...

"**GET UP!!**"

"**FISH! BOG. OFF. NOW!!**" I raised my foot ready to kick out at him, then discovered two things. One: he was out of my range, and when I tried to extend my foot to that range I only stretched my wound and sent myself into a whole world of hurt. The second: there seemed to be a large black cloak patterned with red clouds blocking my ability to kick as well as I could. For a moment I stared at it stunned, before my eyes trailed up to a large blue skinned person who was grinning evilly at me. I seemed to notice that the fish in person I was currently staring at did indeed have his cloak on... which left only one other option....

"AHHHHHHHHHH! WEASEL GERMS!" I hauled the cloak off me as fast as I could, the memories of how comfortable I had suddenly been last night when something warm draped over me reappearing in my mind. Oh I had NOT been comfy sleeping in Itachi Uchiha's cloak! No way! Nuh-uh!

Itachi calmly walked over to where I had flung his cloak on the ground, picking it up and gently dusting it off. I glared at him, "You are a cheater, mister. You waited until I was almost asleep..." I remembered the flash of red, "And you sharinganified me again didn't you!?" I yelled. He shrugged, not admitting or denying anything. I flung a finger out at him, "What gave you the right to--?" I stopped, looking down at my left arm that I had just thrown out. I could see bandages. I checked my ribs, and found more of them. I didn't remember me putting them on last night... which meant...

"YOU REALLY ARE A PERVERT! AHHHH!" I hugged my knees up to my chest, which hurt but I daren't put them down again, and flung an acusing finger out at him over the top of my knees. "You are the lowest of all weasels, you know that!?"

"She seems to be back to normal this morning," Kisame noted without enthusiasm in his voice.

Itachi gave him a blank side look that just oozed the Itachi version of, "_No shit Sherlock. What gave it away?_" before redonning his cloak, all the while ignoring my childish rants of "Pervert, pervert, pervert, pervert.." over and over while rocking back and forth slightly with my knees still tucked up tightly to my chest. He gave a single glance my direction, before facing the wrath of me screaming, "FREAKING PINK-EYED JERK OF A PERVERTED WEASEL!!"

Truthfully the location of my wound and where he had bound it tightly meant he could have easily bandaged it without seeing anything... but I now had another excuse to yell at him and by gum I was going to take it!

Kisame was already starting to walk away from the campsite, "I would hurry up Itachi. Leader expects us to report back today, and we are still three days away from Headquarters." His eyes narrowed towards me, "Which is three too many days for me."

"Hey your the ones who came and took me back again."

Slinging Samehada onto his back, Kisame growled, "An action I regret taking part in seeing how you don't seem very thankful."

"That's because I've now got three more days with you perverts until torture and death. Oh yippee fun fun!" I droned sarcastically. I pressed my thumb to my lips in a very L sort of style from the anime Death Note, "Though actually I wouldn't mind seeing how many of your Akatsuki friends I can annoy." I grinned with an evil smirk, "Oh I know just the song for the occasion... dare I say even if you kill me... it will _never end...._"

"I'll bring her in a minute, when she gets to her feet," Itachi said, glaring down at me, to which I hugged my knees in tightly again, and replied, "We could be here more than three days then..."

Itachi turned his face back to Kisame and said, "You go on ahead Kisame and scout for anyone in the area."

Kisame shrugged and began walking off. I shouted, "Hey! Fish-man don't leave me alone with weasel pervert!" He sniggered and continued walking, disappearing into the surrounding trees. He was simply mocking and taunting me to the fact that currently I did not want to be left alone with the Uchiha weasel. Within thirty seconds he was probarbly out of earshot.

Itachi took a step towards me, only causing me to growl, "Stay back weasel. I mean it." Him coming closer made my heart jolt, more so than it had in the past. It was simply because the vibe he was emitting was a lot scarier than his usual emotionless state one... or at least that's what I was telling myself. His eyes were a lot sharper and darker than normal... if it was possible to change eye colours like that... wait... Itachi had sharigan! He could turn his eyes red, so who wasn't to say he couldn't turn his eyes neon orange if he wanted!!

My back met the tree again for the second time in as many minutes and snapped me back to reality again, though it was not enough to crack it or injure me thank goodness. His hand closed tighter on the fabric of my shirt where he had yanked me off the ground, and his dark eyes flashed with a tinge of anger.

"What don't you understand about '_stay back_' or personal bubbles?! Do you want to leave repopulation of the Uchiha's to only your brother? Because seriously if you don't leave the bubble then that's going to be the only option," I spat, trying to wriggle from his grip. His hand only gripped tighter and pushed me further against the tree. _Now_ it felt like the tree might crack beneath the pressure, the same that was threating to crack my collarbone in two like a twig at this moment in time.

"How much do you know?" he asked in a dangerous tone.

"Ah, of course," I rolled my eyes, "The old questionnaire again. Get rid of the partner so you can obtain information you don't want him to know from the victim. Please, get original for once." I was panicking on the inside. He would know if I lied (curse me and my terrible poker face!), so likely i wasn't going to get out of this. I was so screwed.

His arm moved and shoved me further up the tree, which was really beginning to hurt. I could almost feel my collarbone bending in half, which made me gasp in pain. Itachi growled in his dangerous tone, which somehow still seemed to be as monotonous as always, "You told me to tell Sasuke the truth. What do you know?"

"It hurts, stop!" I regrabbed his hand and tried to prise it from my shirt front before it crushed me in half.

His grip relaxed a little, but only enough so he wouldn't snap any bones and I could at least stand on my feet. "Tell me now."

"Fine, you want to know what I know?! Your a mass-murdering, psycho-creating weasel who causes nothing but trouble because of the lies he's told." His eyes narrowed slightly, showing I'd hit somethine bang on the head of the nail, and I tilted my head, "Oh that's nothing. You should so totally drop a line with Dr Phil." Releasing my less-than-sucessful attempt to prise his fingers from my collar, I wriggled my own fingers and said in a spooky voice, "He'll be able to see right into your soul."

His fingers clenched down, "I'm glad you think this is so amusing."

"Ow, fudge! See this is why you need to do some soul searching, because frankly you are a sadistic nightmare to deal with. Just call the number 0800-I'm-a-nutter, they'll help you." I said it with as much sarcasm as I could muster, while glaring out Itachi.

"I will kill you myself if you are not careful. Sarcasm and lies will not help you achieve anything."

"Oh there's the statement of the year. It's too bad you don't follow that, since you yourself are one of the biggest liars in all history probarbly." I spat at him.

"Lying is as common as the truth for someone like me," Itachi replied.

"Oh yeah, well I think we can safely say your lies are more harmful to anyone than the truth would be. Just look what your lies did to your brother!"

His eyes narrowed, but his face stayed emotionless. "Sasuke is becoming just what I want him to be."

"Oh please, how can you be so thick skulled weasel?!" I rolled my eyes, "You've spent too much time getting sunstroke in your big black tent cloaks. Did you ever think of what Sasuke's going to do the moment he finds out the village he has trusted in his whole life ordered you to kill the clan?"

Instantly I knew what I had just said was a terrible mistake, and I announced it with my replacement swear word, "Fiddlesticks." By my own snap inside my head that this was something I really should not have announced was in my knowledge, and the fact Itachi now had his hand crushed tightly around my throat.

"How did you know that?" he growled at me, his eyes now a piercing red shade. Oh crappers, his sharingan was activated. His hand tightened it's grip, "Answer before I kill you."

It was sort of hard to talk through a crushed windpipe. "Can't... choking!" Though it was in a terribly sarcastic tone, it was still quite serious. The lack of blood going to my head was making me dizzy, and breathing was hard. His sharingan wasn't helping matters either, only increasing my dizziness as he tried to obtain whatever truth he could from me. I gripped at his hands, tugging at them to get them to release their grip. They didn't relax at all, and I met his angry red eyes yet again. He looked ready to snap my neck at any point, and that terror plunged through me. "You will tell me before I decide to kill you."

Note to self: Never a good idea to piss off an angry psycho...especially an angry psycho ninja!

"I... just... do," I choked out.

"How?!" he snarled at me. I don't think I'd ever seen Itachi filled with so much emotion, in my presence or on the anime itself.

I inhaled a shaky breath through his fingers around my throat. "I know.... you stopped.... war....."

His eyes widened, and he yanked me off my feet 'til I was dangling in the air only by his hand around my throat. "Tell me how you learnt this!"

The dizziness was beginning to overcome my senses now though. I could barely breathe anymore. "Sorry weasel," I gasped out, letting a smile play across my lips as the dizziness began to darken my vision. "That's a.... spoiler." My eyes were starting to close when I felt the pressure around my neck decrease and air started flooding into my lungs again. I was grateful for the air to begin to flood through my system and the blood pound through my head again, but it wasn't enough to stop me slipping into dazed state where down was up, up was down and everything around me was all swirly colours. Peering upwards I could see a swish of black and red, and coughing I goofily grinned, "You know Itachi, you look like a duck from this angle..."

Everything was pretty colours and happy swirls. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside, and my brain was filled with butterflies flitting around. You know, I really thought maybe this whole thing had just been me on a whole bunch of scary as drugs, and now I was finally starting to realise it. Maybe it was an elaborate coma, brought on by walking into a door, a tree or a pole. That wasn't a rare occurance for me... though I was convinced there was a conspiracy between all trees, doors, posts and non-moving things of the world that they would move or swing open just at the moment I walked past so it would look like _I_ walked into them. One of them could have knocked me out.....I knew it though it wasn't that. I was still in the grip of a psychotic killer, who was more angry with me and had shown more emotion than he had probarbly ever done so before in his entire life.

I didn't realise I was falling forward until I felt something warm catch me. Instantly I knew it had to be Itachi, by the way my body was shifted and then suddenly left the ground before the rhythmic feeling of steps. My body was too numb to put up a fight, as blood tried to surge back through my pounding head and restore some sort of order into a confuzzled brain. I was half in and out of consciousness, meaning Itachi must have done some severe damage when trying to choke me. At the rate of was going with head trauma, I was soon going to be permanently brain dead. Yippee! Note the sarcasm....

He was in complete silence, just as usual. The side of my cheek was pressed up against what I thought may have been his shoulder, though I couldn't really do anything about it in a half numb state. I could smell that scent that had helped lull me to sleep last night. It _was _Itachi, which was ever so slightly disturbing.

"Why did you do it Itachi?" I asked quietly. "It cost you everything..."

I felt him stiffen up a little, but he remained silent.

I sighed, "I swear I once heard someone say you were a genius.... Wow, they were mistaken weren't they?"

By this stage I was now a lot more clear headed, enough to see him staring ahead above me with his emotionless face again. Trees passed by overhead, and I had a feeling we must have been growing closer to where Kisame was. Not really wanting to be caught up in the arms of Itachi much longer, I poked at him, "Put me down now weasel, or I will start kicking and who knows what I'll hit."

He obliged, for once, by placing me back down on my feet. For a moment I wobbled, finding it hard to stand straight on shaky feet. Itachi put his arm out once when it appeared like I would topple, to which I slapped away. "No thankyou," I growled, turning eyes up at him. "I've had enough of your help..."

I really hate it when things I say and the evil little men controlling life in a giant box upstairs say they shall end up being completley different things. My legs caved momentarily and I collapsed to the side again, and I latched onto a shoulder for support as a hand gripped the back of my shirt and hauled me up. I was about to scream when I suddenly caught the delicate fragrance of something herbal.... My eyes widened, "Oh my freaking gawd! You do use herbal shampoo!"

I stuck out a finger at him, "Ha, knew it!" Spinning on my heel, I jumped towards his waiting comrade and then held out my hand for Kisame, who had stopped in order to wait for us and was appearing impatient. "High five on that fishie!"

He glared at my hand, then turned his attention in the opposite direction before he began walking.

"What, you leaving my high five hanging? I think you at least give me this!" I ran and ducked in front of him, holding my hand out in front of him again, glaring at him. "High five, or face my wrath."

He tried once again to ignore me by walking past me while Itachi maintained in step so I was caught between them, though I really didn't think they would be too worried about me getting away if I ran. Frowning, I launched myself at Kisame from behind, "Flying fish tackle!!" Latching onto his arm, he looked down at me in shock. "Get off!!" His attempts to shake me off were all useless though, because I was clinging like a leech. "I'm not getting off until you give me a high five!"

"For goodness sake!" He put his free hand out, the one not attached to the same arm I was dangling off, holding it up really high. "There, happy?"

"How am I supposed to reach it dingis fish stick?" I said, unlatching myself from one arm and grabbing his other until his hand was a suitable height for me to high five it. After a sucessful high five, I nodded and patted him on the shoulder, "Good job!"

While Kisame was busy glaring at me and then grabbing my good shoulder to shove me forward, much to my protests of, "Hey! Stuff you fish stick I can blooming walk without you pushing me!" I was completley unaware how intently a certain dark haired weasel was staring at me from behind us.

Itachi would have looked like he was uninterested, his thoughts hidden well beneath an emotionless mask once again. Truthfully though he was watching me and Kisame with thoughtful eyes, at the same time walking forward and meeting a casual step on the other side of Kisame as the other side was occupied by me. Me... being me of course... was totally oblivious to his dark glances.

After wandering for about two minutes in silence, I got sick of it. "Fish, talk to me," I commanded, poking him in his arm. He ignored me, so I poked him again. Once more he ignored my existence. So I now held up both hands, bracing my two index fingers so they would be at poking maximum.... they looked like I was brandishing two invisble, or very hand-like, guns. "Poke poke." I said, jabbing him with each finger once upon each word. He ignored me. "Poke poke!" His top lip twitched in annoyance. Of course he should have learnt by now that when he shows emotional response it only encourages me. That was his dearest mistake. I began to jab him a lot faster and repeatedly in the arm. "Poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke poke!!!"

He spun and grabbed both my hands. "Cut. It. Out."

"Make me Gills."

His lip twitched again, but he let go of my wrists. As soon as he did I raised one hand, reaching up on my toes and jabbing him once in the cheek, "POKE!"

"Why can you not go back to being quiet like you were last night!?" Kisame roared in my ear as he turned and grabbed me by the good arm. His grip was like iron, and I was pretty sure it would bruise.

"I'm trying to get over the depression of knowing that I'm still with two jerks of existences for another couple of days, before meeting an early end."

"Your lucky you didn't meet that end when we first met you." Kisame released his grip.

"You know you keep threatning me with my death, but I have to tell you unless you actually rip out my voice box or stick a knife between my eyes, then it's only going to wash over me. Like bad names! If you ignore them and don't take them to heart, then they can't make you depressed... Sticks and stone can break my bones, but names will never hurt me" I eyed him, "You obviously never heard that before though, aye fish pop?"

He tried to look away again, but I clicked my fingers, "I know what will be another fun bonding activity!" Grabbing his arm again, I pulled him back down to my level so I could whisper in his ear. Well I think there should be the word 'tried' in there, because at first he didn't shift. I was ever persistant though, yanking at his arm until he sighed and leaned down, grumbling sharply, "What?!"

I held my hand up and whispered behind it, "We should both tackle Itachi and try steal his herbal shampoo. He'll never see it coming!"

Now he really had enough of me, lifting me up with one hand and shoving me down on the opposite side of Itachi, creating a weasel barrier between us. Truthfully this was the worst thing that could be happening to me at that time, seeing how they were trying to not injure me and Itachi had attempted to crush my windpipe earlier. I growled at the fish, "You can't leave me with this psycho, he'll try to strangle me again!"

Kisame sharply turned to look at Itachi, who hadn't looked at either of us yet but focused ahead where he was walking. His glare said exactly this, "_WTF?! WHY DO YOU GET TO CHOKE THE LIFE OUTTA HER BUT NOT ME?!_" Golly ninja stares are so much fun aren't they?

I stared up at Itachi, glaring even though he wasn't even looking at me. I switched tactics. "How old are you?"

It sounded so serious he looked at me. He didn't turn his head, but just the casual movement of his eyes from forward to me implied he had heard me and was now paying attention. "I do not feel that information is relevant. Especially as you seem to know enough about us as it currently is."

"I'm guessing your at least forty." Peering in at him closely, I corrected myself, "Strike that... make it fifty."

"Enlighten us on why," Kisame asked, and I grinned seeing how interested fish man seemed to become when it wasn't him on the recieving end of my annoyance.

"Well he talks like an old wise man... though minus the wise I'm sure," I said. "Plus," I dared to reach up and point around Itachi's cheeks, "Wrinkles!" Itachi now turned his head ever so slightly, and I stuck my hands back on my hips, "Oh come admit it weasel, your like an old prune!" One hand came up to stroke my chin in thought, "Which explains the pervy-ness... it's mostly the old geezers who turn out to be the really creepy perverts."

I looked at Kisame, putting my hand up to my mouth so I could talk behind it while pointing at Itachi, though the loudness of my voice made it really pointless and very un-secretive. "You should buy him anti-wrinkle cream for his birthday."

Kisame actually began to chuckle, and not in that evil way he was so fond of. It was an actual chuckle, like with the smile and everything! I directed my pointed finger to him, "Oh. M. Gee! Whistle Fish became Laughing Whistle Fish!" I threw my hands up, "Woo! In the last 24 hours I got Whistler to laugh, and Wrinkled Weasel to smile! Mission accomplished." Winking, I clicked my fingers, "I knew you guys had to like me at least a little!"

"As much as gouging out my eyes with a sharp piece of glass," Kisame said.

"That's just a buzz kill," I pouted.

We fell silent for a while. Me being me grew way too bored within the first couple of minutes. Plus I wasn't liking standing next to Itachi... partly because I felt like he was going to suddenly reach down and snap my neck, and the other part because I was still uncomfy to the fact that I _had_ been comfy burying my head in his chest when I had my emotional overthrow last night. Part of me was feeling all awkward when I looked up at him, and the other part shuddered while trying to pulverise that stupid awkward part with an extra big wedge of lemon, and grind it completley from my mind.

I kept wondering why I was so awkward around him. One thought jumped to mind, after watching one too many girly chick flicks and reading all those silly little things in girl magazines: I was crushing. Which was the stupidest though in the world because there was no way by the powers of Heaven and Hell that I could be crushing on Itachi Uchiha.... dear gawd kill me now if I was... though I'm sure Itachi himself would soon take care of that.

His eyes suddenly shifted towards me, and I froze because I knew I had just been caught staring. I couldn't not say something because then he'd probarbly start suspecting something (which would be brilliant... note sarcasm), but I am a terrible liar since he has the stupid sharingan. Argh! What to say?! So I thought fast and squeezed my eyes shut with a big grin, "Ni Hao weasel! Wo jue de ni bi Uchiha yeye yi yang." _I think you look the same as an Uchiha grandfather. _Yay! Thanks high school French AND Chinese! Now I could attack with **_two_ languages! Booya!**

He didn't try to decipher Chinese, same as he never tried deciphering my French. It would be near impossible for him to do so anyway, seeing how they were both languages originating from Earth... where all this would be nothing but a drug induced coma!

However curiousity finally got the better of the fish.... I guess it's a chain. The fish grew curious, met a cat, then after eating the fish the cat developed some bizarro link to the mind of the fish it had eaten and therefore became curious... yes rambling. Kisame growled, "What are you speaking? You've now spoken what sounds like two completley different languages."

"They are! Chinese and French! Be proud of me that I actually remember something I learnt in school!"

He rolled his eyes, "It would be nice if they taught you how to keep silent."

"Don't diss because you can't speak it... you YU!" _Fish._

He raised what would have been an eyebrow. "You what?"

I grinned, "Yu... poisson... FISH!!"

He suddenly realised what I meant in the earlier statement, and 'hmphed' before deciding it would be a good idea to start ignoring me again.

Another song popped into my head, since I was now thinking of French and fish. A special Disney song. I skipped merrily behind Itachi, popping up beside Kisame again."Oh Whistler...." You could practically see him saying over in his head, "Calm, calm, don't acknowledge her and she will leave."

So I opened my mouth wide, bouncing around ahead of him as I started singing,

"

Les poissons  
Les poissons  
How I love les poissons  
Love to chop  
And to serve little fish  
First I cut off their heads  
Then I pull out the bones  
Ah mais oui  
Ca c'est toujours delish  
Les poissons  
Les poissons  
Hee hee hee  
Hah hah hah"

"SHUT UP!" Kisame roared, reaching a hand out where I skipped around. I ducked back, smirking when I avoided his grip.

"Does that mean no encore?"

Kisame growled in his throat, saying nothing, though a vein bulged in his forehead.

"Rawr to you too fish man."

I slipped back behind them, poking my head between their shoulders briefly before sighing dramatically. "Can we have a rest soon?"

"If you are silent."

"Oooo, tough choice. Annoy you dear fishie with taunts, or be silent and get a rest..." Truthfully I was growing tired though. I hadn't eaten for ages, and what with everything that had been happening I was starting to grow a little drained of energy. "Fine, I really want a rest. I'm holding you to a promise we stop in the next ten minutes or else I will be screaming in your ear."

"Hmph." It was a good enough reply.

While in my moment of silence, I suddenly saw an opportunity. They thought I was going to be silent for a reason.... that meant I could use that as opportunity to slip away!

As quietly as I could I slowed my steps, waiting until they were now growing a little bit distant before I began to walk backwards with sharp eyes on them. They kept walking, unaware what I was doing. When they were slowly disappearing into the trees I increased my speed, hardly able to believe I was escaping from two highly trained ninja!

When I felt safe enough I then turned and began sprinting as fast as I could. I heard no footsteps behind me, though most sounds were drowned out by wind whipping past my ears and my own heartbeat drumming in my ears. I kept running, not stopping. A minute or two passed. I could hide out for a little bit, and then wait until they passed the area in search of me and then sprint like hell again!

I heard a crack of a branch, though it was under my own foot. Wincing at the noise, I looked back to see if they were running after me, heading right for the source of the sound that they probarbly heard with their ninja ears. I saw no-one, but my foot met something most pleasant... it's old friend the TREE ROOT! I hit the ground practically face first, landing in a heap.

"Shitake..." I grumbled into the dirt. The tree responsible for my current pain towered above me, while there were bushes growing in clumps around the base. I spotted a bush next to me, thick enough to hide a person, and rolled underneath it. Keeping an eye out from underneath, I suddenly saw a few dark shapes sprint past at top speed through the other trees, disappearing in the direction I had been travelling. They had noticed I was gone... but they didn't know where I was! Shot!!

I'd wait here a little, then high tail it in the other direction as fast as I could! They would never find me! I rolled onto my back with a giant smile on my face, looking up into the canopy of the tree above.

My smile fell. Crouched on the branches above was a very emotionless looking Itachi, and a grinning Kisame. "Thought you'd given us the slip?" Kisame asked with a mocking gaze.

"Stuff. You. Fish."

* * *

**Kisame: I'm a shark.... pretty shark, loving shark, dinky shark! SHARK SHARK SHARK!!!!! *skips around***

**Itachi: and I'm a PANDA!!! With wrinkles!!! hehehe I can make my own hotwheels racetrack from my face!!! ^^ !!!! *gets out tiny cars and starts driving them* vrooom vrooooom!!!!**

**Kisame: I wanna play! !!!!**

**Itachi: My car! *runs off* *trips flat on face* hello ground!**

**Me: *watching* yes....**

**REVIEW!!! I shall continue to watch the antics of hyped up Kisame and drunk Itachi.... *Crash smash* .... if I live that long ^^ Cherrios and cheese!**


	10. Aliens and Doodle Faces

**So I'm back! After a nice little fun camp thingie I had for a week, and then some days to just chill out and that before the terror of school starts again... So uh, thanks to everyone still reading and reviewing, you guys mean the world to me!! Seriously... the WORLD!!!**

**Oh and because i was away on camp, I never got to finish seeing the drunk diaries of Itachi, and the hyperactive ones of Kisame... but I got a video of them!! Say stalker and I KILL you!!!! mwahahahhahahahahahahahhah**

***camera* Itachi: OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!**

**Kisame: WHAT?!?!?**

**Itachi: POWERPUFF GIRLS ARE ON!!! *sits down to watch* Blossom, Bubbles and Buttercup!!! da da dadadada da!!!**

**Kisame: .... Pokemons cooler...**

**Itachi: SAY THAT AGAIN AND I WILL MAKE YOU WATCH TELITUBBIES FOR THE NEXT 72 HOURS!!!**

* * *

We established a walking group again, this time with me positioned directly beside one of them, or in front of both of them, at all times until we stopped for the night (Kisame had decided my attempt to run meant I didn't deserve to have a rest. Needless to say he recieved an ear pounding after that).

My stomach gurgled a lot during the walk, thankfully not loud enough for them to hear, but plenty enough to make me uncomfortable. The sun was at least another hour or so off from dipping below the horizon and thereby meaning our wandering party would sit down and EAT! I was seriously starting to view Kisame as a giant walking fish burger... though past experience told me that it would be a stupid thing to do if I tried actually taking a bite outta him.

At some point while we were walking I began to daydream. Now that I had officially got it stuck into my head that Itachi used herbal shampoo (I mean really... where else out here would you get the scent of herbal remedy hair care products?), the thought of shampoos were roaming around my brain. It had been days since I'd had a proper bath (two dips in lakes didnt count in my book), or even brushed my teeth! I was caked in who knows what, and my clothes were now so torn and raggedy I felt like I'd been wearing them for months. So naturally, my mind was drawn to the image of hygeine momentarily.

I wasn't sure what gave me my spark of genius. I think when a strawberry bar of soap drifted across my mind, it translated loosely into berries... which made me remember the berries I had placed in my pocket when I was trapped with the BNN's. Raising my leg a little to look like I was plucking a stone from my shoe, I let my hand drift over the pocket to see if they were indeed still there. A small grin grew on my lips when I confirmed they were.

From there.... GASP... came an idea that wasn't as stupid as trying to out-stealthify two highly trained ninja by simply walking backwards when they weren't looking. GASP AGAIN! There berries were suppose to contain a drug in the juice that could knock you out for hours... that should work on ninjas too right? If I could somehow slip them the berries, then just maybe when they were out cold I could this time actually get away.

Main problem: how to get them to eat the berries.

I stuck out my bottom lip in thought. I wonder if I could jump on them and then shove it in their mouth? What were the chances of them spitting it out in suspicion?... or Kisame chewing off my fingers?.... HIGH.

I was so deep in though I once again walked into something. Since this time I was walking in front of the two Akatsuki members, it was a tree which stopped me short. "Ow!" I shouted, stepping back to rub my nose. "Tree!! Gah!" Then I punched it, hard. Which needless to say... hurt. "Oh FUDGLES!!" I began screaming when I heard the crunch of knuckles against the solid object, before tucking them in against my chest. "Note to self: don't punch trees! Ah!"

I was standing and holding my hand, waiting for the pain to leave. It was certain my hand was at the very least going to be terribly bruised. Completley unsympathetic as always, Kisame grabbed onto my arm and pushed me in front again. "Keep moving."

"I hurt my hand though!" Grinning devilishly, I held it out and said in a overly sweet voice, "Kiss it better?"

"Your kidding me.."

"I don't kid around," I replied just as sweetly, but with a smirk. He scowled at me, recognising I had used one of his lines when he was trying to finger feed me rice. He must have also remembered me biting those fingers.

"Cold hearted ice fish," I grumbled loudly when he refused to kiss my hand better.

We kept walking, the sun sinking slowly over the horizon. Every so often I would turn back to face them, with a pleading, "Can we _please _stop?" and face the cold, "No," and then I would grin at the fish and stick out my hand, "Will you kiss it better now?" before the eye roll and top lip twitch. Messing with him is fun!

After what felt like a lifetime we finally stopped to rest for the night. As soon as they said that we were stopping I flopped straight onto the ground. "Stupid ninja stamina... you guys are like freaking solar cars.... as long as the suns out you don't stop! Grrr."

"Cars?" I heard Kisame whisper to himself, and looked up at him to find him placing Samehada arefully down upon the ground while maintaining a partially confused look in his eye. This caused me to giggle a little. I pictured what Kisame would do if he ever actually came face to windscreen with a car, and came up with the mental image of a giant blue blob trying to hack the poor imagined BMW Beetle with his sword. This image of course in turn only made me giggle harder, and jarred my injured ribs.

It was too late now though. I was on a roll. In a flash, I remembered the tour bus I had seen many times sitting outside a local aquarium, in the shape of a shark. The image of Kisame leaping at it with open arms, screaming, "MOM!" invaded my mind, and I was gone...I was now trapped between pain and hysterical laughter. I began kicking my feet, trying to hold my ribs as tears streamed down my face from the giggles.

**(Seriously it''s a real bus!!! Go to Google images, type in "Kelly Tarltons Tour Bus" and it's the big bus thats shaped like a shark on the furthest right in the second column down! and I laugh at it and scream "KISAME'S MOM!!" every time I see it! XD)**

The two let me have my little laughing fit. Itachi pressed his hand to the ground, using chakra to see if there were any enemies scouting in the area, and his relaxed state obviously said that there were none in the immediate area. Yay for me. Kisame left momentarily, returning with a large amount of firewood in his arms that he used to set up a campfire. Itachi performed one of his fire jutsu's, using it to light a crackling fire that illuminated the small clearing where the sunlight slowly faded.

I commented to him, "You know if you weren't such a psychotic, herbal-shampoo-using weasel, then I would say that is honestly one of the coolest things I could ever watch anyone do. But that might bump up your ego, and you might actually show some emotion!"

During all this wood collecting and fire building, I was sitting on my arse and watching, while an ever vigilent black eyed weasel made sure that I wasn't about to up it and run again. Though by now it was plainly obvious that my attempt earlier had been a stupid waste of effort, he and I both knew I'd be ever so stupid to try it again.

What he didn't know... this time I had a plan.... and a good one. All I had to do was get my timing perfect.

"I'm bored," I whined after they had both sat down. The campfire lit the area in an orange-red glow, after a really sudden disappearance by Mr Sun. No response, so then a louder, "I'M BORED!!" I rolled over towards Kisame, who happened to have stupidly sat the closest to me, and grinned. "Poke." I jabbed him in the arm. "Poke poke!"

"Stop it now," he growled. A moment later he took out some of the small leaf wrapped rice balls and his water skin. He took a drink, unwrapping his food. I eyed him for a second, then held my single jabbing finger up again, "Poke."

In retalitation he turned and gazed with a murderous look down at me. "Don't make me have to give up my meal by smashing your face into it."

"Well at least it would feed me and stop me complaining of starvation."

"I think we should starve you. It might make you quiet if you are weaker."

I grinned with a devilish smile, "But my dear poisson, you forget that if I cannot have the rice I might have the seafood option instead. I could always try the fish again."

"You wouldn't dare try that," he threatened me, remembering the last time I had 'tried the fish'... I wonder if his fingers were still bruised with teeth marks?

I beamed, "Course not!" I held one hand up in the air and in an Australian accent I monotoned the statement, "Fish are friends. NOT food!" Dropping my hand, I tilted my head to the side, "Besides, I had a taste of your fish fingers, and they were NOT tasty!"

Kisame's eye twitched a little, before he stood, walked over to the other side of the campfire and sat down again next to Itachi. Said dark haired weasel had been ignoring the two of us as he took a drink from his water skin. The fish glared at me from across the fire, before continuing to eat his own little rice balls and drink from his water skin. My stomach gurgled again at the sight, and I was partially happy when Itachi stood and made his way over to where I was, handing me one along with the water skin.

"Cheers weasel."

As he walked away again I absently reached down to look like I was scratching my leg. As I did so I slowly slipped a few of the berries that were hidden inside the pocket out, curling my fist slightly to hide them from view. I didn't think either of them noticed anything. Itachi had his back to me, and Kisame was trying his best to ignore everything I was doing. I clenched the water skin tightly in the hand with the berries, tipping it back so I could take a drink (carefully avoiding contact with my lips on it..... Weaselitus was still a risk!)

Bringing it back down, I held it in my hand in such a way that I could crush the berries just on the inside of my palm. The red juice dribbled down into the mouthpiece, trickling into the water skin. Quickly I dropped the red pulps back inside my open pocket, wiping away the juice on my trouser legs, which were so caked with who knows what that it would have been hard to tell what it was. I flicked the water skin shut, and placed it on the ground again, hoping to goodness neither of them would have noticed.

If they did, they made no indication. A beam of pride shot through me for a second, but I didn't dare let myself appear like I was absurdly happy. If this worked, then I was the sneakiest non-ninja in the world!

Itachi was only just sitting down as I wiped the red juice away, and Kisame looked like he was way more interested in the food in front of him. Come to think of it, I was more interested in the food at this point right now as well, and I dug into the rice balls like there was no tomorrow. Truthfully I was beginning to get sick of them, but food was food. Without food there was death! Well, I was technically a dead girl walking anyway... and that death would come way before death by starvation... but that's beside the point. FOOD!

After we had all finished eating no-one seemed to want to say anything. Well I did, but the others didn't. I tried many times to engage them in song or dance, but neither of them would budge. The only thing they would do is glare at me (well Itachi just sort of looked....) and maintained silence. So I flopped back onto the ground, staring up into the sky, taking in each star that winked back at me. Part of me wondered how much longer I was going to be able to look up at them and see them wink at me... how much I had taken it for granted when I seemed to have a much simpler life.

"I wonder how many stars are in the sky?" I wondered aloud. At the silence, I turned over. "Surely maniacs like you occasionally look up at the sky and wonder that?"

"We have more interesting things to occupy our minds," Kisame answered.

"Oh gees, come on. Surely when you look at the stars you must of at least seen something, or wondered about what lies out there?" I leant back onto the ground. "A lot of cultures believe the stars can tell the future. They tell stories in pictures."

Kisame looked upwards. "Your right. I do see something in them."

"Really?"

"Yeah." He reached a hand up and pointed to a cluster of stars, "That's you," he pointed to another group right beside it, "And there's me strangling you."

"You know what? Stuff you fish pop." I propped up onto my elbows and pointed at him, "If there are aliens in this backwards land, out there in the stars, I'm going to tell them the first thing they have to do upon invasion is eliminate the fish!"

"I am a shark."

"Sharks are fish. I know it, the aliens will know it, and you my fishie friend will be a goner." I cheerfully added, "I'll tell them to get the weasels next, so Itachi don't feel left out!"

"Hn," was the weasels reply.

The hour began to grow late, and after trying my very best to engage the two in any more activities or conversation to stop me going bonkers from boredom, I decided it would be best to settle down to 'sleep'. I bid them both a goodnight as I leant back onto my elbows. Itachi was silent as he settled down to sleep with Kisame on first watch. The fish gave me a "hmph", to which I replied, "I hope you get nightmares of aliens with giant fish slicing knives."

I said I was bored before when sitting there and trying to engage them both in conversation. To carry out the next part of my plan, which was namely making sure that Kisame would be drugged too, I had to pretend to be asleep for at least the next two hours. Enough time to allow Itachi to fall asleep. If he woke up then I was so screwed with my plan.

Time passed at an agonising rate. It could only have been half an hour, but it felt like years were passing by. I thought I could even feel my fingernails growing! I was not blessed with natural patience and the ability to quietly meditate and remain in one position.

Someone shifted. I knew it was Itachi sitting up. There was a long pause, in which I tried my hardest in order to control my breathing, keeping it shallow and slow so it looked like I was already asleep. I was facing away from the campsite, so my face was at least out their eyeline.

"What is it Itachi? Why are you staring at her?" Kisame asked from nearby.

Itachi moved again, before quietly telling Kisame, "Please confirm she is asleep first."

"What?" Kisame replied indignantly at the task he was asked. Itachi must have glared at him or something, because the next thing I heard was Kisame's surprisingly light footsteps for such a giant flipper footed fish coming towards me. He knelt down beside me, and I froze up, trying to pretend as much as I could to be asleep. A cold finger poked me on the cheek, at which I faked a slight twitch and curled up a little before falling still again.

Kisame moved away, "Yeah she's asleep. If she was awake I'd be pretty sure she'd try and bite me again, little annoying viper she keeps turning out to be. Plus she would never stay this quiet willingly."

"I cannot be sure about anything with her any more. The longer I am around her, the more I become aware that she knows more than she is telling us." His voice was as emotionless as always, but I could almost feel his stare on my back and again focused on my breathing so as not to betray the fact that I was indeed still awake and could hear their every words. "She accidentally let slip information this morning to me, about something that no civilian should know. There may be more secrets to do with the Akatsuki she is aware of, and in any other hands it may be enough to bring the organisation down from the inside."

Kisame grunted, "That bad huh? Who would have thought that someone like her could possibly be able to take down the Akatsuki." He shifted a little. "Still, as long as she stays in our hands she can't do anything right? Even now, we could decide to slit her throat and she wouldn't be able to do a thing about it."

I felt like shuddering. He was right. They could chose to slit my throat right now, and the most I would be able to do would move a few inches away before they caught me. Then again, they could kill me at any moment they pleased. I was lucky they hadn't already done so.

Itachi was silent for a little while. Finally he answered Kisame, "Civilian or not, she has not reacted to anything in a terribly normal manner. She is afraid of her death and what we can do to her, yet she barely acts it. She's as unpredictable as any high ranked ninja, and I don't think we should completley underestimate her."

Wow. I'd never thought Itachi would be one to study character depth so much. I wondered briefly if this could be considered a good thing what he was saying... one that was terribly flattering, or just simply terrible. If they grew cautious around me, then I was definately a dead girl walking.

Kisame continued talking, "Well, unless she can pull some great trick out of her bag of annoying wonders in the next few days, which I doubt, then she'll be the rest of the Akatsuki's problem and no longer our headache." He grumbled, "I'm sure I've already lost a few years of life thanks to the stress she's caused."

They fell into silence again after that. I again made sure I didn't move, trying my best to control my breathing so it was slow and in a sleep-like movement. It left plenty of time to my own thoughts. Itachi's little speech (it was a speech by Itachi terms, seeing how he barely spoke most often) unnerved me. Me and my big mouth. Why couldn't I keep it shut? Now he was that much more suspicious of me. I might as well tape a giant sign to my head stating, "I know all the Akatsuki secrets!! Essentially I'm helpless!! Open Season on Krissy's head!!"

Another half an hour passed. Then another. Finally another. I was getting cramped from remaining in one position for so long, only able to shuffle around a little just in case Kisame became aware I was awake. I had kept a sharp ear out for Itachi's breathing, and was relieved when it had slipped into the shallow, quiet inhales and exhales of sleep.

Slowly I sat up, groaning and rubbing my eyes. Pretending that I was half asleep, I shifted my gaze to Kisame, who's eyes were now sharply snapped onto my movements. "Ni hao yu. What time is it?"

"Not time for you to disturb me again," he growled.

I yawned. "Whatever."

Then I shifted my gaze to the sleeping Uchiha. "Is he a deep sleeper?"

"Why?" His tone was suspicious.

"I was wondering... we could always draw pictures on his face while he's sleeping if he is... and he would be none the wiser until he next looks in a mirror."

"No. He would be most unimpressed."

"Live a little fish. Besides," I jabbed a finger towards him, "I've only ever seen him go psycho nuts once, and that was at me. If he's been hanging around you for years and not blown up, but gone nuts at me in a couple of days, then I think your the one who's safe."

"Nothing's safe with you in the area."

"Oh whatever!" I rolled over to where he sat, perched and looking out over the campsite. I poked him in the arm, "Fish, I'm thirsty."

"And?"

"Well, weasel has the water skin, and I really don't want to interrupt his beauty sleep because he might try strangle me to death again... so can I have a drink from yours?" I made my eyes go real big and pleading. He stared down at me for a few moments, and I swear I heard a cricket chirping. Maintaining the giant pleading eyes, I added, "If you don't, I'll start singing your favourite songs! _Fish heads, Fish heads, roly poly--_"

The water skin was in my hands faster than a bare footed idiot trying to sprint down a beach with black sand on the hottest day of the year (which is pretty fast because that idiot was me, and I swear I got clocked at a million miles per hour).

"Thankies poisson!" I smiled, popping the lid on the water skin. I stared up at him, as he stared down at me, then held it out to him. "Did you want some water too?"

"No."

"You sure?" I shoved it closer to his face. He turned his head away, giving me enough time to grab some berries from my pocket and hide them in my hand. I drew the water skin back, "Suit yerself Mr Grumpy Gills." Gawd I LOVED Dory!!

Carefully in my hand I crushed the berries, and at the same time took a small sip of the water. I let the juice of the berries drip down into the top of the water skin before closing it. It chucked it back at Kisame, who absently held out his hand to catch it while I wiped the evidence from my hand onto my poor abused trousers again. Kisame stowed his water skin away again.

I faked a yawn. "Right, I'm going back to sleep."

"Praise to the heavens."

"May those aliens curse your nightmares fish. Goodnight."

* * *

I was barely able to wake up in the morning. Sure I had so far been successful in my escape plan, but the lack of proper sleep for me was so NOT a good thing. Sure Kisame got less sleep than me, but he was a freaking ninja! He was meant to face physical, mental, emotional and any other sort of abuse out there with a brave face. Me... I just screamed at anything I passed.

Namely right now, the fire. Well at least the smouldering ashes that were still hot, after only being put out a few minutes ago. Kisame had kicked me awake, and after grumbling, getting to my feet and yawning as wide as a black hole, I stumbled directly through the ashes. They made their way up through my sandels, and burned my feet slightly. Very quickly I jumped away, kicking my shoes against the ground trying to rid the burning little smouldering buggers. Lifting the nearest few little stones into my hand, I started throwing them at the fire, "Burn me will you?! Mess with me in the morning will you?! Well I'll show you fire!"

"You look like an idiot," Kisame informed me. I threw a stone at him when his back was turned, hitting his square in the back of the head, regaining his attention quickly so I could shout at him.

"Yeah well, what sort of Water freaking Jutsu master are you if you can't put out a fire properly!" I yelled at him.

Kisame promptly performed one of his jutsu's. Namely the one that involved spewing up water directly onto the fireplace. "There, happy?"

"Okay, one word fish. !!" I cringed. The water ran onto my shoes, and I leapt back. "MEGA EWWWW!"

Itachi smoothly ended anything else occuring by walking directly between us. With the camp cleared up, we were ready to go. He held out the water skin for me once, at which I threw my hands out and waved them in front of me to get him to rid the water skin. "NO WAY! After what i just saw fish do, I think I'm going to puke if I drink that!"

I realised just how lucky I had actually got with having an actual excuse, such as Kisame deciding to puke up water in front of me, to avoid drinking the water. Origianlly I hadn't given that so much thought. I watched carefully as both of them took a drink, and grinned happily to myself. Hopefully it would work! If not... well as I kept stating to myself... I was so screwed!

We started walking, me ahead of them again. I was still tired, so walking was soon going to be the death of me. Half awake at this early hour (namely just as the sun was coming up) I had already walked into three trees.

A hand gripping onto my back suddenly hauled me off my feet into the air. I yelped loudly, before getting put back down onto my feet again a moment later. Of course the surprise collapsed my legs and I fell onto my backside again. Itachi walked past me, lowering his hand to his side again. "You should watch where you walk."

"What do you mean where I walk?!" I grumbled at him. Then I looked down at my feet, and the giant gaping hole in the ground barely inches away. The giant gaping hole which I would have walked directly into and likely fallen down into if Itachi hadn't moved me. "Oh right." I giggled, "Thanks weasel!"

"Hn." The thanks was acknowledged.

We continued walking, with me humming as I went. "Just keep swimming... just keep swimming, just keep swimming swimming swimming, what do we do? We swim. Swim." I could hear Kisame cracking his knuckles from behind.

I turned around at some point, bouncing back over to them. "Yo ho!" I said, sliding between them. I peered up at them, noticing the almost glazed looks in their eyes. "You guys alright? You know you look like---"

THUMP! THUMP!

"Like your going to pass out..."

I stared down at the two Akatsuki bodies which were now on the ground, unconscious, in front of me. I pushed at them with my foot, prodding at the two bodies, half expecting them to snap to life and start trying to do something violent to me. They didn't though. Even when I turned them over (the fish with great difficulty because he was like trying to shift a boulder!) they were still unconscious.

"Weasel?" I said, gingerly poking Itachi on the cheek. He didn't move, and if not for his slight breathing I would have though I might have killed him! I moved on, "Fish?" Kisame got a much more intricate poke, where I experimented seeing how far I could shove a stick up his nose (three inches!) "Fish are you awake?" There was no response from either.

The first thought... "HOLY SH*T IT WORKED!!" ... the second thought... "OH MY GAWD I CAN ACTUALLY ESCAPE!!"

The third came when I was just about to run for my life, skipping and dancing and screaming joy into the trees. I was about twenty feet away from them, when I stopped and turned back, grinning evilly.

The BNN had said that the juice contained a drug that meant they would be out for a few hours, right? So that gave me plenty of time to do some escaping!.... So why not spend an hour having a little fun?...

* * *

Itachi woke to a terrible headache, which was something rather uncommon for him. He was also slumped out on the ground, with the sun blazing down directly through the canopy above. By the judgement of the light, it looked to be late afternoon, early evening. He had been out cold for a long time. Something was also binding his legs and his arms rather tightly.

His instincts first told him that they must have been attacked, and he had been knocked out. He broke free of what was binding him easily by using a little bit of stregnth, and was on his feet in a flash, reaching for his weapon bag to draw a kunai in case the enemies were still in the area.

He soon discovered that his weapon bag was no longer slung on his hip. Nor any other bag for that matter. In fact... he seemed to be missing his entire Akatsuki cloak, as well as everything he was previously carrying. He was left with only the clothes on his back. He looked down at the ground to what had bound him, discovering that they were merely normal bandages.

Scanning the area, Itachi stared for a second at another lot of bandages that had been arranged on the ground. He almost smiled at the sight in a way, before turning his head and locating Kisame only a few feet away. He was unconscious, and also cloakless, weaponless, and everything else but clothes-on-back less. He was also bound by the same medical bandages as Itachi himself had been. The only thing else not missing was Kisame's giant sword, Samehada, which was carelessly flung onto the ground beside him. Itachi continued to scan around the area, but he found almost nothing else. Krissy was not in the area.

He made his way to his associate, kneeling down beside him. The man was flung out on his front, his face hidden from view but it was visible that he was breathing. "Kisame. Wake up."

Slowly the blue skinned man awoke. He immediately noticed he was bound, and broke free of them just as easily as Itachi had by using brute strength to tear through them. His hand straight away flew to his head after the sudden movement, and he groaned, "Argh, that is a nasty headache."

Silence. Then, "Why is there a stick in my nose?" Kisame wrenched said object from his nasal cavity and chucked it into the distance. He then sat up, head held between his knees. "What happened? Were we attacked?"

"Unless they were a very skilled group of bandits who only wanted our weapons, supplies and Akatsuki cloaks, then no."

"Then what?!"

Itachi blinked. "I believe we were drugged."

"Who the heck could drug us without us noticing?! We're the Akastuki!"

"Krissy."

Kisame turned at his associates answer, "How the blue blazes could Krissy--?!"

He froze for a moment, dropping the arms he had raised in anger and pointing at the dark haired young man. "You have a little something on your face. And uh, your hair...."

Itachi was quiet for a moment, before saying, "I had a feeling I might."

"How come?"

"You do too." If Itachi had been capable of emotions, he would have laughed right then and there. That one smile the other night could hardly count after years of an impassive face. The blue skinned man had been given a makeover. Namely that consisted of what had to be the black ink that usually was part of the supplies they carried for use of jutsus and such. He now had a sloppily drawn pair of black glasses, a moustache, a slight beard and sideburns, as well as a few dots, hearts and stars. Plus Kisame had also been given a ridiculously large smile. Meanwhile his hair had been given a slight new style. Well, it was now entirely black thanks to the ink.

Kisame growled, "If it looks anything like yours then I swear that girl is mine to strangle this time Itachi!" He stood, swaying a little and grabbing his head. "What did she give us, and how did she even get us to take it?"

"The water," Itachi answered. "She didn't drink any this morning, so she must have slipped something into the water between last night and this morning."

"She woke up in the middle of the night asking me for a drink!" Kisame exclaimed. His fingers curled into a fist, "Damn that girl!"

"Whatever she gave us must have been a very powerful drug. It must have come into her hands when she was with Kyriski and his men," Itachi mused aloud. He looked up at the sky again, taking in the fact that the sun was shrinking slowly into the distance. He also was aware of the fact that nearly a days travel was gone, they were already past their expected return date, their captive was missing, they no longer had any weapons, supplies, or even their cloaks! And finally... their faces had been used as creative doodle pads, while their hair had been used as experiments for new styles.

Absently Itachi reached up to see what she had done to his hair. It was already black, so dying it with the ink would be pointless. His fingers found instead something he was almost expecting to find. His hair had been braided. There were a dozen tiny little braids scattered over his head, and all wound into one giant braid, previously his ponytail, now running down his back.

Kisame looked down, suddenly noticing the arrangements of bandages on the ground. They were arranged in a giant smiley face, with a smaller fish and something which could only be assumed to be a weasel besides it. The bandages used had been terribly shredded in order to create the 'masterpiece'. Kisame himself even gave a slight chuckle at the sight, before his face became serious again.

"Gotta give the girl credit," Kisame growled, though he didn't sound happy about admitting it. "She got us. You were right, underestimating her was a bad idea."

Itachi removed the braids from his hair, slightly annoyed to the fact when he did they poofed out and created a fluffy effect. He saw Kisame from the corner of his eye attempting not to laugh. With an emotionless face, he tied it back in it's proper ponytail, and then pressed his palm down onto the ground, feeling for chakra vibrations. "There's a river less than a mile from here," he said, standing up again.

"Good," Kisame answered. "I want to wash this glop off my face and out of my hair now!" He tilted his head slightly, "Did you sense where Krissy was?"

"No. She has no chakra energy to track. She will however likely head back towards the town we passed a few days ago. We shall head that direction to locate her." Itachi was already heading in the direction of the river in order to wash his abused face with whatever doodles Krissy had drawn.

"We're already late returning to Headquarters, and now we have no supplies or weapons aside from Samehada, and we have to go back for her AGAIN. She even stole our coats dammit! This girl better have good information after all this or so help me!!" Kisame ranted on and on about various methods of strangulation and decapitation or mutilation for a while.

Itachi paused a few feet away from where he originally woke up, and looked back up to the canopy. "I have located our coats."

Kisame looked at him, before also craning his neck to look upwards. Two cloaks were hooked on the tip top of the trees, fluttering in the breeze with a carefree look.

"How did she get them up there?!"

* * *

**Hello! Guess what?? **

**CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESEEEEE GROMITTTT!!!! ..... ^^ If you don't know where that quote comes from then you are deprived.... seriously... go look up Wallace and Gromit... childhood idols man!!!**

**Kisame: A dog who doesn't talk and a man with big ears who looks like his mum dresses him... yes we are missing out on heaps! *sarcastic*  
Me: Shut up fish!  
Kisame: SHARK GAWD DAMMIT!!!  
Me: XP**

**Itachi: *still has massive hangover***

**Me: *runs in banging and crashing drums* ROAR WEASEL ROAR!**

**Itachi: .... *sharpening kunai***

**Review!!! Before I die for annoying hungover Itachi!!!**


	11. Cheap Shot Ninja's and Whacko Comrades

**The lights slowly turn on..... the curtains slowly draw back..... People everywhere raise their heads and look in wonder because.... I'M FINALLY POSTING AGAIN!! OMG OMG !! I DO LIVEEEE!!!**

**So firstly.... A million apologies for being away so long!! Seriously, it killed me not to be able to post, or even write!! Blame school! School had been killing me!!! What are they doing to us?! Assessments and more and more... then organisation for activities, pushy friends who want me to go EVERYWHERE with them and not let me have no life!! I have barely had time to do anything!**

**You know what makes it worse? I had all these ideas for these next chapters! And without the time to write, they abandoned me! So my greatest apologies if the next chapters seem unfunny and all that nasty jazz... I've gotta get back into the swing of writing in my Krissy frame of mind T_T**

**But for now... ITACHI, KISAME!!! AREN'T YOU GLAD TO SEE ME AGAIN?!**

**Itachi: *still mad about the whole drink thing* **

**Kisame: Dang.... the evil wretch is back... I thought someone had finally done her in and the world was at peace again**

**Me: *glares* oh shut it.... *looks at Itachi* forgive and forget weasel... it was over a month ago i gave you alcohol! :P**

**Itachi: .... **

**Me: omg omg i got a keychain of you too Itachi *holds up mini Itachi keychain* I hug it every night because it's so cute.... chibi Itachi!**

**Itachi: *fudge why did no-one kill her??? and why didn't we run when we had the chance??????????!!!!***

**I'd say enjoy the chapter... but uh to be honest to myself and you... it's more like please deal with it hahahaha I'll get back into the swing soon hopefully!!! ^_^**

**OOOOO and okay before I even begin I must thank everyone for still reviewing and reading this!! But I must speak of this!! Dustland-fairytales.... omg I have to snuggle down before reading your novel long comments!! seriously!!! they are massive! **

**I still love everyone else's!!! your all brilliant for putting up with me and my moments.... much hugs and love... and Itachi and Kisame love you too! they just won't admit it....**

* * *

It was growing close to sunset when I finally stumbled towards what looked like human life of any sort. Tired, thirsty and aching all over, the sight was an absolute blessing to me after the hours of continuous running. If I ever got home to Earth, where people with blue skin and gills or blowing fire from thin air from their mouth didn't exist, I was looking up my local gym or buying a treadmill. Seriously.

Shifting the bag I'd chucked over my shoulder, I tried picking up the pace again. The bag I had obtained from the weasel when I'd sifted through all their gear. I had a few kunai and ninja star with me, partially for protection, but seeing how rubbish I would be with them they were mostly because they were shiny and cool looky. And pointy. Incredibly pointy. They made awesome toothpicks! The ones that I hadn't taken with me I had chucked down that massive hole in the ground I nearly fell into. That and everything else I couldn't carry.

I had tried to chuck Samehada down there too, but the damn thing was so freaking heavy I couldn't lift it without something getting hurt... namely me. I'd glared at Kisame's doodled face more than once for two reasons while I tried to shift it; because I was jealous at his stupid strength for lifting this thing, and because his face made me giggle and cheered me up again!

I also stowed a couple of bandages that I hadn't used up. Most of them had gone into a lovely art design I'd made up on the ground of a smiley face, a weasel and a fish. There was also some food, other medical looking things, stuff in vials that I didn't dare try out and what remained of the ink. Very little, as most of it had gone in the decoration of Weasel and Fish.

I had spent a good amount of time on their special new facepaint. Good moustaches and glasses took time. Especialy Kisame's. Itachi I had kept it pretty simple. He had the custom glasses and moustache of course, for what would the world come to if I didn't give him those? But instead of kitty whiskers or anything else like that all he had recieved was a giant goofy smile that sort of represented both the happy smile crossed with an evil mutant clown one. Hair dyes and braiding took even longer than facepaint! I so hoped that they liked their new hairdo's. Inwardly inside my mind I added the mental 'insert evil chuckle here' and then proceeded to giggle like a maniac to myself as I braided Itachi's hair. Too many hours of sun was doing that to me.

The only thing I couldn't take with me was the water skins, as the water would send me into the exact same la-la land as the other two were currently in. So I was growing mega thirsty, and that same sun wasn't helping matters in the least.

The best thing I had managed to take from them was from Weasel. Well it wasn't taking, it was more a reunion with T-Rex, which I found stowed deep at the bottom of the bag. If it had been anything but a T-Rex, then I swear I would have taken a picture on the phone as a keepsake forever and ever of my handiwork.

As the trees started thinning a little, and the ground showed signs of being used by people, trampling out into an actual pathway, I began doing mental cheers in my head. If I followed this path in one direction, quite possibly I'd reach a town. That was about the only thing at this stage that kept me running forward. The bandages at my side were soaked in blood again, but I knew if I removed them to try rebandage them with more then I'd probarbly ruin the whole thing and bleed to death faster. So to try stop it I was forced to hold a wad of them up against my side as I ran.

The reason why I was bleeding so much was thanks to an unfortunate tumble. I'd forced it upon myself really. I'd taunted fate by climbing as high as I could in terribly tall trees, attaching two black and red coats to the tip tops with a really long stick I'd found and only holding onto the barest amount of the branches with a single hand. So on the way back down, fate decided to break a branch underfoot and topple me to the ground below. I might add that it was a good fifteen plus feet. It was darn lucky that I hadn't broken anything when I landed, or I would have been stuck there until Fish and Weasel awoke. That is so not a place I would want to be in. I had to keep on running, bleeding or not. At least the blood flow had slowed down a lot.. barely more than a few drops now. It still hurt like heck.

Running along the path, I didn't even hear the sound of people approaching me before something struck me from behind. It caught the back of my knees, which essentially collapsed my legs and sent me tumbling face first into the dirt... dirt plus face was becoming a common trend nowadays. I groaned at the pain the impact caused, hearing the footsteps as the ones responsible approached me.

I rolled over slighty, looking up at them over my good shoulder. They were ninja, of course. Three men, maybe three or four years older than me. One had a sword pointed down, touching gently against the skin of my neck. Long black hair framing his face made him only more intimidating. "Who are you, and what are you doing in this area?"

"Running from lunatics... but seems like they are just inescapable. Do I have some sort of ruddy insane ninja magnet built into me that attracts you lot or something? Gah!" I leant up a little more, ignoring the sharpness of the blade on the back of my neck. "Point that oversized toothpick some other direction will you? Stupid, sneaky, take-out-back-of-the-legs-with-a-cheap-shot ninja."

The end of the sword withdrew, but not very far. "Stand up," the ninja ordered.

"Put away the toothpick and I will."

"You may turn and attack us if I do. Stand up and hold your hands above your head, and I may not seperate it from your body."

I slowly drew myself to a standing position, rather not risking decapitation. My back was to them, and I started to raise my hands. My heart beat sped up a little at the fact I was once more standing in a position where I may or may not be murdered in the next few seconds. After only just escaping the last crazy ninjas I had been stuck with, I was NOT in the mood to find myself being bullied by more of them. "Fine, I'm standing. But what you didn't count on was me also having a pointy weapon!"

I pulled a kunai from the bag, holding it in my hand and whipping around to face them with the point directly at them. "And you so don't want to mess with me and my weapons!" They tensed, meaning they were wary that I would suddenly lunge and gut them with it.

As fast as I had pulled the weapon upon them, the kunai was suddenly gone from my hand. It landed somewhere on the ground. Guess they weren't so worried after all. I was injured, tired, thirsty, irritable, and so not in the mood for this.

"Bugger." I glared at the ninja, "You cheat." I pulled another kunai out from the bag, "Bully me with you? Well I have more!"

The second kunai was gone from my fingertips soon after I pulled it from the bag, struck from their grip with the sharp clang from another kunai. "Stop that!" I yelled at them, pulling out another. It was soon gone too. "Dammit! Fine, face the wrath of my mini toothpick!" I growled, pulling out one of the spikes. As I did so though I felt the sharp end prick against my finger, and a drop of blood formed before falling to the ground in a scarlet drop. "Bloody heck that better not have been poisoned!"

"I think she's harmless," one of the guys without the sword pointed at me mused to his comrades. He looked like a living fire, a messy bush of orange hair atop his head, and a slight smile on his lips. They were all watching me intently, amusement clear on their faces.

"Harmless and brainless," the second swordless one commented. He was glaring with a repulsed gaze from beneath a long silver bang falling over his face.

"Hey!" I growled. "You watch your mouth ninja boy, or I shall kill you slowly and painfully through the intricate torture of squeaky pitched Beethoven! Beware Beethoven!" I shouted, pulling my cellphone and clicking into the tones, thus allowing the hunk of junk to begin playing said piece of music. I thrust it out at the three, shoving my finger in my other ear and pretending to make a face like it was really truely dangerous. The three ninja all took a step back, pulling kunai and everything from their bags strapped to their hips and warily eyeing the technology, waiting for it to do something like explode.

Which funnily enough... it did. One minute the pathetic, bleepy, chirpy excuse for Beethoven invaded our eardrums, and the next... PFFFT! The poor little thing actually jutted out sparks and a small puff of smoke in my hand.

"AHHH! NO WAY!! WEASEL BROKE T-REX!" I screamed, hugging the poor cellphone against my chest. "Freaking perverted, jerk faced, evil eyed, ruddy weasel!" I threw one hand out to shake it into the air, immediately jarring my side and collapsing to the ground again. "OUCHIES!" I groaned, curling my body in slightly.

The three ninja stood slightly dumbfounded, unsure of the next movement they should take.

"I'm pretty sure she isin't going to hurt us Yoshi," the man without the sword... the NICE one who didn't call me brainless... said. The one holding the sword, who had to be Yoshi, lowered it and nodded in agreeance. As he replaced it onto his back, he took a few steps forward and knelt down beside me. "Are you okay?"

I felt sorely tempted to reply with the most sarcastic tone possible in the world, "Course I am, lying here curled up in pain, bleeding, with the possibility of poison in my system and all these ninja out to kill me... I am peachy!" I didn't however, simply because of the fact that half my face was pushed into the ground as I curled into a pathetic position, and I really didn't want to upset any more ninja. So instead I simply shook my head and settled for the old favourite, "Do I look alright?"

He answered plainly, "I don't suppose you do," though there was that touch of amusement in his voice. He pulled some bandages out from his pouch, holding out his arm. "I'm going to help you. Try anything and I'll have to take action, but other than that I promise we aren't going to harm you."

"On my honor as a Guardian of Marshmallows and Obnoxiousness, I shall not harm you," I answered. "I'm trying keep in a happy place...." He gave a brief shake of his head, helping me lean up and taking a look at the wounds. "These are pretty bad. Your lucky not to already have an infection forming." He pulled something out of his pouch again, some medical looking thing. "So what is a girl as injured as you, and heavily armed as you, doing running around here? No-one comes out here, and those who do are usually bandits."

"Pft, I'm no bandit." I winced when he pressed something against the large wound below on my ribs, then bit down on my lip. "Tell you the truth I'm lost. Oh and there are two deadly ninja after me," I added, grinning widely. "You haven't happened to come across them have you? Your height, one looks like a walking pile of seafood and the other has a look on his face like he has something jammed up his backside when he walks. Oh and they are both wearing really big coats with red clouds on them."

The group looked at each other, and for a moment I panicked that maybe they might actually know who the Akatsuki was. I had no idea really where abouts I may have fallen into the timeline of the series, with the only thing to go on the fact that Itachi was still alive really. This may have ended out to be the time where more people might know about the Akatsuki... and therefore meaning I would be once again taken for more information by some other enemy party.

They shook their heads though, much to my relief. "No, we havent't. What are they after you for?"

Maybe it wouldn't be a very good idea that I told them either. Racking my brains for an excuse of why two highly trained ninja would be after me, only one instantly popped into my head and sounded credible. "I had a very abusive boyfriend. He was part of this gang that wears the cloaks. When I broke up with him he didn't take it too well.... he kidnapped me a few days ago, trying to get us back together again. I drugged him earlier today and got away.... I took his weapons with me too."

"Yes, well it's pretty clear they aren't yours, the way you use them," Yoshi said. "Sounds like a right bastard this boyfriend."

"EX. But yes, he's a total jerk of a weasel. Him and his fish friend."

The three ninja all looked at me for a moment, obviously trying to sum up whether or not I was actually telling the truth. My performance with the kunai and terrible reflexes plainly said I was not a ninja, and as for the wounds they seemed to back up the fact I'd just been through hell in the last few days. Yoshi finished rebandaging me, "Well, it wouldn't see fit for us to abandon you out here to be tracked down by them again, especially when bandits often come through this area." He stood, "We'll escort you home again. Where do you live?"

I stared up at him. "Uh... Konoha!" The most obvious of all places for a Naruto minded fan to say.

Yoshi nodded, "That's good. We're headed in that direction as it is."

I grinned, "Oh you seriously have no idea how grateful I would be for that!" I threw my arms around his neck, "Your a living hero you are!" Then... "Ow. Hugging hurts."

Yoshi was surprised to say the least. If he had ever rescued people in the past before, then I was pretty sure that they didn't hug him. "You know, you are perhaps one of the strangest people I have ever met." That made me chuckle.

The nice one of the other two put his hands on his hips, cracking a wide grin, "I like this girl. What's your name kid?"

"Krissy. And yourself."

"Atsuto. This lot call me Atsu." Atsu grinned. "And that's Yoshi, and this amazing charm of personality here is Waku." He pointed lastly to the silver haired man, who still had a look on his face that was alike to one he would have if passing an exceptionally large kidney stone.

I gave them both a small military salute as Yoshi helped me get back to my feet. "Howdy."

Waku gave me a sneer, turning the corner of his lip up slightly with disdain. "We're actually taking this fluff for brains who's dressed like a homeless tramp with us?" he asked his two associates, completley ignoring me. "She will be a pain in the butt to take with us."

Great another one who thought I was an idiot. I'll show him pain in the butt I will... "Waku, was it?" I asked chirpily, huge smile on my face and taking a step towards him. I looked up at him.. damn, another tall ninja!... and widened my eyes in surprise a little. "You have something on your face you know..."

He narrowed his eyes. "I do?" He raised one eyebrow.

"Yep." I grinned and then my fist met his right cheek. What was it with these big awesome ninja being unable to stop me from hitting them? Meh, worked well enough for me! Once the blow was struck, I withdrew my hand quickly, still smiling, "My fist."

He glared at me, to which I repsonded with a great big cheesy grin. "You know, your name really doesnt help matters. It make's people just want to Whack You."

Atsu clapped his hands together, laughing. "I'm liking this girl even more now!" He gave a mock wince when the withering glare was redirected his way. He stood by my side, slinging a casual arm over my good, unbandaged shoulder, "You and me are going to get along great, I can already tell!"

"Wonderful... another version of him. Only this one probarbly PMS's a thousand times worse," Waku growled, looking far less than pleased.

"Vous monsieur êtes un bâtard," I spat back at him. _You sir... are a bastard._

He raised an eyebrow. "That better not be a summoning."

"It's not. Well sort of. It's French. It works in mysterious ways to summon words that others cannot understand. It worked on fish and weasel... and I bet it will work on whackos too!" I grinned. "Beware the French! They have fries and frog legs!"

He only glared at the new name. Five minutes, and he already had a nickname. You know you'd think I'd learn a lesson with unstable ninja, but meh.... what's life without a little danger?

Yoshi smoothly moved forward, "Come on, we've got a few days until we reach Konoha. And I don't want to stick around with two highly trained and most likely very pissed ninja in the area."

"Ditto that," Atsu said. He then winked down at me, "Welcome to the pack Krissy. Stick with us and we'll get you home."

I smiled. I highly doubted that considering where home was, but for the moment at least I wasn't on my own, or trapped with either the Akatsuki or other evil ninja. It was the first moment that seemed like I'd been able to relax for a while.

"Oh, and you have to teach me this... French..."

"I shall! You seem like a good pupil... I might even teach you a little Chinese too, young language grasshopper!" I grinned with a thumbs up.

"Hell...," I heard Waku grumble from some point away from the two of us. I giggled and nodded to Atsu, and a huge grin came onto his face while Waku scowled. This was going to be a fun trip!!

* * *

It had been just over two days. Those had been two very, _very_ long days. They had found it was incredibly difficult to track someone, even a regular girl, with none of the chakra signals to latch onto as they usually had to go by, and one who had hours of a headstart. One extra hour has been used up in order to rid themselves of their *cough* facepaint. Kisame had been unable to remove the black from his hair, and silently fumed the entire way, making the journey an irritable one. His mood was steadily growing worse by every passing minute.

"How the hell does one annoying girl with no ninja skills in the world, who doesn't have a clue where she's going, evade two Akatsuki for over two days straight!?" Kisame was about now at the end of his patience. "Leader is going to be incredibly hacked off with us if we don't send some report in about why we are days late!"

Itachi had to admit his nerves were starting to grow a little thin too. They had been travelling for two straight days now without rest or food. The only thing they stopped for was water in any steams they happened to come across. There hadn't been any sign of their headache, even after the multitude of clones they had sent out in all sorts of directions. If only they had the slightest idea where in the world she was from, then there could be a possibility that they would be able to predict where she was going. Wind Country, Fire Country.... they were going on blanks. Itachi finally halted and Kisame slowed down, standing beside him.

"You start back for Headquarters Kisame, inform him of the situation. I shall continue to try track Krissy down."

"When I find that girl, after all this time she's been wasting, I'm going to," Itachi ignored his associate as he began to once again rant and rave about how he was going to slowly and torturously murder Krissy. They seemed to get more brutal, bloody and violent every single time. This one seemed to involve a lot to do with sticks and drowning....

"Once you reach Headquarters I will be able to contact you all through the rings if I have not returned with her in a week," Itachi stated when Kisame turned to leave in the other direction, the way back to the Headquarters. "Make the situation clear with Leader."

"Once he hears of this he's probarbly going to send more members out after Krissy." Kisame hung his head, slightly defeated, "They are never going to let us live this down."

Itachi remained with an emotionless face, without the care for whatever the outcome was. His main problem was locating Krissy. She knew too much to be left wandering around. She knew too much about _him_, and it unsettled him. If she was to spread that information, years of his life that he had given away would have been nothing but a waste. The bottom of his stomach squirmed uncomfortably for a while, most unusual for him, with even a thought of her making him edgy.

Kisame soon left under Itachi's instruction and left the dark haired Uchiha alone by himself, making in the opposite direction. The two hadn't ever been challenged enough to have to split ways to accomplish a mission before. It seemed strange that the only one challenging enough to have to do that to them was a girl who couldn't be older than Itachi himself, without any sort of ninja skills at all.

Itachi continued by himself for another few hours, watching as the sun started to sink down lower again. His clones were covering a vast area, but the landscape they were in was mostly empty of human life signs. They had passed through the town they were near the other day with Krissy, but there was no show of her there. It was like looking for a needle in a haystack.

Feeling the sharp tug at his eyelids, Itachi knew he was going to need rest soon. There was still minor traces of the drug Krissy had used to pollute his system, and combined with the days of travel and the use of so much chakra to keep his clones out searching was beginning to exhaust him.

He kept going, almost ready and willing to give up for the moment and take that well deserved rest when one of his clones suddenly picked up on something. Three chakra signals of three obviously distinct ninja. They weren't the strongest of chakra signals, meaning they were probarbly low rank ninja, but it was the presence of a fourth person he picked up on that sparked his interest. One with no trace of a chakra signal. A female. Silently he edged his clone closer in order to trail the group of four, not even needing them to be in view, only to hear her voice to confirm that indeed it was exactly the person he was looking for.

In the state he was in, with the drug still floating around in his system, he didn't want to risk a fight with a clone. The group didn't look like they were travelling fast. If he picked up the pace they could be easily reached by the morning, assuming they did indeed stop for the night for rest.

He actually allowed himself to smirk slighty. _Gotcha Krissy._

* * *

**I have added characters yes!! live with them!! they will be essential later!! i think... my brain did have something but it escapes me for the moment..... **

**I'm posting another chapter up too! because I was so evil and didn't post for so long.... I hate school... really... it takes all your time away!!!**

**Itachi and Kisame: *planning to threaten school board into making school a 24/7 thing* **


	12. Zapper and Foolishness

**Here is another one dah-lings cause I was so evil for disappearing... this chapter does not feel like it makes up for much... it's uh... not the best, but it is pretty important..... so um, again... deal with it until my funny muse comes back more LOL**

**Me: *has discovered Kisame and Itachi's evil plot to try make school 24/7* if you two even dare, I will shave your heads and one eyebrow off....**

**Kisame: why one eyebrow?**

**Me: because then you either have to shave off the other to make them match, or pencil on a funny looking one XD *stares a Kisame* wait.... YOU DON'T HAVE EYEBROWS!!! NOOOOOO!! why do so many ninja have no eyebrows!?!?!?!?**

**Kisame: *snickering***

**no seriously... aren't eyebrows important? why are so many of them missing eyebrows?!?!?! * deep thought of the day***

* * *

"Atsu, you need to eat more. Your stomach is too hard!" I complained bitterly to the man, who's abdominal area I was currently trying to pass off and use as a pillow.

He laughed, "I'm afraid I would Zapper, but that sort of creates a bigger target which isin't really good in my line of work." Grinning, he added, "Besides, it's time to get up. If you wanted to use me as a pillow you should have asked last night."

"Dammit. Stupid ninja! Your no fair!" Yawning and adding more complaints, I reluctantly sat up. I wasn't even sure how I managed to end up with my head on Atsu's stomach, for I was too sleepy and faintly though of him as my pillow, strayed from me in the middle of the night.

Oh, and that nickname, Zapper. Most amusing story behind it actually. After about two or so hours of Waku sending me the evil death glares from the corner of his eye, I had finally turned around and confronted him. "What's your problem? Why are you sending me all these killer glares Whacko?"

"It is the fact that we are now travelling with a raggedy, insulting girl, who is travelling as fast as the seasons change." He replied coldly, giving me another one of the glares as if to ask _'So what if I am though? What are you going to do about it?' _"And can you stop calling me that ruddy nickname!?"

"Make me!" I stuck out my tongue at him, "Whaaaack... Ooo..." I made sure to drag it out.

He growled, and his hand clamped around my good arm, "I can injure you, you know. You wouldn't be able to stop me from breaking your arm."

Atsu and Yoshi instantly moved closer, eyeing their friend warily. They didn't pull him away, for reasons that two days later now I knew. If Waku meant at least half his threats then I'd have already died of internal bleeding a few hours after first meeting him. His threats were empty, unlike a certain fish man's, who would have carried through with all of his if he had been allowed too. "Gees," Yoshi sighed, "This is a new record for you Waku. Two hours, and already your threatning her! Your not exactly being very sensitive considering the state she's been in for the last few days!"

"The girl's already a pain!" Waku answered.

"I do have a name!" I cut in with great indignance. With my free hand I had started scratching absently just below my ribs where the wounds were beginning to itch most terribley. "Now let me go please?"

"Why should I?"

Yoshi rolled his eyes, but I smiled at him. "Because I can make your life a living hell if you don't!" With that I reached up to poke him in the cheek with the same hand I had been using to scratch, and was most pleasantly surprised at what happened. Both him and I felt a surge of build up static electricity flick from my finger to his cheek, giving him that momentary zap and causing him to let go of me. It had Atsu in stitches.

He named the move "The-Great-Krissy-Lightening-Attack," but for short he called me Zapper. I quite liked it actually, gave me a tough feeling. Though I couldn't help but feel just a teensy bit like a certain object used for ridding one of bugs. meh... I was a big bug zapper... I got rid of pesky ninja's!!

After the raggedy comment about my attire, it was however decided that I did indeed need a change of clothes. Mine had been soaked, and stained beyond belief. Half of them were in scattered tatters that were stained with blood from all my wounds, only adding to my sorry looking state. So the first thing that they had done for me was find a nearby stream and allow me to have the first proper wash I had had in what felt like forever.

Atsu also generously donated me some of his spare clothes he had folded in the bottom of his ninja bag. I needed a belt to keep the trousers up, seeing how he was bigger than me. The shirt had been made to fit skin tight as it was, considering how loose dangling ends of clothing made a target for enemies to latch onto and yank in battle. The shirt was still bigger, but it only hung a little loosely on me. I gave Atsu a hug for that. He grinned madly. That was the beginning of the interesting relationship we shared.

After just over two days of travel I had gotten used to the guys, and they had grown used to me. Sort of. I pegged each one of them out with matching personalities to the TMNT, with each of them fitting almost identically in with one of the turtles. Yoshi was Leonardo, the calm, cool leader. He kept them all in line, handed orders, stuff like that. Waku was like Raphael, in the sense that he was hot tempered, impatient and got really grumpy when someone irritated him. That was namely me and Atsu. Atsu himself was just like Michelangelo from TMNT.... carefree, teasing, and he loved annoying Waku. Once he witnessed my performances with Waku, he made me his partner in crime.

Also, they now all had nicknames. Waku was obviously a Whacko... no comment was even needed! Because of his fun loving personality, and his name... I'd also dubbed Atsu... Pikatsu! He had been most intrigued about it, but it was incredibly difficult to explain to him what Pikachu and Pokemon was... in the end he just accepted the name. Explaining foreign things hurt his brain. Good old Yoshi had been named Crocodile, out of the character in Mario. Again, I had trouble explaining it to them, because things such as hand held games or Playstations were absolutely foreign objects to them.

I yawned widely, ready to flop back down and go back to sleep. Atsu however was already on his feet, and thereby ruining my plan to lie down again and use him as a pillow before he could do anything. Bastard. Instead I settled for lying back on the ground, curling up and closing my eyes again.

A hand reached down and took hold of the shirt I was wearing. It pulled me up off the ground, so I could glare at the culprit who was responsible for the ruin at my attempt to fall asleep again. It was Yoshi, of course. Waku wouldn't bother and Atsu would simply keep poking my face. I found that out yesterday morning the hard way. Course I tripped him over for that... twice... into a ditch.

Rebelliously I let my feet dangle uselessly instead of placing them down on the ground flat to stand. With folded arms I looked at Yoshi, "You disturbed my sleep why Croco?"

"Because it is time to get up and get moving," he replied brightly, trying to put me back on my feet again. Once more I proved to be difficult.

"Sleep though! Sleeps important!"

"I will have you know that Konoha is only a few hours away. If we get moving now, we can be there by midday."

Konoha was that close?! In a second I was standing on my feet, already walking in the direction I knew we were heading in. "What are we waiting for?!"

They stood for a moment. Atsu stared dumbfounded. "But we haven't even had breakfast!"

"Eat on the way! Move now you snail headed forehead protector ninja things!"

"Seems she is as eager to get rid of us as I am to get rid of her," Waku stated.

I turned to face him, "Come on, ya love me really." He raised an eyebrow, which I ignored. "Besides, I'm wearing his clothes," I pointed to Atsu, "Which seemed like a good idea at the time. But seeing what that scruff monkey of hyperness gets up to, I don't even want to start thinking of what has happened to these clothes in the past. They could have been stink bombed with a deadly infectious disease for all I know!"

"For the record, they haven't. But I don't really blame you," Atsu grinned, raising his arms, "Sometimes I myself can't stand my clothes! I will just go bare!"

"TOO MUCH INFO PIKATSU!" I yelled, slamming my palms into my forehead and trying to scatter the terrible image trying to invade my mind. "Gah, make it stop! Can one of you perform a memory wipe jutsu or something, please?! It burns!"

"If only we could!" Waku spat, looking as if he was trying to rid his own mind of such nasty images and suffering when they kept trying to push their way back in. "Dammit Atsu!"

Said ninja was grinning with no sign of embarassment or regret for his statement in his face. "What? Can't take it?"

"Wow, you might actually be a bigger pervert than weasel," I muttered under my breath.

I stood, waiting for them to clear the camp. Seeing who was after us, the last couple of nights they had not risked lighting a fire. So the whole clearing of the camp was more just covering over any signs that there had been anyone there. It didn't take long, and soon enough the three of them were in step with me. Well... overtaking me. See, reason I hate ninja agility.... they always leave me behind! I had to run to keep up with their walk!

Atsu slowed down so I could walk next to him, "How ya feeling about getting home Zapper?"

"More excited that a mouse in a mousetrap that escapes with his life and the cheese!"

Staring for a moment, he then shook his head and grinned, touselling my hair, "Your such a strange little girl!"

"I'm seventeen dingis! I'm not little!" I complained. "Stupid Pikatsu." He only grinned at me as we continued walked along. Atsu could be annoying, but then again so could I, and that gave us an unspoken fellow-comrade-in-plans-of-annoyingness bond. I could forgive the comments about being smaller than him, and he could forgive the oddity of his nickname.

We had been walking for about an hour when Yoshi suddenly stopped. "I sense life signs in the area, approaching rapidly."

The four of us all froze. So far we hadn't met any of the bandits that they had claimed often populated this area, which had appeared to be a stroke of utterly good fortune. Until now. I had been told that one of Yoshi's special skills was the ability to sense other life signs in the area, which is why he led them on missions. He could pick up on them, so no-one would be able to sneak up on them. So when he announced things like that, it was definately to be taken quite seriously. The other three armed themselves with kunai from their pouches and slipping into ready stances in the direction Yoshi pointed himself towards, bracing for whatever came at us. That was the annoying part of Yoshi's skill... never told you how many life signs there was. There could be apparently from either two to twenty people and he couldn't tell.

Atsu was placed just before me. He turned and winked back at me beneath his mess of brightly coloured hair, "No worries Zapper. We'll take care of these bandits no sweat. They are all just wannabe ninja as it is!" His grin was reassuring in a way, but something in me was unsettled. A queasy feeling gnawing away at me.

The attack came faster than any of us could follow. With Yoshi bringing up the front of the group, he was the first to suddenly be knocked back off his feet with a sharp clang of metal by someone moving so fast they were a blur. It was only after he was suddenly swept back that I noticed the kunai he held in front of him, just barely three inches from his neck. It was held in a strong grip against another kunai, held by someone I did not want to be seeing.

It was Itachi. His Akatsuki cloak flowed behind him after the strike. His moves were so fast as he lunged at all of them, at times he seemed almost a shadow of himself. Waku and Atsu both leapt out of the way as he came at them, Atsu with one hand holding to a kunai and the other around me to keep me out of the line of attack. He kicked out at Itachi, who dodged and moved back.

Itachi jumped out the way of an attempt at an attack, standing and staring blankly at the group of us, almost as if in a stand off. Calmly and void of emotion just as he always seemed to be like, he told them, "I'm here for the girl. Hand her over, and you may leave with your lives."

His eyes snapped onto me, and I cringed, hiding a little behind Atsu. Itachi did not look like a happy chappy... in that sort of Itachi non-emotional, severely ticked off way. Atsu noticed.

"I take it your the bastard ex-boyfriend then?" he spat toward the Itachi.

I could almost see the confusion in Itachi's eyes, and there would have been that slight raise of an eyebrow if he used facial expressions. I felt my face turn red and cringed again, feeling like dying. I hadn't expected that excuse to why he had kidnapped me to actually reach his ears. Boy that turned around and bit me on the butt. I noticed there was no Kisame with him, which was a good thing at least. If they'd have called Kisame fish like I did, a fight would occur instantly.

Yoshi continued it, "She doesn't belong to you. We're returning her home to Konoha, and if you have any decency or honor in you, then I suggest you turn around and walk away."

Itachi's face remained exactly the same as he said quite calmly, "You were warned." Then he attacked with that same swiftness as before. Yoshi was the first to react, and it was lucky for Atsu that he did because Itachi's kunai had almost taken his arm off in order to remove it from a protective cover around me. I gave a, "Fudge muffins!" squeak as sparks showered us, before getting pulled sideways. Waku was soon with us, backing Yoshi up as Atsu once again was pulling me out the way.

It was nothing but chaos. A mixture of Atsu, Yoshi and Waku trying to beat Itachi back and keep him from getting a grip on me. I felt like I was in the middle of a competitive football match, both sides trying to get to the ball, which was me, and sparing no brutal moves to beat back their opponents. Despite the fact there was three of them against Itachi, they were only Chuunin, whereas Itachi had been an ANBU, and a brilliant one at that. He was easily holding his own. "Hug him Pikatsu, it will throw him off!" I cried desperately, trying to think of something I could do rather than just be trapped in the middle.

Atsu was suddenly gone from my side, a hand grasped around his throat and throwing him back. Before I had the chance to do anything I was flung sideways, just as a dark shape flew past me and a hand barely scraped by my arm. Waku had taken a hold of me, and tore me out the way of Itachi who had seen me as an open target. I hit the ground heavily, jarring my injuries, but I was beyond even noticing the pain. I was more frightened of exactly what Itachi was trying to do.... to kill them. i couldn't let that happen... not for me. Looking side to side, I looked desperately for anything I could use to help me. There was nothing but a few measly sticks strewn on the ground. What I wouldn't have given for something like a brick!

The ground shook as the chakra began flying. Jutsu's flew everywhere, with both a mix of flames and earth beating against one another. For Chuunin the group was strong, but not strong enough. The three of them were being beaten down, and it was only a matter of time before they dropped their guard enough for him to get that final shot in. They were already bleeding, injured and breathing heavily. It didn't take long as Itachi continued to attack with ease and agility, soon throwing them to the ground.

That was as much as I could take. I was on my feet, a stick in my hand and sprinting towards the figure of Itachi as he stood over the fallen three. "Stop it Weasel!!" The stick almost connected with the back of his head. Of course he had to turn last split second and catch it, snapping it into two in his grip. His cold eyes looked down at me with the deep, dark, black abysses.

I looked at him darkly, saying low and venomously, "Leave them alone Itachi. This isin't their fight."

He looked at me for only a second, before something flashed behind him and he turned to block an attack. I was yanked backwards again, hearing Yoshi scream, "Atsu, get her away from here!"

Atsu gave a nod I briefly witnessed from the corner of my eye before being flung over a shoulder. "Flipping heck, Pikatsu put me down! Invading my bubble!!" But Atsu was already running, and I was desperately yelling at him, "Put me down! Atsu this isin't your fight! He'll kill you all! For blitz and burgers sake, PUT ME DOWN!"

"Not a chance Zapper!" Atsu replied, quite brightly considering the situation. He kept running with great agility, as both Waku and Yoshi disappeared into a veil of trees and the fight got further away.

"Atsu please! You three have to leave, or he'll kill you!"

Pleading did nothing though. He kept running for what felt like forever, before stopping and chucking me off his shoulder. His usually carefree face was for once dead serious, "Krissy, run towards Konoha. Get to safety. I'm going to go help the others!"

"Wait, Atsu!" I yelled at him, but he was already gone. "Freaking son of a nutcracker, why do ninjas never listen?!"

There was no-one to yell at anymore, but the trees. There was nothing for me to do, but sit here and think about what I had just done. The three of them didn't stand a chance against Itachi. By joining them I'd drawn them to their deaths. Unless.... I reached Konoha first. We weren't that far away anymore, there had to be some ninja in the area who could help! I started running, cursing everything around me.

I was running so fast I crashed into something quite hard before realising it was even there, falling back and hitting the ground. "Freaking tree, stupid non-moving object!" I looked up though, and felt my heart stop. It wasn't a tree. A foot slammed down onto my shoulder, pressing me back firmly into the ground. With a small gasp of pain, I stared upwards. "Hi weasel...."

He stared down at me with cold eyes. "Running off was a foolish thing to do."

"Isin't most of the things I do foolish?" I asked, still pinned to the ground by his foot. "How did you all like your makeovers?" The foot pushed down more painfully, and I frowned, "Fine, don't appreciate my work. I guess I'd be ticked off too if i'd been drugged. Although I did notice Kisame is missing! Too embarassed aye?" I chuckled with a slight evil touch to it.

The energy to be sarcastic or witty much longer was draining from me though as I thought of the others. I'd never felt so utterly defeated before, pinned down by a foot to the ground, once again in the capture of the Akatsuki, and completley unable to have helped or done anything. Even sarcasm couldn't hide it for long. I stared up at him, "You didn't have to involve the others... I was the one you were after, not them."

He didn't reply, only reaching down, grabbing the front of the shirt and hauling me back up to my feet. "They paid the price for refusing to listen, and your own foolishness that brought you to them."

I glared at him, "Oh what, they have to pay for protecting me? For being honorable and helping, even though they had the chance to run?!" My voice softened into a quiet, yet angry tone, "I thought you understood honor Itachi, but maybe the Akatsuki has stolen whatever remained of it. You readily kill anyone weaker than you without a second thought. You really are lower than a weasel..."

Itachi was silent, his dark eyes set on my, unmoving and unblinking. He leant in finally just a little bit, and my heart beat leapt up the scale at how close he was. To any others watching on it would have looked like he was about to kiss me, but I was more afraid he was going to strangle me again. Well, at least this would all be over. It would stop the death and killing that I seemed to be causing. My heart gave a lurch as he leant in a bit more, only a dozen inches from my face.

"Personal bubble weasel."

That was all I got to say before his eyes suddenly turned red, and once again the world started to fall into deep dark blackness. I groaned as I felt my eyelids tug shut, slumping down as my knees buckled beneath me. Two arms stopped my fall though as I slipped into unconsciousness once more. I was able to say a few words though, the sarcasm coming back just for that one brief moment. "Your a terrible boyfriend."

Then with a slight chuckle, it all went black again

* * *

**I tried to warn ya.... my writing muse has been evil to me since I left it for so long... Maybe you liked it, but let's be honest, the humour just wasn't there like it used to be.... *holds out hands to writing magicians* help me!!!**

**but uh, yeah! it shouldn't take as long to post the next one.... and if it does.... shoot Kisame**

**kisame: why me?!**

**Me: cause itachi's good at dodging things and he's scary when he's mad ..... your just a fish...**

**Kisame: SHARK!!! gahhhhh!!!!**


	13. Broken Noses and Grandpa Scarecrows

**Hello again!! Look another post!! and it's not too far off from my last one!! le gasp they think! "Has she actually been able to manage her time and do some writing??**

**YES!! and no.... i have developed insomnia... (not really) but i get up at 5 every morning... so i decided instead of doing homework at an unearthly hour, I shall instead write!! and it works!!! yay!! here's another chappie!! School killed me on the way, especially Classics..... darn Greeks and their vases.... but still... i got it!**

**Uh enjoy it!!**

**btw King0Mik, who has been a wonder and sent me all these rules about good grammar... I tried!! but my grammar is like a splattered bug on the windscreen of a car... it shall never be good!! FORGIVE ME!! I THROW MY TERRIBLE GRAMMAR SELF AT YOU FOR MERCY!! *hugs and gives virtual cookie***

**and thankyou to ALL my reviewers who read my lasts posts!! you guys are all legends! i mean, i left you for two months, and you still came back?? *hugs and chucks out more virtual cookies* eat them darlings, for you have most definately earned them!!!  
**

**Me: *dead from schoolwork* no more....**

**Itachi and Kisame: *plotting my demise* DEATH BY GREEK POTTERY!!! (which is what i say all the time when i go into class)**

**me: *shoots pots* is this what two genius Akatsuki members do with their time? Attempt to kill off one poor little writer with Greek pots?**

**Itachi: For the record... i'm the only genius...**

**Kisame: *glaring* what does that mean???**

**me: hahaha... Kisame just called dumb by the human ice cube**

**Itachi: *glares***

* * *

The evil little men, in all their awesome gong ringing, marathon-running goodness, were back again when light next began to slowly invade my eyes. Groaning, with a headache forming at the front of my skull, I squinted into the light in self pitiful agony.

Voices were talking around me, though I wasn't quite conscious enough to grasp what they were saying. The only thing I did pick out was a cold, practically emotionless voice, "She's waking up."

I opened my eyes fully slowly, faced with brilliant red sharingan eyes that were about the only things I saw instantly. "GAH!" My fist met a nose with a sickening crunch, and knocked the owner of that nose back to the ground. "For fudge muffins sake, stop sharinganing me weasel!" I shouted loudly, withdrawing my hand and pressing both palms against my eye sockets. It felt like the little men inside my head were trying to slowly chop their way out.

There was a high pitched shriek of surprise somewhere near my left ear. It was definately a feminine voice. _Is that why Kisame didn't appear with Itachi? Was he going through a gender change or something? My gosh... girly fish have glass shattering voices!!_ "No way she just broke his nose!"

"She didn't break my nose," came that cold sounding voice, half muffled by what had to be hands covering the owners face.

A third voice joined the ruckus. One that was laughing it's measly little butt off, "Haha, I can't believe he just got his nose broken by a girl!"

"Naruto shut up and leave Sasuke alone!!" the feminine voice shouted, and there came another thunk and moan of pain.

"And she didn't break my nose!" the very first voice again yelled, sounding very irritated and indignant.

My eyes opened more, finally able to take in the bright lights and turn them into recognisable shapes of objects. I blinked, propping myself up on my arms so I could look at the three younger people who surrounded me. Their attention was not on me at that current moment, but instead on the young dark haired boy who had a bloodied nose. A young pink haired girl was now fussing over him, and a blonde haired kid in a bright orange jumpsuit was laughing his little butt off. I knew exactly who they were.

"No... way..." I said, and their attention fell back onto me.

"Oh dear, what happened now?" came a lazy sounding fourth voice that I instantly recognised. My head snapped towards where the sound of the voice came, which was a tree top nearby. Too sharply, because the men trying to chop their way out through my eyeballs attempted another go. I pressed my hand against my forehead, groaning, and holding the attention of all four again.

"Kakashi-sensei, this girl just broke Sasuke's nose!" the pink hair, high-pitched, girl that I knew was Sakura wailed.

"She did not break my nose!" Sasuke shouted indignantly again, glaring a little. He wiped the little bit of blood from his nose, getting to his feet and glaring down at me with scarlet red eyes, as if to say, _"Why the hell did you try it though?"_

I think it surprised him maybe a little when I didn't cringe from that gaze. I just snapped at him, "Well it was defense! How was I supposed to know who it was?! You could have been a sixty headed borgle blater beast from Neptinor or something!"

He flashed a little confusion before narrowing his eyes more, "Sounded like you thought I was someone else."

"Well I did, but you aren't, so the nose break," he growled at that reference, "was a mistake. But you fudgey pop ninja's and your multi coloured eyes, what the heck did you think I was going to do when I woke up to someone with evil red eyes leaning over me?! Especially since I know it's a freaking sharingan! Don't ninja think about those things!?"

Kakashi was chuckling behind his mask, "Well it's good to see an attack on her has not affected her too much. But we should stop this before it gets too carried away." He leapt down lightly from his perch in the tree, landing beside me. He knelt down next to me, peering down from beneath mask and his headband that was slung over his left eye. "You'll have to forgive Sasuke. We were training with his sharingan, and it's likely he forgot to deactivate it." I gave a hpmh, shooting a glare at the boy who was giving me the evil eye. A quick scan and Kakashi announced his observation, "Your injured, but you look in good shape. These wounds are old?"

I nodded, "Couple of days old."

He reached out a hand and poked me somewhere in the forehead, "This one is new." A sharp pain hit me for a moment, and I reached a hand up to my forehead to find a crusted scab forming over what had to be a new wound. It wasn't big or deep, thank goodness, and was probarbly something from when I had hit the tree earlier when Itachi had....

Itachi!

I was on my feet again in an instant, looking around frantically, "Where is he? I'm going to shred him open with my bare hands and play hacky sack with his organs I am! Freaking weasel!!"

Of course the little men weren't yet finished with me, and as soon as I was on my feet then nausea and dizzyness hit me. Kakashi had an arm (a very strong arm I will tell you) around me in a heartbeat. "Relax. Whoever attacked you is gone. They ran off when they saw us coming in response to that explosion."

"Explosion?"

He tilted his head to the side as he released me again, "You must have been unconscious by that time. The explosion took place not far from here, and must have been in battle with three other ninja.."

"Whacko, Croco and Pikatsu!! Are they okay?!" I was practically yelling in his face.

He used one hand to push me back a little, "Relax. If those were your companions they are alright. They have some minor wounds and they are all unconscious. Are you part of their team?"

"Pshh, no. Do I look like a ninja? My skills don't extend that far... but yes I am travelling with them. They helped me a few days ago, on their way through to their village. Which I assure you explains," I plucked at the baggy clothing I was wearing, "These." I looked at him seriously, "Where are they though? Can I see them?!"

"They are in good hands. They are being tended to by Gai and his team."

Cue eyes widening. "Poor buggers," I muttered before I could stop myself. Kakashi gave me an odd look, and I quickly corrected myself, looking around, "What about Ita--," Mind click 'on'. _Dammit I've dug a hole here! _"--'Ee dat attacked us? Did you find him?" I silently applauded in my mind my great save. It was a very sarcastic sounding clap but it was a clap none the less.

Kakashi looked at me queerly, "No. He ran when he saw us coming, and was too fast for us to follow after him." His single eye narrowed at me, "Do you know who attacked you."

"My ex-boyfriend." _A million bazillion RATS!! Why did I have to keep coming back to that excuse?! The weasel was not my boyfriend!! ... wait, did I just mentally sigh?!_ I walked over to the nearest tree and hit my head sharply against it. _GET OUTTA MA HEAD YOU NONSENSE AND SELF HARMFUL THOUGHTS YOU!!!_

I could see the slight confusion and maybe a little worry about my sanity in the eyes of the three young Genin at my action. "Kakashi-sensei, are you sure she's okay?" Naruto asked plainly, scratching his blonde head.

I threw him a thumbs up. "Absolutely dandy!" I lifted my head and turned back to look at them, and pointed a finger at Sakura, "Beware of men. Choose your love life carefully!" I glared briefly at Sasuke, "And I mean carefully." Okay so I didn't hit it off exactly with the second Uchiha brother I had met. He was only lucky he was both a ninja who likely wouldn't be caught off guard by me and my impulsive punches again, as well as the fact he was only twelve and I didn't want to be a child abuser. From what I knew of the series, I hated Sasuke. He had abandoned his village and those who cared for him for some.... pedophile snake man. He became a total arse. Unfortunately I couldn't hold that against him yet. Curse you time travel between reality and likely hallucinogenic anime worlds!!

Kakashi didn't look so sure himself that I was 100% sane, but he gave a smile none the less. "I was pretty sure two minutes ago Naruto." His head turned before I could glare at him as well, in the direction of something approaching which apparently only ninja can hear. Someone silently landed beside me, "And who is this lovely young thing?"

You'd think I'd be used to ninja and their sneaky ways by now... but no. "GAHHHH!! SNEAKY NINJA!" I turned around ready to whack them, finding myself face to chest with what could only be described as a green suited monster. "Ahhh! Spandex burns!!!" I pressed my palms against my eyes and shook my head. "My eyes! Help me, my eyes! Doctor Phil! Superman! Anyone?!"

Konoha's Noble Green Beast... or better known as Might Guy... grinned widely. "My eternal rival Kakashi, you sure can pick up the good ones!" I couldn't tell if he was being serious or not. That smile was so wide though it was entrancing. Just like one of those hypnotic spinning wheels that keeps going around and around and makes you feel dizzy just looking at them. "Shiiiny...." I droned quietly, earning stares again.

Kakashi gave what sounded a sheepish sort of chuckle, "I sure can." I did not want to know what he meant by that. His eyes... sorry, _eye_, was on me again. "Though you still have not told us your name, or to what village your loyalties lie."

"Names Krissy. I hail from... a galaxy far far away, called NZ...." I grinned widely. With a Star Trek salute, I beamed, "Pleasure to meet you. Force be with you too!" Yeah they are two different movies... so what? Not like they'd know what Star Wars or Star Trek was....

Guy looked back at Kakashi again with that giant goofy grin, "Well, me and my team are returning the three men to Konoha."

I nearly pounced on Guy, "Are they okay?! Where are they?! Can I see them now?! I want to see my TMNT ninja buddies!!"

The only thing that stopped me from leaping on him for answers and kicking them out of his green spandexed, sin of fashion'd butt was Kakashi putting an arm out just in time to stop me from both attacking and dropping to the ground when I grabbed my head in pain again. Curse my feeble non-ninja injured ways. "You can see them at the hospital. Right now I do believe you need a check up yourself or you may suddenly drop over on us."

"Oh I have too much to live for before that happens.... I still have many annoying songs to sing and stupid names to give out," I answered. Then I pressed my hand to the scab that was forming on my head. "But um... it would be nice for a bit of a check-up please."

"I suggest you hold on tight."

"What?" That was soon answered as he whipped me onto his back. I guess Kakashi had already put me on the 'trusted for now, because she's definately an airhead with no chakra,' list if he was lifting me onto his back. Still... "Hey, don't any of you lot know about things called personal bubbles!? Gees!!" I pouted, even though it only met the back of his silver bushy hair.

Kakashi momentarily grinned back at me, I could tell by the way the corner of his eye crinkled up, "So sorry." Hmph, didn't sound it, so I told him, "Drop me at any stage and I will hunt you down Scarecrow."

He tilted his head just a little at the new name, "Scarecrow?"

I giggled, "Yep. That's what your name means right?" I stuck my tongue at him, "Suits you!"

Kakashi shook his head and with a look down at his students he told them, "You three return to the village behind us. Training is postponed for the day."

"Awww man," Naruto whined. With a most disappointed face, he soon followed behind as Kakashi leapt suddenly forward. It was like taking an Extreme-Piggy-Back-Ride. I almost fell off, clenching arms tightly around his neck tightly to stop myself becoming feeling of wanting to hurl was also no longer becoming a feeling, rather more of an action. I clenched my teeth together though, rather not wanting to chuck up over the pervy, silver-haired-yet-somehow-not-old ninja who was carrying me. He might drop me!

It was amazing how fast ninja speed could cover distance. It must have only been half an hour when Konoha suddenly reared it's large high walls at us. I could only feel my jaw slack a little in amazement. The anime and manga never gave it justice to how _massive_ these walls were! We were through the gates easily, and soon sprinting along the rooftops. I got glimpses of the village, marvelling at how fantastic it actually was. Anime in real life was something no picture could ever do justice to I realised. Then again, you wouldn't ever expect something in anime to turn into real life would you? Kakashi said something to me, but I was in enough of a wonderland of my own that all I did was murmur a "Yes," without hearing what he said.

My feet hit the ground rather hard, and I yelped in pain. "What did you do that for?"

"I apologise. I did just tell you we were here and I was putting you down," Kakashi answered. "I thought you had heard me, but you were obviously not paying attention."

"Don't use my lack of attention against me as an excuse to make up for the fact you dropped me Scarecrow! Besides I might have responded, but you probarbly wouldn't have heard me."

"Why not?"

"Silver hair. You have to be a bazillion year old Scarecrow then. Plus you wear a mask, so you have to be hiding something. I'm guessing a lotta wrinkles, and once more telling me you are an old man." I tilted my head to the side, "Following that, your hearing probarbly isin't as top notch as it was at the turn of the last millenia."

The sound of footsteps, though only light ones, landed behind us. I turned to see the three of Team Seven standing behind me, and immediately homed in on the only easily bribed one. "My buddy Naruto!!" I said, running towards him and tackling him in a bear hug-- at last a ninja shorter than me!!-- I grinned widely. "I'll buy you a lot of ramen if you attack your bazillion year old Grandpa Scarecrow sensei for me."

"This is the thanks I get?" Kakashi mumbled under his breath, only just audible.

"Oh yeah!!" Naruto bounced up and down in the spot. Then he stopped momentarily, "What did Kakashi-sensei do? Was he a perv?" Naruto looked at his sensei, scratching his head. "Has he been reading those books again?"

"No, he tried using my lack of attention against me." I glared at the targeted sensei, "I'm sorry kids, but no-one uses logic or common sense with me and gets away with it!" I turned back to Kakashi, "Your only still sane because Weasel broke T-Rex, rest in peace his dear little electronic soul, so I can't use Squeaky-Beethoven-no-Jutsu!"

"I thought you had no chakra?" Sakura asked me.

I grinned back at her, "The best techniques don't need chakra. They just need a really hyperactive mind, a living dinosaur cellphone, and a whole lotta stupid songs to work." I slung an arm around her tiny shoulders, "You see.... men aren't all that brilliant at times... do you know the easiest way to take them down is surprise them with a hug?"

"Really?" Sakura actually sounded curious about it, and I saw her glance sideways at Sasuke.

"I'll prove it to you one day!" Then my legs gave way sligthly beneath me as I removed my arm from her shoulders. My head was pounding now after all that running with Kakashi jolting me around on his back like I was on some runaway merry-go-round horse. "Dying... check-up now please."

Kakashi obliged by handing me his arm and pulling my good arm over his shoulders. "You are perhaps one of the oddest people I have ever had to rescue."

"I seem to get that a lot. Although you guys are perhaps the nicest ninja from first meeting that I have met. Last time they were sneaky and tripped me over. Bastards aren't they?"

He didn't reply, but after he had dismissed his students he remained with me as the doctors gave me a whizz over. Nothing was life threatning they said, though they applied some soothing drugs onto my wounds before using some fresh bandages. Plus they gave me candy flavoured pain killers. Kakashi had to steal them back again when I tried eating a few extra (being eternally stupid and thinking at the time the doctors had actually just given me candy).

I sat with my legs hanging off the end of a hospital bed, looking around nervously most of the time during the check-up. I liked hospitals only when I was not the one needing to be in them. Kakashi had noted this at first and asked me why.

"Because doctors wear white coats... think about it. What if they splatter blood over them? White only makes it more visible! It then makes them looks like butchers that are killing off their patients..." he wasn't following, so I clarified, "I've read too many horror novels."

Kakashi was still there while we waited for the doctor to return with the final report, sitting on the seat beside me, and so I took to staring at him. "Grandpa Scarecrow, why are you still here?"

He blinked and looked at me. "Well naturally I'm going to have to hand in a report to the Hokage about this incident. It isin't a usual custom to bring in outsiders without permit into the village. it would be most helpful if you would accompany me and give your account of what happened with your... uh, ex-boyfriend...?"

His pause made it obvious he wished me to tell me the name. Crud, I hadn't thought of that before. The other three hadn't asked me for a name... they simply let it drop when I said it was a tender subject. _Name... what's a name?! Think! English, I read books in English class.. what's a name out of someone in a book I've read?! Pride and Prejudice!!_ "Darcy! Fitzwilliam Darcy...." Another mental clap... this one was even more sarcastic. _Bravo... couldn't come up with a more ninja-ish name?_ Well.... it was better than Bob... wait, I should have said Bruce Lee!! Too late now... although saying Lee would have reminded me too much about some green spandexed hyper horror that was wandering somewhere around this village, much too close for comfort.

Kakashi frowned, "Fitzwilliam? That is a strange name."

"He's foreign... very foreign." I shrugged, "He tried to change it to Jackie Chan, but there was issues with that. I just called him Weasel all of the time. Annoyed him, but it was fun." I clapped my hands together, "So when can I go see my TMNT gang?" I bit my lip, "I'm worried about them." At least they were alive though. That was a good start.

"I checked with the doctors. They have been placed under a heavy genjutsu, which will take another few hours to wear off. Other than that, their injuries are only minor. They should be full recovered in another two days."

I sighed in relief, "That's good to hear."

The doctor returned, giving me the clear to be able to leave. I was grateful, and was about to go running off down the hallway in search of the three when Kakashi pulled me back. "You are accompanying me to the Hokage."

"Do I have to?" I whined.

"If you would rather wander off on your own and face the Hokage sending ANBU after you, just in case you do turn out to be a threat to our village, be my guest and leave now."

"Your as sadistic as the rest of them Grandpa Scarecrow... you realise that? You'd think a guy wearing a cool mask like yours would be cool to hang out with, but noooo." I glared at him. "Fine, let's go meet the old man."

"I would suggest you didn't call him that in front of him."

"Alright, alright... buzz kill. I get it. Old croonies stick up for one another. Gotcha!" I grinned at the tired look Kakashi had. "Question Grandpa. Am I already on your nerves?"

"No. I have much more trouble with my students. Though you come close."

I grinned wider. "I'm just happy to be in Konoha. Me and the gang are safe... that's enough to make me feel great! Plus, your fun to pick on!" Cue cheesy grin. Cue sigh of super powerful masked ninja.

"You are most alike to Naruto, who I should probarbly clarify is an about as hyperactive as you. But louder. Much louder. But he'll grow out of it once he's upped his rank."

"Pfft, good luck with that one," I mumbled. Kakashi's eye narrowed, and I flashed an innocent smile, "Did I say that out loud?"

"Speaking of which," he leant down over me a little with a much sharper look in what I could see in his face, "How did you know to use ramen as a bribe for Naruto?"

"Uh..." Crud. "Lucky guess? Doesn't everyone like ramen?" Crud. Crud. Me and my big mouth. Sometimes I wish I had a padlock for it... but I know I'd lose the key and then I'd be in a huge amount of steaming turtle poop.

Kakashi didn't look so sure anymore, but before he could ask any other questions I was already walking, tugging on his arms. "Come on, let's go see this big huncho head of Konoha then! I want out of this hospital if I'm not allowed to see my TMNT gang!" I dragged him, well tried, towards the door of the hospital. "Hurry up Grandpa Scarecrow, your slower than a turtle trying to gallop through peanut butter in the middle of winter!"

I refused another piggy back. The risk of chucking up over him was still too great after the last one. So we walked to the Hokage's offices. The two of us were wandering along in silence for a while. That was simply because I was lunging about in hops and bounds, while exploring every nook and cranny I could of the city that we passed. The only thing that stopped me going further, or bugging random strangers on the street, was Kakashi lifting me back by one strong hand and the collar of my shirt. "Remind me again, are you seventeen or seven?"

"Do I look like a short, squat kid? Hehe, Grandpa must be going blind." Don't ask me why I was already picking on Kakashi so much. Something about him just made him fun to pick on. Plus, deep down, he didn't really seem to mind it. Actually he laughed at the last comment I made.

We had arrived at the Hokage's offices soon enough. The other Jounin let us through under Kakashi's explanation of our presence, though I recieved a few odd stares when I gave them odd stares. There were so many ninja, it was hard _not _to stare. We went upstairs, into a ready waiting room. Seated at a desk I recognised instantly was a man I also recognised. Hiruzen Sarutobi... the Third Hokage. He looked an awful lot older in person, but he still had a kind look in his face. "Ah, Kakashi, I was wondering when you would show. Guy has already made a report after his team took the the other three ninja to the hospital."

The old man leant forward, looking at me. "You must be the girl, Krissy, that he mentioned. I am the Sarutobi, the Third Hokage."

"Pleasure to meet you, Sir." I heard Kakashi splutter in surprise at how formal I sounded, covering it with a cough. We both looked at him. The Hokage with confusion, and me with the sour look of '_What, you didn't think I could be formal?_'. I look back at the Hokage, huge smile on my face, and the old man shook his head and thought it better to drop the matter.

After that he began to ask me about excatly what had happened. The story I told him was alike to the one I had told Atsu, Yoshi and Waku, with the exception that I was from Konoha. I think my earlier hyper tour of the city streets had proved I was definately not from this area. The thing I kept constant though was the lie about my attacker being an ex-boyfriend of mine. The Hokage also shook his head at the strangeness of my 'boyfriends' name (what did people have against Mr Darcy. Seriously?! He is so cool in Pride and Prejudice!). My story up to then fell through though, and he was convinced as was Kakashi that I was not a ninja undercover.

"Well, seeing how it seems to be too dangerous for your own safety to return to your own village, and also that your new companions are hospital bound until they awaken, you are welcome to stay in Konoha. We shall keep an eye out for this Darcy. As a Jounin of ANBU level, he sounds much too dangerous and unstable to be allowed to wander around at leisure. You were lucky to escape him."

"Quite." Like he wouldn't even believe!

"You may stay as long as you need to in Konoha, until this unstable Jounin is caught. I will see accomodation and uh," he noted my clothes, "More fitting supplies are given to you. Any questions?"

"One. Can I hug you?"

The Hokage seemed a little taken back by this statement. "I uh... I suppose?"

It was too late to save himself. I had already run at him and hugged him, "Thankyou!! I feel safer already!"

"Seeing how you are going to need a place to stay though..." his eyes drifted slyly towards the masked ninja, who had been staring out the window and not paying any attention. Well trying not to, though I had seen a smug grin beneath his mask when I hugged the Hokage. As if on cue though, the sudden attention of the old man at the desk being on him made Kakashi turn his head and tolt it sideways a little. "Kakashi... you have room in your apartment to spare, do you not?"

Uh-oh. "You can't leave me with Grandpa Scarecrow! Who knows what he'll do? Have you seen the sorts of things he reads?!"

"How do you know what I read?"

"Educated guess. All old men are perverts and read pervy books." I looked at the Hokage, who looked most indignant to my statement. "I exclude you of course..."

The Hokage sighed. "The things we hear these days." His eyes were back on Kakashi. "It would be most convinient Kakashi if you could allow her to stay with you. Considering her current situation, I would much prefer that she has someone capable of handeling a situation with her, rather than allowing her to take an apartment on her own."

Kakashi nodded, "Understandable Sir. She may stay with me."

The Hokage dismissed me, asking to speak with Kakashi for a moment alone regarding my 'ex boyfriend'. "Tar much for everything!!" I called back before walking through the door into a momentary exile, leaving the two alone inside. Kakashi came out a minute later, and we set off. As soon as we were outside the building I looked up at Kakashi with a huge grin. "You and me are going to be best friends, I can just tell." His look told me he was thinking that he had just been appointed into the toughest mission ever. Looking after a female version of Naruto.

We were silent as he took me back to his apartment. It took a long time, I think he was worried as soon as I took a few steps into the home that I would somehow cause a chain reaction of circumstances that would destroy it. Such as opening the door a little too wide and stretching the hinges, thereby making the door fall off and hit the wall, then hit a lamp which would crash into the wall and crack a foundation pillar. After that was cracked, everything would come crashing down. At least thats what I _think_ he was thinking.

Silence was something I didn't like at this point though, so I kept striking up random conversations. Silence was confusing. Because when I was allowed to think, then that same thought kept coming back to me. I was here, alive and in Konoha. Though unconscious, my recent companions were also alive and safe here in Konoha. But why? I know Kakashi had said whoever they saw attacking had run off when they appeared, but still.... this was Itachi. I knew he didn't like unecessary fights, but he could have easily have fought Kakashi and three Genin off. Plus an explosion? Surely he wouldn't have to resort that far when fighting Chuunin, who must have undoubtably been unconscious by the time he caught up to me. He could have easily just picked me up when he sharinganed me and run off before anyone could even catch up to him.

So why was I here?

* * *

As soon as Krissy had shut the door the Hokage's face became much sharper and serious when he looked at Kakashi. "Kakashi, what is your impression of this girl?"

"I am convinced she is definately no ninja. She has no chakra in her body at all, and her actions do not speak of being a spy. Concerning her injuries and that of her three companions, those are not staged either, they are genuine."

"Yes, we have confirmed that they are who she claims. They are from a small village a few hours outside of Konoha, and were returning from a mission. So far her story appears to hold up." The Hokage leaned forward onto his hands in thought. "However, I am concerned about this 'ex-boyfriend' of hers. Her tongue seems to run away with her at times, and when asked certain questions about him she becomes vague."

Kakashi nodded. "She appears to know more than she will say. Already it seems like she aware of things about both me and Naruto, though she tries act like it is nothing more than a mere guess."

"Keep an eye on her, and see if you can coax anythign she is trying to hide out of her. I'm not convinced she is dangerous, and I don't think she means any harm. Indeed I believe she is really trying to escape from someone who is after her. It is just who I am worried about."

* * *

Itachi was perched upon a flat rock surface atop a large hill. The sun was hidden behind some clouds, and a cool breeze picked up the edges of his cloak and loose bangs in a gentle dance. He was waiting for contact, which was coming at any moment.

As if on cue he felt the chakra from the ring, and found himself standing in the familiar building of the Akatsuki Headquarters. Pein, better known as their Leader, was standing there, alongside Kisame and a few other members. Not all of them were there, likely still out on various missions.

"Itachi, we have just recieved Kisame's report. Have you managed to capture this girl who has this information on us?" Leader snapped.

Itachi shook his head, "She has fallen into Konoha's hands. They hold her under tight security, and retrieving her without a fight would be impossible."

Pein sighed, pinching his eyes shut in frustration for a moment. He then growled, "I am disappointed that two of our Akatsuki members, of S-Rank!, have been outwitted by a single civilian teenaged girl!" It was evident by his tone he was angry. "I am sending Kisame back, as well as Sasori and Deidara. You four will together enter Konoha and capture her. If you can manage it without detection do so. If not, the four of you can easily handle Konoha's Jounin and ANBU. Just bring that girl! We cannot allow her to stay in Konoha's walls with the information she appears to hold!"

"Yes." Itachi replied with his normal emotionless voice.

"Good. Kisame, Deidara and Sasori will meet with you in a few days outside of Konoha in the assigned meeting point. I expect a report in no more than a week, and it better be good news!"

With that Pein cut off the contact.

Itachi sat still for a moment, staring out at the trees that surrounded him. He had days to wait until his fellow Akatsuki members would meet with him. A few days to prepare himself for having to return to his former village. One he had not set foot in since he had severed his ties with it all those years ago.

Pein was angry, that was obvious. There would be punishment for this, that much was obvious. Pein's punishments were most unpleasant too, though Itachi himself had never had to deal with one before. His and Kisame's missions were almost always perfect, and even if they weren't there was a most reasonable explanation that could excuse a failure. Not this time however. This time they had let a single girl slip through their fingers like smoke. This was inexcusable.

Truthfully though... Krissy could have already been captured. Itachi could already be returning to Headquarters with her slung over his arm, without the thought of punishment to return to. That would have been the easiest thing for him. He had her right there, unconscious after being sharinganed, with her three weak Chuunin comrades that she had appeared to have made friends with during the time they were trying to locate her.

But he hadn't done anything. Instead he had set off an explosion that looked like part of a battle with the three Chuunin, waiting until some nearby Konoha ninja, whose chakra signals he picked up on, showed up. Then he had hightailed it out of there, leaving the one he was supposed to capture at any cost behind in their care.

The only question that could run through his mind was... why?

________

**Ooooo Itachi is going through conflict!! WOW!! he has thoughts and feelings!!**

**Itachi: shut up!! Of course I do, I'm a human aren't I?**

**Me: I thought you were a weasel?.... **

**Itachi: *glaring* I'm not a weasel**

**Me: sureeee.... and Kisame isin't a fish**

**Kisame: SHARK!!! for gawds sake!! why don't people get this?!?!**

**Me: sharks are classed as fish... FIIISH!! ... though... if you like *jabs thumb at Itachi* since he's weasel.... he can be Weasel and you can be I R' BABOON (off that show _I AM WEASEL_) !! **

**Kisame: no thanks...**

**me: its a baboon or fish... take your pick... **

**Kisame: B*tch....**

**Me: I know ^_^**


	14. Ramen and Ebay Underwear

**OMG look at this! A post... AT LAST! I don't know why it's been taking me so long... I blame school... curse you learning! Why must you make life so difficult?!**

**Itachi: *removes his sunglasses and changes from swim togs to normal cloaked hawtness* Kisame, she's returned. Holiday is over.**

**Kisame: DAMMIT! And I was going on that cruise tomorrow... why did she choose to come back today?!**

**Me: Awww, I missed you lot too... really -_- **

**So um, yes... pummel me for being away so long... I blame life... **

**Oh and I blame my friends. The sort of friends who come online and talk to you at 2 in the morning, start talking about Clash of the Titans, and then end up having an hour long conversation that somehow becomes a conversation about kidnapping body builders and forcing them to all wear kilts... *pervy grin* (Kakashi has invaded my mind!! AHHH!)**

**Kisame: Itachi... I'm scared**

**Itachi: *nods* just be glad you are not a body builder**

**So uh... yes!! here's another post, at last!! Enjoy it... I'm hoping it's good. Thanks to you all for reviewing, even though I'm terrible at keeping a post up! And thanks for all your comments! Especially about editing. I realise I suck at editing... Don't deny it, I can have pretty rotten grammer at points, and I read over all your comments and try to improve my work.... SHUT UP AND STOP LAUGHING AT ME FISH FACE!! *chucks shoe at Kisame* I can learn!!!**

**So anyway, uh... hope you enjoy. BTW I had some people getting concerned i was making Itachi soft at the end of the last chapter... do not worry... there shall be no 'he looked at her, she looked at him.... KISS' thing going on... so terribly sorry... i'm sadistic like that *evil grin* **

**Keep reviewing! It helps me improve, and tells me if I'm getting off track, adds to my ego, all that jazz... ^_^**

* * *

"So Kakashi, she has been under your watch for less than half a day and already I find she has had to return to the hospital for treatment." The Hokage turned a stern eye on the silver haired ninja. Both he and I were standing in the Hokage's office, less than 3 hours after the last time I had been standing in here. Didn't take long to be dragged back did it?

Kakashi sheepishly rubbed the back of his head. "Yeah, seems that way."

We had been called back when the Hokage heard I was admitted for a wound from a kunai buried into my forearm, immediately thinking some sort of attack had been attempted. He seemed quite ready to set off an alert for a dozen ANBU ninja to take this rogue ninja of a boyfriend he thought was responsible. It was quite amusing to see his face when he found out it had been a simple wound I had gained when I trailed behind to training with Kakashi and his team. I had thought at the time it would be cool to try out a weapon, seeing how I was a plain civilian trapped in the Narutoverse with annoyed Akatsuki members after me. Shouldn't a girl in a state like me start trying to be a ninja? Usually in stories involving these situations this would be the point I discover I have awesome chakra, or start training and become an amazing ninja.

Well it had been shown long ago that despite being in a world where physics did not apply to the same rules, physics still managed to foil me and deny me awesome chakra moves. Plus after two minutes with the kunai it was proven I was never going to be a ninja. Although none of this was going to stop me trying to be ninja in the future.

The Hokage heaved a great sigh and then turned his attention back to me. I grinned widely at him, rubbing the bandage that was a few inches down from my wrist. "Don't blame Scarecrow. I'm the one who stole the kunai off Naruto." I tilted my head a little, "That kid needs to work on his awareness skills."

"I am still trying to figure how one throws a kunai away from them self, and yet still manages to end up injuring themselves by it."

"Ah, now that's an easy one to answer. See, when I threw it, the kunai bounced off something metal and came back at me." I clicked my fingers, "It was a shot even trained ninja couldn't make if they were trying!"

The Hokage turned his face back to Kakashi, "You must be more vigilant with this one Kakashi. She seems more prone to injury by her own doing. I suggest you keep the sharper objects away from her."

"You sound so mistrusting of my ninja skills. I'll have you know I have completed four of five steps on How to Be Ninja!"

Both the Hokage and Kakashi raised an eyebrow in questioning, so I elaborated. "I make loud unnecessary sounds when I hit things. I can catch things with my chopsticks. I can teleport place to place," I grinned at that one, "Provided no-one is looking mind you. I can also become anything... even a tree!" I pressed my thumb to my mouth, "The only step I haven't passed is how to perform a fatality, because for some reason they won't let me have a gun that I can hide on my belt, and pull out to shoot with at some random point in the middle of a fight."

"And uh, where did you learn these steps to becoming ninja?" Kakashi queried.

"Youtube!" I grinned. "I learnt the ninja glare off Youtube too!" I performed it just for them, seeing their eyebrows rise even further. "What? Don't be jealous if you can't do it."

"The jealously is already bubbling over inside me," Kakashi said sarcastically. I glared at him using my super evil side glance.

The Hokage leaned forward over his desk again, cutting me off before I could start spouting some sarcastic comment to the masked ninja. "As entertaining as this may be, I do suggest you try to leave the sharper weapons alone. We can protect you from outside threats, but it is much harder to protect you from yourself."

"Okie dokie, smokey!" I gave him a wink and a little military salute. "I promise to try and avoid danger and harm. In fact, I think I'm going to take out a restraining order against them!"

He gave me a much longer stare, "I wish to ask you one more question."

"Ask away."

He had his fingers laced together, propped up in front of his face. He leant forward a little, resting his chin atop them. "You were a little slack with your detail earlier on what exactly Darcy looks like. I had asked Kakashi if he could ask you, but seeing how you are here again it would be most helpful. We do not want to attack innocent strangers after all."

Damn. Should have seen that coming. Actually I did see this coming after I realized they hadn't asked me what _'Darcy'_ looked like last time. Kakashi was meant to ask me? Pft, probably spy on me was more like it. Though I should have guessed something like that would happen, considering all things.

"Oh well… he is a ninja after all, so he does change his appearance when he needs to." I thought about it for a minute. They weren't all too aware of the Akatsuki at this point, were they? And if I was going to get any protection then the very least I could do was throw them a bone to chew on for a while, as I figured out what I was going to do with myself. "But he's always wearing this great big black cloak with red marks on them. He's part of a gang you see… bunch of outcast ninja I reckon."

"I see. This makes a slightly more credible threat," the Hokage murmured. "I am not pleased to hear about a gang of outcast ninja, especially if they are all Jounin like Darcy. It is good this has been brought to my attention."

I nodded, "Your welcome!" I grinned, "Though I have to say that if you saw Darcy you guys would probably know to take him down anyway. His personality just oozes danger and psycho-ness." And the whole fact he was a wanted ninja in this village as it was.

"Why did you ever go out with him then?" Kakashi looked down at me.

"Uh… he was cute?" I pulled my smile up into a cheesy grin. "Plus I was terrified that he would stick a knife through me if I didn't agree. After all, look what happened when I broke up with him! He kidnapped me and put me through the wars!"

I looked down a little and dropped my voice, "Though I don't really blame him for how he's turned out. He didn't really have a choice in the end I guess." I looked up to see their face, "Don't ask. It's a long story and will make absolutely no difference to anything concerning the current situation… and I can't be bothered to go into it. Sue me for laziness!"

The Hokage chuckled slightly. "The energy of the youth," he said mockingly.

"You only wish you had it." Before he could answer to that I cut in again, "Question. How are my TMNT buddies going? Can I go and see them tonight?"

The answer I received was now a heavy sigh. "I'm afraid the genjutsu used on your friends was stronger than we anticipated. It may take anything from a few hours to a few days for the effects to wear off. We have never seen the likes of it before." He smiled a little, "Do not worry. They have assured me it will pass and they will return to themselves soon enough."

That was good. I was almost missing teasing Whacko alongside Pikatsu and then having Croco yell at us.

The Hokage dismissed up after that. The hour was starting to grow into evening hours, the sky painted over with a deep orange and red glow, occasionally splotched with pink and purple clouds. The colours in the sky extended their touch to the rooftops, setting Konoha aglow and certainly giving justice to the village's location in the Fire Country.

As I stepped back out onto the street I grinned up at Kakashi again, slightly guilty. "Sorry, didn't mean to get you in trouble Scarecrow. I just thought you know… crazy ex after me... might give practicing flinging sharp objects a bit of a go. Never know if it would come in handy."

"Maybe that's your fatal flaw. Thinking."

"That is so mean! And to think I was going to offer to make dinner to apologize for getting us dragged back to the Hokage's office!"

He looked down at me, "You. Cook?" He was mentally assessing whether or not there would be fire and flames. Plus I detected the single note of suspicion. After all, I had managed to slip drugs into the drink of two highly trained Jounin ninja.

"Relax, you can supervise and make sure I don't try to poison you! Come on… I once learnt how to make a killer ramen in Food Class! Metaphorically speaking." I waved my hand and circled my neck a little with a few clicks, "It had all the guys at my feet honey." I'd always wanted to try that on a stranger…

Kakashi shook his head ever so slightly before we made it back to his apartment. I ran straight to the kitchen, "Come on then, where is everything. You do have food right?" I pulled my head out of the cupboard, "Gees guess I was wrong. Still, there's just enough for me to make something!" Ingredients were flying one by one onto the counter, while the silver haired Jounin started utterly dumbfounded at what to do while his own kitchen was attacked by a flying blur of brown hair and giant grinning pearly whites.

After a moment or two he finally stepped in, peering over my shoulder too close for comfort as I mixed things. I admit, had I been a fangirl I would have squealed for joy on the inside. Then again, I was never a fangirl… and I didn't trust my feelings these days. So I just waved a hand back in his face. "You. Tall pervy Scarecrow with the mask. Either help or stop breathing over my shoulder here! Pass me that pack of noodles there would you please?"

He did so, seeming rather amused. "I believe it has been a very long time since I have ever had someone cook me a meal. Though he was passing me ingredients, I could feel his eye on me at all times. I didn't blame him for keeping a close watch, so I didn't mind really. Actually I would prefer it was him, rather than a certain pair of bright red eyes… or the googly eyes of a fish. At least here I knew, unless I suddenly grabbed the kitchen knife and leapt at him, Kakashi would eventually find I wasn't dangerous. At least, not to other people.

Now I had once before made a smashing ramen in Food Class when we had to do something cultural, and yes, it had been incredibly delicious. So I felt confident when I filled a bowl from the pot of ramen and lay it on the counter for Kakashi to see my triumph. "Tadaa!"

Kakashi stared at it. "It looks edible."

"You are a mean Scarecrow. Come on, eat before it freezes over thanks to that cold hearted comment." I filled a second bowl for myself, sitting at the countertop about to dig into my creation when there was a knock on the door. Kakashi was gone for a moment, before he reappeared with Naruto, who had a big grin that was mixed with relief.

"Hi Krissy! I uh, just wanted to check and make sure you were okay. They said you were staying with Kakashi-sensei."

I grinned back at him. He looked so guilty when he saw the bandage of my arm. "Oh I'm fine, don't you worry my little ninja ball of orange juice!" I shoved my so far untouched bowl at him, "Here, have some ramen. No hard feelings okay?"

Naruto didn't look like he could even begin to resist the aroma of the cooked noodles and meat that swam so happily within the sauce. I went and got myself another bowl, as he took a huge slurp of it.

I didn't know ninja had super spitting powers. Maybe it was just him. The ramen easily made it across onto the wall on the opposite side of the room, which was a good fifteen or so feet away. Before I could even begin to contemplate whacking him upside the head he had pushed the bowl away. "Ugh,I thought you had forgiven me! Kakashi-sensei she tried to poison me!"

"I spent time on that!" I pouted, throwing him the nastiest evil eyes that had before only been used on animals in big black coats. "And I know how to cook ramen! I don't remember anyone in my cooking class ever practicing for the Spit-lympics with it before." I glared at him, muttering curses upon the orange ninja blob before taking a bite of my own creation.

I don't what could be worse. The ramen or the fact that I had just totally walked into the shame that came from boasting without the ability to backup what I claimed. The taste felt like a million years of rotten food dancing on my pallet at once. I put the bowl down. "Okay, I take it back! BLEK! Yuck, yuck. This is worse than yucked up fish water by Gills!"

Kakashi leant down to sniff his and then walked into the kitchen while I abused his scrubbing brush and attempted to clean out my mouth. Naruto didn't look like he was doing much better, rubbing his tongue on his jumpsuit. With a quick scout between all the bottles and jars that still had a few ingredients, Kakashi started laughing. "I have found the problem."

He tapped a shaker of salt. "I assume you thought this was salt?"

I nodded, holding onto the scrubbing brush. "Yeah. It's in a little hen shaped shaker, and it has little white crystals. Are they actually drugs? Oh my gosh, Kakashi is doing cocaine! No wonder you're so late all the time! Your getting high?!"

He ignored the comment. "It is sugar." No wonder it tasted partially sweet.

He continued to name off the ingredients I had used. The flour was indeed flour, thank goodness, but it was VERY near it's use by date. The sliced tomato in the fridge was not tomato… Kakashi wouldn't actually say what it was. I appropriately shuddered.

Finally he held up the bottle of oil I had used. It was clearly inside a bottle labeled 'Cooking Oil'. "What's wrong with that one?" I asked him, almost afraid of the answer.

"I'm afraid this hasn't had cooking oil in years. I cleaned the bottle out and kept something else in it."

"Well then, uh, what's that stuff that looks like oil?"

"This is a medicine I use when any of my dogs have an ear infection."

The scrubbing brush wasn't wrenched out of my hands for at least another twenty minutes, when Kakashi finally deemed my tongue had to be clean enough, or at least it soon would be worn down to a nothing. "You're a ninja! You couldn't deduct from those super sharp ninja eyes I was using the wrong ingredients?! You handed half of them to me!!"

"I didn't realize at the time they were not the right ingredients. It has been a long time since I cooked for myself." He was smiling; I could hear it in his voice. This was amusing him beyond belief.

"You just don't want to admit you have bad eyesight, Grandpa. Day one at yours and you try to poison me. Nice. What a shame that it got your student too."

"Naruto will be fine."

"He didn't look fine when he ran out your house yelling that if he wasn't dead by then, he would see you tomorrow. I'm sure I heard him chucking up in the bush outside the door." I sighed, "I don't know if it's worse here. At least I wasn't made to ingest dog ear medicine!"

"Truly I am sorry about that. I did not quite realize what ingredients you were using until, um…" He rubbed the back of his head, a movement I had noticed he only did when he was feeling incredibly sheepish.

"I would hit you. But because you are both a ninja and it would bounce off you, and the fact that you're letting me stay in your home means I shall hold my hand. However, I shall do this." I stuck my tongue out at him, making him chuckle.

"You mentioned you had dogs. How come I haven't seen any dogs?" I mostly asked this because if I didn't he might get suspicious, seeing how I already actually knew that he summoned his dogs with chakra in battles. Also, because I wanted to see if I could huggle Pakkun! Plus I could tease him about his shampoo, and make a slight reference to the fact that perhaps Sakura was using the same shampoo.

Kakashi, who was helping me clean up the mess in the kitchen by now, answered exactly how I knew he would. "They are called Ninken. They are dogs I can summon with chakra in battle. They do not live here. However, if one of them does happen to get sick, I do have the medicine to help them, such as the ear medicine."

"I'm still totally grossed out by that you know."

Kakashi's eyes crinkled as he chuckled. After that the 'ear medicine' incident he wisely decided to keep it simple. He disappeared for a while I had the first hot shower in what felt like almost forever, returning to drop cartons of noodles and pork on the table. I couldn't help but give him the biggest goofy grin I could possibly manage. It had been so long since I had this sort of luxury. I had met the TMNT gang, then Kakashi, and all of them had been so kind to me. Despite the fact I either got them attacked or used their dog's ear medicine to make them dinner.

Kakashi hadn't asked me any more questions. I think he was currently respecting the fact that this was the first time I had actually been in the comfort of a home for a while. He had assessed I wasn't dangerous, though he maintained that caution you would expect, simply because of the fact I was a stranger in his home. Other than that… he was fun to tease. Especially when it grew late enough that I began to yawn loudly.

He handed me a pair of men's shorts and an overly baggy t-shirt casually, nose half in a book as he wandered down the hallway. "You can use these for tonight, until we can pick you up something more in the morning."

I held them for a moment. "Cool!" My outburst momentarily gained his attention as I slung the shirt over my shoulders and held the shorts up above my head. "I am now holding a pair of the infamous Copy Ninja's underwear! I wonder how much I will get if I sell this on E-bay or TradeMe?"

Kakashi wouldn't have a clue what E-bay or TradeMe was, but I was pretty sure he got the whole jist of me plotting to sell his underwear. "I would most prefer if you didn't."

"Heh, no worries Scarecrow. If I sell this then I can afford to buy you a million more pairs." I looked up to his face, which was looking mortified. "Gees, I wasn't serious." Pressing my thumb to my lip, I mused, "Or am I? Oh dear, the pervy aura you emit is already beginning to affect me!"

Rather eager to end this conversation, Kakashi rolled his visible eye and with a single hand began to push me down the hallway. "I think it's time you got some rest."

I tried once to resist but he was much too strong and I almost got pushed over. Tilting my body at an angle though, with my feet pointed in the direction I wanted to go, it ended up more me sliding against the ground. "Weee!"

He pushed me into a room I had previously not been allowed to enter, "You are to stay in my room."

"Your room?" Well it was a one bedroom apartment, but I'd been expecting to sleep on the couch. The floor if push came to shove. "But this is where all your things are! All your underwear! I can't invade here!"

"Is there a problem with that? Considering what you said a moment ago, I would have thought you would be quite pleased to be staying so near to my underwear. More pairs for you to sell on this… E-bay." He added, "Though would you please tell me where this E-bay is so I make sure I can buy them back?"

I grinned, "Grandpa's so old he doesn't know what E-bay is! Don't worry, you need not fear. E-bay is in a galaxy far, far away on the other side of the stars. You and your underwear may sleep in peace tonight." I stared in his room, which was most curiously immaculately clean. "You know, this is quite awkward. You're making me sleep in your room… in your underwear. People could think something is up if they find out."

I felt Kakashi freeze behind me as he actually thought about it. He then chuckled, "It can be our little secret then." He was teasing me.

"A very perverted secret, only understood by the society of perverted ninja… plus me, the Guardian of Marshmallows and Obnoxiousness. And Modnarness."

"Modnarness?"

I nodded, "Yes. It is brought on by ingestion of insane amounts of sugar, or a cup of coffee." I then shook my head, "You don't want to see Modnarness. It's scary for those around."

"I shall take your word for it. Now I suggest you get some sleep. I told my students we were going to have an extra long training session at six a.m. to make up for the fact I had to cut today's short." His eyes looked right down at me, "I'm not naming names for whose fault that was."

"Wait, I'm going to have to get up before six in the morning?! No way Scarecrow!" The pit of my stomach fell as the thought kept tap dancing in hard-to-not-notice shoes. I did _not_ do early starts!

"Don't worry." His eye was crinkled again in a smile. "I told them to be ready by 6 a.m. I don't plan to show up until at the very least 9 a.m. Possibly 11."

I stared at him, and then held my hand up, "High for cunning sneakiness and downright laziness!" He had no choice but to high five me, because I threatened to latch onto him if he didn't. Though he didn't know it, I was quite an effective leech. He could obviously sense my awesome leech powers though, because he gave up quite quickly.

It was weird, knowing whose bed I was lying in. I giggled to myself, imagining how many thousands of other girls back on Earth would be tearing their hair out and selling their souls to be in my position. Though I bet they wouldn't quite be picturing exactly _sleeping._ The feeling of strangeness overcame me as I lay there, staring at the ceiling.

I was here, I was safe. At least that's what I was hoping. I kept expecting at any moment to be suddenly whipped away and into the arms of someone sporting a black coat with red clouds. What would I do then, especially if it started dragging the people of Konoha into it? Kakashi might be a strong Jounin, but when it came down to it the Akatsuki were almost unstoppable.

I made my mind up then, exactly what I would do. It wasn't a pretty decision, and not the smartest… then again I was hardly ever smart.

Mind trapped in a swirl of thoughts, filled with underwear, perverted books, ninja animals or inanimate objects, with the touch of a taste of dog ear medicine, I finally fell asleep.

* * *

Let me tell you this. Waking up on the comfort of a pillow after so long sleeping with nothing but the ground as a pillow was the greatest feeling I felt in ages. I was up by 7:30 a.m. and tiptoed past the couch where Kakashi was sleeping. I had a feeling that he was awake, because I'm not really that light of foot and he seemed not to move when I tripped over the floor and muttered loudly, "Curse you flat floor! I shall get the best of you one day!"

The kitchen… I glared at it from a distance as I enter, rolling up the far-too-long sleeves of Kakashi's baggy shirt. "Right kitchen. As shown last night, we had a bit of bad first meeting. However, if you are willing to get along with me, then I shall not attempt to burn you down. Deal?"

By the time Kakashi finally decided to rise and shine, I had already made breakfast. "Morning! Look, an edible breakfast!"

He wandered in. "What is it?" Then he saw it, and could barely contain a chuckle. "Ramen, for breakfast?"

"I wanted to prove that I can make ramen! I only used the ingredients you relabeled, and then was extra careful to check them by taste test, just in case. And voila! Perfection in a bowl!" I lowered a spoon into it and took a sip of the soup. "Hehe, now if I do say so myself, I think that's pretty good!" I thrust a spare spoon at him, "Try!"

Kakashi took the spoon, lowering it gingerly into the mixture. He looked quite unsure for a moment, sniffing at it anxiously then looking at me for a moment, "You sure this is safe?"

I nodded, Course I'm sure. Oh!" I pressed my hands over my eyes and then turned around, "And I'll keep my eyes closed until you've tried it. I don't need to see all those wrinkles hidden beneath the mask! I want to keep the food down this time." Giggling to myself, I listened for the sound of a happy Kakashi once he tried it.

I was not disappointed. "Well, when you are not cooking with ear medicine, you actually do make a good ramen."

"Told you. You sabotaged me yesterday," I said, turning back around to face him, by which time the mask had been pulled back up like I expected. I clapped my hands together, "But thank you! Help yourself! There's heaps there, because I suck at measuring amounts. I think my brain processes the number two as twenty."

I ended up having two bowls. Kakashi had four, though I couldn't be quite sure, because he was sneaky about the while 'removing mask' thing. He patted his belly contentedly though, before announcing that was the best (and only) proper home cooked meal he had had in the longest time.

"You really need a girlfriend or something." I could think of a few candidates who would be willing. Or a few possible million.

Kakashi packed up extra amounts into a seemingly endless number of plastic containers he seemed to have. I didn't quite realize the man had such a thing for food cartons. As well as a curious fetish for ceramic things with little animals painted on them. Who knew?

"I'm sure my students will appreciate this. I did tell them I would give them breakfast. This is perfect."

I grinned, "They aren't going to be pleased with you. You told them to be waiting for you at six. It's nearly nine! Do you really think a little food is going to make them forget that fact? Especially seeing how breakfast was supposed to be, what three, four hours ago?"

"I can always send them for a little training with Gai and Lee if they complain."

"Ouch, that must be brutal. Those guys are like, on super happy hyper pills all the time."

It was nearly nine thirty by the time we reached the training grounds. I was right. Kakashi's students were most certainly NOT impressed. I felt my ears bleeding by the time Sakura and Naruto were finished yelling at him.

"Relax. I got lost on the road of good cooking." He handed them the three bowls of my ramen. "A peace offering. Eat and we can start training for the day."

The hungry trio opened it up. I saw Naruto's mouth watering, and felt a small tinge of pride for myself. He asked eagerly, "Where did you get this ramen Kakashi-sensei!? I haven't seen this sort before!"

"Krissy made it," he answered.

Naruto handed the bowl back very quickly to Kakashi. "Ugh, no thanks. I can still taste last nights. I was scrubbing my mouth for hours."

"Hey! Now that one was not my fault! You can blame your sensei for that one thanks very much!" I took the bowl out of Kakashi's hands, though I didn't have much of a choice because he had basically dropped it in mine. I pouted, "Besides, we had some earlier, and does he look like he's keeling over and trying to clean out the inside of his mouth?"

Naruto looked at his teacher skeptically.

Kakashi nodded at him, "It was fine Naruto."

"There you are! It's fine! Go ahead, have some!" I was determined for him to try some, and save my ramens reputation!

"No thanks."

Oh he was going to play this was he? Well, I happened to be an expert at being persistent and stubborn.

"Are you sure you won't have any Naruto?" I asked him, holding the bowl up to his face once more. The steamy goodness swirled around in bright colours.

Naruto looked a little green, clearly in his mind he was remembering the last time I made him ramen. "I'm sure I won't have any."

"But you love ramen! Surely you wouldn't disappoint me by not having any? I did make it special for you after all! And it's edible this time!" I held the bowl up to him again. A huge pout was on my face.

He shook his head and waved his hands about, "No I can't, even if it is edible! I had breakfast, before I came! You know, because Kakashi sensei is always late, my stomach didn't trust him. So I couldn't possibly fit it in any way!"

"But look at you, you're so skinny! You need more to eat! A fresh steaming bowl of my ramen will sort you right out! You'll definitely have some."

"Really. I'm okay." He looked like he was panicking.

I grinned slyly. "Oh, yeah you will. It's such a small bowl. You won't even know you're eating the ramen until it's all gone! Look at it!" I stared down at the bowl, "It's a micro bowl of nummy ramen goodness!"

Naruto still stared at the bowl as if the noodles would leap out and strangle him. "I'm fine, thanks. I don't want to be sick before training."

Oh no he did not! He was going down for this. I was going to make sure of it.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Really sure?"

"Yes."

"Without a single doubt, you're really sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure!" He really did look like he was panicking now. Every few seconds he kept shooting a look towards his sensei, pleading for help. His kind teacher was standing there with arms folded though, watching with great amusement. Sasuke rolled his eyes and Sakura watched with a bit of interest like her sensei at the childish behavior.

With a small chuckle, I rolled my eyes, "Gee, you really can tease you know. Such a kidder aren't you? For from what I have heard, when has Naruto Uzumaki ever not eaten a bowl of ramen?" I looked down at the bowl, "It has all sorts of delicious treats in it! It has the noodles, the fried meat and vegetables." I looked back up at him, "Plus this time I made sure I used the right cooking ingredients! I made sure the salt wasn't sugar, and this time I actually taste tested the sauces and everything to make sure they weren't anything nasty." I glared at Kakashi, "Because it seems things get terribly mislabeled."

Naruto looked at his sensei with a curious gaze, to which his teacher gave that sheepish look again. Sasuke and Sakura, who had just begun to eat from their bowls of ramen, stopped in their tracks.

"I think this is perhaps the best ramen I have ever tasted," Sakura said simply, with widened eyes.

Sasuke shrugged, "It's better than nothing."

Kakashi leant down and whispered to me, "That is Sasuke's way of saying he likes it." I grinned, feeling a touch smug. My inner vain self was doing happy dances.

Sakura had some more spoonfuls. "Naruto you've got to try this! It's the best!"

The blonde ruffian then looked at me again, a bigger smile on his face. "Actually, uh, I am a little peckish! Sure I'll have it!"

I beamed at him, thrusting the bowl in his direction. "Great!" Outer Krissy was grinning, because I had him convinced to try the ramen.

Inner Krissy was feeling a little more sadistic at the moment though.

Naruto made a move to take the bowl, when I suddenly jerked it back. "No." Naruto looked utterly stunned and lost for words. I bit my lip, frowning as I cradled the bowl in my hands next to me. "No, I'm forcing it on you. I can see you don't want the ramen."

"Actually I would like some of the ramen," Naruto answered.

I shook my head, "No. No, after last night I can see you're just trying to be polite to me and are forcing yourself to eat my cooking.

"Really, you're not! I would like to have some of your ramen!"

I spoke as if I hadn't heard of him. "Really Naruto, all you had to do was say 'No'. Not a hard word is it? It's a lovely little word that, gifted to the world to be used when we want to say we don't want any ramen."

"I WANT THE RAMEN!!" Naruto yelled loudly, staring at the bowl of steaming ramen with much hungrier eyes than he had been looking with before.

"No, I'm sorry," I stuck out my bottom lip. It trembled slightly as I walked over to Kakashi, who had been watching the sudden change of events with interest and amusement. I thrust the bowl at him, "Grandpa Scarecrow, you must destroy this ramen! We must remove all the temptations."

Kakashi looked between me, the bowl of ramen, Naruto, the stunned faces on his other two students, me and then the bowl of ramen again. He paused a moment, gave a shrug, pulled out a paper bomb which he attached to the bowl and flung it high into the air, where it exploded in a fiery ball of falling noodles. Naruto looked positively grief struck.

"Thank you Scarecrow," I said sweetly, giving Naruto a side glare that totally screamed '_Mess with me and my ramen, face the pain…_'

Once the other two had finished eating (while Naruto watched pitifully from the sidelines) then the training began. Kakashi made sure I sat in his eye line at all times, and far away from any sort of sharp objects. Naruto was allowed nowhere near me, lest I try and pick his pockets for weapons again.

I had finally managed to figure out where I was in the Naruto timeline too. The way Sasuke kept using his sharingan, the fact Sakura still had long pink hair and the occasional comments they made, told me that this was after their fight with Zabuza and Haku, and somewhere close approaching the Chuunin Exams. I didn't exactly know when they would pop up, considering I couldn't exactly ask Kakashi and the other three had absolutely no clue about it. Which was a major bummer overall.

The day dragged by slowly. Their training seemed to go on forever, and considering Kakashi wouldn't let me get up and do any sort of ninja training with them, just in case of a repeat of yesterday, I was sitting bored out of my mind. Soon enough I began singing again. This time my boredom was directed at the Scarecrow, which coincidentally was about a scarecrow, based on the wonderful Pink Floyd.

"The pervy silver scarecrow,  
as everyone knows,  
stood with a mask on his face  
and straw everywhere.  
He didn't care....  
He stood in a field where young ninjas train.  
His head did no thinking…"

Kakashi sent a scowl in my direction. In true spirited fashion, I sang louder.

I was finally cut off by the arrival of another Jounin, who spoke with Kakashi for a moment before leaving again. Soon enough the Scarecrow wandered over to me. "Good news. Your friends have begun to finally show signs of breaking out of the genjutsu. They should be waking up within the hour."

"Why are we still here?! Tally ho!!" I was on my feet and walking already.

Kakashi dismissed the lesson, soon catching up with me, before I wandered off the edge of a cliff or something. It didn't take us long to get to the hospital, with me practically pulling him along by the arm the entire time. Once we were there I was practically breaking down the door to the room where the three of them were being kept. I gave two doctors, an ANBU and an old Hokage somewhat of a fright and cut them off mid-sentence as they talked.

"Are they awake yet?!"

"Gees, is it just me or did that voice get louder?!" a voice grumbled loudly from one of the beds.

"Whacko!!" I lunged at him, flying through the air and landing heavily on top of him. "Hello Sleeping Ugly!"

He pushed me off, "That's not quite how I want to wake up thanks. I would much prefer someone saner." I could hear a tiny speck of a grin in his voice, though his face remained in a scowl as he sat up.

Atsu was still asleep, but Yoshi wasn't. It was him I lunged on next, "Croco! You're awake too!"

"Hello Krissy." He patted me gently on the back, "Nice to see you 100%." His eyes then wandered back over to the ANBU, Kakashi and the Hokage himself. "But I've seen we've ended up in good hands."

"Yep, and she cut us all off before we could even ask how long we've been lying on these beds. My tailbone aches!" Waku complained, sitting up a tiny bit more to rub the lower part of his back.

I grinned, and looked at the Hokage, "Sorry Sir. Didn't mean to barge in like that."

He smiled, "Not at all. I understand that you have been concerned." The Hokage then turned his face down to the two who were awake; trying to ignore the third one turned his head and snored loudly. "Our teams from Konoha found you all yesterday. You three were under heavy genjutsu, and have remained in our medical facilities for just over the last 24 hours here in Konoha. We believe the effects have just about completely worn off." He cast that side glance at the still out cold ninja. "Krissy has updated us with your situation, concerning her rogue ex-boyfriend."

They both nodded. Waku rubbed his head, "Gees the girl can pick 'em. He packs a mean punch, I can tell you that!"

The Hokage opened his mouth to say something when someone louder than me suddenly bolted upright in bed, "I'm awake! I'm awake! Where is he?! Let me at him!!" Atsu stared around at everyone, his widened eyes taking in our somewhat freaked out faces. "Oh. Um, sorry."

"Pikatsu! I attacked him with a hug.

"Buddy!" He laughed as he gave me a hug back. "You're still in one piece." He looked at his two team mates, who both rolled their eyes and looked away in shame. "Hey, you guys are alive too! Does that mean we beat the weasel off?"

The Hokage gave a small cough, and gained Atsu's attention. "Oh. Excuse me." He grinned, "So, we must be in Konoha then, right?"

"Correct," he answered.

Atsu turned with a huge beam on his face, giving me a punch on the arm. "Hey this is great! We've escaped your totally nutter of psychotic boyfriend, we're alive, and you're back home!"

I bit my lip, feeling some eyes suddenly turn to me. "Pikatsu, you're so funny!"

The Hokage spoke again, "Yes, well… our shinobi are all on high alert to locate this rogue ninja. Rest assured, you are all welcome to stay in the safety of Konoha until we have managed to capture this Fitzwilliam Darcy."

"Darcy?" Atsu sounded confused, turning his head to me. "I thought you called him Itachi?"

I really didn't know the atmosphere of a room could change as quickly as it did right then. The sharp inhale of breath and the snap of everyone's eyes onto me were instant. The feeling of icy cold glares that brushed over me made me cringe. All I could manage to say was one word that summed up exactly what I was thinking.

"Fudgles…"

* * *

**MWHAHAHAHA *cough cough hack cough hack* swallowed a bug...**

**Kisame: *laughing* hahahaha! Shame!**

**Me: *gets out the tomato sauce* I'm in the mood for fish burgers...**

**Kisame: O.O *running* nooo! Itachi save me!!**

**Itachi: I want BBQ sauce on mine...**

**Kisame: WTF?! ITACHI NOOOOOO!!!!! WHY?!**

**Itachi: *shrugs* I'm hungry, and we spent all our food money on that holiday while the crazy psycho girl was away...**

**Me: *glares* I'm not crazy psycho.... I'm modnar crazy psycho thanks very much...**

**REVIEW! PLEASE!! FEED ME!! i have so many things to read again on here.. I feel bad, because so many people keep posting and I have no time to read... it makes me feel like the worst friend ever!! *cries in corner* **

**Oooo btw ... if any of you guys have ever watched the TV show 'Father Ted' the you might possibly recognise a nice little scene from there! I'm crediting it here so no-one sues my arse! (go Father jack! lol) if you have never seen Father Ted, and you are not too offended at them poking some fun at Catholic priests (I go to a Catholic school and I still find it okay) then I suggest you watch it! the humour is brilliant!!**

**....**

**COOOOOOKIES!!!! ^^ that is all**


	15. Truth and Freezing Creeks

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**Is she really back? Is it really her? YES! IT IS ME! BACK FROM THE LAND OF WHERE-EVER THE HELL I WAS!**

**Firstly, I blame school. I swore it would only take me a week to write this up, but then somehow it ended up to over a month! GEES! I'm like... on a writing withdrawal here! I haven't gotten a chance to write anything for how long! And writing is like breathing to me folks! I need to write.. or I die!**

**Kisame: STEAL ALL THE PENS AND LAPTOPS! DON'T LET HER WRITE!**

**Me: Awww Kisame... I missed you too... really... *looks at Itachi* *grins***

**Itachi: *raises a brow* what?**

**Me: Guess who I now have a poster of on my wall?**

**Itachi: O.O**

**Kisame: *laughing***

**Me: Don't laugh fish boy... you're on the poster too... with your best friend.. the green spandex'd menace**

**Kisame: O.O... AHHHH! DANG THAT THIS GIRL RETURNED TO US!**

**So yes... I'm back... this chapter I had writers block on, because it took me so long to get a chance to write it, so I had a huge brain meltdown. DO NOT FEAR! I do know where this story is going! It's just how it gets there I haven't planned ahead for... hehehe no matter! Don't worry, I'm never giving up on this story... once I start writing past 10000 words, theres no going back!**

**Enjoy! Oh, and the next chappie shouldn't be toooo far away. It's basically all written in my head! No writer's block on this one! ^^**

******line ~_~_~_~_ line ~_~_~_~_ line ~_~_~_~_ line ****~_~_****~_~_ line ****~_~_****~_~_ line ****~_~_****~_~_ line ****~_~_****~_~_**

You know you are in a desperate situation when you have no ninja training or agility, yet you still try and run for your life from the deadly trained ninjas. It was a stupid and pointless move, but I swear before Kakashi grabbed me at the door that I had just been clocked at the fastest speed ever before reached in the world.

"Kakashi, keep a strong hold on her," the Hokage ordered, his kindly old face suddenly sharp and much less friendly than I had yet seen it. He glared down at me, "I think she has a little bit of explaining to do."

I gulped at the unfriendly sounding tone in his voice. I noticed that Waku and Yoshi were both sitting up a lot straighter, a mixture of confusion and suspicion also on their faces. Atsu looked completely lost. Then again, Atsu always seemed to look lost.

The Hokage turned to them. "Can you please give me an exact description of the man you fought against? If he wore a headband or had any characteristic features?"

My heart sank when they described a perfect match to exactly what Itachi looked like, the entire time switching their gazes between talking to the Hokage and then glaring at me. Their faces told it all, now they knew I had lied to them they regarded me as exactly what everyone else was beginning to think; a possible spy, in league with Itachi Uchiha, the hunted criminal of Konoha. It was no wonder that Kakashi didn't remove his fierce grip from my arm. It was some precaution, just in case I turned out to be some secretly fantastic jutsu user. I wish.

Atsu piped up once during the whole description of the man they had fought, "Oh, and he had these weird red eyes. Those things can knock you out with a single gaze. I know they got me." I really wished he kept his mouth shut.

There was a moment of silence, which I broke with a sigh. "Pikatsu, you're awesome and everything. But I hate you right now…"

Atsu's face fell in a look of grief and confusion that clearly said, 'What did **I** do?' "You're mean Zapper…"

Nodding the Hokage straightened up, "So we can confirm it then." His aged face turned sharply to face the ANBU in the room, "Please alert all other ANBU and Jounin that it is not a Fitzwilliam Darcy we are on the lookout for, but that there may be a possibility that Itachi Uchiha is in the area."

They nodded, "Yes Hokage, Sir." With that, they pressed their hands together and disappeared in two poofs. With them gone, the sharp gazes turned right back on me. I cowered a little. "I uh, guess maybe I do have a little explaining to do…"

"I'm afraid that you do," was the sharp reply. "You have abused both the trust of these men and Konoha. You better have a good excuse before we throw you into an ANBU interrogation chamber." Aka meaning 'torture-until-you-spill-the-beans'.

"Alright I admit it, I lied. It's not a psychotic ex-boyfriend of mine who is after me. It is just a psychotic Itachi Uchiha." The Hokage's jaw set a little firmer for a moment. "It's not just him though. Likely the entire lot of the Akatsuki is probably seeking out my guts now."

"The Akatsuki? I assume that this is referring to the gang you claimed your 'boyfriend' belonged too?"

"Yeah, that was true, they exist." I supposed that I could tell him that now, if he knew or not, because I was in a pretty bad position here, and needed to get myself out before they cut me open to play hacky sack with my organs. "The fact they are after me was true too. Oh, and that he's a total weasel jerk who kidnapped me, that's true too."

"None of it explains why you did not initially tell us this information… unless; you are really a spy sent by them to infiltrate the city." He scowled slightly.

"No I'm not! But I had to lie!" I wailed to them. "What else was I supposed to do? I have the Akatsuki, S-rank missing ninja, after me; I have absolutely no ninja skills whatsoever to stop them getting to me; I'm a bazillion miles away from home, and everyone seems to want to kidnap, or torture me, for information! I just wanted one peaceful day. No running for my life. No being kidnapped and re-kidnapped. No being injured or tortured for information. One day! Was that seriously too much to ask for?"

They stared down at me. Dammit, I was stuck with tall ninja's again! Why couldn't they have any short ninja's, other than the mini squirt Genin's?

"For S-rank criminals to be after you, this information must be very valuable. Considering your position now and the fact that very dangerous criminals may soon be on our borders, you had best have a good reason for concealing this information."

Once again it was the whole 'How do you tell an anime character he's actually something out of a television series without him going ballistic on you?' sort of situation. "Well, I can tell you, but you might find it a little hard to believe. Some of what I know even you may not be ready to hear."

His face sort of left me no choice here. It was very clearly written with 'speak or face my wrinkled old wrath'. I had seen him fight, well at least in the anime. I so did not want to cross him.

I couldn't tell him where I was from and all that I really knew. Who knew what that would do to the storyline? It might be the destruction of Konoha for all I knew! And I couldn't spill massive secrets in front of the TMNT gang. But I had to tell him something. So I decided shortening just a few major pieces of knowledge might at least enlighten them to exactly what sort of things I knew.

"Fine, don't say I didn't warn you." I turned to Kakashi first, "Kakashi Hatake. Sharingan user, obtained from Obito Uchiha when you lost your eye."

I didn't even bother wasting time to see the surprise light up in Kakashi's face before I turned to the Hokage, "Hiruzen Sarutobi. Uh… personal summon, named Enma." This was really cutting into my memory banks. I briefly remembered that large monkey looking thing that he had fought with when in battle with Orochimaru.

That was all it took though, just those few small pieces of information. Kakashi's fingers around my arms dug in a little harder and I gasped. "Ow, easy Scarecrow… I don't have steel sticks for arms like the rest of you seem to have!"

"How did you know about Obito?" he asked, rather coldly.

"It's called the Dr-Phil-Jutsu. It looks into people deepest darkest souls. Mwahaha.." The laugh was a little bit too much, because Kakashi was scowling through his mask now, and the Hokage eyeing me out with a glint of darkness in his eye as he started to realize maybe I did know more than I should have.

The Hokage raised his head a little, looking at Kakashi, "Take her to my offices please. Keep a close eye on her." He then turned his face to the three who were still lying in their beds, "My apologies. I shall send more medical nin to check on you momentarily."

I missed anything else that he said to my TMNT buddies, because I was hauled quite roughly onto a very bony shoulder, a firm grip clamping down on me. "Hey! Scarecrow! I can walk it!"

He wasn't going to give me a choice though, and we disappeared in a poof of smoke, landing again lightly on the floor of the Hokage's office.

"I feel sick," I moaned. Travelling the ninja 'Poof-Express' upset ones stomach, especially if they were on a shoulder. "Please put me down, or I'm going to blow ramen chunks all over your shoulder. I guarantee that will be way worse than the ingestion of your dogs ear medicine."

Kakashi put me down, none-too-lightly though. I rubbed my backside, glaring up at him. "Gees, sadistic Scarecrow."

The Hokage appeared a moment later on the other side of me. I was now trapped between the two of them, and of course they were both taller so they towered down from above me. I first stared at Kakashi, then the Hokage, back at Kakashi, the Hokage, the bird flying outside the window, and finally settled my gaze onto my feet. "On the scale of one to ten… you are both at about twenty with how pissed you are, aren't you?"

"I can make this perfectly clear. The only reason you are not currently in ANBU hands is because of the fact that we have easily seen you have no chakra. Itachi Uchiha would never be seen to bother with someone of little ninja training or chakra levels." The Hokage's brow creased into a frown, deepening the wrinkled lines further on his already sagging skin. "After the information you have just revealed though, it can only be said that his interest in you is the retrieval of other pieces of knowledge that likely threaten him or his organization."

"Uh, yeah… that basically sums it up," I nodded my head, looking up at him.

He nodded in thought to himself. "You realize now that you must share the information that you possess in your knowledge. We must know if it is in fact harmful to Konoha and its citizen's safety."

I gave him a slight laugh, "Do you think I would have tried this hard, and lied this much, to escape Weasel and Fish-face if what I knew wasn't going to harm someone in the end?" I looked up at him, "I can tell you everything I know… but be warned you aren't going to like all of it. To begin with, concerning Weasel… or Itachi… whichever you prefer… all I can say is the reason he decided to first kidnap me was because I knew who he and his partner Kisame was. Main reason he wants to kidnap me back though, and why I tried so hard to escape… I accidentally let slip about the truth of that night. Perhaps you can understand what I mean."

Kakashi's eyes narrowed in confusion, while the Hokage's widened in realization. After a moment of thought, he looked up at Kakashi and said, "Kakashi, I'm afraid I will have to ask you to leave my office for a while."

Kakashi looked at him, and then bowed his head, "Yes Sir." With a backwards glance at me, he released my arms and then poofed out of the room in the usual ninja style. Leaving me alone in the room with an aged old man that was eyeing me out rather creepily, as if deciding whether to let me live or throw me to a pack of rabid wolves.

All he did though was fold his arms. "You have a minute to convince me not to have you placed into ANBU hands. Starting off with what you know about Itachi Uchiha."

I bit my lip. "Would the fact that I know his murder of the Uchiha's was actually a secret mission ordered by you and three others to stop the Uchiha's taking over Konoha, be any sort of way of perhaps making that two minutes? Because, uh, how I know these things is not really a short or easy thing to explain."

His eyes narrowed just a little bit, but he nodded, "You will tell me everything, including how such classified information ever fell into your knowledge."

So I did. I told him everything I knew. Where I came from, who I was, the fact that I had fallen out of another world… I even told him about the fact that in my world, his world was nothing but a manga and anime series. How I had fallen in on Itachi and Kisame, only to be kidnapped a minute later, the kidnap by the BNN's, the re-kidnap, my escape and finally how I ended up here, living under the care of pervy Scarecrow in Konoha. His eyes darkened at occasions, then became thoughtful in others. It felt good to at last tell someone, to let out the secrets, instead of hoarding them away inside and being punished for it.

"So you are saying that, you know everything that will happen to this village and the people in it?"

"Well, not all of them, and I don't know everything because I hadn't read or watched every episode. But yes. I know about the Demon in Naruto, and all that will happen to him over the next few years, and what things are going to happen around him. Disasters, attacks on the village… death," I bit my lip, thinking hard.

Should I tell him about his own death? I knew the Chuunin exams were coming up soon, I had plainly told him that I knew where I had fallen in the timeline and all that was happening around this time. Was it wrong to not tell him though? It would change everything if the story if he knew about his own death, and stop so many of the things that could happen… but was that enough to let an old man who loved his village die, and half the village be destroyed?

He was deep in thought for the longest time, turning around and facing the window. I was expecting him to actually topple over at any moment to be honest, having fallen asleep standing upwards. However his voice startled me when it spoke, "If this is true, then you could possibly hold everything that could be the downfall of any person, village or organization. It is no wonder that the Akatsuki would want to kidnap you."

"Welcome to my world," I sighed. Chewing on the bottom of my lip, I almost whispered out, "You're not going to send me into ANBU hands now, are you?"

He turned, shaking his head, "No. The knowledge you possess could prove dangerous… but considering everything, I do not think you would use this information willingly to bring harm to Konoha." He clasped his chin with his fingers, "I do not think it is wise either, to ask you to provide future information, on our timelines or for anything much concerning the Akatsuki unless it is needed urgently. Seeing how you claim it is already a prewritten future, it may cause some disastrous outcomes if we were to attempt to change it."

I nodded, although in some part of me the guilt started to bubble up. He was telling me not to tell him anything of the future, but the knowledge that he was hardly going to live more than around two months was weighing heavily on my mind. "Sir… if I can… maybe there's one thing you would want to hear, about the Chuunin exams…"

He lifted his hand up, cutting me off sharply, "Do not." He then softened his face and voice when he saw my head droop, "Whatever is to happen must have happened for a reason. We shall face it as it comes. Your appearance in our world has probably disrupted it enough to be tempting a disastrous fate. Understand?"

I nodded. "I guess so…"

He smiled a little, "Well, this makes your behavior a little easier to explain. Your strange ramblings and bizarre behavior I expect is normal where you come from."

I laughed, quite loudly too, "Oh no… even in my world I'm a ditzy weirdo," I grinned. "But I have to admit, I never thought hyperness would be so effective on ninjas. Sure they get mad at me and threaten to rip my head off, and occasionally come pretty close to doing so… but surprisingly its super effective. Perhaps you should invest in teaching it to Genin in the future… it works with Naruto."

The Hokage tilted his head a little with a smile, "Perhaps I should, though I think we have enough problems with Naruto as he is."

I bit my lip, fighting off a giggle, "I know you said not to tell you anything… but um, don't let Naruto teach Konohamaru his 'special jutsu'... trust me on that." The old man basically convulsed in a twisted and disturbed manner ashe realised exactly what jutsu I meant.

After his twisting, writhing, and attmpt to rid his mind of the horrid thoughts of what things Naruto would be teaching his poor young grandson, the Hokage took a deep breath to calm himself down. "Thankyou for the warning. This must be addressed..."

Looking up at him with a grin still plastered on my face, it then dropped from my face, "So, can I still stay with Grandpa Scarecrow? Only, he seems to be slightly suspicious of me."

The Hokage though for a moment and then nodded, "I shall talk with him, and tell him that you are to remain with him for more reason than before. He will be told that you have most valuable information that is important to Konoha, and dangerous in others hands. To the extent that... well, how you know our pasts, then tell him nothing unless absolutely necessary. Nothing at all about our futures. Alright?"

I nodded and saluted, "Alrighty smokey. So no heart to hearts with Scarecrow about his troubled past, and how he should really get his reading addiction sorted." He actually smiled, knowing exactly what I would be referring to.

"Sir, I just want to tell you... The Akatsuki... there is nine members. Each one of them is as strong as Itachi in their own way, never to be underestimated."

"What are their names?"

"Well obviously Itachi Uchiha... or weasel, which I prefer personally... and his partner is Kisame Hos... Hoshiwaki... the fish man, one of the Seven Swordsman or something." The Hokage raised an eyebrow, but seeing how he probably knew who I was talking about, he didn't bother in aiding me with the stupid last name of the fish.

"Then there is Deidara, the blonde guy who looks like a girl and likes playing with clay. His partner for now is Sasori, who is a puppeteer from the Sand. He's like some reverse version of Pinocchio..." I mused to myself, before realising he wouldn't have a clue who Pinocchio was. "Okay, then there is Hidan, who is some pretty-boy psycho. He's as immortal as he is insane, as well as supporting some god named Jashin. His partner is Kakuzu. A greedy guy, who has four heads stiched onto his back," the thought made me shudder. "He has four hearts to destroy, which he replaces when one dies... making him basically immortal too. Haha, he's stuck with the foul mouthed git Hidan for eternity!"

"Um, and there's Konan. She's a blue haired girl who uses origami... I don't really know much about her, but she's not someone you want to get on the wrong side of I'm sure. Her partner is a guy called Pein. He's also their leader, and one hell of a guy to fight against." I remembered... he had killed Jiraya hadn't he? That's how powerful he was. I wasn't allowed to tell the Hokage that though Shaking my head, I half grinned, "Although he would be easy enough to find with a metal detector, with the amount of piercings he has."

"Finally, Zetsu. Some mutant flytrap, whose half black and half white. Awesomely freaky, and he's cannibalistic, which is why he's got no partner. Orochimaru used to be part of this gang too, but then he left."

The Hokage had been silent the entire time, despite the fact that half the time I had let out little thoughts which would have made little to no sense to him. His face became more grave with every name I rattled off, and I was sure he recognised each one of them. "Thankyou Krissy. This is most vital and useful information. You do appear to know much about them, and I dare say a whole lot more."

"If I was some super sneaky fan, I'm in no doubt myself that I would even know their birthdays and favourite foods! Gees, that would be super duper scary and stalkerish."

He nodded slowly. "This may become a problem, considering the current state of circumstances we are in. Namely the fact that they wish to kidnap you, and likely know you are now within our walls. I shall have to up our guard. This is perfect timing in the sense however that the Chuunin exams begin in a few days. We shall soon have extra guards within the village as is."

Nodding slightly, I bit my lip, "Sir, in these Chuunin exams... just... trust your instincts, and watch your back. There may be danger closer than you think."

His eyes darkened, but he nodded, "Very well." It was easy to tell, the only thing keeping at bay his curiousity for any more information was the fact that he was afraid I'd somehow rip open the fabric of this world. I didn't know what would happen actually, but I did not want to risk it to try find out.

My face then became deadly serious. More serious than I had ever felt before. "Sir, I have to ask you one more thing. If at any point the Akatsuki do show up, and start threatning Konoha to an extent that lives are at risk, then I want you to do one thing for me please."

He narrowed his eyes, "What would that be?"

"Let me fall into their hands. You can safely assume if they come for me and start causing a ruckus, then the entire story line has changed. As you said, if we muck it up too much, who knows what will happen?"

Shaking his head, he told me, "No. The information you possess is too dangerous to have fall into hands like theirs. Also, there is an almost certainty that they will kill you to get it out of you."

I almost smiled, "Hey you're forgetting I know all their weak points. Even if I can't exploit those weak points, I can at least un-nerve them enough for me to have enough time to to then do something about it. I promise though, they will never get anything against Konoha out of me."

The Hokage would have said something more to me, but there came a crash at the door, and in tumbled an orange suited Genin who was followed by two exasperated looking team mates. Obviously they were here for a mission or something.

"Naruto, you are a loser," Sasuke told him plainly. He looked up at me, and briefly scowled as a reaction to seeing me there talking to the Hokage, his facial expression clearly saying, Why is she in here? Despite the fact that I had fed him nicely earlier today, he was still quite suspicious over the fact I had punched him because of his sharingan eyes. Brat. Where is the gratitude?

Naruto removed his fellow teammates glare from me to him when he got to his feet again and pointing a finger sharply at the raven haired emo boy, "What did you say?"

"Shut it Naruto!" Sakura hissed at him, before also spotting me with a little surprise. "Krissy! What are you doing here? I thought Kakashi sensei took you to the hospital?"

"He did, but I really needed to see the Hokage about a few things. Namely banning all bright orange jumpsuits and spandex." Naruto's face visibly fell, while the Hokage perked up an eyebrow. I looked at him again, "But uh, I think I'm done now." Waving my arms a little, I whispered, "Carry on like I wasn't here."

The Hokage made a move to look like he was going to try stop me, "Krissy, wait!..."

"Yes Sir I remember! If confronted with spandex, look away before my eyes burn out of their sockets! Check! You have no need to fear!" With that I merrily skipped my way out of his office before anything else could be exchanged. Truthfully it was being stuck in the same room as a glaring emo, chicken-butt-for-hair-future-psycho kid that made me want to get out as soon as possible.

Surprise, surprise, who was outside the door? The first thing I ran into was the well chiseled chest of the pervy Grandpa Scarecrow. If I had been a few years older, or a terribly rabid fangirl, then I might have glomped him down right there. Thankfully, I can restrain myself when needed. "For fudges sake! Scarecrow, you're meant to stand out in a cornfield and scare crows! Not stand in doorways for people to walk into! You're not a DoorPole!"

He moved back a little out the way, but he was silent. Staring down at me.

"You are making me feel very uncomfortable. What has your panties in a twist?" When he didn't reply, I decided I would partake in an attempt to at least provoke a reaction, "Oh! That's right, you wouldn't have any on because I sold them all on E-bay!" Wiggling my eyebrows a little, I smirked, "I bet those fangirls are currently going loopy over them. So how does it feel going complete commando?"

He quirked an eyebrow, before raising his head a little to someone in the door. I heard the Hokage's voice behind me, which near gave me a heart attack. "What for the sake of any sanity is it with ninjas being all sneaky?" I brandished my finger in his face, while holding the other hand over a thumping heart, "Don't do that!"

"My apologies." Carefully shutting the door behind him, he turned his attention to Kakashi. "Sheer coincidence that your students were called for a mission." His eyes strayed down to me for a second and then back up again, "Kakashi, the information Krissy has told me is vitally important. There are things in her knowledge that could be threatning to the village if they were to fall into the wrong hands. I want her to continue to stay with you, but you must be on your guard more so than ever. I will be increasing the number of Jounin on duty surrounding Konoha's walls, which should not arouse too much suspcion with the Chuunin exams. However, they are S-rank, so be well prepared."

"Yes Sir."

He nodded in response, "Thankyou Kakashi. Oh, Krissy, before you bolted out of the door I was going to ask you to remain. As you must stay in close vicinity to Kakashi for your own protection, you will be accompanying his team on their missions until I state otherwise. Might you rejoin us in my office?"

"Alright, but if it's picking trash out of a creek then I refuse to participate."

He turned to return to his office, me trudging in between him and Kakashi. I can't say the chicken-butt- I mean, Sasuke, looked terribly pleased to see me. If it was even possible, I think I was starting to develop an even greater dislike for the younger Uchiha, even though he had technically done nothing yet. Pah, even after all the trouble and grief I'd gone through with his elder brother over the last few days, I still would prefer to be handcuffed to him rather than Sasuke. The other two were a little bit surprised to see me again as well though.

"Hi guys! Meet your new temporary team mate!" I cried, throwing my hands out wide. "I know, shocker right! I think I have real potential though."

Snobs ignored me. That might have had something to do with the fact the Hokage had started to brief them, but they still ignored me. I didn't really pay much attention to what the mission was. It was D-rank, hardly anything I was sure would be life threatning, so what was the need to pay attention?

As we were walking out the Hoakge called once to me, gaining my attention as I swivelled my head around to look back over my shoulder, "Ya?"

"In the future, please refrain from stealing the underwear of my Jounin. I do believe in a fight they wish to be comfortable, and 'going commando' in this line of work may not be the best decision. Unless he wishes for something to be detached."

I didn't know the Hokage had heard that! Visibly I reddened a little at the comment I made having reached ears it wasn't intended for, but no way near as much as Kakashi, who had been just in front of me. The only piece of his face visible expressed both cherry-red embarassment, as well as a little bit of extreme annoyance. Thank goodness his students hadn't heard, already having disappeared out the doorway. Pervy old man had a little bit of humour in him!

I threw a cheesy grin and a thumbs up back at the Hokage, "Don't worry. His underwear is safe!" Thank goodness no-one else heard that either. Kakashi quickly put his arm around my shoulders and bundled me off down the hallway, before any of my outbursts about his private under garments was heard by someone else. The worst option would be Might Guy, who would have teased him to no end. Though considering what that green clad guy usually wore, I was surprised his doowa danglies hadn't already become a target in the past.

Life is fun with a little perverted humour...

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I was most hacked off when I discovered, oddly enough, that the mission the Hokage had given to Team 7 was indeed cleaning up a creek. Not a nice shallow creek that had warm water to wade through either. No. It had to be the coldest possible creek thanks to the shade from overhanging branches which were thick with green foilage, and with water that reached thigh level on me.

I gave a giddy amount of gratitude to the fact that I was taller than the poor Genin, who were wading in up to their waists. That, and the added bonus that none of them were yet able to walk on top the water surface. I think I would have torn my hair out if I had been the only one actually walking into the creek's murky waters.

My legs were starting to go numb after ten minutes of trudging around through the minddle of the muck. Glaring backwards at Kakashi, I ran over small plans in my mind how to get him back for this. As promised, I refused to partake in the activity when we first arrived at the creek. Kakashi was most... persuasive in getting me to participate. Mostly it was the threat of swapping all the ingredients in his kitchen, and after the underwear comment by the Hokage, he seemed a little intent of possibly giving me a taste of 'going commando'. I resented that, because technically I hadn't really stolen his underwear (yet!) and I was assuming his doowa danglies were sufficiently... um... the thought was a little too awkward to even process in the depths of my mind, but I was hoping for his sake that they were out of the way of possible attack. Because that's where i was planning to aim a kick at some point, when I could feel my legs again.

"Dang it all. Kakashi I'm not really a ninja, so do I have to do all this ninja work? Am I even going to get paid for this?"

"Yes to the first. No for the second."

"This is slave labour! I'm freezing in here, and I don't even have any chakra to warm myself up again like these three Genin guppies! And you're up there sitting on your butt, reading who knows what?"

He looked down at me from his perch atop a large rock, surveying the four of us who were trudging around in the goopy mess that was supposed to be a creek. I think the three others were as cold as I was, but chakra was providing a little bit of insulation to their bodies at the very least. Meanwhile he was sitting nice and content in a small patch of sunlight, nose buried in his book of what was no doubt smut.

"You forget, it is under my roof you are going to be living. Unless you wish to starve, or sleep on the porch, then I think you can help assist. Besides, they need the help." There was a smile in the bastards voice. He was enjoying this, as a sort of punishment for the fact that I lied to him. Okay, I deserved it, and he was probably never going to drop his guard around me once. However, this was pushing it too far!

"Hey, I gave Weasel and Fish a run for their money. My powers of annoyingness know no extent! I could take you down with it any day."

I wish that sentence could have been backed up by something macho and awesome, like hitting him over the head with a mud ball. However, some rock in the water had been given a little bit of mutant rock-growth-hormone, and it's slightly bigger-than-the-other-rocks size meant my foot caught against it. The water was freezing on my legs. That cold increased tenfold when my entire body hit it face first. Gracefully of course, feet flying into the air before they came back down.

When I surfaced the first thing I heard was laughter. Naruto's mainly. He was pointing and trying to hold his sides to stop his ribs from splitting apart as the laughs rolled off of him. Sakura was trying to contain a giggle behind her hand most unsuccessfully.

Sasuke was the worst. He wasn't laughing, but the corner of his mouth twitched. "Unbelievable. It's a good thing she's not a ninja. She'd be the most pathetic ninja ever, worse than Naruto."

"Thankyou CBH."

He quirked an eyebrow at the sudden new name, his expression asking me what it meant without the words having to leave his mouth.

I smirked, "I'll let you guess. But I shall give you a clue. Bird. Rear. Top of body." Chicken Butt Head.

His eyebrow raised even further, confusion clear set across his face. At least he didn't look as lost as Naruto though, who was literally scratching his head in puzzlement.

"Krissy, I would thank you not to give my students such names," Kakashi said lazily from the tree. He obviously figured it out. I wonder if he had put some thought into this matter some time before?

"Well it's true. Seriously guys, on Sasuke's next birthday, invest in some decent hair care products!" I suddenly thought of Itachi out of the blue, at the mention of hair care, and the scent of herbal shampoo invaded my senses from my subconscious. I started giggling, first quietly and then loudly. Oh how awesome was this? I notice one Uchiha needs some major hair care products, and think of his brother and his shampoo!

They let me have my laughing fit, until the cold got the better of me and with my teeth chattering loudly I crawled out of the water. "I call it quits. Have fun cleaning this stuff up."

"You've hardly done anything," Sasuke commented. "Aside from make a fool of yourself."

"Well at least I don't look like I tied poultry to my head!"

He stared, and then glared. The name I had given to him earlier suddenly made complete sense to him, and his eye twitched a little before that same blank-yet-glaring expression too over his face again. "You're a pain."

I grinned at him, "This is a good day. You should be around me on a bad day."

Kakashi forced me back into the water at some point. The point at which I wouldn't die of hypothermia, though I'm convinced I came pretty darn close. Naruto didn't stop teasing me about my graceful belly flop. When he turned, a foot 'accidentally' tripped him over and flung all his rubbish back into the waters of the creek. "Oh dear Naruto... guess you will have to pick it all up again!"

By the time we made it back to Kakashi's place I couldn't feel anything. I basically tripped over his front doorstep when my legs flopped out on me. Thankfully for once he allowed me a little kindness and caught the back of my shirt before I struck the ground. He still seemed a little distant, but a little more of my jokes, some more of my ramen left over from that morning, and he certainly perked up a little. Plus, until I finally had a shower and cleaned up, there was this one piece of hair sticking up that wouldn't stay down for anything. I think that amused him a little.

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The morning wasn't so good. Kakashi dragged my butt out of bed early... and by early that actually meant early. 7 o'clock early.

"Why the hell do you need to be up so-achoo!-early? Oh great!" The after effects of yesterdays most refreshing dip caught up with me. My nose was running. I wasn't weighed down heavily by an awful cold, thank goodness, but even the stuffed up nose combined with an early start was enough to get me off to a bad beginning.

"I have some errands to run, which must be carried out at this time. Seeing how I must keep a sharp eye on you, you therefore need to come with me."

So half an hour later I was sitting outside the Ichiraku ramen shop, my head lying on the counter and groaning in a mixture of tireness and with a stuffed up nose inhibiting all my senses. My head felt like it was one hundred pounds. Kakashi was most eager to get moving, to run these 'errands' (which I had found involved being the first one to arrive at the book store and get a copy of his new Make-Out series book or something). Having not yet had a chance to eat, I first dragged him into the ramen store, where I plonked my behind down to eat and then flopped across the counter, refusing to move again.

"Kakashi, my rival and friend! What have you done to this poor girl here?" Might Guy's voice was not the one I wished to hear at this moment of time.

"I have done nothing. She refuses to move about this early in the morning, and I have errands to be running." Kakashi was looking very eager to get moving. Both towards the book store and away from Guy. I scoffed at him. Well into the wood of the countertop, because I left my forehead glued to the surface.

His friend clapped a hand on my shoulder, "Oh dear, not feeling to power of youth this morning?" He turned his face up to Kakashi, "Surely if this lady needs an escort, I can watch watch over her for you? It would be an honor to be in the presence of a beautiful lady like her."

His compliment was flattering, but in the mood I was on, if he even tried mentioning the power of youth again and I would ram my chopsticks up his-

"That would be great Guy, I sure appreciate it." Wow... guess his book was more important than keeping an eye on me at this moment. Then again, with Guy watching over me, I wasn't going to go very far as it was. "I shall be back in ten minutes."

"Great! In which time me and this wonderful girl here can make a quick lap around the village."

"Just so you know Kakashi, I'll be dead by the time you get back. I don't do running..."

Guy clapped me on the back again. "Have spirit!"

And so it was, Kakashi left me to my fate. Not without telling Guy not to let me out of his sight for a second however. Then again, flopped over the counter, I wasn't going to go far in the least. Guy tried to prise me away, but my leech instincts kicked in and I wouldn't let go.

"What is the matter? No spring in your step today?"

"My heads too stuffed up to even think!" I wailed to him, "It's all Grandpa Scarecrows fault! He made me clean up a creek that was like ice! How cruel is that?"

Guy only laughed at my pain, and ordered some sort of drink. "Here. To perk you up a little bit then!" Gees, this guy was just full of energy. If it wasn't trapped inside by that eyesore of a green spandex suit, I'm sure he'd have sunshine and rainbows shooting out where you wouldn't want to go looking for a pot of gold.

The drink was odd tasting, but it did have a bit of zing to it which lifted me up a littlle. I downed it pretty quickly, and the second one Guy gave to me too. "Hey, not bad." The clogged up feeling in my head was gone, but that was when the twitching began. I put it down to how zingy the drink had been. "What was in that drink?" Twitch. Twitch twitch twitch.

Guy grinned. "A mix of fruits, sugar, coffee, pinch of lemon..."

"Wait. Did you say.." Twitch. "..coffee?"

He nodded. I groaned. "Oh hell."

His head tilted to the side. "What is it?"

Twitch. Grin. Twitch. Cackle.

"Uh-oh. It's begun..."

"What?"

I practically sang it to him as the hyperness began to overtake my senses. "Coffee and me don't mix well. Let's just say... let the modnarness begin!"

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**If I get enough people who can tell me what 'modnarness' is, then I'll post early. And you all get instant telepathic virtual pieces of cake. I would give you some cookies... but my virtual dog ate them all. Dang him. **

**So uh, enjoy! hopefully it wasn't yoo boring for you... perhaps you could see my brain meltdown? But I had to post! And I wanted to give myself an excuse to get out of studying for my two exams... on tomorrow.. dang...**

**Wish me luck. I shall return soon. Unless Calculus or Greek pots kill me first (likely)**

**Just so you know... we shall see our Weasel and Fish friends again soon (I miss them in the story is why) BUT FIRST! We shall terrorise a few ... not so happy chappies TEHE!**

**Press the shiny review button. It doesn't bite ... Okay I lie, it does... but it turns you into a vampire shark! HEHEHE... p.s don't you love my lines? XD**

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	16. Modnarness and Hugging Psycho's

**What's this? It hasn't been a month, or even more than a week, and she's posting? What sort of craziness is this?**

**Do not worry my friends! I have not suffered some mental disease or an accident which has bedridden me and left me a lot of time for writing... shuddup Kisame, I heard you moan in disappointment over there! But anyways... I have finished my exams, and I wanted to post up again... YAY! (P.S. I passed my exams... although Chinese.. are they spose to speak that fast? Seriously, I'm used to people talking blah blah blah blah... not blahblahblahblahblahblahblah... AHHHHH! O.O!)**

**Kisame: *sighing* Dammit... I had gotten used to spending time away from this girl in between posts... I looked forward to the break! **

**Me: *laughs evilly* not this time fish boy! By the way, we are studying fish in Biology at the moment... and I thought I'd sign you up to come in and help out our class for a day with our project**

**Kisame: ... what's the project?**

**Me: *grins* nothing much... you know, help us label things, explain about the workings of a fish *cough*dissection*cough* things like that ^^ Btw... how salmon reproduce... OMFG O.O!**

**Kisame: *twitches* **

**Me: *looks at Itachi* You are very quiet today Weasel**

**Itachi: I am preserving my sanity**

**Me: What sanity? I don't know if you noticed, but no-one in your world has a shred of sanity... actually, no-one anywhere in the world has a shred of sanity! We are all CRAZY! **

**Ain't that the truth. So here you are, another post. Hope you enjoy. P.S *throws lots of pieces of cake out* this is for you lot! Thankyou for guessing at the word modnarness! A few got it... majority, close but not quite... yes it is to do with a state of madness... but i shall let you read on and find out... mwahahah ENJOY! OR ELSE!**

******ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* (OMG CUTE FACE!)**

I felt sorry for Might Guy. I mean I _really_ felt sorry for him. Not the sort of sorry you feel when you accidentally hit a baseball through the window of someones house. No, it was more like the sorry you feel when someone spends years making up a beautiful giant palace entirely made of glass, and then one tiny little nudge from said mentioned baseball sends it crashing to the ground in a bunch of shattered shards. That's the sort of terrible pity I felt for him.

Guy's sanity was currently the giant glass palace. Needless to say, I was the baseball ready to smash it into millions of little pieces. Of course it was already pretty cracked before I even got there. For gawds sake, what sort of man who wanders around wearing green spandex all day and thinks it cool could possibly have an intact sense of sanity?

I however had made it much, _much_ worse. A whole bunch of hyperness that could barely be contained, flitting to and fro around the streets of Konoha, with it's fabled green beast desperately running after me and trying to stop me.

You'd think a ninja with someone like Lee for a student, and with as much energy and a creepily obsessed 'can do' attitude as he had, should have been able to catch little old non-ninja me. Add in the coffee however, and I had become about three Lee's put together into one body.

Actually I think the only reason Guy was still even bothering to try follow me was partly because he had promised Kakashi he wouldn't let me out of his sight, and partly because I was a hyped disturbance to what should have been calm Konoha streets. However, I was not making things easy! I blamed the state of coffee...

"Krissy. I must ask you to slow down a little bit," Guy called out from behind me somewhere.

I kept running, "No way! I wanna see all of Konoha, now! Scarecrow is too slack to bother showing me anything! I wanna go sightseeing!"

Well, that's what I thought I said. Really I think it turned out more like _'Noway! WannaseeKonohanow! Scarecrowtooslacktobother! SIGHTSEEING!'_ Something along those lines would probably be more accurate.

"Though your interest in Konoha is very youthful and splendid, I do believe you are scaring the locals!" He called back out, sounding closer but not close enough.

True, I may have frightened a few locals. I didn't think it was that bad though! Perhaps maybe poking random articles for sale and screaming that they were 'alive' whenever they shifted didn't do wonders for my Konoha street cred. Plus playing leap frog with strangers on the street. And attempting to vanish into thin air by hiding behind said strangers. And pulling at random doors in the wrong direction while screaming at the top of my lungs that the door refused to open because they were all 'being asses'. And making loud noises when hitting objects, proclaiming I was going to be the worlds best ninja of nosie. And shooting at people with my finger and yelling "BANG!" or "BAZINGA!" before shaking my head at how slow their reactions to a possible attack was.

The list was endless basically.

Guy finally caught up to me because I had stopped. There was a piece of wall that I was staring at intently. A few people surrounded me, all staring at me with looks of concern on their faces, but an uncertainty at how to approach.

Guy looked at me, and then the wall at which my gaze was fixated. "What may I ask, are you doing?"

"SHHH!" I growled at him, waving at him with my hand but never breaking gaze once. "There is a hidden door in this wall... it only appears every so often... I have to be quick to open it when it appears, or it will disappear again..."

"Where does this door lead then?" He had a hint of amusement in his already happy chappy voice.

"The guy who controls the fate of everyone. I have a bone to pick with him about surrounding me with a variety of either psychotic or mentally disturbed ninja." Cue the quick side look at green spandexed horror before back to the wall. "Actually, why do you pick bones? Wouldn't a better term be, 'a booger to pick with you?' or, 'a scab to pick?'... who came up with that?"

Guy shook his head. He could only see the plain brick wall. However I _knew_ that there was a secret door there! Did no-one see it when it flashed a second ago?This big, oddly brick coloured door. ..

****

KADONK!

Wall. Pain. Floor. Pain. Darkness. Swirly head. Loud voice in ear.

"Dammit... I missed the door."

"And you found the wall."

Re-opening my eyes, I found Guy leaning over and looking down at me with a very badly hidden smile on his face. Glad he found someone running into a solid wall so funny. "Wow what a knock you took Krissy. Are you alright... how many shiny teeth do I have?"

"Isin't it fingers you're holding up?" I asked him, noticing how much he seemed to be swirling around.

Guy laughed, showing off those nice, shiny, pearly whites. "I find it is better to figure out how conscious a person is when they can count something much smaller than fingers." He poked me in the forehead, instantly spouting a harsh amount of pain, "You took a huge knock to your head."

"And this is why you poke it?"

I groaned for a second, then looked up at him dead serious. "Guy..."

"Yes?"

"I have to ask about your outfit..."

"Would you like one?" His grin grew and eyes sparkled a little. "I have one for a girl your size! My student Tenten wouldn't wear it."

"Nah, I'm good as fashion disastors go for now. But I have to ask... is it really for speed and comfort... or are you trying to emphasize something?"

He simply shook his head. "It is a suit made for battle! It-"

"Yeah, yeah, keep telling yourself that. However I have a door to glare at if you will excuse me." I then sat up, shaking my fist at the wall and growling, "I will get you door!"

Guy clapped a hand on my shoulder, "Alright, I think perhaps you should sit down for a moment. Then we can work off your energy with some running!" He sounded so excited about it.

"What have I been doing for the past half an hour?" I twitched a few times at having stood still for so long, and my muscles instantly began to work into over drive again. "Oooo shiny! This way!" The magic door was forgotten as something sparkled at the very corner of my eye, and I raced after it. Never mind the throbbing head after running face first into a brick wall. It was shiny!

I skidded around the corner, nearly losing my footing. I didn't fall, but I didn't fail to point at the ground as I kept running and laugh, "HAHA! You will not trip me up again flat ground!" Flat ground had so far been my worst enemy. It was a conspiracy! Every single time I turned around a corner I tripped over the stupid flat surface. Or my own feet. But it was way better to blame the ground, and gravity.

Guy attempted to keep up with me, but the various amounts of alleys I kept ducking down, the amount of shops I kept running through before emerging out the back with a few angered yells after me, and soon I lost both hearing and sight of him.

That was fine by me though. I was enjoying the sights and sounds of Konoha. Although most of the sights were blurred as I zipped past, and the sounds were less than pleased yells from the locals, mixed with the surprise at seeing a streak run past like Flash or something.

Rounding a corner I suddenly saw a bunch of heads of hair that I certainly recognised, even from the back. Who could miss bright pink hair? Oh, and the bright orange of a jumpsuit which really should have been banned by fashion place. What was wrong with this world? I mean they let people wear almost anything here! Orochimaru wore a huge purple bow tied around his middle for goodness sake! Why? There was also a cloud of darkness and emo hanging overhead, which meant Sasuke had to present too.

"Friends!" I yelled, racing up to them from behind.

They turned to stare at me. Right before I tried to halt and then collided with Naruto, sending us both crashing to the ground.

"Boss!" I heard the high pitched voice of a squeaky kid that I recognised as Konohamaru.

"Hi midget!" I was on my feet in a second, scruffling his hair. He pouted, looking down at Naruto sprawled on the floor, to which I looked down and made a slight wince, "My bad Naruto..."

The super sensory part of me that had increased in awareness thanks to over indulgence in coffe was on overdrive, and I looked up to see Sasuke was looking at me with a glare from a tree. Not the usual sort of _'I hate you and everything in this world' _glare that he usually had, but more the, _'you have embarassed us' _sort of glare. That's when it hit me. Sasuke in a tree... Konohamaru with Sakura and Naruto, plus there was the other two squirts whose names I couldn't remember...

Looking up, I then saw two more ninja. They didn't look so pleased to see me. In fact, they were sneering with upturned noses. "What the heck is this? Another Leaf Genin?"

I didn't care about the looks on their faces though. My mouth broke into a huge grin, "Oh my gosh! It's a Kankuro kitty cat!"

Then I lunged. I don't care how fast ninja's are... he wasn't fast enough to avoid me. I landed heavily on top of him, clinging like a leech and climbing up over his shoulder, latching onto his two ears. "They are just like a cat! So cute!"

"What the- Get this girl off me!" Kankuro yelled, twisting to and fro to try detach me. However I had my legs gripped strongly around him, and I wasn't letting go of his ears for anything!

"Feisty kitty ain't ya? Why do you dress up like this? You know, living in a desert you're like, setting yourself up for sunstroke for sure! Gees, ninja ain't practical at times..."

"Get off me!" Kankuro kept twisting.

"Say please! And I will give you a cat nip treat!"

"I am not a bloody cat! Now. Get. Off!"

I detached myself from him. Those surrounding us had been in a sense of stun up until then. I'm sure it looked quite amusing actually, watching some girl kitty-back ride around on a guy who had sticky up cat ears. "You are no fun you know that!"

"Krissy, what are you doing?" Sakura asked me, her voice shaking. I suppose that was natural, considering I had just used a guy who threatened them as a climbing frame.

"Playing with the kitty!"

Instantly I found a new target. "Oh. Em. Gee! Temari!" I leapt at her, landing right beside her. "I love your hair you know! I think it's the coolest! Can you teach me how to do my hair like that? Seriously, it is so awesome!"

She didn't look like she knew what to say, her mouth opening and closing, eyes widened and sharply kept on me in case I tried to leap onto her back. Well I didn't climb onto her back, but I did flit around her like a mosquito.

"I would say I'm your biggest fan.. but that really wouldn't be true would it. Hehe!" Her eyes seemed to widen a little, but I was still leaping around her and staring at the giant contraption that was her weapon. "You know you should invest in some sort of electrical fan... those things are awesome! And at that size it would blow your opponents away!"

I think finally my overwhelming nature was too much for Temari, and the kitty had had enough. He grabbed me roughing by the back of my shirt and hauling me up, snarling, "You wanna pick a fight, huh Leaf nin punk?"

"I ain't a ninja," I grinned at him, giving him the peace sign. "But I was in Girl Guides. They have persistance that endures all... thats why they sell so many cookies Kitty Geppetto!"

There was confusion in his face, "Geppetto?"

"See, I would call you Pinnochio... but I thought I would leave that name for the creepy sand puppet... who I am convinced must be related to your brother actually..."

Kankuro's grip tightened, "How do you seem to know so much about us? Especially if you aren't a Leaf Nin?"

I tilted my head, "I told you... Girl Guides! Sneakiest bunch of cookie sellers you will ever find... we are everywhere, and nowhere! Mwahaha! You know...red doesn't go with your purple face paint, Kitty Geppetto." Saying that, I poked his cheek, which had reddened quite a lot.

"Perhaps a little bit of roughing up would be better for you, to teach you to shut that trap," he growled, his grip clenching even tighter.

"Oooo, Kitty has his claws out now!"

"Krissy, you aren't helping things!" Sakura yelled.

"Hey, I'm all good," I laughed. "I don't know if it's the two cups of coffee Guy gave me thats buzzing in my system, or the dozen poles and brick wall I ran into that possibly gave me head trauma... but I know everything will be all hunky dory!" I grinned, "Oh, and that any second now the tomato head of a psycho cuddly panda bear will turn up!"

Kankuro raised a brow a little again in confusion before clenching his teeth in anger, "Will you not shut up?"

"Nah, it's a curse I have... beleive me, I have tried to fix , well... I digress. Now, where is that panda bear?"

"Krissy, do us a favour and shut up, before you embarass our village even more," Sasuke told me coldly. Oh, charming, not like he was coming over and trying to help free me from the psycho in a black cat suit.

"Shuddup Chicken Butt! Or I'll have to pluck out all your hair! Me and the Kitty are having a conversation. If you can't repsect that, I will tell him to eat you."

Sasuke glared, as did Kankuro. Promptly I looked at Kankuro and then pointed back at CBH, "Kitty, time for dinner! It's chicken! Bit tough and gloomy, maybe a little bit bitter..." I grinned a bit evilly, before exclaiming, "Where is that panda? He'll be late to dinner!"

"Will you shut up!" Kankuro raised his other hand a little.

"Kankuro." A cold voice appeared out of nowhere. I instantly looked up at the tree, where I knew the owner of the voice would be hanging upside down from the tree branch.

"Panda has arrived!" I giggled to Kankuro, who was now looking between me and his younger brother with a look of fear.

"You are a disgrace to our village. Put the girl down. Or I'll kill you." Wow. He could beat Weasel for the King of Monotone he could.

Kankuro dropped me back onto my feet, looking at me and hastily saying, "Sorry, sorry," as he brushed off invisible specks of dust.

"Hey, don't sweat it Kitty Geppetto." Kankuro looked too frightened to even consider being angry about the name again.

Gaara descended from the tree in a swirl of sand. As soon as he was standing, I basically appeared on top of him. "Panda!"

It was only after the first few seconds of me poking at his gourd and then at the emblem on his forehead, exclaiming, "Is this made of skin, or is it like some sort of ink made of sand? So cool! You should open a tattoo buisness!" that we all started to realise that there was no sand barrier in between me and him. Perhaps the little Leaf Genin didn't understand this, their shock only being that I had leapt on top of the creepy looking Sand nin, but both I and the other Sands noticed. Though in my state, I was more out of it than into it, so I didn't realise that this was once again a very stupid thing to be doing.

"How did she- get through the sand barrier?" Temari asked, taking a step back and looking down in shock.

I looked up at her, and then grinned, "Well, duh, 'cause I ain't trying to stick a knife in the poor little fella!" I looked back down at Gaara, whose eyes were slightly widened and unsure on what to do, considering his sand (his greatest defense!) had most dramatically failed to stop a caffeinated girl from poking him.

"How... how did you?" Gaara stared up at me.

I pinched his cheek, grinning at him, "Don't worry my tomato headed panda! It's cause I ain't gonna harm you... perhaps a hug?" In saying so, I gave him a hug.

"Temari, she's hugging him... no-one will believe this," Kankuro didn't sound like he knew whether to laugh, run in and yank me away from his younger brother, or collapse in an overwhelmed faint.

Gaara suddenly found his voice again, growling, "Release me, now. Or I will kill you."

I released the mini psycho, straightening up, "Oh believe me, I've hugged much more psychotic people than you little man, all threatening the same thing. I'm afraid they have the first dibs. Perhaps next time?" Scruffling Gaara's hair, I smiled at him, "Now you listen to me. All will be better for you! Life shall not be so doom and gloom forever, ya hearing me? Besides..." I whispered behind my hand, "It's your brother I blame. He's nuts. How do you put up with him!"

I think he was in the middle of debating whether to engulf me with sand and use his desert coffin thingy to splatter me over the footpath, but I had already spun on my heels to at his two siblings, "Be nice to him dammit! Give him lotsa cookies, or so help me I'll go psycho Bruce Lee on you two!"

A twitch suddenly hit me, and I felt the sting of a headache hit me momentarily. "Gah! Owies! Get out of ma head you headache you!" I hit the side of my head, successfully making the pain that little bit worse. "DAMMIT!"

"Krissy... perhaps you should go home and rest," Sakura put her hand lightly on my shoulder. She was still eyeing the

"Or to the crazy house," Naruto said, before Sakura stuck up for me and hit him over the head.

I stood a little up, "I think that might be a good idea. I mean home, not the crazy house, thank you very much... you ramen obsessed, brilliant ball of orange hyperness."

Turning, I stared at Kankuro, "I got my eyes on you Kitty. You're the mega loony of the family. Be nice to poor Panda, or I shall set the Dog Whisperer on you, ya hear?"

"Oh dear... what has happened here?" The voice cut off the reply that would have come from Kankuro, catching our attention instead.

I stopped in place, and grinned. "Well.. speak of the wrinkly old... Scarecrow!" I looked up at the tree which had been vacated by both emo panda, and emo chicken butt only a minute ago, now occupied again by a rather exasperated looking Scarecrow.

"I think I need to have a word with Guy about keeper a much sharper eye on you. How did you get away from him?"

"He gave me coffee!" I grinned up at him.

Kakashi's head drooped, "Well that pretty much explains it then." He jumped down onto the ground, landing lightly on his feet. The three Sand watched him, quite aware of the fact that he was a Jounin. Kakashi looked at them, "I'm sorry if she has been making a nuisance of herself. I made a terrible mistake in leaving her along under the supervision of anyone but me."

I grinned wider, "We've been making friends!" I glared at Kankuro, "Although, tell Pakkun to keep a sharp eye on this Kitty. He's rather psychotic."

"_I'm_ psychotic?" Kankuro looked in disbelief.

I folded my arms, "Yes, you are! And what's more-!" I stagged for a second, just when I was about to accuse him of being a body snatching sicko, because I had heard somewhere that he used Sasori's body as a puppet when the real Pinnochio eventually copped it. "Whoops. That has to be the brick wall and the poles coming back to haunt me..."

It wasn't a very graceful movement because I nearly hit the ground. Kakashi sighed, catching me and slinging me over his shoulder. He looked back at the three Sand Nin, apologising and wishing them good luck for the Chuunin exams, because thats obviously why they were here, although he didn't mention it. Then he looked at his students, telling them to get to a training field where he would meet them later, and then took off.

I stared at Kankuro, making hand gestures, "I got my eyes on you Kitty..." Then a wave at Gaara, "Nice to see you my tomato headed panda buddy! Thanks for not killing me!"

With that, Kakashi muttered, "Unbelievable Guy, giving her coffee..." and then leapt over the top of the fence, leaving the small bunch behind in a state of both shock and stun, unsure quite how to react after that sort of situation.

I was feeling quite proud of myself. "Hey, Scarecrow! I hugged another psycho, and he didn't kill me! See, hugging should so be made a secret ninja technique! No-one ever knows how to fight the power of a hug! Bwaha, I could be the worlds most powerful ninja, taking it down with love and hugs!"

Kakashi only shook his head, continuing to run until he reached his apartment. Once inside, he plonked me down on the couch. "Hmmm. Did you walk into anything?"

"Only a wall, and a dozen poles. Bastards. They all moved into my way! I never walk into anything! It's a conspiracy! They walk into me, and make it look like it's my fault! How unfair is that?"

"Quite. Now sit down, and let me have a look at that cut," Kakashi said.

"Cut, what cut?"

He poked me on the forehead, instantly earning a gasp of pain and me attempting to slap his hand away. "Owies..."

"That cut."

"Oh. That probably came from running into wall after I missed the magic door."

Shaking his head, he stood, "Stay there. I'll be back in a moment with the medical kit."

I grinned, sitting still on the couch and for once doing exactly as I was told to do. At least until I heard a husky voice grumble, "You're home early Kakashi. Is that the girl you mentioned before?"

"Oh my gawd! Doggy!" I screeched, lunging at the small talking mutt. Pakkun didn't have a chance before I latched my arms around him. "He's soooo cute! Kakashi why didn't you introduce me earlier? Hi, I'm Krissy! You're just the sweetest thing! You smell sweet too."

Pakkun stood there squashed up in my hug. At first he was a little terrified, but after a while I felt him relax a little and grin back at Kakashi, "She thinks I'm cute, and sweet."

"That doesn't mean anything at this point in time. She only just met you, and she's currently under the influence, thanks to Guy." Kakashi wandered out of the kitchen, holding onto a mini medical kit.

"Under the influence? Guy didn't give her any of that stuff he gave to that kid Lee, did he? Poor girl, is she drunk?"

I hugged Pakkun tighter, "Silly doggie, I'm too young for alcohol... He gave me coffee!"

"A substance which under the roof of my home you are never allowed to have again," Kakashi muttered to himself, before leaning down to press something stingy to the cut on my forehead.

Laughing, I smirked, "I told you, modnarness is something you didn't want to see."

"What is modnarness?"

"Think backwards."

Kakashi thought for a moment, and then sighed. "I should have expected such." Modnar... random... Shaking his head he kept cleaning the cut. "There. It's not too bad. Take it easy though, quite a knock to the head you took."

"Screw that. I wanna go sightseeing!"

He stared at me for a second, before standing to return the medical kit to it's proper place somewhere in his kitchen. "I think you need to rest."

"Scarecrow... I am under the influence of two cups of coffee. You have a choice. Leave me here, in your house, where I can create havoc... or let me go out sightseeing."

Kakashi looked quite terrified at the thought of leaving me in his home, but he knew if I was to go outside then he would have to accompany me to make sure I didn't somehow rip a hole through the middle of Konoha.

"Alright."

I stood up and ran to the door, Pakkun gathered in my arms, "Off we go for walkies!"

With an already tired looking Kakashi trailing behind me, we left his apartment. "I am never going to trust Guy again..."

**ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* (OMG CUTE FACE!)**

The group of four Akatsuki had finally met up. Deidara looked most displeased at the fact he was not only dragged out on a mission that involved capturing a simple civilian girl.. a mission that really should only need one of them! However, she had proven to be more difficult to keep a hold on than expected.

The main reason they needed the four of them was because Itachi had reported her to now be within Konoha walls. Based on the fact that both Itachi and Kisame had confirmed Krissy obviously knew more than she let on about her knowledge of them and their organisation. Pein, their Leader, never took chances with such things. Civilian or not, if she knew anything that could threaten their organisation, he wanted her brought back. Alive. Though perhaps it wouldn't be for very long. Just long enough to judge if the information she knew really was a threat to them, and if there were others they would need to track down.

If she was in Konoha, likely retrieving her would be a difficulty. The Leaf ninja would probably have her under close protection if she had told them anything. Pein was determined to make sure this possible threat was retrieved, and that was why there were the four of them there. To assure that she would be captured, even if a fight broke out.

Kisame grinned as the wall surrounding Konoha came into view. "Heh, how do you feel about coming home again Itachi?"

He didn't recieve an answer, to which he simply shrugged. Then he frowned, "I can't say I'm pleased to have to be going after this girl. She gets on my nerves."

"A civilian teenage girl, un. How can she do anything to irritate you that much?" Deidara looked at the blue skinned man from behind the blonde bang hanging over his eye.

"You haven't met her. Trust me, when you do, you will understand." He could feel the headache building again just _thinking_ about dealing with that girl again.

"Hm, sure," Deidara shrugged.

Sasori had been watching the walls of Konoha calmly, "It would be best to wait until cloak of night. We can infiltrate the walls, and then attempt to locate her. Itachi, you are the one most familiar with Konoha. You will have to lead us in."

Itachi nodded quietly. Like Sasori, he had been watching Konoha carefully. Unlike him though, he felt no need for words. His home that he grew up in was less than a few minutes away. Last time he had been here, it had been after he had murdered his clan. The emotion he may have once felt though was silent, driven down by years of keeping it tucked away in a part of him he no longer thought he could unlock again. They had a job to do.

He had let her get away once before, though he was still unsure why. It made no difference now though. He was under orders.

By tomorrow, Krissy would be back in the hands of the Akatsuki.

**ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* **

**Yes! The word modnarness means... dun dun! randomness! modnar-random! clever right? MWAHAHAHAHHAAH**

**So I hope you enjoyed... And ooooooooo... getting good now... I hope... maybe... I live in hope... gimme a break here people! I have a cat, sticking its claws in my arms while I am trying to write and then nuzzling me and trying to act cute so he can continue to act like my arms are his personal sofa... damn cat... Pakkun, attack! **

**So, not quite too much Itachi... but I threw in a little Gaara (eeeep Gaara! yay!) because he's a cute psychotic panda bear! I really want to give him a hug... **

**Who is with me! we shall hug him together! UNITE! EVERYONE HUGGLE GAARA! AND THEN WE SHALL HUGGLE ITACHI! ITS HUGGLE THE PSYCHOTIC KILLERS YEAR! WOOO!**

**Much love... much hugs... much internet cake... and nachos... mmm nachos... **

**xoxoxox**


	17. Mosquito Jutsu and Goobledegook

**I shall apologise, but it shall make no difference. The heart ache of the lateness of this update? It's been written for like, three weeks. *sweat drop* heh.. um, ooops? I'd say I've been busy, but I'm always busy. I need a timetable dammit! Something like that! Or I should just take Shikimaru's way out! But he's a genius, so that makes up for it... rarg!**

**I blame snow... snow is coming out of my ears! I went for a trip down South into the snow... guys, if you havn't been to NZ in winter and up Mt Ruapehu, you are seriously missing out! Plus, I got to walk through the land of Mordor to Mount Doom! (Seriously, I did! Hehe we were where they filmed Lord of the Rings... we even took this 'cursed' necklace with us that we found in the place we were staying... it was a tiny little doll... it just oozed cursed essence)**

**Omg and I got myself a dress for my school ball! After much shopping... it's a cheap, pretty one ^^**

**Kisame: *sniggers* you, in a dress? I don't see it...**

**Me: *pouting* I can wear a dress occasionally... like, once a year maybe...**

**Kisame: *rolls his eyes* so while you have been off in the snow or *sniggers* dress shopping... you left me and Itachi here to these creatures that actually read this story which contains a crazed lunatic**

**Me: takes one to know one**

**Kisame: I know... that's how you know I am a crazed lunatic.. you are one too**

**Me: Did I ever deny it... **

**Itachi: *walks into the room and sees I'm back* *turns around and walks back out again***

**Me: *pouts and then grins slyly* Itachi wait! Look I got you a present when I went dress shopping!**

**Itachi: *raises brow* You... in a dress?**

**Me: What is it with you two? A girl can wear a dress if she wants to! Anyways.. lookies... I saw this and thought of you instantly! *hands him a Hello Kitty hairband* **

**Itachi *eye twitch* (P.s. Inside joke... I once drew a picture of Itachi at school, and my friend asked if she could tweak it, and put a Hello Kitty headband on him because one: she is obsessed with Hello Kitty, and two: she thought Itachi was a girl) **

**Itachi: ...**

**Okay, I tried to make this chapter even longer than usual, although nothing much too exciting happens (thats the next chapter! WOOOOP!) it now gives the story a bit more of point and explanation.. if that makes sense... you shall get it by the end... I hope... you might all be thickos.. I KID! XD **

**ENJOY! Or else! I shall bury you in snow!**

******ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* (I LOVE MY LINE XD)**

"Scarecrow."

No response.

"Scarecrow..."

Still no response.

"Pervy Grandpa Scarecrow with a thousand wrinkles hidden behind a mask!"

I still wasn't getting any response. Time to pull out the big guns.

"___Tu épouvantail grand-père pervers!"_ You perverted grandpa Scarecrow.

"Yes?"

Kakashi looked lazily down at me. He was seated on one of the topmost branches of a tree that would both hold his weight without cracking and topple him to the ground, and also keep his person as far away as he could possibly get from me for the moment.

I grinned, "Wow you responded to the French! Remind me to call you that more in the future... and to use more French for my insults!" He sighed, and I tilted my head, "Why the heck are you up there?"

"I prefer my sanity to stay intact for the moment. I hate to say this, but you Krissy, are worse than Naruto."

I stuck my tongue out at him, "You're really, really mean! You deserve to have all your books stolen and then smothered in anchovies, baked into a pizza and then flung like a frisbee into an erupting volcano."

I wasn't sure how much of that was actually understandable. I was still under the influence of caffeine and my sentences were at top speed. Then again, he was the Copy Nin, able to copy hand signs almost directly. Surely he could read and decipher lips? Either way, he merely shrugged my threat off.

"I thought you wanted to look at Konoha? We are currently atop the Hokage Memorial Mountain, the most popular tourist destination with the best view of the entire village, and yet you still pester me instead of sightseeing?"

"You make me sound like I'm a sort of mosquito... can I be one with rainbow coloured wings?" I stuck my arms out, making buzzing sounds. "Look out Scarecrow, or I'll bite you!"

Dismissively he waved a hand, "That's nice," and then returned his gaze to his book.

I pouted. Sure, I had basically dragged him up the mountain so I could overlook Konoha, but annoying him was more fun than staring out at a village for more than a minute in my state. Poking at the ninja had been greatly amusing, and after a while he had sought his refuge in the treetop with his book of smut.

I think part of him was hoping I would tumble off the side of the cliff so he could have two seconds without me whining in his ear. However, no such thing was going to happen (I hoped) and I was determined now to annoy him some more. That was difficult when he was thirty feet up a tree.

"Right. Look out Scarecrow, because the mosquito is coming after you." I took firm hold of the bark of the tree, pulling myself up about a foot.

My backside hit the ground with a thump. I growled, and then looked up to find my favourite Scarecrow chuckling to himself behind his mask, although his gaze was now back on his book of smut. "Don't laugh, or you will face my wrath."

"I quiver in fear."

"It's amazing how brave you are when you are hiding thirty feet up in a tree. Why don't you come down here, and then face me?"

He wasn't paying any attention any more though, clearing ignoring me. Which only ensured that my determination would become stronger. "Bzzzzzzz... Mosquito-no-pain-in-the-ass-jutsu!"

I leapt at the tree, actually managing to hook my arms and legs around it enough to start scaling it by some sort of caterpillar shuffle. I made it to the first branch twenty feet up after about five minutes of shuffling. Clinging desperatly to the trunk of the tree as soon as I was seated on a sturdy enough branch, I cast a glance up to Kakashi, who hadn't even bothered looking down at me yet.

Swinging myself up, I grew steadily closer and closer to him, smirking with victory at every inch I managed to cover.

That was until one of the branches broke beneath me. Yelping, I hurtled back down towards the ground much faster than the time it had taken me to get up that same distance. Thankfully I never hit the ground though. Instead I hit a strong pair of arms that caught me a few feet before the ground did. I looked up to see Kakashi, with an extremely tired look on his face.

"Tar Scarecrow. You know, I really hate gravity. I should sue it. I'm surprised Isaac Newton never sued gravity. He thought it was the wonder of the ages! Blah. Scientists know nothing!"

Kakashi had no idea what I was saying, that was obvious. He just rolled his eyes _again_ and shook his head _again_. "Come on. Before you tumble off the edge of the cliff."

"But it's at least forty feet away! How am I spose to fall off it from all the way over here?"

"Oh, you would find a way I'm sure."

I stuck my tongue out at him, before leaping up and clinging onto his back in a piggy back ride. "Mush Scarecrow! Mush! Or I will bite your ear!"

He sighed and started walking while attempting at the same time to hold onto me as I wriggled around. Half leaning forward over his shoulder, I kept pointing at random objects, before basically crawling across his head to his other shoulder and pointing somewhere else.

"Krissy, how long is this... coffee buzz of yours going to last?"

I leant my head next to him with a huge grin, "Well the last time I had coffee it was one teaspoon, and it took me a day and a half to wear off. I think there was about three teaspoons in that drink, so it's anyones guess now!" Accompanied with a giggle, I snorted at the despair in Kakashi's eyes.

Pakkun, who by this stage had come out of his hiding place which he retreated to a while ago for his own safety. He probably preferred to keep the fur on his back, rather than have me fuss him so much that it all fell out. He looked up at Kakashi with tired eyes, "Is she going to be bouncing around like this all night?"

Kakashi nodded back down to him slowly, "Most likely."

"Perhaps we should shove her off onto Guy? After all, this is his fault."

"No!" I yelled, but I saw Kakashi thinking it over. "Oh no, don't you think about Grandpa Scarecrow! The man wears spandex and is like some sort of hyena with good teeth hygeine and on a constant coffee buzz! Do you want to be responsible for the eventual snapping of my sanity?"

"Considering all things, I would say that happened a long time ago."

"Why are you so mean to me?" I whined, leaning forward over his shoulder.

He might have replied something sarcastic, if not for the sudden appearance once again of a ANBU ninja. Kakashi wasn't fazed by the sudden appearance of the ANBU, and I didn't get to see much of the man (or the mask he was wearing) before my shock at his appearance sent me tumbling off Kakashi's back and onto the ground. "Dammit, sneaky ninja! Argh!"

"Ignore her," Kakashi stated to the ninja, before asking, "What is it?"

"The Hokage sent me to fetch you. And the girl. It is urgently important, and he requests you meet him in his office right away."

"Honestly we spend more time in his office than out of it," I scoffed, standing and rubbing my behind. On my feet, I skipped towards the ANBU, tilting my head. "Omg, your mask is so cool. Can I play with it, pleeeeease?" Clutching onto his arm I peered up with huge pouty eyes, "Please?"

Before I got an answer Kakashi hoisted me back and lifted me up over his shoulder, looking at the ANBU with a nod, "We shall leave there right now." With that he took off.

"Scarecrow! Why did you do that? I just wanted to play with his mask!"

He didn't even do me the decency of an answer, so I sighed and leant my elbow onto his back, resting my head on my hand. "I'm sensing a recurring trend to my travel styles recently you know. Travelling by shoulder seems to be real popular this season." When he didn't respond to the sarcasm, I moaned, "You know, perhaps I should just spend my time in Konoha at the Hokage's offices. I seem to spend more time there than anywhere else... You know, I bet with a dash of pink paint and some decorative curtains, I could make it a real homey place."

We soon made it to the Hokages offices, with Kakashi ignoring most of what I was saying. Most of his attention was spent on trying not to drop me as I wriggled about, complaining how bony his sticky Scarecrow shoulders were. "All you ninja are so manorexic. Gees, you all need counselling!"

The relief was intense when he finally got to drop me, none too ceremoniously on the hard floor of the Hokages office. Rubbing my backside, I pointed a finger up dangerously at him, "Ooo you keep one eye open Scarecrow... or I shall sacrifice all your books to Bookie, the mutant book eater." Believe it or not, Bookie was not just a figment of my caffeinated hallucinations. He was real all right, because everytime I looked for my homework books, they magically disappeared, so obviously stolen by the homework eater.

"Is it just me, or is she speaking louder and more obnoxiously than usual?" came a voice I recognised.

"Whacko!" I nearly screamed, lunging up off the floor and clinging onto the crotchety looking Waku. Slithering over his shoulder and clinging onto his shoulders in a hug, I rubbed my cheek against his, "I thought you would never want to see me again! But you're here!" I twirled a piece of his silver hair, "I knew you couldn't resist my charm!"

With one hand he pulled me off him and held me in the air, "Don't push your luck here. Remember, you lied to us."

"Well... I had a reason behind it! And a good one too!"

"I'm sure. And why are you speaking so fast?"

"Because I had coffee!"

His eyes widened and he pushed me away from him, "Great. Just what we need at this time... a deadly girl on a coffee rampage."

I stuck my tongue out at him, before lunging towards yet another victim. The closest happened to be Atsu, "Pikatsu!"

He was more than ready for me though, holding one arm out to catch me, "Yo, Zapper. Nice to see you again, and nice to see you aren't in prison either. We had our doubts for a while there ya know."

I pinched his cheek, "I thought I'd made you all hate me. Oh, but ya all love me too much to hate me. Even Whacko came to see me!"

Said ninja hmphed and turned his head away.

Atsu laughed and whispered to me from behind his hand, "He missed you really Zapper. He just won't admit it."

I grinned more, "That's because we are like some twisted family who can't resist one another. I love you. You love me. We're a happy family! With a great big hug," cue bone crushing hug on Atsu, "And a kiss from me to you," a kiss towards Yoshi, who was standing with his arms crossed some safe distance away, "Won't you say you love me too?" The last was directed to Whacko, who rolled his eyes.

Yoshi, who allowed me to capture him in a hug, smiled a little bit, "Hello Krissy. It's nice to see you... even if the last time we met under less happier circumstances."

"Aka, finding she lied her arse off to us," Waku defined.

Yoshi gave him a grumpy look, "Well yes." He looked back at me, "However, the matter we got you to come here for is quite urgent. We have now discovered the reasons behind why you lied."

I moved back from him, "You did what? How the heck.. have you been probing my brain? Mind rapist you! OMG! You've been hanging around aliens! I knew it! I knew they would get here! I wonder if they went after the fish like I said they would... never mind... Why were you in my head you, mind reading Croco you!"

"Krissy, shush... shush!" Yoshi's attempts to shut me up weren't working.

Waku came up behind me, giving his friend a sly grin, "You know, I think a much more upfront approach would work on her better, rather than telling her to shut it." Smirking, he then wrapped his arm around me and slammed his palm flat across my mouth, effectively shutting me up. "See, this is _much _better."

I scowled at him, attempting to bite down on his hand, but it was too stiffly clamped down around my jaw. Option number two. I licked against the inside of his hand. He promptly withdrew it, shaking it around, "Eww! You licked me!"

I adjusted my jaw, trying to scrape the taste out of my mouth, "That's foul. Not as bad as fish fingers I will admit, but it's still not going to make Gordon Ramsey's eyes twinkle in joy."

Waku glared at me, "You little-"

"Waku!"

He turned to look at Yoshi, a displeased look on his face. With a grumbling sigh, he mockingly asked, "Yoshi?"

Atsu, who had been laughing the entire time, snorted a little at that moment in time. Waku turned a dangerous eye that threatened, '_Are you mocking me? Because if you are... you are dead._'

Yoshi simply sighed, and gave a low warning, "Atsu..."

Before it went any further, the Hokage turned his gaze to Kakashi and tried to cut off atmosphere, which had grown rather tense with Waku glaring out Atsu. "Kakashi."

Kakashi turned his face to the old man who had called him, "Hokage?"

Pointing to myself, I announced loudly, "KRISSY!" They all turned their faces to me instantly, and I gave them an innocent grin, "What? You all got to say everyone elses name. I thought I'd put myself in there too."

They all rolled their eyes, and I frowned, "What? Is it like some priviledge that only ninja can get? Because that's so not cool! That's non-ninja-couch-potato-ism that is! I will not stand for it in such a fine village, even if it is full of backwards, perverted ninja who go commando!"

Kakashi wrapped another hand around my shoulders and covered my mouth, shutting me up again. I struggled for a bit, although that was one of the more pointless things to be doing, seeing how he had arms that were like sturdy phone poles. Stilling, I couldn't do anything but occasionally twitch a little due to the still caffeinated state. I was going to try licking his hand, when I realised the pervy Scarecrow was wearing gloves and therefore invincible from said lick attack. Damn him. I made the mental note to use his 'freedom' of the undergarments as a greater weapon in the future.

Kakashi was smiling happily, looking back at the Hokage, "Yes Sir, please continue."

The Hokage looked at me with my murderous glare upwards, seeing the all too obvious look in my eye that I was going to plan some revenge, and chuckled just a little bit. "I was going to ask if you could settle this situation actually, but it seems that you have effectively taken care of the main problem, so there is no longer a need."

Now I glared at the Hokage, but he had shifted his gaze back to Yoshi with a more serious look. "Pressing back to the matter at hand though, please continue with what you were saying earlier."

For moment Yoshi blinked, trying to recall his thoughts about the urgent situation he was about to explain, before I interrupted him. Then he nodded, "Yes, well, as I was saying... it has only just come to our attention the urgency of this situation," His eyes turned to me, "Concerning you, and the reason why I believe you lied to us."

He turned his attention back between Kakashi and the Hokage, because obviously they were ninja who could understand this whole thing better and I was currently a dumbo on a major caffeine high to them. "We come from the town of Kamisha." Both Kakashi and the Hokage nodded in recognition, so Yoshi continued even if I didn't know where it was. Rude. He was going to be another victim when phone pole Scarecrow let me go.

"Kamisha's ninjas are few, but we are all specialists in a unique style of jutsu. That is, jutsu's that deal with rifts between dimensions, and controlling them."

I could suddenly see where this was going to be going, and paid attention... with a few uncontrolable eye twitches here and there. I shifted in Kakashi's arms, and he said quietly as he let me go, "Talk and I shall restrain you again."

"Stupid commando, grandpa Scarecrow," I muttered under my breath. For once though, I was actually more interested in what Yoshi was saying.

Yoshi continued, "There are many different dimensions in the universe, thought the number cannot ever be confirmed as travel between them is so rare. Every so often there is a shift between two dimensions, and a tear occurs between them. This can be both chakra induced by someone who is familiar with the jutsu, but it also occurs quite naturally too. Usually the closest object is dragged through between the dimensions, and the displacement is enough to close the tear between the dimensions again. On the occasions it does not close by itself," he gestured to himself and his team, "We will send out a team from our village to close it up."

"When you say an object, this can be anything?" the Hokage inquired.

Yoshi nodded, "Yes. Of course, it cannot be bigger than the tear. Quite often it is roughly the same size. Without induced chakra from say a ninja, it takes an awful lot of natural chakra to cause a tear, so they are quite often small. We usually just have to fetch a flower plant, or some small trinket, or occasionally a small animal that's been sucked through."

Atsu snorted, "Yeah, remember that three headed lizard that came through. Thought it was going to bite off our heads and eat them for dinner."

"Whacko! You have a twin and you didn't tell me?" I looked at him, grinning.

Waku's eye twitched, and a hand clamped back over my mouth. "I did warn you," Kakashi said. I grumbled in my throat.

Yoshi sighed, before he continued once again from an interruption. "Yes... So, the tears between two alternate worlds are obviously very rare, and no harmful damage is usually done. Except, this time there was some damage, and it could become a dangerous threat."

"Recently there was a tear between our dimension and another one that was slightly larger than normal ones, and it showed no sign of closing by itself. So we left to investigate. But unfortunately when we reached where it first showed signs of a tear..."

"It bloody moved," Waku finished for him. "The darn thing just went for a walk."

"As Waku so... bluntly put it... yes it did indeed move. Because it kept on moving so that we couldn't lock onto it, we thought it best to return home so that we could have a dicussion with the others in our town about the situation. On the way of course, we met Krissy." I stuck out a thumbs up at him, considering I once again could not talk. Yoshi smiled a little, then looked back at the Hokage, "However now the tear has been sitting in one place long enough for us to pick up on it, and we have found now... that it has travelled to Konoha."

He looked at me again, "It has been following the object which was dragged through. Isin't that right Krissy?"

I gave him yet another thumbs up as Kakashi's arm released me, his hand dropping. "Another dimension. Well... that would explain an awful lot."

I pouted up at him, "Oh come on, I'm not that bad."

"Debatable."

"Rawr to you."

Atsu grinned, "Hey I think it's cool! We've never had a person come through before! That's a new one." He bounced over, blinking at me with big eyes, "So what's it like in your world Zapper? Is it nice? Do they have three headed lizards, or things that are worse than Waku?" Promptly he was slapped upside the head.

"Waku, don't hit him," Yoshi said. His look turned to me once more, "It's been faint while you've been travelling with us, but now that you've been staying in one area for a reasonable amount of time, the inter-dimensional chakra has grown a lot stronger around you. I don't know how, but you're keeping the rift open."

I stared at him, "I'm guessing that isin't a good thing."

"Well, unless you think it's a good thing if you consider the fact that leaving the rift open could end up in the collapsing between and therefore the destruction of both worlds," Atsu grinned widely with a cheerful tone.

"Gees, I've never heard someone sound so enthusiastic about the possible destruction of two worlds. You know, I bet you're going to become the next evil world dominator..." I rolled my eyes at him.

"You need to have brains for that. I'm afraid he's lacking in that area," Waku said.

"So, what's going to happen?" I asked.

"Well, it's stable for now. But anything happens to you... such as, if you were killed, then it could destabalise, collapse, and kill us all."

"Don't say it like it's a bad thing," Waku grumbled underneath his breath.

The Hokage, who had his fingers pressed together and had been staring at one point in fixed thought, raised his eyes. Clearing his throat to gain attention on him again, he very calmly asked, "How can we fix this?"

"We have to close up the tear, and it seems the only way to do that is going to be returning Krissy back through."

"So sending me home will fix it?"

"Yep."

I grinned a little, "Well at least it's better than saying I have to eat a bowl full of earwigs, or jump through a flaming hoop of death on a unicycle with an obese elephant who is wearing a pink sparkly tutu strapped onto my back with dental floss." Cue deep breath after saying all that without stopping.

"Or even worse. Being locked in a room with Waku for the day," Atsu chuckled.

"Ooo. yeah. I would rather have my eyes gouged out."

Said Whacko who was being talked about looked livid. That's why he was so fun to annoy.

Yoshi sighed, cutting in before anything else could happen yet again. "It will take us maybe a day or two to work on opening it so that it is large enough for you to return, but if it goes well, you can be home in no more than a few days."

I stared at him with wide eyes. Was he serious? After all this time, being kidnapped, re-kidnapped, kidnapped yet again, injured and severely putting my sarcasm and annoying abilities to their extremes... I was going to be going home?

"Aren't you uh, happy to hear that?" Yoshi asked.

I shrugged, "Well most of all you said sounded like a whole bunch of scientific Goobledegook to me. But duh, I am happy, because I won't have to put up with lots of psycho ninjas. Then again," I grinned and reached a hand up to hook around his head and give him a noogie, "I've made so many friends I would miss." Releasing him, I pressed my hand to my chin, "Then again, I don't want to be responsible for the destruction of two worlds. Oh, shot! I'm like, some sort of invincible creature now! No-one would want to hurt me, in fear I destroy them!"

Waku rolled his eyes, "Aside from Atsu, I don't think such a situation could fall onto someone of lesser intelligence. We are doomed."

"Oh trust me, there are waaaay worse people in my world this could happen to. I mean, the human intelligence where I come from is like... I mean for gawd's sake, some of their product labelling gives you a glimpse into the depth of stupidity. 'Caution: Hot beverages are hot.' Or even better... what's bigger, a moon or an elephant? Of course the elephant, seeing how it's so obese and everything."

"That still sounds better than when Atsu got drunk and started singing about his toes."

"Who was the one who stripped down and danced around the room?" Atsu threw back at him.

"I did not!"

"You were drunk, so you couldn't remember your own name. You thought you were called Popperscott!"

"Why you-!"

The Hokage was kind then, before _yet another_ fight started by dismissing us all. With Yoshi's assurance that it would be only another two days until they were ready to send me back. I think he was relieved, mostly because at least there would no longer be the threat against Konoha from me somehow exploding it or having it invaded by Akatsuki. As well as... no more annoyingness from me. I was to meet with them tomorrow for an update.

The fact that I was going to be leaving Konoha... well, the entire Naruto world!.. was almost as unreal for me to believe as being sucked into it in the first place. Of course I wanted to go back, and to avoid possible destruction between universes I was going to have to! But, some part of me felt a little bit sad. Aside from the whole life threatening situations, I had made some pretty good friends. As well as I got a chance to annoy the heck out of a few psycho's too.

I asked Kakashi to take me out for another walk about Konoha. He agreed, reluctantly because I threatened his books again if he didn't take me. I had a feeling he would be attempting to hide them tonight. That and his undergarments.

Kakashi took me around the village again, but wisely decided after I terrified a few people by yelling and pointing at them at random intervals (or regaining attention of those I had previously frightened earlier during the day) that perhaps it would be better to take me to see parts of Konoha that was _away_ from the public. We finally ended out at some of the training grounds on the edge of the city. The sun had gone down about half an hour ago, already the darkness of the night claiming the sky with greedy hands. It was amazing how quickly the hours had passed.

I looked over at Kakashi, seeing him press his palm to the side of his head for what had to be the tenth time already. I grinned, trying not to laugh because of the reason why he rubbed his head.

"Scarecrow?"

"Hm?"

"Once again, I'm sorry about making that old lady hit you over the head with that bread stick." I couldn't help but giggle.

Kakashi inwardly winced when he thought of that old woman swinging the near-dealy piece of bakery down at him, after he had destroyed the rest of her stall by being tripped over by a flying foot of mine and crashing into it. "I would have been alright if the bread hadn't been so stale."

"At least it didn't kill you. Imagine! The great Scarecrow, Hatake Kakashi, taken out by an old lady with a breadstick!"

"I admit, it is not a graceful way to go." He smiled behind his mask a little. I was starting to think that despite all my annoying hyperness, he might actually miss me a little bit. I could tell he really wanted to ask me about where I came from, but as a jounin he knew when it was better not to ask about things. The Hokage had also pretty much said that it would be better not to ask.

It was calm tonight. A few clouds were scattered across the star sprinkled sky. The moon was slowly rising, the pale sun of the night casting a faint blue glow across the fields. Despite the peace and serenity, there seemed to be a feeling of electricity in the air that made me feel a little bit uncomfortable. I put it down to the fact that I'd just discovered I was a walking time bomb. If that doesn't make one nervous, I wouldn't know what would.

Kakashi and me walked through the training fields, until we reached a large black stone memorial I recognised. Staring down at it for a second, I lifted my head to Kakashi to find him staring down, unblinking at it.

"Do you miss them terribly?"

"Hm?" Kakashi blinked his visible eye and turned his head to face me.

"Your team. You miss them terribly don't you."

Kakashi stared for a few moments, the brief confusion and suspicion about how I knew of his team filling his eye, then disappearing as he turned his head back. "Yes, I do."

I looked up at him for a while, realising something to myself. Thought Naruto was just an anime, and I had seen many times Kakashi standing in front of this memorial during the TV programme... well, none of that quite captured the emotion. There was a lost look in Kakashi's eyes, and it would have almost made him seem like a vulnerable child, if not for the faint outline of a smile through his mask. It was something no artist, no cartoonist making the manga or anime, or even the creators of this series themselves could quite capture again. Sure, they had made the man as he was, given him his personality. Right now though, all of that personality and emotion belonged to simply Kakashi himself though.

I left him there by himself for a little, instead wandering around the outskirts of the training ground to pick a flower or two that had opened to the dark of the night. Kakashi warned me not to go off too far, and so I made sure to keep him within my eyeline.

It happened quickly. A hand clamped around my mouth, but it was so firm I felt it almost crack my jawbone into two. My stomach lurched as I was yanked backwards without a sound into the darkness of the trees. It was so sudden that Kakashi hadn't heard a thing.

But he was used to sneak attacks, and he felt an increase in chakra in the area. I saw from behind the line of trees him turn suddenly when I was grabbed. Not fast enough to see where I had been dragged to, but he was on alert now. I wriggled in the grip that had me trapped, tearing my face loose enough to scream once, "Scarecrow!" before the hand found it's place again.

"Dammit," I heard a voice swear behind me, just as Kakashi came barrelling through the line of trees in an attack. The person who was holding me leapt back to avoid him, but Kakashi was persistant and lunged again, forcing my attacker out into the open area of the training grounds. Something clipped them, no doubt Kakashi, and in order to defend themselves my attacker dropped me onto the ground.

I looked up, unable to see much but the blurred figures that were now locked in a combat around me. One of them was Kakashi, but the other, all I could see was the black smear of a coat, dappled with occasional red. Crud. I got to my feet quickly, debating whether to run or not. It wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

With Kakashi distracted, another figure chose to emerge from the trees, landing softly only a few feet away from me. I turned sharply to look at them, feeling my heart both flutter (damn that stupid thing!) as well as sink to the bottom of my feet at who it was.

"Hi Weasel..."

******ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line* ಠ_ಠ *line***

**So I wanted to do an explanation of why Krissy got sucked in there... like an ACTUAL reason. Yay for me... I hope it was understandable hahaha... I couldn't be bothered going over it to tweak it, because my lazy ass wanted to just update already.**

**So um, yay! The next chapter obviously has action in it! Yay for action! I loves it! Hope you enjoyed! A thousand apologies for not updating sooner *bows***

**Ooooo P.s. I finally scanned some pictures I drew a few months ago of Krissy into the computer and put them up on DeviantArt! They suck, especially the colouring HAHA but if you want to go have a look ^^ There's only two up at the moment.. my lazy butt will get more up at some point hehehehehe links on my profile page, because it won't paste it here!**

**Toodle Pip!**


	18. Fights and Fear

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*message* This is from the author, who is currently in hidding because she knows that she has posted really late and it's a short piece compared to what you people deserve... if you wish to leave your name and number because you would like to mutilate or cause grievous bodily harm, then she will know to avoid you... BEEEEP!

Kisame: *reaches offscreen and pulls said author into view* Haha, nice try. Here she is people! Do your worst!

Me: NO! I have reasons. GOOD reasons!

Kisame: Oh really...

Me: *nods* yes! I have a research report for every of my subjects at school, and midyears next week! Plus, I've had to put on a huge activity and performance with my year group at school!

Kisame : *snickers* Not good enough...

Me: um.. and I was studying to be a good religious girl! Baptism studies take time dorky fish! Oh my gosh, I now have something in common with Hidan! D:

Kisame: *still laughing* No excuses! People, here she is! ATTACK MINIONS!

Me: Have mercy! I was already nearly killed by shoes! High heels. Women of the world, you know this pain... unless there are guys reading this... in which guys! You don't know the pain of a woman! Unless you cross dress, which is completley your decision

Itachi: *finally tilts head up and raises brow* You? In high heels? But you're already six foot tall without shoes on.

Me: *nods* I blame my mother...

So um yes. Please Be forgiving the lateness of this. Reasons are listed above... aka, I have no time to breathe! D: Plus, this chapter has been giving me trouble, because I wasn't sure how I wanted it to end out, and then it got too long so I decided to split it and put the next part into an extra long chapter for next time!

I still blame the shoes and my near death experience. I HATE high heels... and when I wear them and fall, I have to fall six feet and two inches. NOT fun. Why did I even need to put them on? I would have worn flats! *rantie rave about the hate of high heels*

So um, ENJOY!

The smart thing to do when you are faced off against an enemy is usually to run away. Especially when said enemy is a psycho, cold-blooded murderer who has in the past attempted choking you. However it's been established that I'm not smart when it comes to things like that. Instead, I just raised my hand and waved.

"Yo Weasel, it's been a while hasn't it? A couple of days... I expected you too to turn up sooner actually. And you brought the fish-stick this time." I looked over at the clang of two kunais together, noticing Kisame and Kakashi locked off in combat at a speed which was very hard for my eyes to follow. I felt a pang of worry for Kakashi, although he could well take care of himself as it was. Still, I drew my attention away quickly, more focused on the Weasel in front of me. "Do you think he can stop trying to kill Scarecrow long enough to say hi? Plus, I want to find out what he thought of his hair dye job" Cue a wink.

He didn't respond to me, simply taking a few steps forward. It wasn't like he needed to hurry. Kakashi was occupied fighting off Kisame, and I'd sooner turn into a plate of waffles before I was able to outrun the Weasel. Still, I couldn't help but take a step back away from him. His gaze wasn't one that boosted confidence, and his blank face looked slightly more dark than normal.

Edging a little further away wasn't really helping, because he was approaching faster than I was backing away. I raised a hand, waving my finger at him, "Seriously, Weasel, have you forgotten personal space? I'm not kidding, you come one step closer and your outie will become an inny... and I'm not speaking belly buttons here buddy."

He ignored me entirely, even the personal bubble space. So I did exactly what I had threatened, and flying leapt at him with a kick that had as much strength as I could muster.

Damn ninja. Seriously, damn them and their super strength, and their quickness of movement. And their so-not-amusing way to make it so clearly obvious when the person they are fighting is way out of their depth when attempting to... well, 'deflate the pingpongs' would be the term described by a few of my friends with more suggestive-inclined brains. By the time my foot reached what would have hit something very delicate, he had already moved to my right.

I pouted, sticking out my bottom lip and glaring. "Hey! Ninja, moves, no fair!"

The effects of the coffee in my system was still buzzing, and I kept throwing punches at him. One by one he blocked them, but no-one can call me a quitter! Though it was frustrating. "By the power of all things insane! RAWR! Take a hit ya menace!" Very frustrating.

He shifted a little bit, obviously getting tired of this, and moved in closer. So I swung my right fist around, coming mere milimetres to landing something on his face. "HA! Gotcha! Face the wrath Weasel!"

Again... damn ninja. I was so close too before he reached out and grabbed my arm, his fingers closing around it so tight that I could almost feel the bones starting to squash against one another. That was about when my half-pouting, half-what-was-victorious face was wiped clean to be replaced by a 'Crap' look. Itachi took another step forward, leaning in with a dangerous look on his face and blazing sharingan eyes. They were deadly, dark and cold. I tried to pull my gaze away from them, but of course they stopped me from moving my body much.

That's when it really hit me. Fear. Screw the fact that those stupid teenage hormones were doing a Samba dance in happiness at his hand on my arm (even though it was almost snapping my bones), and that once again up close I was truely able to appreciate every little detail on his face (ZOMG hot!). No, right then and there it really hit me over the head with a big block of ice that Itachi Uchiha was a dangerous person, and so easily capable of killing me right then and there. If I could have shifted my gaze from his face I would probably fainted in that fear.

His head shot up a little, breaking the entrancing gaze. Only half recovered, I still managed to briefly shake off my feelings and wriggle a little. When that failed, I did the next thing that came to mind, which was lean my head down and sink my teeth into what I could of his arm. This time I bit hard, and was pretty much grossed out at the taste of something coppery.

"BLEK!" I spat it out. "Eww! Way more gross than fish fingers! Although, still better tasting..." I tried wiping my mouth off on his sleeve, only to find it was no longer an arm there, but thin air. He had only been using a clone. Rarg... I shouted out to the air then, "Vampires of the world, attack him! Edward Cullen, come be useful for once in your death!"

I completley missed just about all of what happened next. Itachi was very suddenly knocked away before his hand could close around and grab a hold of me, throwing him back a couple of feet. I didn't even see him appear after his clone had disappeared and get that close to me. Another arm wrapped around me and heaved me up over their shoulder. Getting boofed in the face by a broomstick head of white hair told me exactly who it was.

"Scarecrow!"

"Krissy," he puffed, sounding out of breath. Both of his eyes, including the exposed sharingan one, overlooked me. "Are you injured?"

I rubbed my wrist, which was throbbing painfully, and had a huge red mark on it. "Apart from a near broken wrist, I'm all goods! Ain't no weasel gonna knock me down! I'm like a pest control."

"But, you are bleeding."

I frowned, and then realised there was blood trickling down from the side of my mouth. "It's not mine, it's Weasel's." I grimaced as I wiped it, but then grinned like a maniac. "I turned vampire and bit him."

"You bit.. Itachi Uchiha.."

"Did the Fish hit you in the head and damage your hearing? Yes, I bit him, and it still tastes better than the fish fingers or the dogs ear medicine. So, did you beat Fish-stick?"

The appearance of a blue face behind us told me the answer. "Ah, fudge!" I yelled before me and Kakashi were suddenly seperated rather violently. By which I mean a clash of sparks from two weapons before a hand ripped me out of where I was currently positioned. I was now being carried in a completley different pair of arms, with a blue face looking down at me.

"Fish!"

His eyes narrowed down at me, his top lip twitching a little bit. He wasn't looking entirely pleased to see me, but never the less he kept trying to run in escape back to the trees. The idea of escape was certainly on my mind, due to the fact that in Akatsuki hands I knew I would certainly be on the death list. Obviously that was a really bad idea, considering everything I had just been told today.

So I began to wriggle. Kisame, who was trying to block an onslaught of kunai from a Kakashi in close pursuit, didn't have enough hands to keep a hold of me, and I crawled up over his shoulder. I also couldn't help but notice that the colour of his hair still hadn't returned to it's more natural hue of blue... aka it was still black and looked like a paintbrush covered in black ink that was sticking right up. "Sweet! I knew making your hair black was a good idea. Black is so in for fish this year, uh-huh!" I grinned, yanking at the roots of his hair.

"Cut it out will you?"

"You and whose army is going to make me? What gratitude I get for such a good job on your hair! I get growled and and then kidnapped again, huh?" I peered down overhead of Kisame, "For shame on you fish, for shame!"

Kisame reached up one hand to swat me away. That was the moment of distraction needed for Kakashi to swoop in like one of the crows he should have been scaring away and land a strike that caused Kisame to drop me. In a moment I was whisked away again in Kakashi's arms. Although I had to say at this point I was starting to feel a little bit like a toy ragdoll that two (immensly powerful and partially insane ninja) children were fighting over. Soon enough one of them was probably going to pull too hard and pull off a limb, but something even harder to clean up than stuffing was going to come out. I hope if anything, it was my left arm. I liked my right arm, being right handed and all. But there's always something about your weaker arm. It's smaller, because you use it less, and looks out of proportion, and it's just plain creepy at times.

"You know, uh... can I perhaps sit on the sidelines and cheer from somewhere at a distance from the fight?" I asked Kakashi, noticing Kisame start to come back after me. He didn't look happy either. Waving my hands over the back of Scarecrow's neck, I cried, "Shoo flyfish! Swim away! And keep swimming!"

Kisame ignored me, and I pouted, "Darn you fish!"

Kakashi suddenly let go of me with one arm, using the other one to hold me firmly up over his should. The next thing that happened was a sudden explosion that nearly made me jump out of Kakashi's grip and my own skin. It was a paper bomb that Kakashi had thrown up high into the air; a smart move in order to contact other Leaf shinobi that we were... in blunt terms, in deep doggy doo-doo. Kakashi had barely held up against Itachi in his fight that was yet to happen, and now he was fighting against two of them? Even I knew Kakashi was having a brain spark there by calling for backup.

Kisame growled in displeasure. I don't think he ever fought Kakashi before the 'first' fight in the series with him, with Asuma and Kurenai... and of course the spandex'd horror. Scarecrow wasn't an easy person to put down really, and fish face was finding it out the hard way now. Plus, the fact that there would soon be backup and ruin what was really going to be their only chance at catching me, he was needless to say, miffed.

Something scraped by my arm, and I turned my head just in time to see Itachi before Kakashi tore away from him. He was right there, a hair width away! As soon as Kakashi was out of his range, Itachi disappeared again, only to reappear a split second later in a flock of crows.

"Dammit! Crows! Scare them off Scarecrow, do your job!"

Well, in being a Scarecrow... Kakashi= FAILURE! Itachi was attacking again almost instantly. Both him and Kisame must have some mind link or something, I swear! They both turned up, one on each side of me and Scarecrow, running in pace with us. Ever had one of those "Oh shit!" moments? That's putting the situation rather lightly if I do say so myself.

"Scarecrow! Two dweeby ninja animals, even more perverted than you, are about to attack. Do something!" I told him, almost as if I was scolding him. It wasn't the fact that I was terrified of being kidnapped yet again (which being honest... I was), but the fact that if Kakashi could hold off engaging in a fight and get us closer into the village centre, the chances of him surviving better. After all, he barely held up against Itachi alone... plus, what would the Naruto show be without the perverted silver haired Jounin, who resembled a bleached bristle brush and always read a book of smut?

Swooping in as one, both the two Akatsuki members lunged together towards us. Kakashi was wise in choosing to hold up a kunai to block the vicious swing of Samehada. It was hard for him though, holding the giant sword off with brute force from a ninja much bigger than him with one hand, while fending off another equally deadly ninja with the other hand on his other side, and then me clinging to his back. Poor bloke! He was going to be killed at this rate!

"Scarecrow, hand me over to them."

Kakashi flicked his head back a little, to indicate he had heard and he was listening to me. "No."

"You can't fight them both!"

"And can you imagine what might happen if I let them kidnap you?" Kidnap, terrorise them a while, death, world collasping... I could see his point. "Support will be here soon."

He could be dead and me already whisked away by then. So I did the only thing I could really think of to help him. Call it idiotic if you may (screw you!) but I did it anyway. I used Kakashi's shoulders to push myself off and over towards Kisame. "RAWR!"

Well I half hit my target. Kisame wasn't really prepared for a flying girl to come launching at him. Especially not with her arms thrown out wide and to then wrap them around his neck in a hug, knocking him back. It successfully distracted him to give Kakashi enough time to perform a jutsu that occupied Itachi as well.

What wasn't the good part of that move was the fact that because my arms were flung open wide, the left arm that was already bandaged and injured from kunai wounds, scraped slightly against Samehada. Thank gawd I don't have any chakra, or I would be doomed. Samehada certainly lived up to it's name though, and I withdrew my arm from hugging Kisame against me quickly in pain. "FUDGLES! GAH! STUPID TAMPON SHAPED FISH SWORD!"

Kisame, recovered from my leap at him, wasn't much moven by the bleeding on my arm. Really, I only just grazed it, so at least my arm was intact. Maybe it wouldn't even scar. However, right now I played the wuss and writhed in my agony. "Hate you fish. You and your giant tampon sword." I threw up my arm in front of his face, "Look what it did to me!" Then I withdrew it again, "OW! Moving arm equals ouchie!"

Kisame snickered a little, "Been waiting for something like that to happen to you for a while."

I glared up at him, "Face the power of the rock fish." Snatching up a rock off the ground, I tossed it at him with me good arm, and kept on chucking them. "Die, die! Fish for dinner! Die!"

He deflected them easily. What was it with ninja and proving what a useless lump I was tonight? Even injured though, I wasn't going to give up! I latched around his feet, attempting to knock him off balance. "Fall! Timber!"

"Get off."

"Never!" I hooked my good arm around behind his knees and wrapped my legs around his in a defiant position, tilting my head and giving him a mocking cheesy smile. "Gotcha!"

He reached down and yanked me up with one hand, giving me a grin, "You're wrong. I have you. Pain in the neck you have been."

"Hey, I did your hair, so don't be mean." I pouted at him, but it was half a grimace because of the jolt my arm recieved when he pulled me up.

He would have given me a reply, but that was about when the backup _finally_ decided to show up. That consisted of three fully donned ANBU members, who swooped in like bird's of prey, starting an attack on the two Akatsuki. Kisame dropped me to the ground to get out of the way when a giant shurikan almost took off his arms.

Three extras had also joined the group, landing next to me. "Hey, if it isin't my TMNT buddies! Wazzup?"

"What do you mean 'Wazzup'? We leave you for ten minutes and those psycho's come attack you? Knew we shouldn't have left you with that old grandfather with the silver hair," Waku fumed. It took me a second to click he meant Kakashi, and I started laughing. "Oh see? Now she's dellusional with whatever they probably stuck in her blood system. Yippee."

Yoshi shook his head, "Waku honestly, pick a fight later."

"Haha, burned buddy," Atsu grinned, clapping a hand on his friends back. Waku turned to try elbow him in the nose, cut off by a stern look from Yoshi.

"Hello, bleeding to death here. No worries though. I'll just sit and hum and pretend like I'm surrounded by normal people then!"

Waku quirked an eyebrow, "This coming from you?"

"Ooo, now she got burned!"

"A plague on both your houses. Unless you live in the same house back in your village... then a curse on your house!"

Yoshi helped me to my feet, looking over at the fight that was going on. Yes, the Akatsuki was strong, but against three ANBU... four considering Kakashi was ex-ANBU... was at least distracting them. "Come on, while they are distracted and while more backup is coming, let's at least get you out of here."

"You know, I always hated those movies where people fought over one girl. That has intensified like, three hundred times now. Multiply by that fallen over eight thingie... infinity, that's the one!" I grumbled as I got to my feet, feeling a slight soreness in my rear from where it had hit the ground. Though the pain in my arm was way trumping anything else.

It seemed for a while that maybe this would be an unsuccessful attempt by Itachi and Kisame to retrieve me. That was until two more people appeared from the line of the trees. I recognised them instantly. One was a blonde haired man, though from a distance it really was hard to distinguish, that was atop a giant clay bird. The other was a short, dumpy shaped man that crawled out from between the trees. Deidara and Sasori. Deidara I recognised because I had watched snippets of his battle with Gaara. Sasori... let's just say there was this really one obsessed girl at school once...

"Who the heck are they?" Waku asked, squinting.

Atsu squinted too, "Uh, looks like some fat old codger and a chick on a giant bird."

I would have started laughing if not for the 'Oh shit' feeling hitting me once again. I threw up my arms, yes both of them, and started yelling, "A million freaking pounds of Russian fudge!"

I highly doubted that any of the Leaf shinobi in the fight would really know who these guys were, though the cloaks would probably put them onto high alert. Still... four ANBU against four Akatsuki... did I even need to say how bad the situation was? "Scarecrow, amscray now! More cloaked geezers!"

For the amount of jutsus, weapons and chakra that was rocking the ground and setting the air alight with an electrical energy of adrenaline and danger, I could only hope that he heard me, and watch on in horror as two of the ANBU went down in a stream of scarlet blood.

On my feet, I looked at Yoshi, "You guys track dimensional chakra right?"

He looked confused, "Yes."

"Good," I clapped him on the shoulder and grinned at him briefly, "Then I'll try stay alive as long as I can so you can follow behind."

With that, I ran straight into the fire of the battle. The three of them went to follow, but they had to quickly retreat when Sasori homed in on them. They knew when they were well outmatched. It was horrid to do that to them, but frankly at the rate this was going, it would only end out a bigger bloodbath and I _still_ would end up kidnapped once they were all dead. The sooner this ended, the better.

"Hey! I'm here! Leaf Ninja are on their way, so better hightail it out of here soon!" I yelled around me. "Where are ya you psycho's in print cloth? Woooo!" I waved an arm, "Yoohoo!"

I turned, only to find a face staring at me. It gave me a shock, and I stumbled back over onto my rump. "Oww... did you have to do that Weasel?" I grumbled, getting to my feet again and staring at him. "Leave the Konoha ninja alone. I'll go with you guys willingly... well that might not be the right word, but anyway..."

Itachi didn't leave time for me to continue speaking. I don't think he was really paying any attention to me anyway, because after he stared at me for a brief second he clonked me over the head. Hard.

"You're joking... again..." I mumbled, slipping into that too familiar darkness. "When I wake up... hell won't be good enough for you..."

As I collapsed, I felt myself picked up and draped over a shoulder. "I have her. We are leaving, before any more Konoha ninja turn up." Movement, and then everything slowly tumbled into the darkness of the unconscious abyss.

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So there you are. It was Edward Elric short I know *somewhere in the world Edward Elric rants about his shortness* If you don't know who Edward Elric is, you have not lived people! Go look up Full Metal Alchemist IMMEDIATLEY!

The next chapter is already half done for sure, because I cut it off the end of this one. So it should be out VERY VERY soon! WOOOO!

Until then... *I love the NZ film BOY... overseas people, you are missing out on some good film making!* Had to put that out there. I loved that movie. Fellow NZ people, do the sparkly eyes of adoration with me! *_*

Go to my deviantart page to see piccies from the fic... they are terrible, but meh. Link is on my profile. Yay for lynx! (haha deoderant)

So um, RAWR


	19. Eye Scopes and Clay Sculptures

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What is this? It's only been a few days since she last posted, yet here is another post? Is the world ending? To the bunkers!

Yes, another post! I told you this would be here soon, because it was already half written! OMG, this was a fun chappie to write! XD XD Poor Akatsuki...

And I must introduce you to two new people! Say hello guys!

Deidara: *chucked on stage* What the hell, un? How did we end up here?

Sasori: *also chucked on* I sense an evil presence...

Kisame: *looks over* Deidara, Sasori... what are you guys doing here? She didn't get a hold of you two as well did she?

Deidara: *looks to see Kisame and Itachi* This is where you guys are? We've been looking for you guys for months. This crazy girl had you the entire time?

Itachi: *nods* I am afraid so... she is rather psycho, but cunning... so cunning...

Me: *appears* darn right I am! I am all powerful... mwahahaha!

Kisame *holds up a high heel* look... I have a shoe!

Me: O.O EEEP! *runs* no cookies for you tonight Kisame!

Kisame: *pouting* dammit! I love my cookies though, you heartless girl!

Sasori *looking around* is there any way to escape?

Itachi: *shakes his head* I'm afraid not...

Deidara: *points* Aren't those... people outside that screen there...

Kisame: *chuckles darkly* yeah... fangirls and fanfiction readers... they seem to enjoy our pain...

Deidara: *looks about* so are we screwed...

Itachi: *nods* yep...

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haha, um, some random dialogue right? Good enough. Barbie doll and Pinnochio are in the story! Yippee... they are fun to torture!

So, enjoy! I hope you will... it made me grin writing it! It's short as well, but I didn't want to put the pieces both together, because this one ruins the atmosphere of the last one... so... you'll see what I mean. Anyways, enjoy! Rawr

It was the steady beat of wings that I awoken to. Strangely I was sideways, lying down flat rather than draped over the back of a shoulder like my usual means of unconscious transport. Cracking open closed eyelids, a midday sun hit me full force in the face with a merciless glare.

"Gah!" Throwing up my good hand, I attempted to roll to the side in order to blink the glare from my eyes and avoid the overly cruel sun. That was where I made my mistake, because I had been lying at a perfectly balanced angle on top a moving clay bird. Now I rolled off said bird and to the ground that was about twenty feet below. "Crud!"

Two arms caught me before I hit the ground. "I told you to tie her to the blinking bird Deidara!"

"How was I to know she would roll off, un?"

I looked up into the familiar blue face. "Hi Whistle Fish. Miss me?"

His response to that was to simply hold me out and drop me the remaining four or so feet that was between me and the ground. I hit it rear end first, and groaned when a sharp shot of pain came from the collision. "Ow." Kisame simply sidestepped around me and kept on walking. "Yeah, keep walking Jumbo Shrimp. Swim away."

Sitting for a little while on the ground, I felt those after-hour coffee twitches begin at odd intervals. Those would be going on for the next day or two whenever I stopped moving, so I didn't worry.

So, situation check: back with the Akatsuki, but this time there were four of them. Weasel, Fish, Pinnochio and Barbie. Wow, Pein was really thinking ahead when he partnered them all together. Go Pein! Also, it was about midday, so we were probably miles away from Konoha. Meaning that no Konoha shinobi would be turning up in a hurry, unless they were really good trackers. The only way I thought they could track me would be my TMNT buddies tracking the dimensional chakra... considering I was moving though, chances were they wouldn't pick up on it until we were back at the Akatsuki lair. Ah!

Oh, and the best thing about being trapped with psychos who want to kill you is when you are apparently a walking time bomb, whose death will rip open two worlds... I wasn't sure if that was the best thing to tell them at this point in time. I know in the Naruto world they can absorb and takes others chakra. What if they tried taking the dimensional chakra, and then ended up in my world? Just imagine the Akatsuki running around on Earth! Kakuzu robbing the banks... Hidan trying to destroy all churches... Zetsu eating people... it went on and on!

Removed from my thoughts, I was distracted by the agony that was coming from my left arm. Samehada sure lived up to what the anime always said it was. It was a good thing my arm just barely touched it.

I was expecting to look down to see dried blood and ripped, sorry looking flesh, but instead there was white bandages, with a little but of red staining at a few points. I lifted it up in the air, "Whose responsible for this? Just so I know whose ass to kick for once again entering my personal bubble."

There was no reply to the question. Instead, something jabbed me in my back, and a harsh voice growled, "Get up and get moving."

I turned back to glare at the person, instead seeing the giant tail that resembled a sort of scorpian withdraw inside the immense amount of cloth used to make up a Akatsuki coat to cover the giant hulking body of a very fat puppet. My eyes widened and I was up onto my feet and then leaping at him in an instant. "Oh my gawd! New person!" I landed next to him, using my good arm to crawl up onto his back and then leant my head down in front of where the face of what made up the giant body was and wave. "HI!"

"Get off me." The voice was cold and sharp, but it held a monotone around it. What was it with the monotones?

"Never!" I grinned at him, or at least the face I could see. I rapped my knuckles on the head, "Come on out, I know you are in there Pinnochio... "

"That is not my name. Get off me you stupid girl."

"Not until you get your red headed backside out here and give me a hug. Though if you give me a splinter I will make firewood out of you."

It wasn't Sasori who removed me off his back, but instead Barbie, who swooped down on his bird and grabbed onto me. "You, girl, get off him yeah."

"Nya! Another new person!" Deidara was not prepared as I jumped on him and latched onto him as well. I clambered over his back and shoulders, peering down at him as well with my head hanging in front of his in what sort of resembled a psycho spiderman pose. "Hi Deidara, I'm Krissy! Nice to meet you!" I grinned, using my good hand to yank his bang out the way, "I see you!"

"Get off me, un!" He tired to prise me off, but of course he didn't know me and my extra hold-fast leechiness. I held onto him as tightly as I could.

"I'm not your hun! We only just met. I'm flattered though." Then I giggled, flipping his bang back and forth to expose and then hide his eyes, "I see you, I don't. I see you, I don't."

Deidara growled, trying once more to pull me off without throwing himself off the bird or causing me injury, as I was sure he had been ordered not to. That was a good thing. Actually, I think the guys were going to be in pretty big trouble when they got back to base anyway, considering I wasn't in the great shape that they had orginally intended me to be delivered in. Failure on their part. Ouchies on mine.

Finally he came up with a method. He leant forward, and considering I was already leaning down in front of his face, I went tumbling right over the top of him, only to be caught by the shirtfront and thrown onto the back of the bird.

"Gees, don't look so pissy Barbie. I only wanted to say hi." I looked down at Kisame, who was walking nearby to us, considering Deidara had dropped the bird down quite low. "What's up with the blonde?" I look back up at said blonde, "Honestly Dei-dei, I was just saying hi. No need to look like you had a stick rammed up ya rear quarters."

Kisame was trying his very hardest to maintain a cool composed look, instead of busting up in a fit of laughter. I think he expected this to happen to Barbie. Sadistic fish, but really I didn't disappoint him. "What's wrong Dei-dei? It's just one civilian teenaged girl remember."

Deidara's visible eye twitched in annoyance, and I think he was beginning to fully understand why Kisame had probably been so irritated about coming back after me. Less than two minutes awake, and I think he was already sick of me. How did he ever survive Tobi? Seriously. I think the only thing that stopped him blowing me up was likely a threat not to cause an grievous bodily harm.

I chuckled, rolling over on the bird in a way that angled me on my stomach staring downwards. "This is way cool! It's like a merry-go-round, but it goes in all sorts of directions and it's a much funnier looking bird." I poked it, finding it to be between squishy enough to be comfortable and at just the right sort of firmness to keep us from sinking into it. My fingers left indents in the back. Giggling, I kept indenting them in until I had achieved a smiley face. "Shot! Graffiti on a flying clay bird. I'd like to see any gangsta taggers try that!"

They were all ignoring me by this stage, which I thought was really kind of rude considering I had only been up for a few minutes and the fact that they had kidnapped, yet were showing no signs of keeping their kidnapee entertained. Deidara was flying the bird, Sasori pottering along beside him, and Kisame was pulling ahead where Itachi was leading the pack, well out of the way of us.

After about five minutes I was truely restless, and sought to seek entertainment with the blonde that i had not yet given the full extent of my annoyingness too. "You, hey you! Blondie! Barbie! Dei-dei!"

He responded, only because he wished to glare at me.

I tilted my head to look up at him. "Are you a pirate?"

"No, un."

"Then why do you have an eyepatch?"

"It's a scope, yeah."

"A scoop? Of icecream? Ooo, can I have vanilla?"

"A scope you idiot!"

"Hey, be nice to me. A scope I get it. I used to have a telescope. So I'm guessing yours is one of those... only not as cool. I mean really, mine could see the stars, and I'm sure all yours can do is spy on people from a distance and possibly go gold hunting up their nose..."

Deidara pulled a face, "You make very little sense, yeah."

"You say yeah a lot. Did you ever meet Usher?" He looked confused, so I grinned, sensing a song coming on. "You don't know Usher? Oh you must! He is a singer of the rap and hop-hop variety. I can sing it for you if you like."

"No."

"It wasn't a choice actually." Deidara's eye started twitching even more as I began singing,

__

"Yeah, yeah, yeah! Dei-dei has long hair!

Yeah, yeah, yeah! Acts like he just don't care!

Up in the air on a birdie, Lookin' around with a funny... eye scopey!"

"This can be your new theme tune," I announced proudly.

He had the nerve to push me off the bird, leaning over the side to look down at me as I landed yet again on my rear, with his entire face twitching, "You are walking, un." I sensed he had tried very hard not to say the word 'yeah'.

I stood, glaring at him. "Screw you Barbie doll!"

Still, I had no choice but to get up and start walking, because Sasori was coming up behind me. There was no way I wanted to sit there and wait for his big ol' codger ass to bulldozer me down. I started to pester a few of them at points. Mostly Deidara, who was trying to ignore me. Kisame was fun to pester to, until he moved to the front of the group where I could barely keep up unless I was sprinting. Itachi shifted to the back, out of our way. So I was left walking beside Sasori half the time, though I think even with his puppety ways, he was starting to grow sick of me once again asking if he was related to Gaara, and if they were perhaps some serperated twins somewhere. Also, the mention of Kitty Geppetto annoyed him too. I think he was more curious at the fact I knew he was a puppet inside of the bigger ugly puppet thing he rode around in. By this stage though, little was surprising the Akatsuki about my wealth of knowledge on them. Why bother hiding it?

After four hours of walking, I grew tired. Especially at the speedy pace they were going at. Plus the fact we were heading uphill over some dreaded mountains. Eventually I was forced to sit on the back of Deidara's bird in order than I remain with the group without dropping dead of exhaustion.

Sitting on the back of the clay bird was sort of like riding a horse for the first time. After a while you start to get a little conscious of becoming saddle sore; especially if you have nothing to occupy you and your fellow travelling psycho ninjas all refuse to have a conversation with you.

"Dei-dei."

"What, un?"

"I'm bored."

"So?"

"Give me something to do."

"Being quiet."

"Aside from that."

"Well, like what un?"

I grinned up at him, "Can I play with your clay?"

He looked down at me with a horrified expression, as if the mere thought of me touching his precious clay was like some disease in his imagination centre. "No! This clay is a special type of explosive clay. You'll blow your head off, and then my clay will be ruined, yeah." Nice to see he was more concerned for his lump of putty than he was for me. Ah well.

"Please?"

"No."

"Please with a cherry on top?"

"No."

"Not even if it's an exploding cherry bomb?"

He turned his back to me, "Only if you promise you will be holding it when the bomb goes off."

I stuck my tongue out at his back, even though he wouldn't have been able to see it. "I'll start singing if you don't let me play with your clay."

"See if I give a damn, yeah."

I will admit, Deidara does have amazing self restraint when needed. Under strict instructions not to kill me, he therefore had to deal with me singing loudly his theme tune. Though his shoulders were hunched over, shaking slightly as his hands curled into fists, meaning if he could attack me, I was in no doubt that he would. Seeing though that he was resisting, I switched tactics, deciding to take the low road.

"Fish heads, fish heads, roly poly FISH HEADS!" I warbled loudly. Kisame visibly froze and started twitching as soon as I had spoken the first few words. I grinned. I was such an evil and conniving b*tch wasn't I really? This was one way to make Deidara surrender his clay. There was absolutely no way he would refuse once Kisame got all antsy and told him to give it up just to make me shut up.

Which happened only a minute after I started singing.

"Deidara, give her the clay."

"But.."

"Now!" Kisame's death glare was enough to silence the blonde. "If she sings the whole trip because you wouldn't give her the clay, I personally swear I will turn you into shark food. Besides, she has no chakra to make it explode anyway, and even if she somehow does blow her head off, I will buy you some new clay. Just shut her up!"

Deidara relinquished his clay with much reluctance, my face lighting up in delight as I grabbed onto the clay. Wow, this is a million times better than playdough! I wonder what would happen if you had exploding playdough?" Moment of pondering in thought, before I sat down with the clay on the end of the bird.

Deidara couldn't help muttering to me as he faced back towards the front of the bird, "You ruin my clay, I will blow you up, yeah."

He recieved a, "Righteo Dei-dei," before I set to work on moulding the clay. Sticking out my tongue in concentration, all my energy went into crafting a work of art. The Akatsuki got a good fifteen minutes of piece before I finally spoke again.

"Finished!" I declared, holding up my masterpiece.

Deidara looked back to survey this 'masterpiece' of mine. "It's a person?"

"Yup."

Kisame looked up as well, seeing the artwork. "That is a person?"

Ignoring the fact they were insulting my art by being all so called confused about if it really was a person, I nodded, "Sure is. Don't you recognise who it is Kisame?" I grinned. "I modelled it off Deidara!"

Kisame gave me an unsure and confused look. "But... it has..."

"Boobs? Yeah, I know. But Dei-dei has none, pretty flat chested. So I thought it would be kind to make the sculpture of Dei-dei a little more bosomy!"

"You do realise Deidara is a male, right?" Kisame looked like he was holding in a laughing fit.

I put on a shocked face, "Really?"

Deidara, who was bright red in the face in fury by this time, was already shaking the bird in anger and pulling a kunai knife out of her... I mean _his_ sling bag. "What. The. Hell?"

I looked up at Deidara for a moment, and then looked back at Kisame, shaking my head. "Now look what you've done Kisame. You're so rude. Deidara is obviously female, because that is so totally the look of someone annoyed when PMSing." I then turned my head back to look at Deidara. "Don't worry though girl, I understand your pain! I so totally got your back sista!"

Kisame then doubled over in a laughing fit, his face turning that odd shade of purple as the blue skin mixed with the redness that came from a lack of being able to breathe. Deidara's face turned even more deadly. It was about at that point I felt a long tail snake around me and pull me off the back of the bird, just as a kunai struck where I had been sitting on the bird.

"Deidara, don't kill her. We need her alive when we get back to Headquarters," Sasori told him with as much annoyance as he could muster in his montones.

"She started it, un!"

"And you're a ninja in the Akatsuki. Don't behave like a child."

"Oi, be nice to poor Deidara," I scolded Sasori. "You males have no idea of what pain woman suffer through."

Deidara's eye twitched dangerously again, but acting against all of his greatest desires at this moment, he refrained from killing me and turned away to face forward. I could only grin with victory.

"Pinnochio, can you put me down now?" I asked Sasori. In reponse though, his metal tail only twisted around me further and held me up behind him.

"If I release you, you shall only cause more trouble. It's better if you and your immaturity are kept out the way at the moment."

I cursed him and threatened to put him on a bonfire, but he ignored me and refused to put me back down again. If I was getting rather sore sitting on the bird for a long time, I was sure it was going to be a million times worse travelling with Sasori's method. Held around the waist with a long metal tail was not very comfortable. Stupid Pinnochio.

After a while I fell silent from lack of things to occupy me and any conversation. When I started to sing, thats when I recieved the threats again. I would be allowed to get back onto the bird or sit on top of Sasori (provided I behaved) if I remained quiet for the next half an hour... just to prove I could shut my trap. I decided to take that deal, because I could already feel my ribs being rubbed raw from the metal tail. If I talked again anyway, they threatened to tie me up and drag me behind them, or hang me from the underneath of Deidara's bird. I chose the smart option for once.

So we kept on heading off that way. The Jumbo Whistling Shrimp Fish led the pack, Deidara surveying the group and keeping an eye out from above, then Sasori with me hanging off the end of his tail, and finally Itachi taking up the back of the group. It was annoying really, because the way Sasori was holding me meant I was hanging down only a few feet away from Itachi. I could stare at him easily. And I did. Damn, why was he so good looking? It should be a rule, psycho's should be ugly, so people can avoid them!

After staring at him for five minutes straight, he finally turned to look at me, as if to see if there was a reason I was staring. Bound to silence, under threat of being dragged, I used my two index fingers to point at the corners of my mouth and brought them up to a grin, as if willing him to smile.

He stared and then turned his head away, face as blank as ever. I sighed.

This was going to be a fun trip wasn't it?

********************************************

I'm on ma way... from misery to happiness today.. aha, aha, aha, aha!

Haha, hope you enjoyed it! I shall try and get the next one out as soon as possible. Please hope that it's not another month! I can't stand doing that to you guys!

So anyways, poor Dei-dei and poor Pinnochio... ah well, their pain makes for our great amusement right? HEHEHE

RAWRRR

Deidara: *trying to claw his way out* HELP!

Me: *shoves him back in* no! back to your cell until next time!

BYEEEEEEEE


	20. Hair Talk and Puppet Carvings

****************************************************************************

Kisame: *reading over the last few reviews* Wow... these people are all stupid for reading this piece of sh... hello! What is this? OMG, there is a sane person who has at last seen the stupidity of this story and the annoyingness of Krissy!

**Itachi: *leans head over* O.o who is it! We must ask them to free us!**

**Kisame: *shakes head* Diane and her friends... they think Krissy is brain affected, and that she is so annoying that the story is kinda suckish! Aha! She sees the truth! *points at author* HA! SHE SAW THROUGH YOU!**

**Me: T_T I knew one day someone would**

**Itachi: What I want to know is why she put up reading it all the way through to chapter 19, seeing how it obviously sucked because the main character is missing a brain...**

**Me: *shrugs* I dunno, but it got me page views either way :D And an extra review! I hold no sore feelings for that!**

**Seriously, no hard feelings for it. But uh... girls (and guys...if there are any out there... if there are guys there, tell me so I can dance in happiness knowing there are males with psycho minds out there!) ... off topic... yes as I was saying... uh, if you think Krissy is nuts and whacko, which I admit she is cause I made her that way :D... then don't wait til chapter 19 to then tell me it sucks. Because, that so confuses me... why would you bother to read that far?**

**Anyway, half ranty, half mind gone thingy over... Hi people! Miss me much? I have had exams, but now they are over! Take that!**

**OMG never go out with your friends to the middle of the city when you should be studying. You may get lost down the backstreets due to one of them claiming she knows a 'shortcut'... which includes crawling through a hole in a fence before finally finding your way again... T_T Oh and, it's always good to be able to speak Japanese when going into Japanese photo booths... enough said.**

**I HAVE TASTED POCKY, AND TASTED HEAVEN!**

**My words of advice over... on with the story... *looks to find Deidara still trying to escape* NO! Story first, pathetic escape attempts later! (You know what I've realised... my little author comments get stupider as we go along... I'm losing it too ^_^0)**

**Enjoy!**

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"I will eat you."

For once, this statement was not directed towards Kisame. Said blue fish man had wisely continued to take up the front of our little convoy. No, this statement was instead directed towards the huge bulk form of Sasori. The reason was because I had earned my way back to sitting on the back of the bird over the last day (It too so long because I kept breaking my silence agreement), however due to once again being in excess of talking (and getting into an argument with Deidara about his clay), he was now threatening to take me off the bird. With a red raw mark formed around my waist already that would no doubt become some purple splodge of a bruise, I was not in the mood for that again. A few days and nights of travel had already made me very cranky. Especially considering Sasori even resorted to using one of his puppets and trapping me inside each night to sleep. It took one hour of yelling for them to open it again, tie me up, gag me and then shut it again the first night. I learnt my lesson the next two nights. It's not the ideal way to try and sleep. The only reason they weren't gagging or tying me up now was because they knew I'd be even worse thrashing and moving around to get free.

Non-surprisingly, my statement of attempting puppetalism by munching on Pinnochio did not affect Sasori in the slightest. "No seriously Pinnochio, I will not hesitate to eat you, even if you are made of old wood. Nothing can be worse than Deidara's clay... even Kisame's fish fingers tasted better, and they aren't winning any cooking awards in the nearby future."

Yes. This whole incident had begun because I had decided to try eating Deidara's clay. I had actually for a while considered riding in silence on the bird so that they would have no reason to try sharingan me, knock me out, tie me up, or hang me off the tail end of a puppet. None of which was going to do me any favours (Actually I was starting to consider that my mental health... or what was left of it... was in a severe stage of deterioration because of the sheer amount of times I had been knocked out recently.) However that all changed when I saw Deidara's hands eating the clay and producing little mini sculptures of birds, that were of no doubt the explosive kind.

It was only plain curiousity, not stupidity or bizarre hunger I swear, that drove me to take a big bite out of the clay bird we were riding on. Swiftly it was spat back out again, attempting to wipe my tongue on an already rather dirty sleeve. The sleeve still tasted better though, and while I was trying to pick the pieces of clay from my teeth I turned to look at Deidara, who was looking at me with an absolutely mortified expression, "How can you bare to eat this stuff? It's absolutely revoulting! Is that freaky hand of yours broken or something?"

"Don't insult my clay, un. Or my hand." He was looking peeved, but that might have also had something to do with the missing chunk of clay out of his bird. Also the fact I was glaring at his hand, which he tucked out of visible eyesight. Deidara had rather started

"That thing is gross."

"It is not, un."

"Yeah, it is."

"Is not!"

I stared at him. "Alright, tell me one thing. Can it sing in a falsetto?"

"A what?" He stared at me, nose wrinkled up in confusion.

"Sing. In. Falsetto." I said it really slowly, as if speaking to a mentally slow three year old. "Meaning, does it sing really really high?" I added, eyes widened and mouth slightly open with a mocking smile, alike to when a parent congratulates a five year old child by saying _'Yes, that's right! The sky is blue! Good job honey!'_

He pouted, "No it does not, un."

"Well, hearing a hand sing a falsetto version of 'It's a Small World After all' would have been the only thing that stopped me from saying this: your hand is gross."

"It is is not!"

"Deidara!" Sasori snapped, "Do _not_ start another fight with her."

Deidara pouted, but he conceeded his position in the fight, turning his back on me. I noticed his teeth gnashing together, but it only caused me to grin. I rolled over onto my stomach, propping myself up with my elbows and leaning my head on my hands. "No hard feelings Barbie. Sasori just loves me more than you."

"I feel no such thing for you," was Sasori's reply.

I looked down at him, kicking my feet in the air, "Come on, admit it. Some small part of your puppety heart likes me." I gave him a big grin.

Bastard didn't give me a reply. He just completley ignored me. I frowned at him, then sat back up with my legs crossed and got back to work trying to pick out pieces of clay from my teeth with my pinky finger. Those tiny pieces were stubborn little blighters, refusing to wriggle out without putting up a hell of a fight. It took me ten minutes to finally work them all out and flick them onto the ground. "Yuck. Nasty clay..."

I sat there for a moment, leaning my head onto my hands and staring at Weasel and Pinnochio, who were the ones in my eyeline at the moment. "You know, for the record, I am never recommending to any of my friends to travel with the Akatsuki. You just get bullied, picked on, kidnapped, threatened, have severe bodily injury caused to me... next time I'm going to invest in taking the non-psycho-criminal travel option."

I rolled onto my stomach, swinging one arm off the bird while the other still propped up my head, "Although I will admit it seems like every ninja is psycho in some way. Especially Konoha ninja. Naruto is a little hyper ball of never ending energy; Gaara has a creepy vampiric obsession with people's blood; Lee has been turned into a mini version of the spandex'd horror known as Might Guy; Sakura has multiple personality disorder with her inner self; Grandpa Scarecrow reads smut... Oh, dare I not mention Weasel Junior... he has so many issues that they wouldn't fit onto one magazine rack."

I had been observing Itachi from the corner of my eye at that time. Most would have thought my mention of his little brother would have left him unaffected because his posture and expression didn't change in the slightest. However, I managed to catch a slight movement of his eyes up towards me, and I knew he was paying attention.

Deidara grinned a little bit, recognising that I was talking about Itachi's brother and deciding to egg me on. "Sasuke, is it?"

I grinned, because it's amazing how much the Akatsuki turn against each other in order to keep the powers of annoyingness off of them and onto others. That, and the fact I could remember Deidara had an intense hatred for Itachi. I couldn't really blame him. Itachi didn't really give off the 'I love everyone! Gimme a hug!' vibe. More like the 'Touch me and I'll skin you before you can blink' vibe.

"Yupp, good little CBH. Poor kid, terribly emo all the time." I looked at Itachi, stating sarcastically, "Wonder whose fault that was hmm?" I didn't recieve a reply, not that I had expected one. "Anyways, he was lucky he was born with black hair to fit the personality. So very terribly drab, and just gives off that 'Touch and you die' vibe." I tilted my head, still facing Itachi, "Sort of like you Weasel. Only you have _much_ nicer hair."

Itachi turned his eyes back ahead, starting to ignore me again. Or maybe he was listening but just pretending not to care.

"No seriously. His sticks up like the back end of a chicken butt. Yours is so much nicer because of that herbal shampoo you use."

"Herbal shampoo, un?" Deidara snickered a little, biting on his lip in order to stop it getting any louder. Obviously the idea of the great Uchiha prodigy using herbal fragranced shampoo to keep his hair silky smooth was an amusing one. Whether he was a pervert and picturing the guy posing for one of those shampoo commercials, or simply the idea of Weasel being human enough to use shampoo was something to laugh at I wasn't sure.

"Yep yep," I winked at Deidara, "Though I actually think whatever shampoo you're using Dei-dei is _very_ good. I mean, how do you get hair that long and bulky to stay so silky smooth in a pony tail?" Deidara pouted instantly, which only encouraged me to question, "Or do you go to some special ninja salon? Can you book me an appointment? My hair needs a little bit of a treatment." I attempted to show him by trying to work my fingers through a few knots that had formed during both the fight last night and the wind from sitting atop the bird.

He ignored me. Instead of sitting on the back of the bird and trying to catch his attention, I tried something much more upfront.

Truthfully he probably knew I was coming, so I didn't need to act all sneaky trying to crawl up from the back of the bird and behind him. Likely he was trying simply to ignore the fact I was there. That was his mistake as I launched up onto his back, latching my arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Unlike Kisame and Itachi, it wasn't so bad doing this to Deidara. Kisame was far too massive for me to leap up and get a hold of, and Itachi... need I say anything more? Jumping onto Deidara's back was like me latching onto one of my girl friends, albeit a very flat chested one.

I leant down over his shoulder, grinning at him and already planning another song for him, "_Hey there! I like your hair! Whose does your hair? I wanna go there!" _Thankyou Scotty Vanity, for you and your severe suggestive songs.

His eye twitched again and he tried to lean sideways to throw me off. It didn't deter me a second.

"Blondes." Point at Deidara. "Brunettes." Point at self. "Red heads." Point at Sasori. "More like dread heads!" Add a giggle, and play peek-a-boo with Deidara's flop of hair. "It's like an ultra thick leaf that flops in your face. That hairdresser of yours so oughta shave it off."

"Get off me!" Deidara growled menacingly in a warning tone.

I shook my head, "Neh. I'm just saying, your hair is just so nice that you should really do something stylish with it." I chuckled, leaning my elbow onto his shoulder, "Then again, can't be worse than Fish-face. I mean, his sword does look like a giant tampon."

I could swear I saw Deidara blush, and laughed at him, "Oh come on Barbie, we're both girls. We understand this stuff too well, do we not?"

Kisame on the other hand wasn't really taking kindly to my reference of his sword being alike to a sanitary product. "Samehada is a powerful weapon, silly girl. Don't make vulgar references to it." His teeth were gritted. Noted: don't insult oversized tampon swords of Kisame's.

Rather than appear frightened of his tone and gritted pointy teeth, I looked at him with a glare, "Oh, put those can openers of yours away fish boy and find something better to do with your time, rather than interrupt our girl time, tar very much! Plus... does anyone here even care for the fact I have an actual name?" I know, hypocritical considering I always call them by nicknames

This was the point Deidara decided he really had enough of me, and the next thing I knew I was literally flying over his shoulders and suspended above the ground by the back of my shirt, where his hand was tightly clenched. "Ah fudge!"

"Deidara.." That was the warning tone of Sasori again. "Do _not_ blow her up."

It set off a warning bell in the back of my mind. "She has a bomb? What happened to sisterly love?"

He dropped me. Why did everyone seem intent on dropping me? Granted it was only a few feet, but the ground shock sent a jolt up my legs and I fell onto my backside. Instead of bothering to get up, I stayed lying on the ground.

A second later, a giant tail picked me up. "Oh no you don't Pinnochio! I still have bruises from the last time you puppet-handled me!"

Thankfully he didn't hold me up in his tail again. Instead, he settled for dropping me onto his back, "If you move or act foolishly then you will regret it."

I sighed dramatically, "Gees, what piece of wood got stuck up your rear huh?"

"Cease with the talking."

I grumbled to him, "Why? Freedom of speech is one of the basic human rights. If anything, I'm the one who deserves that right out of this group, considering Fish and Weasel are animals, and you puppet boy and Barbie up there are forms of play toys. I'm the only human here!"

"If you do not cease with your talking, I have a very powerful poison that will paralyze and slowly wither your voice box. Now shut up!"

Wow, he was sounding... dare I say hacked off? For a puppet with no emotion, this was certainly a big accomplishment for me to have caused this! I gave myself a mental badge of achievement, alongside all the others I was mentally collecting on my 'Wall of Terrorising Akatsuki Achievements'. I had quite a few by now.

I sat cross legged on top the giant puppet in which Sasori was riding. All the others were ahead of us, only the backs of their heads facing us, and I had discovered that when their heads didn't face you, the less likely they were to talk back. Plus, I couldn't witness any reactions, and I did so dearly love watching their reactions when I annoyed them.

After a while I got bored though, which really wasn't all too surprising considering that the others all travelled in silence. I first settled at trying to fix my hair, which was itself tumbling all over the place by now. The clips holding it up though were either gone, pulled out somewhere during the journey, or they were now broken.

I found something to keep myself entertained then. brandishing the sharp end of a broken hair clip in one hand, and with a bunch of exposed wood to get to work on.

It took about ten or fifteen minutes for one of them to finally turn back and look at me, curious as to why I had shut up for so long. It happened to be Kisame. "What are you doing?" he asked.

I held up the hair clip. "Well, I knew none of you wanted to talk to me, and Barbie won't give me any more clay, so I'm entertaining myself in other ways." I looked down at the wood I had carved on. "I don't think it looks half bad actually, considering it was carved with a broken hair clip."

There was a tense moment before I heard Sasori comment from beneath me somewhere, "You carved on Hiruko with a _hair clip_?"

Anyone who didn't know Sasori and his monotone's might not have sensed much difference between his voice to normal, but after a few days even I could sense the danger in it. Still, I had already completed the artwork, and it was pretty much too late to back out now, even if I had wanted to. "Yup! I think it looks nice too."

Deidara lowered the bird, hovering overhead so he could look down. I saw his rather blank face go to one of rather shock and then a sadistic grin towards me, "You are so dead, un."

"What? I like it."

"What has she done?" You could sense the poison in the monotone.

Kisame, curious by now, had ventured back to look down at the drawing. "She has carved a ... rather ugly puppet with a long nose, and an odd oval with a coat..."

"It's Pinnochio and Jeremy cricket. And it's a waistcoat duncefish, can't you see the little buttons and tail bits?" I grinned at him, "You and his would be best friends. You both are obsessed with whistling, and carrying objects with handles. You have a sword in toilet paper, and he has an umbrella."

Kisame glared for a brief moment before Deidara continued listing off a few things I had drawn, "There's also something that looks like a doll.." He stopped, eyes becoming dark because I had purposely drawn a barbie doll with a flop of hair in front of her face.

Kisame carried on, "There's also a fish... I will hurt you one day if you don't cease that you know.. and a ferret."

"Weasel!" I corrected. "It has a nicer ring to it... We-a-sel... better than Ferret. although, be my guest to called Weasel a Ferret anytime Fish face."

The puppet was shaking a little bit. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a little nerve racking. "Is there anything else?" he asked quietly.

"A few flowers, a sun wearing black glasses, trees and a rainbow. Plus lots of long v's."

"Those are birds idiot," I grumbled to Deidara, pointing at those elongated v's above the trees. "See, birds."

"They look nothing like birds you ignorant twit, un." He pointed at what he was sitting on. "This is a bird. Those are v's, yeah."

"You're using yeah's again. Beware, Usher might come back to haunt you." I tilted my head a little, "Besides, they look like that because I ran out of room... plus, they are _far away_." I pointed at his bird, "Close and ugly," I then pointed at mine, "Far away and hard to see. So they are valid as birds. End of dicussion."

"They are-"

"I will mutilate the carved version of you in a moment if you don't leave my art alone. Give it bigger boobs, a long dress and bigger eyelashes, then hang it from a noose of your own hair." Wow.. their violence was wearing off on me. But no-one, even psycho artists like Dei-dei insults my carvings!

"You shall not survive that long," was the cold reply from the puppet beneath me. Deidara scarcely had time to move the bird before the tail lashed down and wrapped around me tightly, squeezing the air out of me. It rubbed up against my injuries, especially the shredded part of my arm, so I gave a startled and difficult gasp of pain. Wow, the emotionless puppet was the first one to snap.

"Sasori." The voice was authoritive and slightly louder than normal for an Itachi tone, but never the less it stopped the rest of them. I had never thought Itachi as the likey leader of this small little group, but guess he was somehow. "We cannot kill her." Thanks to the Weasel. "Not yet." Oh well gee, that's awesome that is...

"Oh thanks so much Weasel," I grumbled sarcastically between gasping for breath. The tail released me and I rolled off onto the ground, obviously no longer allowed to sit on top the giant puppet. Once again I flopped on the ground, unwilling to be moved while my ribs slowly moved back to their rightful places and my breath returned.

I was confronted a second later by a shadow, belonging to a creature of the small furry kind. "Go away Weasel."

"Get up."

I folded my arms, glaring up at him. With his figure blocking the sunlight, it cast what was visible of his face into a shadow. "Why should I? All I get from travelling with you lot is knocked out, injured, dropped from obese clay birds and puppet back, my art is unappreciated and I have to deal with crazy ninja who act like they are PMSing half the time."

For a moment we stared each other out, neither conceding their position.

He reached down, picking me up easily. I kicked out at him and punched, but I jarred my injured arm and stopped for a moment to wince in pain. It was enough of a distraction for him to hold me up by my shirtfront a few inches off the ground.

"Understand this. We have spent a lot of effort concerning your capture, so we expect to have a lot of information about how you know so much about our organisation when we reach Headquaters. However, if you continue to test our patience then I am sure it will be equally satisfactory to remove you from our worries." Aka slice open and leave for the buzzards. Though his voice never changed, Itachi was certainly laying down the line for me here.

I was still stubbornly resistant though, crossing my arms and glaring at them. "Go ahead then. I dare you to snuff me out." I lowered my voice, "Trust me, you'd regret it."

"And why would that be?" Kisame asked, a tint of mocking in his voice. He didn't seriously think he would regret it. Ha, oh how naive the fish is. Still, I didn't want to tell them about the inter-dimensional chakra. The consequences of the Akatsuki finding out about how to get to other worlds would be disastrous. How fun it is trying to stay alive, but not being able to reveal the very valid reason on _why_ I had to stay alive.

"It's secret," I tapped the side of my nose. "But for your sake's I wouldn't kill me. I'd make a mean as ghost. Can you imagine me, but in a ghost form that you could never ever get rid of?" Deidara and Kisame shuddered and I grinned.

I looked back at Itachi sharply, "Anyways, what makes you think you're going to get any information. Like I said, one: it will be of no use to you. Two: I'm not telling you anything. Not for all the marshmallows and freedom of crazy ninja available in the world."

Kisame chuckled, "Good thing you don't have to _tell_ us anything then."

I quirked an eyebrow at him, "What's that mean Whistly fish?"

Deidara grinned a little and gave a slight chuckle, "You'll see soon enough."

I would have pressed more on the topic, but Itachi chose then to toss me over his shoulder. "Stay still." It was two words that said a lot more than simply that. It more said, "Stay there, or you will be injured again."

So I simply leant my elbow into his back at an uncomfy angle, easily able to find it again after leaning my elbow in it for so long on previous times I'd travelled over his shoulder. The arm sharply digging in his back supported my head and the other arm drooped down his back, swinging as he walked. "For the record, I'm not comfy," I told him.

Deidara snickered from the bird above, and I looked up at him with a glare, "What are you laughing at Barbie doll?" I pointed a finger up at him, "Don't make me come up there after you! I swear, I'll steal one of your pointy toothpick knives and shave all your hair off!"

Itachi jolted his shoulder and said in his monotone, "Don't move."

I resumed my position of being a pain by leaning my elbow into his back, daring enough to pick up a piece of his hair and twirl it. "I wonder, maybe I can become the Akatsuki's hairdresser. I mean, I've already dyed Kisame's hair and plaited yours Weasel."

"You plaited his hair, un?"

I glared up at Deidara again, "Hey, no comment from you blondey. As soon as I get the chance, I'm shaving all yours off. That's your punishment for dropping a sister. Oooo the bitch attacks are violent."

Looking back down at Sasori, I tilted my head to the side a little bit, "You, puppet Pinnochio... I'm picturing a mohawk for you. Real big and spiky." It probably wasn't the best idea to mock Sasori at the moment, considering he was seething in anger at the moment. There was no response from him, so I pouted anyway, "The least you could do is tell me that it's a fantastic idea." Death by puppet was becoming a highly likely prospect.

I started twirling Itachi's hair again, "What about you Weasel? Dreads or should I just plait it again?"

There was no reply from Itachi, but Kisame spoke out quite loudly, "Headquarter's is just a little bit ahead."

I perked up, "Headquarters? Already?"

Kisame noted and looked back, "Should we knock her out?"

"To hell with that!" I yelled back at him.

"I vote for that plan, yeah," Deidara said. I glared at him once more.

"Pay no attention to the Barbie doll. A blonde ditzo's vote doesn't count."

Itachi removed me from his shoulder, and before I could even start to do anything to stop him, he tied a blindfold around my eyes and my hands together. I thrashed them about, trying to hit something, but all they met was his stronger hands which soon hoisted me onto his shoulder again. "If you make any noise, I will gag you too."

"I suggest you do that now, before she even gets the chance to talk." Kisame really was no help.

"Agreed."

I piped up, "What did I say about blonde ditzo's votes Dei-dei? They _don't_ count!"

"Be quiet," Itachi growled in his montone.

I fell silent, because I really didn't want to be gagged, so I settled back into my position. The only difference was that I couldn't see anything, and I had to prop two elbows onto his back. It made him a lot more uncomfortable I could tell, due to his shift of his shoulder blade, so it gave me a small sense of satisfaction for a moment. Still, I couldn't help but mutter grumpily, "Lucky I'm blind, or I'd find you all and kick your ass's."

Itachi suddenly jumped, and being blind I wasn't expecting it. "Gah!" Despite the fact an arm was holding me down onto his shoulder, I could feel my legs start to fly up. As a complete reaction I wrapped them around his chest tightly to stop myself rolling uncomfortably. It was only when we landed and I deemed myself not to roll that I realised how awkward it probably looked. "Give me warning next time before you jump!"

There was no reply once again, so I just listened instead. I could hear running water beneath our feet, which triggered that memory of watching Deidara and Sasori crossing water when they captured Gaara... which was at this point waaaay in the future. Sure enough, I soon heard the loud scraping of rock and the slight judder of the surface of the water from the vibrations. Itachi moved forward again, and I could only guess by the gloom that fell over the blindfold that we had headed inside. The grating sound followed again a little later, sealing us in, and sealing the outside world safely out of the way. This was truely the point at which I should start worrying.

Now I really had my head sitting on the chopping block. The only thing was... how long could I keep the axe from falling?

()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~()~

**Dare I even say that the next piece is actually going to have.. *gasp* a plot and actual meaning to it? *faints* Hahaha yes it shall! None of this simply annoying random characters... which is so much fun that I can never resist!**

**Sasori snapped first... I've just always wanted to see something snap Sasori hahaha, and I though "Why not Krissy? The single most annoying person.. who even trumps the Crazy Frog and Annoying Orange!"**

**Ooooo I kinda very slightly hinted as to what might happen concerning the lair they are in... maybe.. you may or may not pick up on it. You deserve a cookie if you did! If not, then.. well... cookies anyway! *throws baked goods to audience***

**So um.. yes! Hope you enjoyed! if you didn't, thats alright, but please don't write me flames unless they are real constructive ideas or helpful tips. Because seriously... I write about Krissy, the agreed most annoying character, even stated by some of you... wouldn't you think it best not to mess with the author insane enough to come up with an insane character? HA! Plus, you have to be nice to me! I donated blood! Yeah thats right! I saved lives! **

**Have to say guys... so much easier to sit there with a needle in your arm for a few minutes and have blood taken out of your arm than doing Calculus ANY DAY! High five also for being told not to do any hard exercise for a day and then needing to sprint to get to the train! XD XD XD**

**Anyways, the next chapter shall be dramatic! There will be blood, tears, an elephant... nah I kid about the elephant, but still! Sue me about drama... I dare you.. *sharpens kunai behind back***

**Reviews are nice ^^ But even your presence makes it worthwhile! Look how many I have! I thought twenty would be a fantastic number to get... but my socks have officially blown away in the wind now...**

**Final note... my page has my deviantart page... if you haven't gone to look yet.. please do! I drew itachi and Krissy. Others are on their way of Waku, Atsu and Yoshi, plus Grandpa... Kakashi... and Akatsuki of course ;P**


	21. Stripper Priests and Mind Jutsu

**I posted a while ago, but this I must mention... upon getting up the next morning after my post and realising that the day ahead of me was going to be a really really long and boring one, I decided to check to see if I had one or two reviews that could keep me smiling for the day... I discovered not two, but over **_**thirty**_**! O.O omg when did this story turn so popular? Okay yes I noticed the reviews (For which I love you all!) But wow... *hands out massive frisbee sized cookies* EAT! YOU DESERVE IT!**

**Oh and I was told off for not sharing any of the wonderful Pocky I discovered... so fine! Here, have it! *throws out pocky* Luxord's Xigbar I hope that you are happy! XD** **I kid, I kid, I hug, I steal back the pocky... nahhhh.**

**Kisame: I don't think they deserve the pocky... they are supporting the annoyance, frustration and mind-destruction of the Akatsuki. We are a criminal organisation of S-rank ninja, we deserve more respect!**

**Itachi: *staring at the pocky* **

**Kisame: *sighs and hands him pocky***

**Sasori: *glares at the readers* why are you supporting this girl? She made me snap! ME! The evil, basically heartless and emotionless puppet! Why do you think this is a good thing?**

**Me: *grins* because it's the ones who are least likely to snap that are the funner ones to poke and prod at... it's unexpected that way! Plus, at least you're taking everything better than Deidara...**

**Deidara: *sitting in a corner in a small ball, rocking back and forth* There is no escape... the walls.. the walls are closing in! Dear lawd I keep seeing that girls face! I keep hearing her singing voice! DX**

**And by becoming a part of this story explains why Deidara has such suicidal thoughts... thus confirming the idiotic frame of his mind when he blew himself up.**

**Kisame: You are a terrible person.**

**Me: Am not. I'm actually a very nice person. I look after drunk people at parties. High five for being at a party where everyone is drinking and smoking, yet your smoke is a lollipop stick that you refuse to stop chewing on, and your drink is an orange flavoured, zero percenter of alcohol (aka fruit drink). **

**Itachi: Damn. If she got drunk we could have escaped while she was dopey.**

**Me: Nope! I'm the sober Queen! I bring cans of coke and lemonade and tell people when it's sleep time! But now is not sleep time! Is story time!**

**Deidara *clawing at the door* no, NO! Not again!**

**Which is better? Itachi hair up, or Itachi hair down (trying to settle a bet... I can't tell you what I'm rooting for though haha) **

**Sorry, just had to add it ^_^0 **

**All *facepalm***

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We were only walking for a little while in what was complete pitch black to me before I started hearing the dull drone of other voices, and the light beneath the mask started to grow lighter. I still couldn't see, but I could pretty much make an accurate guess that we were approaching the inside part of the Headquarters.

"There you guys are!" A loud, scratchy male voice floated in somewhere out of the darkness. "You certainly took enough time. Its been costing us money!"

There was a pause, before I heard the disbelieving tone, "Is that the girl you've been looking for?"

I raised my head up, attempting to look for where I heard the voice come from, which was quite hard considering the angle which Itachi had me sitting on his shoulder meant I was facing away from them, "I hear a new person. Hi!"

Itachi suddenly pulled me off his shoulder, putting me back down on the ground so quickly that I didn't quite catch my footing. "Gah! Dammit Weasel, what did I say about giving me warning? What do you think I am, some sort of ragdoll?" I pouted in the general direction I thought he was, "One of these days I am going to kick you, and then the entire repopulation of the clan will be left to the squirt Weasel Junior. Oh dear gosh, help the people of Konoha the day they are invaded by a clan of people with chicken butt hair..."

"Psh. And this is the one who evaded your capture? Seems like a waste of time and money." The voice was irritated. I was guessing this was Kakuzu, the money lover. I had never heard his voice before, but if it was Pein it would be more demanding, Zetsu had that weird personlity split thing... and Hidan would be cussing in every few words he spoke.

Itachi pulled the blindfold off my eyes, once again without warning, but I was happy enough to have my sight returned to me. He didn't remove the ones binding my hands in front of me. I blinked to readjust my eyes, and then gave the owner of the voice a huge grin. I was right, it was Kakuzu. "I assure you, my Krissy artwork is loved all over the place. I'll have your interior decorating from drab evil lair to spunky fair in no time!" I stretched my arms out, pretending to crack my knuckles in a leisurely way, "Just ask Pinnochio back there... I mean the fat old puppet... He's so joyous he's run out of words."

Kakuzu looked back at Sasori for a moment, and could practically sense the chakra rays of evil and murderous intentions emitting from inside the recently artistically decortated puppet. Then he looked back at me, the messed up looking teenage girl with her hands bound, hair sticking out with raggedy ends, and a huge goofy smile on her face. He decided it better not to ask, and instead addressed the others, "Leader is expecting you. Bring the girl."

"My name is Krissy. Kriss-eee. It's really not a hard name to say, like Sir Tootan Tawakinawed."

A hard shove into my back between my shoulder blades started me walking. I glared back at the silent and emotionless looking Weasel, "I swear, that kick is coming one day..." Another shove. "Fine! Gees, untwist your knickers, I'm walking!"

I saw Kakuzu look down at me with a repulsed gaze and flashed his some pearly whites. "You be Kakuzu?"

His gaze widened and then darkened, "That would be correct. How did you-?"

I cut him off, tilting my head and saying, "See now that's a much harder name to pronounce. Besides, I don't think you suit it so well... You look more like a Zuzu... or Frankenstein! Yes! Zuzu Frankenstein! Although technically the creepy looking one was the monster that Frankenstein created, but no-one ever remembers Frankenstein isin't the monster... You look a little less well put together too." It was true. Up close he really was quite spooky to look at. He looked rather alike to a living jigsaw puzzle that had been crookedly put together.

Kakuzu was about to reply, by the way his eyes narrowed darkly and his head tilted down in order to confront me, but an even louder voice tore through the air and almost made my eardrums bleed.

"It's about f***ing time you guys got back here! Where the f*** have you slackers been?"

That was a voice that no-one anywhere could mistake. I looked past the walking Frankenstein monster, only to be buffeted by the view of a bare chest of a silver haired man. "Who is this bitch? She isin't the one you guys spent all those hours looking for is it?" He sounded as peeved as he looked.

"Hidan, move. Leader is expecting us to bring her to him," Kakuzu grumbled, a cold tone in his voice.

Hidan sneered at him but shifted, giving me a glance over. "You're what all the f***ing fuss is about? Gees, I was expecting someone impressive. Not some brat who looks like shit."

I looked up at him for a moment, and then looked between the other five present Akatsuki members, "Wow. Is there a gay bar near here or something? I didn't know the Akatsuki let male strippers into the club." I purposely looked back at Hidan, "Aren't you a little too old to be working in the stripper buisness though? Seriously dude, when someone gets to your age, the common decency is to at least put on a shirt to hide the liver spots." My eyes lit up, "Ooo, does anyone have a pen so I can play connect the dots with them? I can already see a formation of a kitten."

First Hidan was stunned. Then he grew rather mad... okay that puts it lightly. He was livid, pulling his scythe off his back and aiming it at me. "What the f*** did you just say you little bitch? I'm going to cut that tongue out!"

I stared at the scythe for a moment, almost transfixed by it. "Wow, you talk big, with a big weapon... but we all know you are probably just compensating for the lack of something else."

"Bitch, are you implying I have a small-?"

"Hidan," Kakuzu growled, not really wanting to hear his partner rave about such an awkward topic, "Do not get into such vulgar talk!"

I crinkled my nose, "Eww, what were you guys going to say? I was just going to say his brain is smaller than a fleck of dust. Gees, old and pervy. Man, all ninjas get more perverted with age don't they?" Well... actually what the other two had been thinking I was implying was indeed true, but it was more fun messing with their minds. "Actually though... now you mention it, I think you're probably right. He probably does have a small-"

"You die now!" The scythe was raised again.

"Hidan!" Kakuzu snapped loudly, "Do not kill her. Leader is intent on interrogating her, and I advise against murder unless you would rather face his wrath."

Deidara grumbled somewhere from the back, "I think he'll be supporting it soon, un."

Hidans knuckles were turning a pale white at this point where they gripped the scythe, "She insulted me! The bitch must die!"

I looked back at Kakuzu, "You heard him. He has to die! I think that would be most welcome by all the rest of you wouldn't it though?"

It took a second for Hidan to process the information, then..."You bitch! You did not just call me a bitch!"

"Not directly, no, but I implied it. Claps for the ancient stripper for figuring it out though!" I tried clapping with my hands tied. Seeing how close his scythe was hanging down in front of me, I raised my hands enough to slice through the ropes. Wow that thing was sharp! It was rather creepy and shocking on the nerves, but I'd gotten good at hiding traces of fear, so instead grinned at the fact my hands were free again. "Hey look, the oversized steak knives on a stick are useful for something!"

This time Itachi moved in front of me, while Kakuzu held back Hidan from skewering me. "I'm going to rip her head off!" See, this definitely proved who was the most psycho and easily aggrivated. Boy, even Deidara wasn't this much fun! He wasn't quite as deadly either though, and I have to admit I was really glad there was a barrier named Itachi now between us.

Still, that didn't stop me from using my barrier to an advantage, peeking around the corner of my barrier's shoulders, "I think the others already have dibs on the death penalty. Anyway, are you sure you would have the arm strength old man?"

"I'm going to cut you open and bleed you dry with my scythe. Jashin would love to see you die," he threatened, pointing it over the top of Kakuzu's shoulders and towards me.

The stitched Frankenstein creature made himself useful and held back the crazy priest from murdering me. I chuckled a little evilly, before suddenly feeling a stern gaze fall down on me like daggers. This of course belonged to a lovely Weasel. "Do not aggrivate the members, or you will be punished more accordingly."

"You say this to me now?" I asked him, quirking a brow, "After the emotionless puppet tried ripping me to shreds, the fish has been threatning me since we first met, Barbie there wants to blow me up, and you yourself tried strangling me? Gees, if you were going to gut me, you would have done it long ago, lets admit it."

Kisame chuckled a little in his dark manner, "She has a point. Besides, I still get to gut her first."

"No way. That brat is getting sacrificed to Jashin!"

I looked between them. "Wow. Should I feel worried that lots of psycho ninja are fighting over who gets to violently kill me?"

"It would be wise," Kakuzu agreed.

I grinned at him, "Yano, I like you so far Zuzu. You are the only one who hasn't yet threatened me."

His eyes yet again narrowed dangerously, but once more a voice cut us off. "There you are." "_Will you all stop your yelling?" _"Leader is expecting you to report him instantly." "_That means go now, or else._"

I took one look up at the giant Venus Fly Trap and a huge smile broke out across my face. "Oh. My. Gosh!" A small sprint, a giant leap, and two arms were around him tightly. "It's the checkerboard!"

I felt the man-plant go rather tense. Kisame gave a small cough to clear his throat, "Uh, you do realise who you are hugging there?"

"I'm hugging Zetsu!" I squealed happily, wrapping my arms further around him. "Hugging cannibals is fun!" I looked up at him, "Yano, I had a plant just like you in my room once. He ate flies... I guess it's a genetic thing between all Venus Fly Traps large and small. What are you.. a Venus Human Trap? That doesn't even sound right..."

"Why are you hugging me?" "_She looks tasty._" I was pretty sure the last comment was to throw me off, but you could never be too sure.

"Because as mentioned before, hugging cannibals is fun. Plus, I like hugs and trees. I'm a tree hugger. I love the giant leafy green things." I beamed up at him with a full row of pearly whites. "But no... I'm not edible. I'm a blend of insanity flavour that you would not want to have in your system."

"What is going on in- Why is the hostage hugging Zetsu?" I looked up to see a blue haired woman walk in, momentarily stunned by the sight she saw; namely a crazy girl hugging the resident potplant, Frankenstein of Stitches holding back the priest and the rest of them sort of in some silence.

"Plant men are very huggable," I told her simply, before de-leeching myself off the man and racing towards her, throwing my arms around her now. "Hi! More female company!"

I guess the momentary stun still hadn't worn off to the fact a very dangerous criminal was being hugged. See, hugs are definitely a good way to start an attack. I looked up at Konan, realising she was tall as well (damn!) and pouted, "Barbie isin't so much fun. She's been PMSing the entire trip."

"Barbie?"

I pointed at Deidara, who was fuming, "Shut the hell up you insolent girl, yeah!"

I stuck my tongue out, "Make me!"

Konan looked between us, the mental thought of _'What the hell is going on?' _written clear as ink she would use on her paper across her face. "Pein is expecting you," she ended up saying in the end.

"Yeah, so Zuzu over there keeps on saying. But between hugging new people and making friends with the crazy old stripper priest, we haven't had time to meet him yet." I saw Konan's eyes drift to Hidan, who had begun up with some more violent spats of swear words. Everyone ignored him though, instead more focused on heading through a large set of doors that were ahead of us.

I hadn't really been able to pay too much attention to the inside of the lair so far, considering I'd mostly been blindfolded. Really there wasn't much to look at. I was guessing this wasn't the living part of the hideout, because everywhere was simply drab rock surface cut out from the ground in order to create stone corridors. How far deep we were was anyones guess, but there was plenty of corridors that veered off in so many directions that I was lost by the second turn. I spent more of my time focusing on not tripping over as they led me through towards where ever it was we were going. If I even paused then a rough shove between my shoulders forced me onwards. Finally we ended out emerging into an enormous room, though most of it was shrouded in shadows. They seemed to fill every single gap with a hollow darkness that could have hidden almost anything.

"Is this her then?" A deep and spooky voice said suddenly, very close to me. It made me jump a mile.

"Gah! Ninja moves, so _not_ cool buddy! What are you trying to do, give me a heart attack or something?" I yelled at the culprit, clutching my hand to my beating heart.

The person responsible did not look very apologetic. Instead he stared down at me with a blank face. "Interesting," he mused to himself. "I was expecting a person with as much knowledge of our organization as you apparently possess to be a bit more impressive than... you."

I shrugged, "Hey, I was expecting you to all burst out into song and dance, singing 'We're all in this Together' Akatsuki style. Guess disappointment is mutual on both our parts." I tilted my head slightly to the side, "Although I think you'd make a pretty good Troy Bolton. Minus the piercings of course." I chuckled, "I bet airport staff absolutely hate you. You'd be setting off their alarms on the metal detectors miles before you step through them. How do you ever travel long distance? Can't be Air Clay Bird... not with that prissy PMSing blonde as a flight attendant..." I gave a long, hard stare back at Deidara over my shoulder for a moment.

"Cease with your rambling," he snapped.

Somewhere behind me came a humph, "Pfft, if only that would happen..."

"Shut up Fish man."

"I said cease the rambling."

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a really spooky voice. You'd make a mint if you did spooky Halloween recordings."

"Silence." It was at that moment a sharp pain filled my head, almost like a knife had gone straight through my skull and plummeted it's cold blade directly into the midst of where my thoughts were. It was brief, but it still managed to draw a sharp and pained gasp from me, effectively silencing me.

"That's much better," he commented.

"Stupid Magneto.."

He quirked an eyebrow, and I answered somewhat grumpily after having some chakra thing try and split my head open, "Because you're so full of metal that I bet you attract magnets by the truck load."

He took a few steps towards me, until he was standing directly in front of me and peering down. Damn, he was tall too. I couldn't help but let him know it as well, "You're tall, you know that. Actually you all are. Is it like some law or something... you have to be a certain height to be a competent ninja?"

His hand moved faster than my eyes could even process. It raised and then came back down across my jaw in a movement quicker than the blink of an eye. Suffice to say the pain lasted slightly longer that time, as teeth clack together and split down the inside of my lip. I dragged my head back around to face him, feeling the crick in my neck twinge a little from where it had snapped around on the impact of his hand. It hurt a lot, but I was certain if he had even used half of his strength then it would have seperated neck from shoulders. "Ow," I said offhandedly.

He stared down at me, "You would do well to remember what position you are in, and who you are surrounded by. We are the Akatsuki. We are _not_ to be teased, trifled with or made into a mockery. Especially by the likes of a common girl such as yourself." His eyes were staring down at me, daring me to try anything. "I have specifically ordered everyone that they are not to kill you or harm you in any way. However, now that you are here, you will not be treated quite so... hospitable."

I glared up at him, to which the faintest trace of a smirk appeared on his face. "You would be wise to tell us what you know now, or the consequences will not be to your liking."

I stared up at him, and then around me at all the others. They stared back down at me with either emotionless eyes, or ones that were secretly plotting my demise... that was Hidan. Any of them wouldn't hesitate to murder me in a heartbeat, and the guy in front of me was basically telling me that would happen if I didn't tell him what he wanted to know.

"Fine," I told him. "Interrogate me and then kill me. I can guarantee you three things though. One," I held up a finger, "I will never tell you anything." His brow furrowed a little bit. "Two," I held up two fingers, "Is that if you kill me, you will most certainly regret it."

Pein looked down at me, regarding me with a somewhat emotionless face. His eyes however were rather thoughtful. "And the third thing?"

I pointed back at Hidan, "Tell him to put on a shirt, or nothing you do or say will stop me calling him a stripper priest... which frankly he is, and I think you should be rather concerned about him."

"Damn you! Gut the bitch!" Hidan snarled, instantly switching into his psycho mode.

"Hidan!" Pein barked at him. Hidan growled, dropping his scythe a little. He didn't drop the angered look on his face however.

Pein snapped his gaze back on me. "I'm afraid you misunderstand something however. You won't be telling us anything. You see, as a civilian with no ninja experience, as we can all tell that you are, you would be quite unable to withstand our usual method or interrogation." Aka intense and painful torture. "If you will not willingly tell us, then we shall have to use alternative methods. It will not be any more pleasant, however there will be no damage... at least physically." I heard a few sniggers, which made my blood run a little colder. "This is your final chance."

I didn't need to be told, it was pretty much implied... the alternative method would be pretty much as painful as their torture method. Only I wouldn't go dying on them from bloodloss or anything. Considerate right? Still, I had to make sure I lasted long enough in the hope that Atsu, Waku and Yoshi would be able to track me down and send me back home before anything serious happened. Anything that didn't involve physical torture had to be a step upwards from their normal interrogation method.

So, in the face of a perilous and horrendous situation I did what any person would do... actually no I didn't.

I crossed my arms and tilted my head to the side, spitting a huge gob of blood from the large split in my lip down onto the ground before him defiantly, before stretching my hands out in front and cracking my knuckles leisurely in a challenging way, "Bring it Magneto. Anything is better than having to deal with these psycho nutters."

He smirked, "Zetsu, bring her to the chamber."

A hand clamped onto my arm. "Yes Leader." "_It would be our pleasure._"

"The rest of you, you know what is required."

"Yes Leader," was the chorus recieved.

"Bunch of mindless clones you lot are," I mumbled. "Should dress you in tinfoil and pairs of googly eyes, that would fit you all better." I was ignored. How unexpected.

Ever heard of eating your words? Well, I think this was one of those times where keeping my mouth shut might have been the better solution, rather than challenging Pein like I had. Zetsu came up behind me and basically lifted me off my feet, holding me up in the air in front of him like I was some wriggly kitten, while I kicked around like a distressed mule.

"Put me down you Venus Mantrap you! You haven't eaten my legs, so I can still walk! I'm suing you ya know Magneto! All of your people are harrassers! Better yet, tell that to Zuzu. I'm sure he will love it when he hears that you guys had to fork all of your money out to me because you wouldn't leave me alone!"

"Zetsu, make her quieten down."

The two hands on my arms shifted. One of them grabbed onto the back of my shirt and held me up still, while the other pressed a kunai down against my mouth. I tried to move my mouth to spit out some insult, but the angle at which the kunai was placed meant that moving my lips in any way resulted in a nasty sting as metal split open flesh. I resigned myself to a silence, but kept kicking my legs around just for the sake of it. I didn't know if as half a plant and half a man, Zetsu had all of the usual male anatomy, but be darned if I wasn't going to attempt to kick where it hurt in case he did.

We entered into another room. There was an eerie glow about the place which instantly put me on edge, rather like one of those haunted caves bathed in a ghostly blue light where you expect animated corpses and skeletons to suddenly lunge out at you. Pein kept walking, engulfed almost immediatley by the darkness.

Both of Zetsu's hands were suddenly gone and I plummeted a foot to the floor, landing shakily. Spinning around, I tried to spot the freaky plant man, or anyone else for that matter. All I saw was the eerie blue light melting away into blackness. No trace of any person or living thing around me.

"Alright, this is so not funny. Get where I can see you, or I'm kicking all your asses from here to the end of the universe. Believe me, that's a long distance journey I'm betting you rather wouldn't want to make."

Still no reply. I kept turning around, just to be sure no-one was sneaking up behind me. No-one in sight.

"Okay, seeing how I seem to be abandoned in a spooky room, I'm just gonna head out now. I don't like hide and seek, and I swear to goodness if any of you jump out at me then you will be losing something you might rather want to hold onto. Except my home girls, Bluebell and Barbie... they have nothing to lose like the rest of you.."

Once again I received no reply. Perhaps they all stepped out for a cup of coffee and some cake? Highly doubted it, but I couldn't see or hear a thing around me. I took a few steps towards where the exit was behind me, thankful I kept my bearings because it was so dark I wouldn't have been able to tell otherwise.

A swoosh from behind me and I spun, "What did I say about jumping out at-?"

I turned, expecting to find someone standing there. Instead, out of the darkness all I could see was a single pair of bright red sharingan eyes. They startled me and I took a step back. The ground beneath my feet was suddenly not as solid as it had been before though, and I looked down at my ankle to find it trapped in a glowing band of what was no doubt chakra. It was a mixture of entwined blue, green and purple, almost woven like rope and creepy up around my leg.

"Eugh, get it off!" I growled, reaching down to try pull it away. It didn't suceed. In fact it actually split into two strands and started creeping up around my arms, growing high and high. My attempts to try pull it free were a failure, fingers slipping through the glimmering strands, unable to even clutch at them. The entire time they kept creeping higher and higher.

A sudden jerk and I felt my feet leave the ground, pulled upwards as if gravity had suddenly been switched off. My feet flailed around, trying to meet the solid ground again, and I moved my arms backwards almost like swimming, in an attempt to find something to hold onto. The chakra bonds crawled up higher. "Put me down now," I ordered, hoping it might do something. It wasn't the height and chakra crawling around my body that had my heart thudding. It was the terrible anticipation of what was coming. "Damn straight, put me down or I go psycho on you guys. I will be the wailing banshee from hell, and most of you know I can and definitley will do that."

Something red blinked beside me and I drew my gaze upwards to face the red eyes again. For a moment we stared at each other. "Mind Invasion Jutsu!" Then the pain hit.

I decided then and there that I would never ever again criticise people in movies for their screams. Those continuous, high-pitched screams always grated on my nerves, so unrealistic. Seriousy, no wonder they never had anything glass in the cinema... the shrill screams would shatter the glass in an instant. It was only when I heard a similar scream fill my ears and realise it was my own that I thought I should give those girls in the movies a bit of a break. I doubled over backwards, thrashing side to side to try and somehow get rid of the pain that filled every single pain receptor. If I thought Pein's freaky chakra which felt like a knife in my brain had hurt, it was like being hit by a feather compared to this. Thoughts were barely coherent, lights seeming to flash from nowhere crossed in front of my eyes in a blur.

I wasn't sure how long that went on for, but I was aware when the pain stopped. It was a blissful moment in which my body went limp and I was able to crack open my eyes.

It was almost as if I was floating in my own subconscious. Images flashed around me, ones I recognised because they were memories from my own mind. Kind of like hanging from the ceiling of a wall to wall room of televisions that were playing videos of my life. However what I wasn't pleased by who was standing there with me though. Itachi was there, literally in my mind. So was Pein. His funny eyes were trained on me, while the two of them had both of their hands pressed together in a similar style hand sign. They weren't the only ones present either. I could basically feel the entire rest of the Akatsuki lurking somewhere just out of sight. It was weird, but I could feel all their presence amidst the jutsu which no doubt Itachi and Pein had both created together. I had never ever heard of a jutsu that could be used to actually put someone physically into anothers consciousness before, but then again I didn' t really know much of the jutsu's on the show. Just a few basic ones of the main characters. This one must have needed a lot of chakra, or a lot of present people to work. Why else would they have needed both Itachi and his sharingan, and Pein's weirdo eyes?

"You know, this counts as mind rape in the extreme..." I told them grumpily, trying still to break free of the chakra. It was pointless though. Even breaking free in my own mind didn't necessarily mean I would break free of it in actual reality. "I could sue you right down to you guys having to give up even your underwear in compensation."

They ignored me. Pein glanced at Itachi, "Itachi, make sure the jutsu stays up."

"Hn." Itachi gave a small flick of his head in acknowledgement.

Pein turned his head around to face me instead. "You refused to relieve yourself of the information on your own. This jutsu will allow nothing in your mind to be hidden from any of us."

I frowned at him, but a flash of fear passed through me. If I'd have known this would be the alternative, I would have taken the other interrogation method. If they read through my mind, then they would know absolutely everything. Surely that would not go well.

Still, there was nothing I could do to stop them. When I tried forcing them back I was only greeted by a sharp pain strike me and I had to stop. Pein started sifting through my mind and memories like they were pieces of paper in a file. Scenes from my life played out before them; hanging out with friends at school, family dinners... an embarassing moment when I had been sunbathing at the beach and my uncle dumped a while pile of raw squid down me (A few which got snagged on the inside of my togs, which were a one piece set...it was a bad memory).

My heart thumped a little when he stopped at the memory of when I told the Hokage to allow them to capture me if they had shown up (well that happened anyway didn't it?) My original plan, in order to make sure I didn't tell them anything had been quite a dramatic one: to bite through my own tongue. Pein looked up at me, musing aloud, "So what have you been trying to protect, hm? And what made you change your mind?"

I shrugged, "I thought it would be funner to hang around and annoy the heck outta you guys first. Glad I did, because the stripper is awesome fun to annoy. So is Barbie." I looked around me, feeling two flares of chakra somewhere at the edges of my mind, "Deal with it! You _are_ a man whore, and frankly Dei-dei you do look like some cross-dressing transvestite." The flares became slightly larger and more angry, until Pein commanded them to calm down. I giggled childishly.

He paused suddenly, and I quietened down real fast when I saw why. It was like screenshots of Earth, cities and places, wars, everything I'd seen whether it be real life, movies or simply on the news. "You come from... Auckland? What is this place?"

"A place far far away... it's a land where the Orcs reside and Hobbits fear to tread," I told him cheerfully, even though he wouldn't understand the humour of that Lord of the Rings reference.

I couldn't stop him sifting even further though, until he finally found what he was looking for. An image of Team Seven flashed by, and then others. Any little piece of the anime I'd watched or read about was suddenly flickering through my mind, and Pein frowned. "What is this?" he asked, an uncertain tone in his voice as he looked over memories of both past and present. Truthfully there wasn't that much on the Akatsuki, seeing how I'd seen so little of the anime with them in it. No doubt had I known more about them all then I'd be in a much worse position. I didn't know most of their histories (Itachi was obviously about the only one), nor did I know all their abilities, so at least that wasn't a blow against me. When Tobi flashed past however Pein frowned, his presence suddenly seeming to become a much darker one.

It was the cold shock and darker aura emitting from Itachi that I most worried about when a memory of his final fight with Sasuke started playing out. _That_ was something I had actually seen before. Watching a grown Sasuke battling out with Itachi could definitely not yield good results. Every moment they spent in my mind was pretty much incriminating myself, putting the others who were probably tracking the dimensional chakra at risk of exposure, and pretty much showing the Akatsuki an entire ninja-free (well, their sorts of ninja at least) world.

"Alright. I think you guys have played Edward Cullens for long enough. No more mind reading!" I growled. At that point I started trying to force them out my mind again, greeted with that fresh spark of pain _again_.

"Foolish girl, you think you can force us out?" Pein asked.

I nodded. "Yeah. One; because I'm stubborn. Two; Because I'm partially insane I reckon. Finally, three; this is _my_ mind. So I bid thee _adieu, vous l'esprit violeurs et stupide ninja fou_!" Goodbye, you mind rapists and stupid crazy ninja.

Forcing them out was _not_ easy. With the amount of chakra each of them had, it was like trying to clog up a leaky dam with a single cork. However I had two things on my side. That being that this was my mind, and so they were on my territory. The other was that my random thoughts and ideas could overpower all.

I don't think the Akatsuki had ever had to face cartoon characters such as Dumbo the elephant and his army of pink elephants stampeding at them before. However I took everything I could find out of the depths of all random memories and thoughts and threw it at them. It worked perfectly, like pulling the cartoons out of their screens and chucking them at audience members, who in this case were the Akatsuki. While they were trying to keep a hold of the jutsu and avoid confrontation with a huge herd of giant pink elephants that were dancing in drunken fashion, they were unable to stop me from forcing them back from the edges of my own subconscious. I can't lie, it was the single most painful thing ever, like driving a stake millimetre by millimetre through my head. My invisible grip on my own mind slipped a few times. Until I felt something strong. It was chakra, but unlike any of their chakra it was actually helping fuel my attempt to break free. Maybe that stupid thing about physics denying me cool chakra moves had finally relented and allowed me one moment of coolness.

The next thing I felt was the hard stone floor connecting with my back as I hit the floor. It was cold, and jagged points stuck into my skin through the fabric of my clothing. The almost bone cracking fall from midair onto the stone ground was little effective on me however, my limbs already numb and racked with the pain of breaking free of the jutsu.

"She broke free. A mere girl broke free of our jutsu?" I couldn't tell whose voice it was. It sounded too far off. "How did she do that?"

"Bitch has secret chakra." Oh yeah, I didn't even need to hear the voice right to know who that was. Good old stripper boy.

There was silence for a moment. I spent that time trying to readjust both my sight and hearing. I felt sore, tired, and my head was swimming at a point I would assume was close to heavy drunkeness. Rolling slightly, I avoided the feeling of wanting to retch my stomach out in a most ungraceful manner.

Pein suddenly spoke up, "It's not her chakra. She is connected to a source of chakra that seems to be... between dimensions." Though blurred, I looked up to see a hazy outline of him look at me. "She is from another dimension... one which appears to have too much knowledge of our world, and us."

I held up one hand and gave him a thumbs up, "Bing bing bing... Magneto hits a bullseye."

Pein frowned. "This is dangerous chakra to meddle with, even for us. Our jutsu might have unstabled it a little, however it seems only large jutsu's such as that affect it. No-one is to do anything foolish with the prisonner though... yes, that means you cannot kill her."

"F***."

"Burned stripper priest." I grinned to myself before rolling back over and coughing up a wad of blood out the back of my throat. I didn't even want to think where inside me was bleeding.

Someone flipped me back over and a foot met my sternun sharply. I looked up at Pein. "Do not think that you will not be punished for treating us in a disrespectful manner."

I scowled up at him, "I get snatched away from home, and since then all I've had to put up with is your goonies chasing me, causing me injury and threatning me every single day basically. So you all have fancy chakra and could kill me before I blink... frankly, none of that matters to me. You have done nothing so far that makes you worthy of respect. Why should I give it to you? You don't deserve any, so I refuse to treat you like you do."

A sharp crack echoed around the room, and one more scream. Believe it or not it took me a few seconds to realise that the scream belonged to me, and the crack was from the two bones that had previously been the single one bone in the bottom half of my leg. I clutched at it, noticing the sickening angle at which it was sitting at now that the bone was shattered in half.

Pein looked down at me, his hand roughly grabbing onto the collar of my shirt and pulling me into the air. "Unless you learn some respect quickly, things may get a lot worse for you. We will figure out what this dimensional chakra is, and once we are aware how it works and are able to harness it, then you may wish you had paid us that little bit more respect."

"Fat... chance," I wheezed between pain filled gasp. "All I wish... that I had now... is some aspirin. It's a good Pein-killer... goof for killing off magnet heads, and good for pains in legs... caused by those magnet heads..."

Pein's eyes narrowed and he dropped me to the ground. I was expecting a painful jar of my recently broken leg. It didn't happen however. When I looked down at my leg it was completley back to normal. No severe break or anything. I looked back up at Pein.

"Next time I may decide not to heal any wounds that I or the others inflict if they are not so life threatning as that." It was true.. broken legs and arms wouldn't be life threatning, but damn! They hurt!

His head flicked around, "Itachi, take her to the cells. Make sure that if any traces of the jutsu are still lingering that you deal with it before returning."

Itachi nodded, walking forward and grabbing a hold of my shirt, hauling me up and throwing me up over his shoulder. At this point in time I was both too weak and still shaking in recovering of the pain from that jutsu, to even begin arguing that once again my personal space had been severly invaded by the Weasel.

I recall a lot of people being in love with a lot of the Akatsuki. What they failed to remember is that, though glorified, romanticized or humiliated in a lot of fanfiction, they were criminals. I had been so very lucky so far not to be injured or murdered... now it had only been proven further what serious trouble I was really in.

It was now a game of Survival. Frankly my chances of winning didn't look good, but at least for now I had the card 'You can't kill me' on my side.

For once in all the time I had to deal with him, I was silent and didn't bother Itachi once as he walked with me out of the room where the rest of the Akatsuki were, and was swallowed up into the darkness of the tunnels.

**line ~~ line ~~ ****line ~~ line ~~ ****line ~~ line ~~ ****line ~~ line ~~ ****line ~~ line ~~ ****line ~~ line ~~ ****line ~~ line ~~ ****line ~~ line ~~ ****line ~~ line ~~ **

**Okay... I strugged with the end of this... it's got a record of the times it was rewritten and I don't know if it worked D: Hopefully characters were uh... in character... *fingers crossed* My brain is mush... 2:30 am... ahhhh!**

**I am dead... dying...dying... DEAD**

**Deidara *throws confetti* woopeee! Freedom!**

***sits up* I am alive again**

**Sasori *puts the champagne away* Dammit... *seething in anger***

**So uh... This chapter took me ages because as before mentioned, it had to be serious, and I knew what I wanted but it wouldn't come out right... my brain had a meltdown while I rewrote this like... 4 times. And it still was weird! D: Curse me! Curse the writing fairies for not coming to me and making this a good chapter when it should have been all dramatic and whatnot, while still being cool! **

**Who appreciated the elephants? See, see! I put them in there! HAHAHAH Oh and for the record... go watch Pink Elephants on Parade... off Dumbo, if you want to know what I was picturing haha**

**And um yes... Pein is an asshole! Agreed? Agreed... Then again, I'm sure thats what he'd really do... or something or the sort (actuality... it would be more kunai.. throat.. blood.. dead..Zetsu the munching machine) Something like that.**

**So um.. um... um... hope you enjoyed! It's extra long :D Yay for long things! They make it more worthwhile if the update is late, or the author thinks its stink hahaha I'm tired too... it's half two or so in the morning! I've done enough checking to know this chapter won't get any better...**

**Omg! I discovered an MSN skin that has Itachi on it! XD **

**Itachi *facepalms* why me? **

**Me: Why not? :D :D :D **

**Reviews are like cookies of Heavens... they keep me going! I'm greedy now, I like lots of reviews.. T_T bad me.. any review makes me happy though! Seriously, it does! I feel so loved.. and so does the cast!**

**Them: *yelling* don't encourage her!**

**Me: *shoves them under the rug* :D love you all!**

*hug*


	22. Weasel Torture and Skellingtons

**Hi hi! I return! I have a **_**REALLY **_**good excuse. Those things called end of year, final EVER school exams?... Yeah those... you all know what I'm talking about... well guess who has 7 of them? *has huge neon arrow pointing at self***

**But! In my absence, I have also been using my time wisely in order to capture.. *cough* I mean, **_**invite**_** some new members to join our authors intro... please welcome ... STRIPPER PRIEST!**

**Hidan: *rolled on stage with his mouth taped up and bound up in rope***

**Yes... That is a precautiounary measure... he's been having a PMS session, a few death threats thrown here and there... nothing to worry about.. *pulls off the tape on his mouth***

**Hidan: AHHHH! F***! **

***slaps tape back on* Now now... what language is that for the kiddies?**

**So anywhoooo... Dei-dei, Pinnochio, Fish boy and Weasel, you guys must teach him the ropes! Wait... where's the Barbie doll?**

**Sasori: Trying to make an escape through the bathroom pipes...**

**But he'll never fit... not with that puffy hairdo XD So anyway... EVERYONE MAKE HIDAN FEEL WELCOME!**

**Itachi: *looks at him* Hidan... welcome to hell...**

**Kisame: Hidan.. in your language it means you're f***ed**

**Me: O.O Kisame swore! *points finger at him* Wash his mouth out!**

**P.S. The idea in this review REALLY made me laugh, but I cannot bestow this upon Krissy (unfortunately)... so instead... by the powers of the almighty authorialness (yes, it's not really a word I know... SHUSH!) ... I shall now make... ****HIDAN AND ITACHI KISS!**

**Hidan: O.O Oh f*** no! **

**Itachi: *eye twitch* what... the... hell... *are both suddenly pushed together by unseen author power and forced into kiss* **

**Rest of Akatsuki: O.O WTF? *nose bleeds of terror and death by shock***

**Me: OMG Yaoi in the author note! XD XD XD wow... this made my day, even though I'm not really a Yaoi person... XD I think Itachi and Hidan shall never forgive me...**

**Oh yes! I got a few responses last time... PEOPLE! Is it better if Itachi has his hair down, or up (as in, his usual ponytail I mean... should have pointed that out) Mega important (to help me win a bet :P you don't want me poor right?)**

**line ~ line ~ ****line ~ line ~ ****line ~ line ~ ****line ~ line ~ ****line ~ line ~ ****line ~ line ~****line ~ line ~ ****line ~ line ~****line ~ line ~**

It was amazing how large their Headquarters was. We must have been walking for at least five minutes through a multitude of tunnels. I was lost after the first turn. Everything looked the same in this place, and that wasn't just because it was all blurring together while my head tried to put my brain back into order.

I was silent, trying my very hardest not to retch whatever what still sitting inside my stomach all down the back of Itachi's cloak (not that he didn't deserve it.) While sort of lying there, all pathetic really, I noticed something I couldn't believe I hadn't ever picked up on when I had previously had to travel on his shoulder. Staring straight down was his bum... it basically was slap dang in my face... Why now of all times did I notice this? I blamed the head trauma. I forced my eyes to look away instead at the bland face of the rock walls, rather than stare openly and pervertedly at the backside of the Weasel.

We kept on going until finally stopping outside a huge stone door. Itachi bit onto his thumb and smeared a long streak of red blood across the rather dirty, slightly browned surface of the rock that indicated that this must have been the universal key for opening the door. Idiotic key really...at least the only way you could lose that key was if there were vampires in the area. Which I doubted.

The door opened with a loud grating that made my teeth clench together as the rocks scraped against each other. You know that sound made by sharp nails on the blackboard? It was that times a hundred. As soon as it was open Itachi stepped through into a gloomy dark room, lit only by the light outside.

He dumped me, none too gently, down onto the stone floor. I couldn't really tell where anything in the room was with the darkness settled over like a thick blanket, but he was obviously more familiar with it. He pressed his hands together in a hand jutsu, and with one small puff of a breath a small shot of fire lit up a hidden lantern attached to the wall somewhere above our heads. It was just enough to illuminate the small room.

I turned my head down to see what was a few inches in front of me. Namely the hollow, open eye sockets of a skeleton, left attached to the wall by some shackles. One arm was missing, while the other clung loosely to the metal. Real skeletons are a lot less appealing in real life than in movies. Strips of flesh dried out from age and air still hung in pieces, as scraps of fabric were fused to bits of bone. I shrieked for a split second out of the sheer shock of it appearing three inches from my nose and jumped back, colliding with the legs of Itachi. If only I had taken him down with me... damn again.

"When the hell was the last time you fed that guy?" I asked him, still staring at the skeleton with wide eyes. "Scratch that. Did you e_ver_ feed that guy?" The urge to retch out my stomach bubbled up again. "Don't tell me the plant got to him..."

He didn't answer. Instead he roughly hauled me up for a moment by the back of my shirt, flipping me around and then pinning me up against the wall. My shoulder collided with the stone wall, and the impact jarred my entire body, sending another wave of pain through it. His hand closed around my throat, not tightly but if I tried to move from the wall then most certainly I would only end up strangling myself.

Just in case he tried though, I grabbed onto his fingers with mine, trying to prise them off my neck. Fail in the extreme. They didn't move even an inch, but I refused to let go. So instead I flailed my legs to try and kick him back away from me. The result was him pushing against me in order to pin my lower half to the wall and stop me from kicking. To anyone else, it probably looked quite suggestive... except of course, this was Weasel, who would probably don a tutu and dance as prima ballerina in Swan Lake before realising this or thinking anything of the sort. I couldn't help thinking though that if this had been a movie, the two of us would be making out at this point. Again, refer to above 'don a tutu and dance as prima ballerina' statement.

"Let me go Weasel, or I shall bite," I told him, baring my teeth. That was simply a tough little act used to diguise that tint of a blush that coloured my cheeks ever so slightly at the hip-to-hip contact. No, I wasn't thinking perverted thoughts! Although frankly it was hard not to. But it was really uncomfortable and unsettling. Plus, the guy had hips so pointy they could be needles.

He didn't let go when I asked. Evil monster that he was... Instead he kept on staring at me with dark eyes, narrowing them a little bit, "That fight.. between me and Sasuke... Sasuke is not even that age yet."

"How do you know? Yano, I'm pretty sure you don't check up on him much. He could have drunk an aging potion and become a ninety year old man for all you know. He acts like one too... all moody and emo."

The fingers around my neck tightened a little bit, "You know about our future, don't you? You know what is going to happen. Wherever you come from in this other dimension... you know about us and what is going to happen."

I stared at him, my brow creasing a little. "So? If you're asking me to tell you the winning lottery ticket numbers for the week, then I'm afraid you're out of luck. I'm not that magically psychic. Besides, you guys would abuse the millions of dollars and only buy a never ending supply of nail polish and herbal shampoo I'm sure."

"You know what the outcome of the battle is," he said, eyes narrowing further.

"No. I don't know the outcome," I lied to him.

"Your eyes say different."

"Again with the eyes? Bugger. Well why don't I reach forward into the future and grab a pair of your blind man's glasses? While I'm at it, you should be wary, because I'd also be leaving a few pieces of furniture in the way of your walking path and video taping as you fall over everything. That would get me a few well deserved laughs."

His hand tightened, "You know about the blindness as well?"

I tried prising off his hands, "For the love of fishsticks, stop choking me!" Of course he didn't release my throat, and my measly grip did nothing to loosen it. I coughed a little, taking air in long breaths before using all that air to talk, "What is it you're expecting me to say huh? I say nothing.. I get choked. I admit I know about what is going to happen... oh wow, I still get choked! I'd prefer to get choked but stay silent thanks. Often causes less grief in the long run."

He glared slightly, but then suddenly released me. I slid down the wall slightly before he took a hold of one of my wrists and shoved it against the wall roughly. Something heavy and metallic clamped down on it and held it firmly in place; some spare shackles hanging on the wall. He did the same with my other wrist, readjusting it so that it sat tighter around. Obviously the last person in these had been of a larger wrist build than mine.

"Ouch!" I grumbled when it pinched against my skin. "No, no that's fine like that... I like having no blood being able to circulate through my hands...when they later drop off, I shall replace them with hooks and learn to write with my feet," I said, turning my hands slightly in order to keep circulation moving freely to my fingers. Itachi didn't bother to loosen them through. I pouted, then sighed, "Some people are ambidextrous. Well _**I**_ shall become ambiFOOTstrous. Good luck with explaining why I lost my hands to Magneto."

I wriggled a little, hoping that he might see sense and release the grip on the shackles so blood flow could once again pass into my limbs with opposable digits. But no, he thought it better to try out his favourite activity again: Strangle Krissy. He was bent down on one knee, the other flattened sideways across my legs so I couldn't move them, or kick him like I was already trying to do. My arms were immobilized by the shackles, so there was nothing at all I could do about the hand around my neck again. Thankfully though it was only lingering lightly, so I could breath normally. Well... as normal as you get with a crazy (albeit super hot, I'll admit) guy practically sitting in your lap.

"A few days ago, you asked me if I had considered what my younger brother would do if he discovered the truth of the massacre. You will tell me how, and anything you know."

"Oh sure... and after I do that, you'll let me go. Maybe while you're at it, you'll also put on a huge red coat and beard and start handing out presents with a merry 'Ho ho ho!', am I right?"

His hand tightened again, stronger than before. This time I could actually see dark spots in the corners of my eyes and creeping across my vision as my airway was blocked off completley. Spluttering, I thrashed as hard as I could trying to break free. Once again it was pretty much a useless effort, because my hands were clasped by the strong metal shackles and my legs securely pinned underneath his.

I looked up at him, only to realise through the dullness of my vision that he had activated his sharingan. I hadn't noticed during my thrashing, and once I caught his eye it was basically impossible not to be doomed.

His grip on my neck slackened, and I sucked in ragged gasps of air, much like a fish. "You know Weasel, the more you cut off my air supply, the more brain cells you will kill. So, saying that, the chances of getting a decent conversation out of me will drop to one of your level... where all I shall say is 'Hn'."

His reply simply was, "You will tell me what you know."

I raised an eyebrow, "What makes you think that, huh Weasel?"

A sharp nick on my shoulder, the sound of metal clunking against stone, and a moment of confusion where I wondered what had just happened. Then I screamed in agony as the pain fully hit me. The sharp nick was the end of a kunai, and the metal on stone was the tip of it embedded in the wall behind me. As in, the entire kunai through my shoulder and into the wall. I bit on my lip, forcing back as many whimpers as I could, as well as a few threatening tears. If I cried, he would know he was winning.

"I would start giving me the information I seek," he said coldly. His face was blank and emotionless, quite uncaring for the fact that he probably just paralyzed my left arm for life. However his startling red eyes were forceful and piercing.

"Bite me."

The kunai was yanked back out of my shoulder, a slight twist causing more agony and further injury as it sliced through a new path of flesh and muscle. The moment it was out, it was back in again. Except this time it was the other shoulder.

"Gah!" I bit my lip harder. One shoulder in agony was pretty much.. well, agony. With both shoulders having sustained a huge hold punched directly through them, I could feel every nerve that acted as a sensor for pain alight with a burning far more than what I was used to. It was cutting it pretty close to the same mental pain I had only a while ago when they used the mind jutsu on me.

This was pretty much something new for Itachi. Okay, he'd almost broken bones of mine in the past and all that. Now he seemed pretty intent on finding out what I knew... simply because he was now aware of the fact that my knowledge went even further than he had ever suspected. Darn anime... why did I buy into it? Who knew watching a TV show would cause so much grief?

He yanked the kunai out again, and I slumped over, biting down on my lip hard enough so that I myself drew some blood. "Yeah... okay Weasel... that.. really hurt." My breathing was sharp and quick gasps for air.

"You will tell me what happens to Sasuke. I know that you are aware of what happens..."

"I repeat... bite me."

I didn't know why I was putting up with this... frankly it was torture. The more I refused to tell him, the more holes he put in me with the kunai. I was surprised after a while I was still conscious, although barely through bloodloss. How was he going to explain the one to the walking pierced pin cushion of a Leader? I couldn't really even tell why I was refusing to tell him what became of Sasuke; I mean, I didn't even like the chicken butt headed emo kid. I was convincing myself that it was because if I told Itachi, then the whole plot would change dramatically, and possibly in a way that would end out worse than ever.

The more I thought of it though, wouldn't it be better if Sasuke wasn't a raging, revenge-seeking crazy kid? Wouldn't it be better to tell Itachi what would happen and get him to stop the chicken butt?

It was pity. Pity and sadness that everything Itachi was working for was going to be a failure that stopped me. He could fix it, but that would likely require him leaving the Akatsuki to find his brother and confess, somehow trying to convince him of the truth. Then what? When Sasuke left, it pushed Naruto to be stronger, and then that guy who showed his belly (was it Sai?) came into the mix. How could I tell Itachi that he had sacrificed everything for a brother who would go against everything he had hoped for him, and destroyed everything around him? Plus, I couldn't go changing the entire plot, simply because I felt very sorry for some of the characters, could I? Damn small people in my brain that were yelling "Yes you can!", plus stupid morals about what could happen afterwards. I planned to strangle each one of them figuratively if I got out of all this. Besides, I hadn't told the Hokage of his fate. I couldn't treat anyone else any different. _Despite_ teenage wishes of snogging the guy in front of me.

So the continuous attack of kunai carried on. Soon even coherant speech became slurred, mixed with pain in my voice. I slumped forward against the shackles, letting the pain wash over me and meld together into one numb feeling. There was no witty remarks left in me at this point, and I mumbled quietly, but loud enough for him to hear, "Please Itachi... please stop..."

Strangely enough, for once he actually listened to me. I didn't feel any sharp jab of metal bury itself in my skin. Good thing too, because I had lost count of how many wounds there were now.

"I would tell you... believe me... anything would be better than this." I managed a small chuckle. "But I can't... I don't know, what will happen."

I clenched my teeth, "So once again, for the love of all things decent... stop turning me into a freaking dart board Weasel!" With that I shut my mouth tightly, raising my eyes back to Itachi's. "And bloody hell, get off ma legs!" I tried to shuffle them, feeling some sort of movement, but that ceased after a moment.

I lowered my eyes, not by choice however, when my head drooped, body straining against the shackles around my wrists (which were still too tight! I was going to lose them soon). I felt my forehead smack gently against something soft, which was the fabric of his cloak bunched at the edge of his shoulder I realised. Great. Perfect.

And why did he smell like strawberries? I would have teased him for herbal shampoo, if my tongue worked.

Itachi moved back and my head slumped forward an extra inch. I coughed, a splatter of blood painting my trousers in dark crimson spots as he removed his leg from pinning mine down. My body was shaking, breathing shallow and trying to steady the throbbing aches in the open wounds.

As suddenly as the first wound had formed, it was gone again in an instant. I raised my head up a little bit to look down at myself, realising that the wounds that had splattered me before were all gone. My clothes were crumpled, torn in places with a few blood splats here and there... but no gaping giant wounds. That, and a throbbing in my head.

"Genjutsu... Clever." With a huge amount of effort, I leant my head back on the stone wall with a gentle clunk, wincing at the amount of pain it sent rippling through an already throbbing mind. "Do you mind, yano, next time perhaps warning me? Because then I could make a request... I'd much rather have huge bloody holes punched through me with your odd assortment of steak knives, while watching bunnies happily skipping through a field. I'm sure your magical eyes could do that, right?"

The familiar bubbly feeling in my stomach rose, and I coughed up another wad of blood. Well, guess at least _that_ wasn't part of the genjutsu. I sighed, leaning back on the wall again with my eyes half closed and letting my head swirl in patterns behind the lids. It was sort of like hallucinating, but a very painful way.

Itachi was already straightening up and heading for the door. I stopped him easily, "So what happens now, huh Weasel?" He turned back, and I opened my eyes lazily, "You leave me here, and I wait until you or one of your _fabulous_ buddies drags me back and puts me through more of this?"

"Hn."

That was all? "Seriously... that's all I get. After everything you put me through, and I get a single 'Hn'? Wow you suck..."

"You treat this like a game," he said suddenly, advancing towards me again and leaning down right close to me. The cool press of metal against my neck stopped me moving further. "If you continue to be this stubborn, you _will_ be killed without a second to reconsider if your life is worth sparing."

Well... if my TMNT buddies didn't manage to find me and get me home soon, I guess I was just going to have to take my chances and confess.

Instead of mentioning this though, I grinned at him, "Well we both know that I've signed a death warrant already. Plus, teasing the hell out of you guys is just so darn fun. I mean, if you really, _really_ wanted me to, then I guess I could put on the whole snivelling, crying pathetic act of a helpless, spineless girl. I'd rather go out with a smidge of dignity, by being able to say I annoyed the heck out of the Akatsuki!" If ever there was time for an epic peace sign, this was it.

"Hn." I hate that sound. It really frustrates me. Far more than even the grating sound of the door opening, or the fishes whistling snore.

I leaned my head to the side, careful not to let the blade against the skin slice anything. "You could just let me go again. The other day, when you found me with the others in the woods near Konoha... I know you could have caught me then, but you let me go instead right?" I stared at him, "Why do that then but not now huh?"

He was silent for a little bit, but I kept staring him out.

Finally he said, "You knew enough about my history to disrupt my involvement with the Akatsuki. My hope was that we might fail to recapture you, and in such my true intentions would not be questioned and discovered. However, it is too late for that now."

"Well you have no worry of that, as obviously proven." Ha, repeated genjutsu stabbing was certainly a good indication. "Don't worry your herbal shampooed head about it Weasel, because I refuse to co-operate to you guys anyway." I tilted my head to the side slightly. "Shame... I was hoping maybe the reason was because I'd grown on you..ha! Good to know it was all for your own personal benefit though. No other reasoning?" It was sarcasm. I didn't expect another reason, but to my surprise I got one.

His expression didn't change once. "Pity. To have involved someone of such unimportance in the buisness of the Akatsuki."

I glared up at him, "Oh well I'm sorry I'm not the Queen of Sheba, a warbling child singer like Justin Beiber, the Pope, or some other person of more importance... though if I was the Pope then at least I could possibly keep the Stripper Priest at bay for a while. Or, seeing how he's basically an undead immortal, do you think Holy Water and garlic will frighten him off?"

Itachi didn't bother with an answer for that. Instead he straightened up, pocketing the kunai again. He didn't say a word, but instead reached down long enough to undo the tightness of the shackles, enough so that I could slip my hands out and rub my poor, red raw and bruised wrists. I had to admit this surprised me, but I didn't let it show. "Cheers Weasel. Until the next torture session!" I gave him a thumbs up and giant grin before he turned on his heels and walked out again, shutting the sliding rock door again with a horrible grating sound.

Immediatley I scuttled into the corner as far away from the skeleton as I could. It kept staring with hollow eye sockets, uselessly warning me to get away lest I meet the same fate. "Guess it's just you and me Bonesy," I murmured, folding my legs up to my chest and leaning back against the wall. I sighed and closed my eyes for a little while and tried not to focus on everything that was happening. Instead I focused on something of a happier nature: How I was going to annoy the Akatsuki when they came back for me.

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It took them a day to remember I lived. A whole freaking day! At least I assumed it was a day. With no windows or nothing to show me the passing time, it could have been only a few hours, though it felt longer to me as I sat there in the little cell. It had been a terrible time; stuffy, cramped and trapped with my own mind. The latter was the undoing of me. By the time I finally heard the scraping of the rock door opening, I'd been having deep, meaningful conversations with Bonesy for a very long time to ease boredom.

I'd also discovered a small ledge above the doorway, just big enough for me to sit on. The whole wall was filled with them; unequal ledges that showed they were all natural formations. It is endless fun when you are bored out of your mind to try and discover the various ways in which you can scale a rock wall. Or fail to I should point out.

When the door opened, I just happened to be sitting above the doorway. My current prison guard walked in, eyes scanning side to side when he didn't spot me straight away. It was Kakuzu: I think they chose him because he was one of the trustworthy ones of the group that Pein could depend on not to murder me.

Grinning, I leant my head down in front of him. He didn't jump, being the ninja that he was he probably realised that I was there. "Hi Zuzu!" I grinned at him. "How you doing?"

"Leader will see you again," he commented.

I jumped down from my little ledge, "Well I'm sorry, but you will have to tell him to wait. I'm about to go into a meeting."

Before he had a chance to even wonder with whom, I sat down in front of the skeleton, "Me and Bonesy here have become quite the buisness buddies. We plan to open the greatest Halloween costume shop ever. He will be the stores mascot." I smirked at Kakuzu. "You'd be a great worker there too Zuzu, what with your Frankenstein monster costume."

He frowned, "Don't waste my time girl."

"I'm not wasting time!" I scoffed at him, looking at the skeleton again. "Time talking with Mr Jack Bonesy Skellington is never time wasted!" I grinned, "You know, now that I'm thinking of the Nightmare Before Christmas... you look an awful lot like the patchdoll Sally." I looked between them two, "Match made in Heaven!"

Once again, he didn't have a clue what I was talking about, but he understood enough to know I was making fun of him. "Do not tease me. I can kill you, you know," he growled.

"I know... but can you remove your thumb and then re-attach it without using any chakra?" I asked. When his brow creased I innocently put on the show of 'removing' the top of my thumb and putting it back on, finishing with jazz hands, "Tadaa!"

Yet again I felt the back of my shirt yanked and I was hauled roughly through the door, "Get moving."

"Hey wait! You didn't let me say goodbye to Bonesy!"

"You'll survive."

I pouted,"Gees, someone's prissy over me stealing her Skellington."

I was rewarded with a shove in my back. "Keep ye skirt on Sally, I'm going." I risked a glance over my shoulder to give him a loathsome gaze, "You know, I liked you. If you're going to act like a PMSing chick like Dei-dei, then I'm going to rethink that."

"What a loss," he droned sarcastically as he pushed me ahead of him again. I swear I heard the murmur of, "Waste of money and time."

A day hadn't given my body much recovery time; more specifically it ached and protested with every step. Yet that wasn't enough to stop me dropping back and suddenly shoving my arm next to Kakuzu's to link them together, "Come on Zuzu! You know I like you really."

"Release my arm before I remove it."

"Is that a normal response to anything here? To maim and remove body limbs?" I asked, refusing to remove my arm, knowing full well he'd be in more trouble than was worth on his part if I showed up to Pein with a missing arm.

He sighed impatiently, pulling his arm out of mine. "Hey, no!" I yelped, and latched on again with much more force. Removing me would require a little more strength, and I don't think he wanted to risk actually maiming me, so he put up with me leeching on his arm, giving up after growling, "Get off now," about a dozen times. Yes, this was putting him on the, "I'm going to kill Krissy," list. Still... "You have a very huggable arm Zuzu."

"Why Leader thinks you are a problem is beyond me," he growled, dragging me down the hallways.

"Well what's beyond me is how you can find your way in this place. Everything looks the same. You really need to consider redecorating, because plain rock wall had been outdated since the Stone Age buddy."

After a little while though, he finally led me through a doorway and into a surprisingly normal looking office. Seriously, swap the Akatsuki cloaks for buisness suits, and I'd be thinking I was looking at a sort of punk-styled, buisness manager named Pein.

He raised an eyebrow at me latched to one of his members, "Thankyou Kakuzu. You may go."

Kakuzu looked down at me, obviously wondering if I would release willingly or if this time he would be allowed to use force. I decided to release his arm, waving at him. "See you later Zuzu! Return to your Skellington." I winked at him, causing him to roll his eyes before leaving the office.

Pein was looking at me from behind his desk, obviously trying to closely observe me. "Miss Krissy.."

"Oh Em Gee, Orange Monkeys!" I yelled.

He stared, and I grinned, "Someone in this organisation actually knows my name and will use it! That's a rarity! Claps for Magneto!"

"Refrain from speaking before I refrain you myself."

I made a zip movement over my lips quietly. He watched before speaking again, "You possess knowledge about our organization which I am most uncomfortable about. If not for the discovery of your ties with an interdimensional world and source of chakra, we would have already disposed of you."

"I'm not a used nappy," I told him, glaring with a quite serious face. His brow creased and I made a hasty, "My bad," with a zip movement again.

"Consequently.." he continued with hesitation to whether or not I'd give him a sudden outburst again, "We will not kill you... yet. If you continue to prove difficult then we will not think twice about it. This is not much desired on my part at the moment, because I do not know how this chakra will react after yesterday. However, if you are willing to tell us the secret of this interdimensional chakra, so that our organisation may utilise it for future benefits, I will consider terms of releasing you and returning you to your own world again."

So, tell him and go home, only to have them possibly invade later and use it to cause havoc in their world? Was this really my best option? Woohoo...

I sighed, "Fine. I'll tell you the secret."

He looked pleased. That was until I raised my hands and performed my 'detachable thumb' trick. "You see, it looks like I'm removing my thumb and attaching it again. Really though, the thumb is bent and the removable part is just my other thumb." I moved my hands so he could see, giving him a huge cheesy grin. "See?"

I was certain he would have done some fantastic scary chakra move or a huge long speech about how I was dooming myself to a painful death at that point, if not for the huge growl my stomach let out. It actually physically hurt, protesting the hunger that had built up from them not feeding me for over two days. Yes, two days. Evil much?

"Ow," I moaned, looking at him pleadingly, "Uh, you can't spare a ninja power bar or something? Only, if you wish to interrogate me, I work better when I'm actually fed and not starved for two days."

He frowned, "You were not fed? I gave Deidara specific instructions to take food to you."

"Oh well, that explains why it didn't reach me. Barbie has a bit of a grudge against me ever since I tried eating her clay bird. It was Dis-gust-ting anyway."

"Konan!" Pein called out suddenly. A moment later, Konan in her blue haired glory appeared in the doorway.

"Yes Pein?"

"Please take Krissy and give her some food and water. Though it appears not to much dent her.. charming attitude," I loved his choice of words, "I would prefer she does not collapse on us in hunger and cause future problems. Afterwards return her to her cell until I call on her again."

Konan nodded.

"And tell Deidara I wish to speak to him immediatley about prisoner health and its importance in interrogations."

Raising a brow, Konan nodded again. "Of course." I got the feeling Deidara was suddenly in a lot of trouble. Meh. He'd survive.

Pein turned his eyes on me, "Miss Krissy. You should realise that you are still a prisoner here. Your life could be made very difficult if you choose not to co-operate. After returning to your cell, I suggest you start to think wisely about your future choices."

I gave him a salute, "Righto Skippy."

He frowned, but turned his head away. "That is all."

It was quite a different attitude to the guy who had 'broken' my leg only yesterday. Still, I wasn't complaining. I mean, I was getting food! Two days without food meant a hungry Krissy. A hungry Krissy could be a very troublesome one. So it was without much protest that I trailed after Konan like a little puppy, giving Pein a friendly wave after me, "Toodle O Magneto! Au revoir! Zai Jian! Ciao! Sayonara!"

I heard him sigh in frustration as I walked out the door, unable to supress the giggle before following after Konan. It was nothing but rock, rock and more rock, upon which I gave her the same 'Redecorate' comments.

"So, what's it like being stuck in a job surrounded by males of both questionable sanity, gender and species?" I asked her seriously.

She would have answered I think, but her eyes suddenly turned quickly to a branch of corridors and doorways up ahead. "Oh, not again," she groaned, which in itself actually answered my question when a huge explosion rocked the inside of the hideout.

"Tobi! Get back here, un!" came a sharp yell of a prissy blonde.

A man in an orange swirled mask suddenly came shooting out of a doorway, "Tobi is sorry!"

"Oh you will be!"

Said masked man sprinted without looking, suddenly bowling into me and knocking the two of us clear off our feet. He sat up on top of me, rubbing the back of his head and looking down. "Hey! New girl! What's your name!" I could practically see the giant rainbow smile underneath the mask.

Deidara appeared in a doorway with a murderous look, "Tobi, get back-!" Then he saw me. Then there was a look of panic, "No.. no! Not her! Please not them together, un!"

I couldn't help but grin widely though. For I had just met... Tobi.

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**So uh... I hated the start of this chapter... but I wanted it in there, because we needed a little Itachi/Krissy time... even if it wasn't a makeout session ;P And I'm too tired to go over it again**

**Once again, sorry for this being so late. But, exams, end of year stuff and dun dun dun! My first ever job interview! Horror upon horrors! Plus, be thankful. I'm writing this at like four in the morning, in the few hours before another exam (about evil Greek pots! D:)**

**So yes... I just knew I had to throw Tobi in somewhere. I can't remember where he really comes in, so I just thought I'd chuck him in. :P Yay Tobi!**

**Too tired to write any more... must go back to studying... if the coffee twitches would stop... *twitch* *twitch* **

**ORANGE MONKEYS!**

**Cookies for all! And dango! And cake! And, and... what else is there... *insert excess of favourite treat here***

**I shall see you all later ;D Pray it doesn't take a month again to update.**

_**ALSO! Pray for the miners in the Pike River Mine Explosion! At this point in time, they may be alive or dead! Pray that they are alive and return safe! I'm counting on you!**_


	23. Bananas and Muffins

**Yes, I am back again! At long last, this is the longest I have been gone. Frankly, being honest I have had time to write... but a family member died, so it took a long time for anything funny to work its way back into my system.**

**Itachi: *patting author on the back* there there... it's okay...**

**Hidan/Kisame/Deidara/Sasori: O.O Itachi WTF? Why are you comforting that thing!**

**Itachi: *super sharingan glare* shhh you idiots! If it looks as though I am comforting her, I can get her to trust me and break us out**

**Them: ooooo... see thats why he's the smart one...**

**Here we are.. another crazy blast from my mind. I added a few ideas from random people... names are forgotten (forgive me please! I shall locate them eventually haha) But hopefully you will recognise that idea and be happy as? XDXD**

**Wow.. this author note is short.**

**XD Amazing.**

**p.s. read the bottom note ... Tis importante! (bad translation to whatever)**

**WARNING! BELOW CHAPTER IS PURE STUPIDITY. IF YOU LIKE YOUR INTELLIGENCE, DO NOT READ.**

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I had begun to now understand a system of the way that things worked in the Akatsuki. The entire organisation was split into two groups of people. The smart ones and the dumb ones. The smart ones were those who, after sensing danger approaching, got themselves as quickly out the way as possible. The dumb ones were those who were either too slow, ignorant or stupid to get out the way, and therefore were left in the firing line of whatever danger was fast approaching; in this case, it was me and Tobi together.

Oh, and another thing I'd noticed. The smart ones always left the dumb to their doom. It seemed to be pretty much an, 'Every man for himself,' kind of deal around here. Not that I really minded frankly, because I was part of the doom and destruction.

So this is the brief rundown of what is happening in the Akatsuki...

The smart ones:

Pein: had not left his office, and I doubted he would in the future. In fact the door was probably being blocked by a desk from the inside at this moment in time.

Konan: had been given the Krissy annointed, 'Single females in an all male organisation rule and therefore shall not be harassed,' protection from doom and destruction.

Zetsu: Was hiding somewhere in a wall... Hadn't yet located where.

Itachi: Had disappeared to goodness knows where. At the risk of another scary genjutsu mess up, I'd avoided him like the plague.

The dumb ones:

Kisame: was in Hell.

Deidara: was in Hell.

Sasori: was in Hell.

Hidan: was in Hell.

Kakuzu: was in Hell.

Finally there was just me and Tobi. Then again, we didn't really fit into either of the two groups. We were a special idiotically-annoying-yet-having-a-whale-of-a-time sort of group of our own. Currently we were spreading our idiocy through the organisation, and working our way around the fellow dumb ones who had been stupid enough to try hang around. I would have thought as soon as me and Tobi even came into the same mile, most people would have cleared out of the way.

I knew that underneath that swirly orange mask (why orange? What was it with hyperactive people and the colour orange in this place?) was really Madara Uchiha. I didn't know much about him, he turned up too far into the manga for me to really know all the secretly evil little things about him. However I did know at least that he was utterly psycho, spearheading the organisation, and super duper powerful. Plus there was also the fact that, like his slightly younger and monotoned counterpart in the Akatsuki, he had a huge stick up his arse. Only his was so big that it was more like a telephone pole. I guess it was an Uchiha family trait. Both the sharingan, and the fact they were all born with sticks up their arses!

I decided, hopefully in a moment of wisdom, that it would be better for me to pretend that though I had known about Tobi, I was unaware of the face that was beneath that mask. Frankly, Tobi was so much better company than having another grouchy Uchiha trying to beat me up.

Plus, Tobi had also become my partner in crime now! We were buddies, and it was one of the best things that had ever happened since arriving in this drab lair. It had been about, what? Less than an hour and already we had managed to cause a decent amount of havoc. Plus, there must have been a million hugs that spread their way around the lair some a happy virus. Me and Tobi were happy giving each other random hugs we discovered. "Hi Tobi!" Cue hug. "Krissy!" Hug. "Oh my gosh, it's Deidara! Let's go give him a hug!" Hug to confirm the idea and then Deidara would evacuate the room before we could move the hug to his direction. Things such as that.

I only hoped that I didn't affect the storyline too much because of this. Tobi obviously wasn't a full blown member just yet, seeing how he only wore a plain black coat, rather than the red cloud stamped one everyone else wore. I was guessing at the moment he was simply a subordinate or something along those lines. Fingers crossed that this wouldn't affect him becoming a member; although frankly I think that seeing how he was the one pulling the strings, he'd still end up a member. Anyway, after me and him started hanging out and becoming quite the evil prankster duo, I didn't much care either.

Our escapades had started rather innocently though. It went along the lines of this...

"Hi! My name is Tobi! Tobi is a good boy, and who are you?" he stated rather energetically, as if he had one too many scoops of coffee or sugar.

A huge grin graced my face, "Hi Tobi! I'm Krissy! Oh em gee, I love your mask. It's all pretty and swirly!"

So that's pretty much how the trouble all began. As soon as Konan managed to work her voice loud enough to stop the incredibly hyper introductions that were occuring at the noise level of a jet taking off, she instructed Tobi to take me to the kitchen and get me some food. Tobi was rather thrilled to do so, and Konan seemed most grateful that she was able to escape the two of us for the time being.

Tobi hooked his arm through mine and basically pulled me with him at lightning speed, but it was better than being knocked out, waking up tied to a chair and being force fed with a spoon; I still thought that the others would jump in joy at that idea.

Kisame was most forceful as he yelled from another room, "Don't let her feed you _anything_! Watch what she touches or she might try drug you!"

"Oooo, he's still sore about that..." I giggled a little bit. Unable to resist, I yelled back, "Hey, I'm a good cook when I'm not given toxic berries or dog ear medicine to cook with! You ninjas are just useless in the kitchen is all!"

"And you are getting on my nerves! Shut up, eat a banana and go back to your cell!" Clearly the fish was having an off day.

Perfect time to irritate him.

"If you're so worried about what I'll do to your kitchen, then by all means come and help me cook. I'm making seafood. I bet you can help out quite a lot with that one. I'll even let you wear the frilly green flower apron. The one that matches your bright green underwear!"

He didn't respond.

"Does the checkerboard plant eat seafood? Because I'm fresh out of arms and legs to cook, so I don't want him to feel left out..."

Once again he didn't answer. I grinned smugly in victory and then disappeared into the confines of the kitchen. It was amazingly pretty clean and well kept. I suspected this had something to do with what Tobi described as Konan's, 'No Blood Spills or Heads **WILL** Roll!' policy.

Things went downhill from there. Well, for everyone else I mean. For me, walking into the kitchen was the greatest moment in the history of this organisation.

It started out by Tobi actually giving me a banana. I briefly wondered if Kisame had told me to eat a banana due to the fact that there seemed to be an excess of them in an oversized fruit bowl. There had to be enough for at least ten bunches, all lined up in varying stages of yellow to brown.

From there began the rest of the fun for the the next hour. After I had eaten and had a drink, feeling rather refreshed, we needed an activity. Tobi wanted some company, and frankly we had been left alone together. Did Konan really think leaving us by ourselves unsupervised would be a smart idea?

The first thing after eating that I did was bake muffins. Yes, I was completley aware how stupid it sounded. Prisonner of the most sadistic organisation in the entire world, with a death sentence that basically any of them would be happy to carry out... yet here I was in their kitchen baking banana muffins. I only really did it for Tobi. He seemed to appear quite upset upon learning that the last muffins that had been made by Konan had been eaten earlier by another member. He suspected it was Kisame. Apparently the giant shark thing had a creepy fondness for things Konan cooked. She was the best cook out of them all (duh, female!). So, we took out the ingredients (with Tobi watching the entire time though) and I whipped up another batch of muffins. I wasn't sure how well Konan's tasted, but fingers crossed mine wouldn't be too bad. Plus, I'd also be using up the millions of bananas!

Once those were in the tiny little oven in the corner, we now faced a problem of finding something to do while the muffins were baking. So we found a new activity. Mayhem! Tobi and I would pick a victim and figure out exactly how we could make their life miserable using the remaining multitude of bananas.

The first had been Hidan. Quite by accident too, because he just happened to be walking past one of the doors to the kitchen (there were several, obviously because the hideout was so large that it would take too long to walk around to one door. Or for quick escape routes if Konan caught one of them messing up her kitchen.) He had been walking past so leisurely that it seemed a terrible crime _**not **_to ruin his day through some prank. Banana's in hand, we quickly came up with an evil plan.

"Hey! Stripper priest!"

His head flicked around, eyes resting on me standing in the kitchen. The heat sapped from the atmosphere, replaced with icy cold and murderous intentions in his eyes. I was glad that he didn't have his scythe with him, or my head would likely already be off my shoulders. He advanced quickly into the kitchen, standing about a foot away from me. "What did you call me?"

"Stripper priest?" I replied with a grin and held up a banana innocently towards. "Come on now. Oldies like you need to keep their potassium levels up. We wouldn't want anything to happen to you." I batted my lashes in the most innocently sweet way I could.

He sneered, obviously debating whether or not to strike me down. However he seemed to have noticed that we were in the kitchen. I think the fear of Konan's wrath might have scared him far more than Pein's if they were to find me later slaughtered.

"Shut the f*** up or I swear, soon I'm going to take your head off you little bitch," he growled.

"Hmph! With an attitude like that, I think you should go back to the old folks home! Now be good gramps, eat your banana and then go back to your room for a nap."

"I so hope you are given one of the slowest and most painful f***ing deaths..."

I pouted, "Such language!" Pointing at the door, I glared, "Go to your room mister, before I wash your mouth out with soap! Don't think just because you're 'older yet stupider' that I won't get the bar of soap and scrub it out!"

He snarled, top lip quivering with anger and took a step towards me, "Why you litt-F***!"

While I had been distracting him and increasing the stripper priests blood pressure to abnormal levels, he had failed to notice the great Tobster sneaking around behind him and planting many banana peels on the floor right around his feet. As he took a step towards me, his foot came down onto one of those peels and sent him keeling forward suddenly. I sidestepped and let him fall to the floor.

"Oi! Pedophile! I am so much younger than you, so stop coming onto me! Besides, priests are 'spose to be abstinent!"

Thank goodness for Tobi. He had very quickly gathered me up in his arms as soon as Hidan took his tumble to the floor and sprinted as quickly out the kitchen as possible. Hidan, vocal as always, did pursue us, but Tobi was indeed sneaky and took as many shortcuts as possible to lose the outraged man.

It was about another ten minutes before we emerged from our hiding place, trying our best to disguise giggling behind our hands. If anything, I think Tobi was having an even better time than me! Seriously, how can someone with such a humourous personality and flair for awesome pranks be so darn evil on the inside? I even came up with new nicknames for us: He was B1 and I was B2 off Bananas in Pyjamas. It fit very well.

While we were sitting there coming up with names, we had also been planning more pranks for our next victims: Dei-dei and Sasori.

Said blonde and red head had been sitting in some large living room, both of them fixing up their various methods of death by artwork. Sasori was removing, fixing and readjusting limbs on various puppets of his. Deidara was in the meantime more focused on testing new clay bombs that he was developing, more so just watching how well the new pieces of clay exploded at different sizes.

Tobi, once again using his super sneaky ninja skills, had managed to steal a large lump of the stuff. Of course, after using all those banana peels on Hidan, we now had an excess of actual banana. So as soon as we were clear of Hidan, we snuck back into the kitchen and mashed up all the bits of banana into a paste-like substance. After that came an exceptionally annoying time of moulding an outer shell that resembled one of Deidara's clay figures, and then filling it all up with the banana moosh. It was tricky, and took time... however I must say the finished product was quite exceptional.

We called it BB. Banana Bomb.

I left it up to Tobi to replace the fake clay figure beside Deidara again. Of course that required a distraction, which involved me using my fabulous acting skills again.

Meaning I ran inside the room and ducked behind Sasori and his pile of puppets. "Hide me!"

Sasori stared at me with his emotionless gaze, "Get away from my puppets."

"Shhhhh Pinnochio! Hidan's out there somewhere! I don't want the old coot to know I'm here!"

"What did you do to him un?" Deidara asked. I could already sense that he was going to turn me in as soon as he saw Hidan.

I grinned, "Made him trip over banana peels." I giggled evily before ducking my head down behind the doorway again. A second later I was roughly tossed out towards the doorway, landing heavily on the floor.

"Choose somewhere else. I just made these puppets, and I don't need them stained with your blood when Hidan finds you." Sasori had a way of making the most terrible sort of death sound like he was asking you pleasantly to move your head to stop blocking his view in a movie theatre.

I pouted at him, pointing with an accusing finger, "Oh, you better watch it. One day I'm chopping you up and using you for firewood!"

Deidara tilted his head slightly, "Does Pein even know you are randomly running around inside our hideout, yeah?" He glared at his clay while moulding it into another of his funny little birds. "If you were smart, you'd go crawling back into your cell now."

I grinned, "We have already established though my barbie doll friend, I am not of the highest intelligence." Standing up and dusting myself off, I skipped to the doorway. "Well then, if neither of you two wish to be helpful, then I shall seek refuge elsewhere from your oddball of a priest. Toodley Oodely!"

Sneaking around the doorframe, I came face to face with the swirly orange mask of Tobi, who immediatley put a hand in front of where his mouth would have been hidden, in a gesture of trying to control his laughter. I was biting on my lip, trying not to giggle as well when I peeked around the corner to notice that our evil masterpiece was now sitting beside the blonde. The BB was in place.

There was a moment of fear when Deidara first noticed it. He blinked, crinkling his nose up a moment as if recognising that this thing was not his. However he shrugged it off, obviously convinced that no-one would make a bomb in the shape of one of his creations except for him. Poor thing. Me and Tobi nearly split our sides watching as he held it out.

A second later the BB was set off. Banana moosh sprayed him, giving him a most healthy coat of the stuff. Sasori was also close enough in the line of fire. The banana did not disappoint as it splattered all over him and his puppets.

Both sat quietly for a moment, obviously trying to work out exactly what had happened. Deidara blinked a lot, staring at the exploded clay and the banana remnants strewn all around him. He tried pulling a piece out of his hair, frowning when it refused to budge and stubbornly clung to the long blonde strands. Sasori didn't even bother. He looked like a blonde himself at the moment, flicking a piece of the stuff off his cheek casually with a finger, showing very little emotion on his face.

Tobi and I could no longer help ourselves. We had a banana splitting session of our sides, practically rolling on the ground in laughter. Of course that gave us away instantly, and the two of us rolled around on the ground in the doorway.

Composing myself a second, I grinned at them both. "Good to see you guys eating your fruits." I winked at Sasori, "Hey, Pinnochio you look good with blonde hair. Should keep it like that!"

Deidara's eye twitched badly. "This was you two, un?"

We nodded innocently.

"And what is this stuff?" Sasori asked. Poor thing, having a puppet body must have killed his sense of smell.

"Why! Dis sheet is BANANA's! B. A. N. A. N. A. S!" I looked at Tobi, who cottoned on pretty fast when I continued singing to Gwen Stefani. "It's B. A. Nana's!" I would point at Tobi, who would yell on cue, "B. A. N. A. N. A. S!"

I trained him well.

Sasori was looking over the splattered limbs of his puppets. "You got banana into the joints of my puppets."

"Hey you make it sound like we broke them. Come on, don't be a wuss. Are you really going to tell me that those things can take a brutal bashing in a ninja fight, yet they can't handle being splattered with banana?" I grinned evilly. "Remind me in the future then that to protect myself against you or the Kitty Geppetto, I must always carry a banana with me. It's like.. vampires gone wrong. I must carry banana, not garlic." I giggled.

"I'm going to kill you both, yeah!" Deidara yelled, rising to his feet and advancing with murderous intentions.

I stared at him. Then I laughed. "I'm sorry Dei-dei, Pinnochio... I can't take you both seriously when you're covered in banana. I hope you don't mind."

Deidara's top lip quivered in fury and he was approaching a lot faster, while menacing puppet limbs sprang to life and were aiming at us. I turned to look at Tobi,"B1..." Deidara produced one huge piece of clay out of his pocket, murder in his eyes. The end of Sasori's puppet opened up to reveal a long jagged sword that was tipped with a deep purple liquid. "Should we run?" I asked.

Tobi nodded, picking me up in his arms again and running off again with me draped over his shoulder. I could resist pointing at the fuming blonde, "You so ain't no Hollaback girl Deidei! Maybe you'll have better luck as a Harajuku girl"

We were both gone like the wind. A dust cloud in our shapes may have been left behind afterwards, but Tobi ran so fast that there wasn't a hope of catching us.

They tried however. They weren't exactly slow themselves. In order to give them the slip, Tobi quickly opened some random doorway and we both burst through, shutting the door behind us and trying to remain quiet as we heard the others eventually pass by. We had been too far in front for them to see that we had ducked into this room. Strange they didn't think to check it.

"What are you doing in my room!" a voice asked very loudly behind us. A very familiar and angry sounding voice. "Oh damn Tobi! You brought her in here?"

We turned, only to face a sight worse than the Stripper Priests bare chest. It was in fact the bright blue, bare chest of Kisame, who had appeared to just walk out of an ensuite bathroom. His hair was wet and plastered down on his head, suggesting he had just showered. Thank the Lawd that he had already put on a pair of pants, or I would have died of fright right there!

"AHH!" I yelled, quite loudly too. Instantly I shielded my eyes. "Oh my gawd, oh my gawd! My eyes! They burn! Gouge them out somebody! I can already feel the nightmares! I'm never going to be able to look at the colour blue and not be reminded of this terrible sight of a fish without his shirt on! Have some decency Fish face!"

"Decency? You're in _**my**_ room here! Get out before I snap both your necks!" Kisame growled, taking a menacing step forward. "Or even better..." His hand wrapped around Samehada, which had been leaning against a rather plain, but large bed. He swung it up facing towards us.

I nodded, "B1, we must flee!"

With that, we very quickly exited his room and sprinted away. After about five minutes we deemed we were safe enough and collapsed laughing, in yet another random corridor trying to hide from those who wished to murder us. I clapped a hand on Tobi's shoulders. "Good work B1!"

"Back at you B2!" He laughed and clapped me back on the back. That was going to be a red hand print on my back by tomorrow, but at the moment I didn't really care.

"Where the f*** are you two?" a very loud voice suddenly yelled. Both me and Tobi jumped a mile as someone appeared at the end of the corridor, holding a very sharp looking scythe. He grinned maniacally. "Found you... now I'm going to sacrifice you to Jashin!"

"B1? Uh, time to flee again?"

Tobi nodded quickly, hopping up and throwing me up over his shoulder again as Hidan's scythe barely missed taking both our heads back with one sweeping movement. We took off quickly, tobi sprinting as fast as his legs would take the two of us. Hidan was in hot pursuit. Some normal person would be severley regretting messing with him, but I felt Tobi's shoulders shaking with laughter that set off a giggle with me. There was just something humourous about this entire situation that meant we had to laugh. Or the fact we were both whack in the head.

Unfortunately, our next two victims both decided to appear from the other direction. Tobi stopped dead, nearly flinging me from his shoulders. "Cruddy fudgles!" I swore. See this was why I hated shoulder transportation. I fall off. Tobi immediatley let me down from his shoulders after that.

I then spotted the blonde and red head in front of us. "Oh... Hi girls!" I gave them a huge cheesy smile and looked back at Hidan. "Hey, now it's a party! Woo! Bring out the champagne!"

Hidan stopped running, laughing at the other two in all their banana coated glory. "Got you two as well?"

They nodded.

"With some B.A. Nana's!" I chuckled, giving them all a thumbs up.

"You ruined half my puppets. Their joints are sticky now."

"And you ruined my precious clay, yeah!"

I gave them a mock sorry face. "Awww poor little diddly-ums you two. Call the Samaritans, they will care. I'll even lend you a phone... the Bananaphone! Ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring, ring... bananaphone! Bo, bo, bo, doop a do..."

I looked at Tobi for encouragement. I had already taught him this song, earlier during our time of hiding. Together we belted out loudly, "Ping pong, ping pong, ping pong, ping! Ponana-phone!"

Hidan raised his scythe, "Sorry but these two must die, just to shut them the hell up! The girl is mine to kill."

Deidara grinned evilly, "Fine... as long as we get to kill one of them, un." He was eyeing out Tobi at the moment.

"B1...I think this is the end..." I cried dramatically. "One last hug!" We hugged then, in again a dramatic fashion. "Goodbye B1!"

"Goodbye B2! Tobi was always a good boy!"

Maybe someone was watching over us at that point in time, because it was right at that moment a scary voice echoed through the hallway. "Stop this nonsense right now! Hidan, Sasori, Deidara! You are not to kill our prisonner!" _"I dunno. I think it would be sort of fun to see what she does as she's dying..._You are not to kill Tobi either. _Damn._"

Immediatley the three potential murderers stopped their actions and watched as Zetsu finally materialised out of the wall.

"Hi plant man!" I grinned at him with a wave. "You have great timing yano."

His creepy eyes turned on me, "You should not be out and about of your cell. _Can we eat her now?_ Tobi! You should have simply followed Konan's instructions and returned her to her cell. Not run around the hideout and prank fellow members. _They look like they will be tasty coated in banana._"

I looked at Tobi, "Oooo, I think he's mad. The banana must be a plant related cousin of his or something..."

Zetsu quickly strode over and lifted me up in his arms.

"Hey! Personal bubble mate! The only reason I let the Tobster pick me up is because he's awesome and my partner in crime!" I wriggled around in his grip. "Look I like you my checkerboarded plant man, but no plant handling me or I'm getting out the weed killer!"

"Silence." He then began walking with me held out in front of him. "You're going back to your cell now. _Aw, but I think it's kinda fun having her run aroun. It's keeping Tobi entertained. That's a good thing._"

I kept wriggling around, "I'll walk! Put me down!"

I sort of asked for it. He did put me down. Rather, he threw me. Against the wall. Quite hard. Yeah. It hurt. A lot.

"Woo!" Hidan yelled. "Right in the head, good shot!"

"Sadistic ass Hidan," I pouted, closing my right eye as something dribbled down over the top of it. It was warm and sticky. Wow. Zetsu actually hurt me, even though it was just a shallow scratch.

Zetsu eyed him. "Hidan, Sasori, Deidara, all three of you have missions tonight. You should be preparing for them. _Better get going before we attack you as well. _Pein and Konan have left on their mission already, and I am in charge. _So better get going even faster."_

The unhappy bunch trudged off, sadly taking Tobi with them as well. Tobi gave me a wave goodbye before he disappeared, shoulders slightly slumped in disappointment. Soon it was just me and the plant left behind.

Zetsu lifted me up again, glaring a little, "I can see why Kisame was at the end of his teether when he finally returned here. _Kisame's always at the end of his teether unless he's battling someone._ You have a knack for getting yourself into trouble. However, you will not continue this little... rampage of yours, unless you wish to get hurt. Even though he is not present, Pein will have no objections to mild injuries if you push any of us too far."

I pouted at him. "You suck."

He didn't say anything but simply turned me around and pushed me down the corridor. "You're going back to your cell, now."

"Wait! I can't! I was baking earlier in the kitchen, and I have to go and fetch out the muffins before they burn!"

Zetsu was quiet for a moment and pushed me ahead, "We shall be passing alongside the kitchen on the way. I will take care of them."

"You seem to be in a grumpy mood. Did someone forget to water you for the day?"

He refused to answer to me for that, so we wandered together in a silence. Thankfully though, he was quite nice to me. He didn't shove me to speed me up, or give me sharp jabs in my back. He was still one of my favourites here. Even if he was a scary cannibal with a personality disorder and had two giant zipper-like leaves on his head. Plus he didn't take violence to a high level.

Fate was being evil today. We were nearing another doorway which I was picking to be the kitchen, when suddenly Kisame emerged (thankfully this time with a shirt on). "Hey Whistle Fish! Nice to see you dressed at last."

He froze, twitching a little, "You again?" He rolled his eyes and looked at me, "Do I not get one moment of peace?"

I would have answered him, if not for the piece of food I saw in his hand, already half demonlished. "Hey! What are you doing eating my banana muffins? I made them for Tobi!"

Kisame looked at the muffin, "You made this?" A look of fear passed over his face. "What did you do to them?"

Pouting, I folded my arms as best as I could with the large gash from Samehada still on it. "You are so mean. You really think I was going to poison my B1 buddy? Besides, Tobi was the one who got out all the ingredients for me, so..." I poked my tongue at him.

Kisame shook his head, "I wouldn't trust you for a single second."

"Yeah well, you better not have eaten them all!"

He shrugged. "I didn't. The others might have."

I peeked into the kitchen, noticing Hidan shovelling in an entire muffin into his mouth. "Oh so, preparing for a mission includes eating all the muffins I make does it?... specifically made for Tobi too!" Deidara and Kakuzu, alongside preparing food in satchels to take on their missions, were also taking a few bites out of one each as well. Who knew the Akatsuki were such fans of muffins?

Hidan looked over and shrugged, "Does it look like I give a flying f***?"

I glared. "You, are a terrible priest. One who has many issues. One being total narcissistic nutjob. Yano, eating muffins will make your fat chest and those liver spots stand out even more."

He glared, and then suddenly his expression changed. Quite dramatically too as he grabbed his stomach, face twisting. "Damn it, what the f*** did you put in this thing?"

Blinking and looking around, I noticed the others who had taken a bite of my muffins suddenly grab their stomachs. Deidara was quite vocal about it, moaning, "What is this, un? Gah!"

"Told you she'd try poison us!" Kisame groan, holding his stomach tightly, bending over so far even I could see over the top of him.

"Whoa, hey. You don't think this was me right?" I looked around at them all.

Zetsu quickly snatched the muffin out of Kisame's hand and sniffed it. He then strode over to the cupboard and pulled out a jar. "Did you by any chance use any of this? If so, how much?"

I nodded, "Tobi said it was the sugar. And two cups."

"Indeed well...This is not sugar. This is my special medication that is to be used on return of a mission that required elongated fasting. It's to help return bowel movement to normal after the body has gone for days without food by increasing gaseous production. Usually only a pinch in a drink is suitable. I estimate in each muffin is about ten to fifteen times that amount then."

Blinking again at him blankly, my first words were, "What the hell is that stuff doing next to the bread?"

The next thing I said was cut off by a loud... eruption of gas... from Hidan. It wasn't from the top end either. All of turned to stare at him as he held onto his stomach.

I instantly burst out in laughter. I could tell Deidara would have too... if not for the fact that an eruption of the same nature suddenly overtook him. Unlike Hidan, who was cussing out the stomach ache, Deidara flushed a bright red. Which set me off into even more laughter. Watching four tough Akatsuki members hunched over and letting rip gas was so bizarre and unusual that you couldn't help but laugh.

Zetsu was watching it all with a blank face. "This is a nuisance. _I think it's hilarious. _All of you shall return to your rooms until evening. Drink plenty of water, and it should flush out of your system in time for you to continue on your missions. _Aw, I think watching them like this is great amusement though._"

The four of them waddled out of the kitchen, still holding their stomachs and muttering death threats as they went. A low cloud of rather unpleasant gas was following behind them as they went. I couldn't help splitting my sides in laughter as they left, holding my nose with my other hand.

"I am truly sorry! For what it's worth.. at the moment I think you all could make millions as a quartet of trumpet players." Cue more threats and unrestrained laughter.

"Really guys, you should blame Zetsu for this one! He needs to label his jars of stomach powder better!"

Zetsu cleared his throat and looked down at me. I shrugged, "What? It's true. As brilliant as some of you ninjas are, you all seem to need a label maker or something, because your cooking ingredients always get mixed up."

He shook his head slightly and then gave me a gentle push. "Back to your cell."

I pouted, but I for once went quite quietly, walking with my arms folded. "If you guys forget me for a day again, I'm gonna be really mad." Walking inside after Zetsu had lit the lantern again, I instantly spotted my old friend, "Hey! Jack Skellington! I just saw Sally... she's pretty down at the moment. Bad case of bowel movements gone wrong..."

Zetsu closed the door behind me suddenly, and I stared at the door before sitting down and starting to tell my skeletal friend exactly what mischief I had been up too...

**(line) (line)****(line) (line)**

It was now midday and the sun outside was blazing hot, beating down on them all with a menacing glare. It had been a long few days, and they barely had much time to rest in fear that they would lose the trace of their signal. However, thankfully it had actually grown stronger over the last 24 hours, signalling something good to them for once: their target was close.

"So, Zapper is in there somewhere?" Atsu looked up at the two companions who had taken up the point with him in this search.

Yoshi nodded, "Indeed, that's where the signal is."

"So let's just bust in there, grab the annoying thing and get back out again."

"Waku, we can't go bursting into the lair of nine dangerous S rank criminals. Just one of them took us down easily. Can you imagine nine?" Yoshi sighed.

"If I can survive the tornado known as Krissy, I can survive them. Besides, by now she's probably knocked half of them out by messing with their minds."

Yoshi shook his head, "No, we're going to wait til the back-up gets here. Best thing is to wait for them, so we have the element of surprise. By the time they reach here, we'll have cover of dark as a bonus." He frowned, "Let's hope the chakra doesn't fluctuate and change again like it did the other day... or we are in trouble being so close."

"Whoopee doo."

"Must you always be so sarcastic Whacko... it's bumming me out here. Take a chill pill or a lighten up tablet or something."

"Atsu, you start acting like her, and I'm gonna-"

At which point Yoshi shut them both up and glared at them. "Stay quiet. Just, don't annoy each other for now okay?"

He looked back at the well hidden construction that was the Akatsuki base. "We're coming for you Krissy."

**(line) (line)****(line) (line)****(line) (line)****(line) (line)****(line) (line)****(line) (line)****(line) (line)****(line) (line)****(line) (line)**

**RAWR! Don't we all love Tobi? XD XD **

**Sooo... good news.. or bad news.. I am pretty certain the next chapter will be the last one in this story.. at least I think so... I don't know, my ideas are unusual and sometimes pan out into something longer than I initially think so... meh**

**Okily dokily, now I shall leave you! I am taking my boys with me for now too!**

**Them: Nooooo! Mercy!**

**Toodley Oodly!**


	24. Hiatus Alert Important to Read!

Yeah, this isin't really a hiatus. I'm actually going to be putting up the proper post in the next day.

I FOOLED YOU ALL! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

No, this is really the dedications page and that sort of stuff... No-one ever reads it when it's put on the end of the story, so I thought I'd chuck it in now!

Don't leave!

Stay...

Good child...

Now sit...

Good!

You move a single muscle now, and Itachi will attack. It will be painful. VERY painful.

I see movement... Itachi, attack! *Itachi runs out into the audience with a kunai knife for stabbing and other violent means of killing off disobidient readers*

So the next chapter is definately going to be the last one (thus why I have put this fun little note here before it).

Don't kill me for it. You know I love you all. I spent like.. forever trying to write the last one as best I could (I still don't like it but there we are, life gives us lemons at time... oh gosh no, I did not write a lemon if there are pervs out there thinking that!)

**So... firstly I want to express my thanks to everyone who reviewed, added me to their faves or alerts and that!**

**I did start writing all your names down... but friggin mushrooms on a toothpick! There are so many of you! O.O Seriously, why is this story so popular? HAHA**

**So um.. the love is there for all of you guys, and I'm too lazy to sit here for an hour copy pasting! XD I'm sorry. My brain does not compute. LOL**

**Without none of you readers, reviewers and people giving me tips and points (especially on grammer, you life savers!) then this story would never have made it past chapter two or three. **

**So hugs and kisses... and cookies... so many cookies you might die from them! Beware the goodness of the cookie.**

Thought I might add my random music list that made this story too (it's much shorter than a list of all your names... haha sorry)

The Anthem of this Story Bad Romance - Lady Gaga (XD XD XD)

The rest:

Over the Hills and Far Away - Nightwish

For Whom the Bells Toll - Metallica

Hard Rock Hallelujah - Lordi

Blood Red Sandman - Lordi

Alejandro - Lady Gaga

The Hamster Dance (lol)

Victims of Love - Good Charlotte

Down - Jay Sean and Lil Wayne

Du Hast - Rammestein

I Hate Everything About you - Three Days Grace

Stamp on the Ground - ItaloBrothers

Crazy Frog - Axel F

etc I'm just too lazy to remember them

Plus mwahahhaa:

Fish Heads - Barnes and Barnes

Yeah - Usher

Rich Girl - Gwen Stefani

Row Row Your Boat

The Scarecrow - Pink Floyd

It's A Small World After All

I Like You Hair - Scotty Vanity

So once again, I must say thankyou. I'll probably have another sobby "I love you all" moment at the end of the chapter... plus you guys all get a bonus too! Woo

So love, cake, hugs, ice cream, Itachi, shirtless Kisame... and um... 3

Wooo!


	25. Battles and Endings

**OMG! I'm at over 1000 reviews for this by the last chapter! Me = happy buzz hyper moment! Seriously, I never though I would ever get som many. Maybe 50 at the most! Wowzers! Thanks people!**

**So moment over, yes... I have realised now that though this is an Itachi/Krissy supposed romance fic... there's been no romance... (cause I suck at the mushyness XD) However, that shall change *wriggling of the eyebrows in clever fashion***

**As previously partially stated in my most amusing HIATUS ALERT! XD XD there is a secret bonus at the end. Please refrain from skipping to the end, as it will destroy all impact of the death in the story.. death? who said death? I didn't say death did I? Hmmmm...**

**So I hate this chapter the most. I was hoping it would go out with a better end, but there we are. You hang around too much on one chapter, then it pretty much decides to walk off. My mind has been on many other things.. such as... well, you must wait to find out I guess! Mwahahah**

**Here we are then, the last chapter. Enjoy it, hopefully! XD And do not kill me!**

**Love. 3**

**~line~ i ~line~ l ~line~ o ~line~ v ~line~ e ~line~ y ~line~ o ~line~ u ~line~ a ~line~ l ~line~ l ~line~ !~line~ **

Zetsu is mean. I have decided upon that quite soundly. This was due to the fact he interupted a very intense conversation that I was having with Skellington. We were having a confession to each other about which celebrities he preferred. The guy had no taste! I was in the middle of telling him off for preferring Justin Beiber to genius music such as Metallica, Lordi and Nightwish, when Zetsu decided it a fantastic time to pull me out of the room.

Pouting, once I again I waved goodbye to my cellmate and walked out with Zetsu. After staring over my shoulder at him, I grinned, "Well, at least I know you would have taste my Human Fly Trap bud! I think you would definately be a Michael Jackson fan."

"_And who is this man?_"

"Michael Jackson? Oh he's sort of like Orochimaru, only with a girlier face.. though that depends on if he's hopping between bodies or not. You know, I think Michael Jackson secretly might be Orochimaru. I mean, whether it's a creepy body snatching jutsu or just plastic surgery, they both keep changing faces a lot. But MJ has a much better singing voice. Though you never know, Oro might surprise us out and come out with a hit one day. Anyway, I only think you'll like him because to him... _It don't matter if you're black or white!"_

Zetsu sighed quietly before giving me a small push in the back so that I would pick up the pace.

"So what time is it?"

"None of your concern."

"Have the others gone on their missions?"

"Irrelevant. _They were still waddling as they walked out the doors._" If they had been two people, I swear one Zetsu would have slapped the other upside the head.

I grinned. "Yeah, I really didn't mean for that happen. Seriously Checkers, you need a label maker." I pouted, "Wait. So Stripper Priest, Sally-slash-Zuzu, Dei-dei and Pinnochio all left without saying goodbye? Oh that sucks! I wanted to torture them some more!"

Instantly I stared side to side. "So where's B1? I need my B1 at least!"

"Tobi has been sent on errands. _He has been instructed to never allow bananas into this hideout if you were wondering._"

I was starting to like the nicer side of Zetsu. He made me giggle.

Still, I pulled a pout. "So he's not here either? Basically I'm stuck with you, the mutant Fish and Bag-o-Sunshine-Weasel?" Thinking for a moment, I shrugged slightly. "We can make this work."

Zetsu led me around a corner where a tiny doorway met us. Obviously he expected me to walk through the doorway, materialising through the wall itself. I watched him for a moment, gaining his attention when a loud THUNK! and me rubbing a bruised forehead wandered through the doorway.

I glared at him, "What? Why should you be the only one allowed to try walk through walls?" I pointed accusingly at the wall, "Checkers, kill this wall now. It was an ass to me and didn't let me walk through it."

Mentally he rolled his eyes, grabbing a hold of my arm and pulling me in from of him. "Hurry up girl."

"Krissy. Kriss-Eee. What, do I need to teach all of you how to pronounce my name? See, you need to hurry up and get that label maker, so that I can stick a label with my name on my forehead. Then perhaps you guys might actually use my name!"

"I said to hurry up."

"Are you being an ass to me just because I used up the stomach powder? Seriously, that was not my fault. I swear on the power of marshmallows, I would not have touched it if-"

The rest of my sentence was cut off with a rather hard grip that suddenly made its presence on my arm, "_Ooo, you're in trouble now girl._"

Zetsu had quite clearly given up on letting me walk by myself. Instead he pulled me with him, my feet skimming the floor a little bit at certain points where his stride was too fast for me to keep up with him. "Hey slow down. Plant man, halt!" Obviously it didn't work and he continued to pull me with him and through another doorway into a room I recognized partially. It was the same room in which I had been dragged into when I first arrived, where they had tried that creepy mind raping jutsu on me.

Part of me froze when I saw both Itachi and Kisame waiting inside the room. Neither of them were particularly focused on anything until me and Zetsu appeared, at which point their eyes trailed over to us. Kisame had a smirk on his face, while Itachi simply regarded our presence with his usual blank look.

"Well hey, party time!" I announced. Looking at Kisame, I smirked back at him, "Fish blob. How is the stomach doing?"

His smirk briefly disappeared, replaced with a frown and slight snarl before returning back to his smirk, "Tease me all you want. You're not going to be able to do it for too much longer though."

"Don't do it Fish man!"

He blinked, not understanding what I had yelled at him about. "What?"

"Wait, are you getting the surgery or not?"

"What surgery?"

I breathed a fake sigh of relief and wiped my brow, "Wowzers you had me worried there for a little bit. See, I thought you might have fallen victim to the plague that is the use of plastic surgery. I thought you were going to change your face to prettify it so I couldn't make fun of its fishiness no more."

He glared, "There is nothing wrong with my face."

I gave him a thumbs up. "That is the attitude! If anyone tries to tell you anything different," I pressed my hand on my heart and pretended to get choked, giving him another smile, "Then just remember that you are beautiful... on the inside!"

He snarled, and I frowned to myself. "You're beautiful on the inside, deep, _**deep**_ down. Way down at the bottom of the barrel by the looks of it. However the beauty is there somewhere, I just know it!"

Kisame looked as if he would protest and end up saying something that I could once again turn around on him and irritate him further with, but his face twisted a little bit and he clutched onto his stomach for a moment. My victory smirk was a large one. "See, your beauty is even deeper down than those stomach cramps."

"Why you-!"

Zetsu stopped us from venturing even further into an argument. "Kisame, enough. You are here to assist with the jutsu. You are not here to simply argue with our prisonner. _Considering you aren't winning anyway, you should quit before you fall more behind_."

Kisame on his part nodded, removing his hand from his stomach when it looked as though his momentary stomach cramping sessino had passed for the moment. I just kept smirking.

Zetsu looked over at Itachi and nodded at him. "You can start the jutsu now Itachi."

Jutsu? I didn't like jutsu's. At least not around here. They usually ended up in more pain on my part. I looked at Itachi, who gave a very slight nod of his head in an affirmative confirmation gesture, stepping forward and grabbing onto my free arm, just as Zetsu's grip came free on the other which he had been holding.

Peering up at Itachi, I was really not liking where this was going to be headed. "Weasel. Hands off my arm, or I shall bite. You know I will, I have done so before."

He didn't remove his hand, though I hadn't really expected him too. So I moved my head and went to take a snap at his fingers with my teeth. Him and his stupid, flashy as ninja reflexes; as soon as I got close to his fingers he had moved his grip lower on my arm, tightening across the bandage that was wrapped around the healing flesh Samehada ripped open the other day. I winced, gritting the teeth that were trying to bite him together and letting out a small gasp of pain.

Itachi kept walking, the grip on my injury enough to have me stumbling along after him with teeth meshed together in pain and a glare on my face. Itachi then suddenly released it, a small shove pushing me into the centre of a painted circle of symbols on the floor. "Well this don't look good..."

Zetsu looked at Itachi quietly for a moment, "You know the orders. Find out if we can extract this chakra. If it is useless to us and then safe to do so... kill the girl. _Then you can give her to me afterwards._"

"Hey wait, don't I get a say in this?" I pouted at them. They didn't answer me. Itachi answered Zetsu with another nod, but neither of them answered my question. "Old Weasel face of the wrinkled variety, I know you can hear me. You too, you human Oreo."

Itachi finally turned back to me, his face as blank as ever as he stepped into a stance and performed a hand jutsu faster than my eyes could follow. Instantly the marks on the floor lit up. I would have gone with my instinct to run out of the circle, but my legs had stopped working as I felt a force run through my veins.

I had no doubt this was chakra. It felt strange, unfamiliar in my system. Surprisingly it didn't hurt at all, but it was draining the energy out of my body. My muscles felt like they were collapsing in on themselves, and my legs buckled until I was kneeling on the floor in a half-sitting position, my energy nearly gone. It was being sucked from me as the inter dimensional chakra was forced to flow through my veins. It looked pretty much like they were going to be able to absorb it. Which was definately not a good thing as mental images of the Akatsuki running around in various other dimensions filled my mind.

However just as soon as it seemed they were going to be able to take the chakra, it seemed as if the chakra started fighting back against them. There was a tug somewhere along the line that I could feel inside my body. The flow I felt pouring out of my veins was suddenly reversing and drawing back. The only difference beside the direction it seemed to be going was the fact this time it hurt. A lot.

My body twitched and double over on itself, fingers forming locked positions that looked as though I was grasping something and I let out garbled cries of pain. It felt as if there was a thousand pieces of sand paper coated in tiny needles being dragged against my insides. Writhing and twitching for a moment, I leant forward and slammed my palms down on the floor as I felt myself buckle over, before clutching at my head. The pain was intense, thumping through me in steady shockwaves like the rythym of a heartbeat.

It ebbed away after what felt forever, but was likely only a few seconds. It was then that the sharp sting in my palms alerted me to the fact I had sliced open my palms. Clutching them in against me, I looked up from the floor at the others, while waiting for the pain to completley disappear.

Zetsu had turned his face towards Itachi, demanding, "What happened?"

Itachi looked back at him calmly, lowering his hands from their position of the hand sign for the jutsu. "The chakra is reversing itself. Whatever we attempt to absorb channels through her, before drawing back again."

Well that was explaining that weird push and pull feel inside of me. Chakra was weird feeling. How did they deal with it? Weirdo ninja.

As Itachi lowered his hands back to resting point beside him, the seals on the floor stopped glowing and I felt another sharp pain hit me. My palms, still bleeding from the fresh wounds, felt as though they were alight with fire. I hissed a bit as the same feeling spread throughout my body to every single other wound I had. As the chakra pulled itself back out of my body into whatever invisible little portal that seemed to be attached to me, the blood and skin from my wounds seemed to reverse and heal themselves up.

I have to say, it is a most fascinating and revolting thing to watch your skin suddenly melt back together. Handy, but gross. I was not complaining in the least though, because for the first time in much longer than I cared to think about, I was injury free and in no sort of pain.

"Huh. Well now that is fancy." I was musing to myself as I looked over the freshly healed palms, before looking up at the others. Itachi had taken a step towards the circle, and I threw my hands up to face him. "Whoa, whoa. Please, not again. Once was enough."

Kisame had meshed his teeth together in a devilish grin, looking over at Itachi, "So I guess that means we can't use the chakra if it simply reverses. Does that mean we're allowed to kill her then?"

Itachi was still looking at me with his blank look. I bit my lip, worried. If he said yes, then I was dead instantly. Kisame would chuck whatever was first in his hands at my head as fast as he could. I'd be more doomed than an ice cube on the sun. It wasn't me that I was afraid for though. The fact that it would probably cause an apocalypse, as Pikatsu had so fondly put it, meant everyone would die. However it I simply blurted that out to them, chances are they wouldn't believe me.

Pleadingly I looked at him, shaking my head just a little bit and imploring him not to say yes. For one single brief moment as our gazes locked, it almost felt like he could see through my eyes and into my mind.

"No."

Kisame visibly pouted, while my shoulders slumped in the relief of that single little word. "Why not?"

"Because he's knows life would be too boring without me. I'm the little ray of sunshine that just completes you all," I told him, smiling a little and waving jazz hands in a circle above my head.

Kisame looked towards Itachi for the real reason.

"There is a bond between her and the dimensional chakra. If we were to severe it while the bond was still this strong, it would likely collapse the inter-dimensional link and collapse on both worlds."

"That's bad right?" Wow. Kisame could be dumb.

"Fish bubbles for brains..." When Kisame looked at me, his top lip curling up a bit, I turned and looked accusingly towards Zetsu. "Checkers! Now really, the name calling was not needed."

Zetsu ignored me, simply asking Itachi to continue with what he was saying.

Itachi looked at Kisame. "If we kill her, both worlds collapse. Everything in our existance will be destroyed."

"So we all die."

"Bing!"

They looked at me again when I said that. I simply shrugged, explaining, "Well Kisame had a lightbulb moment there when he finally understood that. Considering how little his brains lightbulb is probably used, I figured I would help him along to make sure he still got to have his smartical lightbulb moment."

Kisame glared. "Maybe a complete apocalypse would not be so bad, just as long as we managed to get rid of her!"

"I take great offense at that you... poisson!"

"Shark." He regretted that the moment it came out his mouth, I could tell by his face. It was simply a reflex thing to say now whenever he was around me. In this world of ninja, one weakness and action done before thinking could be fatal. This one was going to have serious consequences that I was already starting up comebacks for.

I never got to start a new 'Shark VS Fish' round of fun time. The floor started shuddering beneath our feet, a low rumble of the ground shifting down deep below us somewhere.

"Gees Whistle Fish, those muffins really packed a punch on you didn't they? But do you mind please, just hold it in?"

"That was not me." He glared a little back at me, before returning his gaze to Zetsu.

The plant man disappeared into the ground for a second, melting away into the rock and then reappearing a second later, "Our hideouts security has been breached. It is Konoha ninja."

Kisames glare turned to one of his creepy smiles, pointed teeth meshing together spookily, "Konoha? Well well, how did they manage to find us? So how many of them are there?"

"At the very least, a dozen ANBU. They came prepared for a difficult fight. Obviously they knew who to be expecting."

Instantly eyes looked at me. Sheepishly I grinned and gave them a peace sign. "Um, oops? Is that my bad then?"

Zetsu looked between Kisame and Itachi, "They are probably the highest rank of ANBU if they know who we are. With so few of our number here, a fight is a risk we should not take. _I think we could take them. They look so tasty, and juicy. _We'll evacuate, seeing how we only have two fighting members."

"Two? What about me?" Kisame growled.

"With your current... condition... you will not be able to fight as normal. _That puts you at half a fighting member at best. Haha._"

Kisame looked to glare, but a low growl from his stomach and a slight twist of discomfort in his face meant that Zetsu was right. He wouldn't be able to really fight as well if he had a constant urge to let rip gas. "Fine. Understood."

"We will meet at our Northern hideout. I will send the message to the others to meet us there. _I hate the Northern hideout. It has always smelt bad since Orochimaru brought his snakes into it._"

Itachi's face suddenly snapped around, his sharingan eyes blazing and looking over where me and Kisame stood. I felt my feet leave the ground a second before that ground collapsed in on itself and disappeared in a whirlpool of swirling rocks. Kisame, who had just been yanked out of the way as well, found his footing again and pulled Samehada from his back. All of us looked at where the shattered earth was, just as about four ANBU leapt out from the upturned dust cloud it had created.

Flinging me up over his shoulder yet again, Itachi fought off a wave of kunai that were aimed at him before taking off towards the exit. There were shapes appearing out of the dust cloud, clattering and banging sounds bouncing off the walls all around us.

I was smart though, realising at this point in time Itachi needed both his hands free in order to perform jutsu's or defend himself. So with his hands occupied, he couldn't keep a hold on me. Lurching to the side, I rolled off his shoulder with ease, bracing for the feel of the grounds impact.

Curse the fact I forgot Itachi is sneaky and has a million clones. As soon as I left his shoulder, another pair of arms caught me. I found myself looking straight up again in to the bright red eyes of his sharingan. "Aw come on, that's not fair!"

We passed through the cloud of dust, taking off down one of the corridors. The entire time I was struggling to wriggle out of his grip. I knew that this could possibly be one of my best and only chances to get free of the Akatsuki. If I didn't do all that I could to get away now, then I'd probably be doomed to stay with them for the rest of my life. His grip was like iron though, and no matter how much I thrashed around, I just couldn't seem to get free.

"Put me down! Let me go!" My screaming at him might have been loud, but that didn't faze him one little bit.

He rounded a corner, putting me down in order to do another hand jutsu just as a few ANBU ran past. Obviously he had caught them in a genjutsu of some kind, because they seemed to completley miss the fact that we were there. I was about to yell at them to gain their attention, when his hand slammed down across my mouth and stiffled the yell. My hands flew up and gripped his fingers, trying to pull them off but failing miserably.

After a few moments, he removed his hand and pulled me up into his arms again. Instantly I started thrashing again and yelling.

Finally it must have caught the attention of someone, because a second later a kunai lodged itself in the back of his neck and the clone holding onto me disappeared. I hit the ground, rolling a little bit and wincing as a layer of skin on my leg was stripped off from the rocks. Looking up, all I could see was figures passing by all around me in blurs of movement, rocks and dust whirling around as bits of the wall were chipped off with attacks.

There was a doorway up ahead. Picking myself up, I ran for it as fast I could, hoping that I wouldn't get hit by anything from behind as I did so. Thankfully everyone seemed to be pretty occupied.

To my great disappointment though, the room was nothing but another wide open area of nothing. There was a few other hallways on the other side, but it was clearly obvious as to how lost I was. Leaning my hands on my knees a moment, I tried to steady my breath. The back of my throat felt red raw and made me briefly cough, but there was no way I was going to stop for long. I started running again as soon as I could.

A red and black coated figure suddenly jumped down in front of me, causing me to run directly into his chest and bounce back. OF course, it had to be Itachi.

I glared at him, "For goodness sakes! Don't you ever quit!"

"You should learn running is pointless. I will always catch you." His hand shot up and grabbed a hold of mine.

"At least it shows I'm not giving up! What else have I got to look forward too if I let you keep your hands on me? I spend the rest of my life in an Akatsuki prison cell, being tortured as you try to get the chakra out of me; or failing that, waiting for you lot to figure out how you're going to kill me." I glared at him. "I don't know about you, but I'm going to fight against that every inch of the way." To further prove that point, I began to pull my arm as hard as I could.

His brow creased for a moment, then he looked up as a shower of kunai came down directly at him, using his free hand to block them all. A blur of a sword came down near him, and his grip loosened enough for me to be pulled back away from Itachi as he jumped out of the way.

"Damn, the bugger is fast. Don't worry Zapper, we're here to rescue you!"

I blinked, watching as my three TMNT buddies all jumped down from seemingly out of nowhere, each armed as well as the ANBU. Atsu was waving, a goofy grin on his face. "Wow... you look like hell."

"Thanks," I told him sarcastically, looking up at the one who had pulled me out of the way. "Whacko!"

"Hi. Atsu is right, you do look like hell. Have you even washed at all since we last saw you?"

"Just look at who is talking! It looks like this huge mud pat has dried up on your face and.. oh wait no. That's just your normal face isin't it?"

Waku shook his head. "Is this really the thanks I get for helping save you?"

"Oh you know the love is in there somewhere." I smiled at him, feeling a lot happier and relieved to see them all than my teasing let on. I'm sure that he knew that as well, because he sort of smiled.

"Well it's nice to see that they haven't managed to beat the fun out of you. I suppose that is a good thing."

Atsu grinned, "He missed you heaps really yano. Couldn't stop talking about you." Looking around, he then asked, "I've only seen three creepy guys in the cloaks. What happened to the fat old codger and chick with the bird?"

"Not here. Just them three." I gestured towards Itachi. "I think he's the one to worry about right now."

Waku then put me down, standing in front of me and looking directly at Itachi. "Yeah well I think he deserves a good boot up the backside for that."

"Don't make things worse Waku. You know he's stronger than us," Yoshi muttered.

"Yeah. Even _**I**_ could kick your butt Whacko."

Yoshi shushed us before Waku had a chance to respond negatively to that comment and then drew his sword up, "It is Itachi Uchiha I believe I am addressing? Look, we know you are stronger than us and could easily take us three down, just like last time. You don't understand though. If you harm Krissy in any sort of way, you don't know what you could do to the fabric of reality."

There was a silence for a moment, everyone fearing to move or even breathe for a second as they stood in their stand off positions. Then almost too suddenly, a light appeared behind Itachi and a figure seemed to jump out of thin air at him. Itachi was barely able to get out the way fast enough, a blur of silver hair passing him by and just about managing to take his head off with a clean sweep of an oversized blade.

"Scarecrow!" I smiled a little at seeing the familiar masked figure.

"Damn, was certain that would work," Atsu complained.

"I told you it wouldn't work. Even jumping out at him from another dimension doesn't mean you can beat an Uchiha. You owe me a full ramen dinner now." Waku looked quite victorious over the fact that whatever stunt they just attempted had failed in spectacular fashion, leaving Kakashi and Itachi now in an intense battle, while him and Atsu battled it out over what appeared to be a bet.

"Excuse me for being optomistic, betting that our plan would work and we would pull off a successful rescue easily," Atsu said, sticking his nose in the air. "Stick in the mud face."

Yoshi turned to face them, "Shut it." His eyes briefly looked over to see how distracted Itachi was and then turned upwards to me, "Krissy, we're going to try and open the portal here okay?"

"What, here? Now?"

"Yes here. Whatever they were up to while you were in their care, it's destabalized the chakra. We're not sure how much longer it will last before it starts to collapse. The original plan was that the ANBU all distracted the Akatsuki long enough for us to send you back. Let's just hope your friend Kakashi can hold off Itachi over there long enough."

Yoshi turned to look at the others, looking around, "Looks like here and now is going to be the best we've got. Start the jutsu!"

Immediately all three of them pressed their hands together in a form of a few hand signs I hadn't seen before. The air, already filled with a few bits of dust from attacks that were bouncing off the walls while Itachi and Kakashi were locked in combat, began to grow thick with an electric feeling. The hairs on my arms stood up, and a shiver passed through my body as a flickering light came into view that was similar to the one Kakashi had recently jumped out of.

"Oh no you don't!" The deep voice, followed by a shadow overhead caught our attention.

Kakashi appeared out of nowhere yet again, barely having time to fling an arm around me and pulled me sideways with him as Samehada crashed down right in the middle of where the four of us had been standing. The other three, after breaking off the jutsu, just managed to leap out the way to safety as well. The portal they opened had closed again, and a victorious looking Kisame smirked, grinning at me with his crooked, pointy tooth style. "Not leaving us already are you?"

I pouted at him, and then smirked as another round of stomach cramps took him over. "Ooo, now you shouldn't be fighting in this condition you know. Those muffins can come back to haunt you in many ways."

Kakashi, looking confused as to why a giant blue man was suddenly doubled over and holding onto his stomach, asked, "Did you cook for them at any point?"

"Yes, but this is not my fault! You ninja just need to learn to buy label makers!" I smiled, "Nice to see you again anyway Scarecrow."

"Likewise," he said, using a hand jutsu to make a few clones and leap in to attack Kisame while he was currently in immense discomfort and distracted.

That was when Itachi stepped back in again. Fending off the clones, he looked at his partner, "Kisame, I have this handled. Keep the ANBU out of the way."

Reluctantly the fish man withdrew, obviously wanting to make a mess in here where I was in the vicinity. He then turned his focus back to where the ANBU would reappear any moment now, disappearing down the corridor which was soon filled with more loud sounds of battling.

Kakashi's grip on me was tight, his body standing partially in front of of me again like a protective pole. "Atsu, Yoshi, Waku, get the portal open again. I'll hold him off."

"Scarecrow look out!"

Usually it might have been somewhat of a teasing matter that Kakashi had failed so dramatically and quickly at doing what he had just announced he was going to do (in this case fending off a red eyed mass murderer.) Itachi had moved so fast though, that it was basically like he had just disappeared and then reappeared in another spot closer to us in less than a heartbeat. Kakashi ducked his head as the kunai came overhead, but that seemed to be completley part of Itachi's plan. By making sure that he got me out of the way, Kakashi was forced to look up and directly into Itachi's gaze.

I felt him suddenly freeze on me, his grip slackening and letting me tumble to the floor, his body crumbling after me. "Kakashi!"

By this stage, another Itachi had already grabbed me and jumped out the way, leaving Kakashi to fall onto his hands and knees. Strangled gasps and cries of pain escaped from his masked lips, body convulsing and both his eyes widened and just about rolled back into his head.

"What are you doing to him? Stop it now Weasel!" I yelled at Itachi, trying to break free of his grip.

Itachi paid no notice to me, focused completley on Kakashi and the other three. It was only then I spotted the extra clones that were surrounding the small group. As soon as the other three looked up, they became trapped in the painful state of genjutsu that Itachi's sharingan must have placed them under.

Just like Kakashi, all three of them fell to the floor. Eyes rolling to the back of their heads, their bodies twisted and writhed in pain that was made audible by the low groans of pain they uttered.

"Stop it!" I screamed at Itachi. I turned my body around and slammed a fist on his chest as hard as I could muster. It bounced off him in a seemingly harmless manner. In response though his hand on my arm tightened in what surely would leave finger shaped bruises.

I looked back at the others. They showed no signs of breaking free of the genjutsu he had trapped them in. Slowly though their movements became slower, breathing sharp but shallow. It was easy to tell the jutsu was killing them. A matter of minutes and they would probably be dead. All I could do was simply stand here and watch them dying in a painfully slow and tortured way, unable to do anything to help. After everything they had done for me, and I couldn't do a thing to help.

Tears started to spring to my eyes. Desperatley I looked up at him, "Please Itachi, please stop. I'll go with you guys, I won't put up a fight. Just don't kill them!"

His eyes never left the others though, keeping them all locked in his gaze. He hadn't let down the jutsu, but I saw his brow had creased ever so slightly in what looked like thought. I didn't give a hoot what he was thinking of, only noticing that my friends were still thrashing around slightly in complete agony.

Raising my hand up I repeatedly bashed it onto his chest, unable to reach his damn stupid face from the angle he held my other arm at. Without looking at me, he simply tilted his hand so it squeezed the bones of my lower arm closer together and threatened to break them. I winced a little, knowing that this wasn't going to work. I had to distract him in some way, find something that would make him look away and break his hold on them.

The cries of my friends and my desperation to save them was what probably drove me next to such an extreme action. Physical blows had failed, so I had to try the only thing I had left to distract him. It was perhaps the craziest and most stupid thing to do, though it wasn't something I was completley repulsed by.

Leaning into him a little more, instead of trying to yank myself away from him, I grabbed onto his cloak and pulled myself up against him. Just close enough for me to press my lips up against his, keeping my eyes shut for now so that I wouldn't get caught in the jutsu as well. He froze instantly, tensing up just as much as me.

This was not how I pictured my first kiss. I'd saved my first kiss up all my life for someone real special, being a romantic at heart deep down. I'd pictured my first kiss somewhere pretty, at the exact right moment in some cliche sort of way, like they did in the movies. In the middle of a criminal hideout with a ninja battle going on all around us, with my lips against someone who'd been a part of my misery for days and days, was certainly _**not**_ what I had imagined. Though I will admit, my hormones were not protesting in the least.

I tried to ignore him as best I could. I opened my eyes, looking back at the others from the corner of my eye to see that they had stopped thrashing. They looked unconscious, but they were still alive. My distraction had worked! At least I had managed to save them for now.

I had thought Itachi would try pull away from me in disgust or shock when I kissed him. Though his body had tensed up from the surprise of it, I think it was me who was more shocked when I actually felt his lips move back against mine. They were hesitant and slow, but they had not moved from mine. My heart stopped, eyes snapping back to his and widening, brain still trying to process the fact that Itachi Uchiha (the most emotionless weasel of all time) was actually kissing me back.

I moved back from the kiss, staring at him with wide eyes, unsure what to do. He still had a blank look on his face, but his eyes for once were filled with more emotion than I had ever seen him show in them before. They were plain coal black; about one of the only times I'd ever seen them in this state. I couldn't tell exactly what was in them, because they looked as confused as I currently felt. Something about the look though made my heart stand still and blood rush to my cheeks.

They suddenly snapped back to the bright red sharingan again, and he leapt back as a figure zoomed past me to try and attack him. I saw the bushy silver hair of Kakashi, half hunched over and still in a state of recovery from the jutsu he had just experienced. However he was standing, very much so alive and no longer dying. "Scarecrow," I smiled happily, glad to see him.

"Remind me not to get caught in that jutsu again," Kakashi told me, a light tone in his voice that was followed by a groan as he drew himself back to a full fighting stance.

"Even if I did remind you, you'd just forget. You know men of your age have memory like sieves. In one ear and straight out the other basically." I smiled more, chuckling a little bit.

Itachi landed about thirty feet or so away, only to be suddenly bombarded by a whole range of weapons and jutsus all in one go as ANBU swarmed into the room. Zetsu and Kisame were in close pursuit of them as well. The room was soon filled with smoke, rock dust and loud echoes of battle which bounced off the wall.

Kakashi flung an arm around me and pulled me out the way as figures raced by through the thick, choking dust that swallowed everyone in the room in a matter of moments. As stray weapons and jutsus came flying at us, he deflected them away from us. By some miracle, over the noise we heard Yoshi's yell of, "Kakashi! The portal is open!"

Looking down at me, Kakashi yelled over the echoes, "Time to get you home Krissy!"

I grabbed onto his arm, "What about the rest of you? You guys did have an escape plan when you came here right?"

"Our instructions from the Hokage are to get you home before the chakra starts to destabalize. After that, Yoshi, Atsu and Waku will form enough portals to take us from here and back to Konoha in one go."

I gave him a nod, looking around me as best I could through the upturned dust. A crackling of electrical energy had filled the air again, growing stronger with each passing second. "Krissy, we can't hold it open for much longer! It's too strong!"

"I'm coming!" I yelled back at them, searching through the billows of smoke and dust to try locate them. Finally I managed to spot them. I looked up at Kakashi for a moment, "Thanks Grandpa. Promise you won't forget me?"

"How could I forget someone who tried to sell my underwear?" He smiled behind his mask. "Take care okay? And hurry up, get through that portal now! I'll cover you as you go."

I nodded, turning to sprint for the portal. Freedom had never been this close, only a few strides away.

Of course it had to be ripped away from me once again. I was close enough to just about reach my hand out and touch the shiny, crackling energy that made the rip in the air that would take me home at last. I could have almost started crying again, if I wasn't more focused on the fact that the earth was shifting dramatically beneath my feet. Rocks jutted up suddenly, spikes and boulders being tossed up as the ground shook violently and threw not just me, but a few other ANBU figures that I could make out around me.

I clung onto one of the rocks and it steadily got pushed upwards, losing my grip when a chip slid off and sent me hurtling back towards the ground. I would have no doubt hit it hard enough to break plenty of bones, if not for a set of arms catching me.

Allowing myself to let out a breath I didn't realise I had been holding, I looked up once again into the face of Itachi. He was looking down at me as well, with that same blank look on his face again. For a few moments we stayed frozen like that, neither moving or doing anything.

Kisame made an appearance beside us, "Zetsu wants us to make for the exit now. He's collapsing the hideout the moment we're out." Flashing a nasty smile at me, he grinned, "Looks like your rescue attempt was a failure."

"Go choke on air Gills."

Both the Akatsuki members then seperated as another barrage of kunai came down in between them. Kisame veered off to the left, disappearing quickly into the mess of moving bodies and flying jutsus. Itachi, with me still in his arms, leapt to the right. I could already feel my heart sinking. Kisame was right, this had been a failed attempt at a rescue, and it would likely end fatally for the others.

Itachi then did something that completley surprised me. Something I knew I would never forget. He jumped up on top of the rocks which had pushed upwards from the earth, putting me down gently and quietly said, "Get to the portal, Krissy."

I blinked, staring at him for a few seconds and trying to comprehend what he had just said. "You know Weasel, I think that is actually the first time you have called me by my name."

The earth was starting to shift a lot more, and I could hear Yoshi's cries of, "Krissy where are you? We can't hold it much longer!"

Itachi looked at me quietly, before stepping back a few feet away from me. He wasn't grabbing me again; wasn't snatching away my hopes of freedom again. He was actually going to let me leave.

I stared at him again and then looked behind me towards the portal, before looking back at him. A small smile graced my lips. "Thankyou Itachi."

With that, I ran towards the portal as fast as I could, pausing one moment to yell a goodbye to my TMNT buddies, knowing that there was a high chance I would never see them again. "I love you Croco, Waku, Pikatsu! Take care, don't kill each each other!"

"Get your backside through that portal now, or so help me I'll chuck you through myself!" Waku yelled back at me.

I chuckled, about to step through when I took one last look over my shoulder. Itachi was still standing where I left him, watching me. His bangs and cloak were billowing in the breeze of attacks that continued around him, a smile still gracing the corner of his lips. I raised one hand slightly in one wave, allowing one wink, "See you later Weasel."

With that I stepped backwards through the portal and let a darkness swallow me, while the world I stepped out from melted away and out of sight.

**~line~ w** **~line~ e ~line~ a ~line~ r ~line~ e ~line~ c ~line~ o ~line~ o ~line~ l**

I opened my eyes to a very bright light, instantly squeezing them shut. "Light! Damn you!" Raising my hands to protect them from the sudden attack of natural light, I lost my steady position of where I was lying and rolled off, hitting a ground about a foot or two just below that. "Ow!"

Thankfully the ground here was a lot softer than I thought it was going to be. Slowly as my eyes adjusted to the natural light that they had been deprived of for the last few days, I looked around me. My eyes were wide, and I stared with a gaping mouth.

I was home. I had fallen off my couch, onto the soft (ish) carpet of the living room floor. The television flickered a few feet away from me, showing credits to the same Naruto programme I had been watching all those weeks ago. The remote was still lying on the floor, right where it would have landed from when I threw it at the TV.

Dazed, I let my head fall back onto the carpet. There was no way that all of that could have been a dream, right? All those weeks, everything I had been through. It couldn't have been a dream.

A door opened somewhere nearby, and I looked up with a dazed expression still on my face as my mother and younger brother walked into the room. In her hands were bags of groceries, which little William was attempting his best to help carry with one arm, while he also attempted not to drop any dribbling trickles of icecream on his school uniform. "Hiya Krissy. Good day?"

"Huh?"

My mother looked down at me, her brow creasing, "Now really Krissy, what are you wearing? It looks filthy! Is this some sort of early costume in preperation for Halloween? Now get yourself off the floor why don't you, go take it off and then come help with the groceries."

"Um, sure.." I dragged myself off the floor, walking over to her with a stunned expression still on my face.

"Now really, you look the lights are all out inside your head." She plucked at the bandages still tied around my arm, shifting them just to check that there was no real injuries beneath the amazingly realistic looking, bloodied cloth. There were no more injuries though, aside from the recent scrapes and bruises I had formed during the battle. She sighed, "You kids with your fancy costumes. Looks so realistic, I would have thought it really was blood." With a grin she shook her head, "Now go take it off and then right back down here to help. I'm making muffins for your fathers office party, and goodness knows I'm going to need your help baking them."

I nodded at her, "Sure thing Mum."

"You alright there sweetie? You sound a little... lost?"

I smiled at her, throwing my arms around her, "I'm fine." Detaching myself from her quickly in case she started to ask questions, I quickly made for the stairs, "I'll be right back then."

With the biggest smile on my face, I began to walk up a few steps, before turning around and sticking my head around the edge of the kitchen wall, "Hey, Mum?"

"Yeah?

"Do we have any more marshmallows?"

**~line~ n ~line~ o ~line~ w ~line~ t ~line~ h ~line~ i ~line~ s ~line~ i ~line~ s ~line~ t ~line~ h ~line~ e ~line~ e ~line~ n ~line~ d**

**So there we are! That is the end of this fanfic! Omg it sucked (to me for certain).**

**Let me make up for that fact with the news. I spent forever on this chapter, because my mind was already well ahead of me and into the next fanfic. Yes, another fanfic *squeal* so excited. **

**Kisame: Finally, she's going to leave us alone.**

**Itachi: You don't know that. You aren't sure what sort of fanfiction she is writing next.**

**Kisame: *shrugs* well, she has had her fun trying to annoy the living daylights out of us... surely it is someone else's turn?**

**Me: This is not just a random other fanfic though. It shall be a ****sequel****. 8D Woooo**

**Itachi: *looking at Kisame* and you were saying?**

**Kisame: asdfh#$#sdfjkahft23$#$! No! She is going to be using us again!**

**Me: Dang right!**

**So before I give you the preview, let me once again express all my thanks and my love for everyone who took the time to read, review and actually spend precious moments of their lives having anything to do with this fic! Means the world to me, it truly does!**

**Now, the preview haha (I know thats what you are all waiting for tehe)**

**So um, firstly, you are under no obligation to read it. It was be following yet another very overused story idea. I thought, since I had a girl from this world fall into the Naruto world, why not give it a shot happening the other way around. Mwahaha.**

**So, months later after I end up spending the most memorable time of my life in the Naruto world, and where am I? Off spending a few months with my cousins over in America after finishing high school, bored out of my mind. So why have my favourite Weasel and Fish combo suddenly appeared out of their television? How will we get them home... and worse, how do we get them to blend in with the Americans and avoid being arrested? Why is the dimensional chakra still playing up? And for goodness sake, who got the United States Government and their secret (plus mega creepy) leader involved? If we add in some modnarness, a pinch of sarcasm and humour, perhaps a little love and Kisame in living hell... then I think this might just be a sequel.**

**- Yeah um.. XD it will obviously be shorter when I do the summary for the story. It shall be under the name: ****Invade My World? Enjoy Yourself Then.**

**Omg sucky title much right? Meh, whatever! **

**So, this is the end.**

**Right now.**

***crying***

**Omg it's over!**

**I'm done now. IceCrystal7 is OUT!**

**Bye. xoxoxox**


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